Breathe (6 page)

Chapter Seven

BETHANY

I woke up the next morning slightly shocked to find my dresser still pushed up against the door and my bedroom window still ajar.  The sun was streaming in the window and it was still early enough for the breeze coming from my window to feel cool.  Gingerly, I sat up in bed, testing my back for soreness.  It was a little better than yesterday, still painful, but nothing I couldn’t handle. 

For the first time in months I slept all through the night.  The fact that Jack let me sleep without at least screaming at me for going out with Logan was nothing less than a miracle.  Having to leave the sanctuary of my room to get ready for school made me a little apprehensive.  I fully expected to get another beating for disobeying Jack’s order to stay away from Logan, but I was in no hurry to pay the price for my rebellion.  Jack was always passed out when I got ready for school in the morning, but I still intended to be cautious.  

My dresser was heavy.  Somehow I managed to wedge it away from the door enough to slip out of my room.  I grabbed some clothes and dashed to the bathroom.  The house was silent except for my pounding heart.  The soft click of the bathroom lock seemed to echo down the hall.  Steaming hot water from the shower felt amazing on my aching back as the stiff muscles began to loosen up.   I closed my eyes and let myself indulge in the luxury of just not thinking for a few minutes.  All I had to worry about in those precious seconds was breathing in and out. 

Unfortunately, I couldn’t stay in here forever so I reluctantly dried off and managed to get dressed pretty quickly. I wished I could wear my hair up, but the ugly red marks on my neck were pretty vivid, so I took the time to put gel in my wild hair and tried to tame it.  I tucked the sides behind my ears in the fruitless hope that it would stay put.  I was anxious to get out of the house before anyone woke up, so I just swiped on some mascara and lip gloss.  I listened by the door before I quietly cracked it open to make sure Jack wasn’t lurking outside.  I was surprised to find my mother outside the door, waiting for me. 

“Good morning sleepy head.  You better hurry up or you are going to be late for school.”

She actually smiled at me when she said it.  It was kind of creeping me out.  My only reply was to stare at her dumbfounded.  She sighed and shook her head in disbelief as she delivered her astounding news. 

“I don’t know how you managed it, but Jack said you could go out as long as you are home by ten every night,” she informed me with a shrug of her shoulders.  

“Please don’t be late, though, you know how angry he gets when you don’t respect his rules,” she added with a grimace.

I was in such a state of shock I was still not capable of speech.  Jack was allowing me go somewhere besides school?  His only stipulation was that I had to be home by ten?  Should I pinch myself to make sure I was awake?  Did I wake up in some alternate universe?  That made more sense than anything that had come out of my mother’s mouth this morning.  My head was spinning, but I managed a slight nod as I grabbed my backpack and made my way out the door.

My other worldly morning continued when I noticed Logan’s Mustang sitting at the end of the driveway.  He was leaning up against his car, arms crossed with that devastatingly handsome grin on his face.  He stood up as I approached and took a small step toward me.  I froze when he started to reach out for me.  I wasn’t ready for that this morning.  Thankfully, he quickly shoved his hands in his pockets before he offered me a tentative smile.

“Morning Beth, want a ride?” 

No one had every called me Beth before, I think I liked it, but I wasn’t quite sure.  My mind was still trying to process everything that had happened this morning.  I opened my mouth, but my traitorous brain refused to come up with a single thing to say.  So there I stood, my mouth hanging open, like it had been most of the morning, desperately hoping to wake up from this dream now, no matter how nice it had been up to this point.  Hey, I wasn’t picky--swallowed by a sinkhole, struck by lightning, anything would suffice as long as it ended my utter embarrassment.  My befuddled state seemed to amuse him.  He looked at the ground as he took a couple more tentative steps my way.  He was failing miserably at suppressing his smirk. 

“Can I give you a ride to school today?” 

He enunciated each word like he was talking to a two year-old.  Speaking at a speed my brain could comprehend seemed to snap me out of my funk.  No doubt my skin was flushed a brilliant shade of red by now. 

“Sure,” I agreed.   “Apparently, I am running a little late this morning.”

After a few seconds of awkward silence, my curiosity became stronger than my embarrassment, and I risked a glace Logan’s way.  He was looking me over from head to toe.  Not in a disrespectful way, but a discerning one. He was checking for signs of injury. I must have passed inspection.  His smile grew bigger when his examination returned to my face.   I found myself returning his smile.  He nodded his head once, like he was satisfied that I was okay before walking over to the passenger side door to open it for me. 

Wordlessly, he reached for my backpack and slid it into the backseat before he reached under my arms to help me into the seat.  Honestly, I had forgotten all about my back after I left the bathroom this morning.  Everything since then had been dreamlike.  As I sat down I had to suppress a groan, the pain was a little worse than when I first woke up.  Yeah, I was definitely not dreaming, no need to pinch myself.  Logan started the car and patiently waited for me to put my seatbelt on before we headed to school.   

I used the short car ride to try and make some sense out of what had happened this morning.  Was it possible Jack had realized he’d gone too far this time and given me more freedom out of guiIt?  It was more likely some sick joke he was playing.  He would be waiting for me when I got home to laugh in my face and mete out some new horrific punishment his twisted mind devised.  A tiny voice in my head let myself believe, just for a second that maybe, just maybe, Jack really meant what he said, and I could spend more time away from the house that was never a home to me.  I quickly quashed it.  Hope would destroy me if I let it.  I was going to enjoy my freedom while it lasted, but I refused to lie to myself or pretend.

When we pulled up to the school, Logan reached across me and I sank into the seat as far as I could manage.  He pretended not to notice my discomfort as he reached into the glove box and pulled out a small bottle of Advil.  He was a little embarrassed when he placed the bottle in my hand. 

“I wasn’t sure if you would remember to bring any to school today, and I don’t think I can take another day of watching you suffer like you did yesterday,” he sheepishly admitted. 

I felt another piece of the wall around my heart crumble.  Could this guy be real?  I was at a loss for words as usual, so I just grabbed the bottle, and managed a strangled,

“Thank you,” as I crushed the bottle to my chest. 

The bottle he had given me yesterday was still sitting on my dresser at home.

The rest of the day was a repeat of the day before, Logan walked me to every class carrying my backpack like my personal assistant.  People gawked at us all day.  We were a puzzle they were trying to solve.  When the final bell rang, I caught myself looking forward to seeing him. The idea that he would be waiting on me made me smile as I made my way out the door.  There he was, leaning against the wall outside of my classroom.  When he heard the door open he looked up from his phone.  He made me blush with his next words. 

“I love to see you smile.” 

He pushed away from the wall and held his hand out to me.  He looked a little vulnerable; he was afraid I would reject him.  I hesitated for a second, and he started to pull his hand pack just as I gathered enough courage to put my hand in his.  He laced his fingers through mine, took my backpack out of my hands and led me to his car.

There were still a few people milling around the parking lot and staring at us like we had three heads. At first Logan didn’t seem to notice or care.  After he opened the door for me, his eyes slid over to the car next to us.  The guy sitting in the car had been staring at us, but he quickly became engrossed in his phone.  Logan looked over at me and shook his head laughing. 

We were on the square before I knew it and parked outside the dinner. 

“I don’t know about you but since we skip lunch every day, by the time we get out of school I am starving.  You want to grab something to eat?” 

Since I started high school, I skipped lunch to avoid being the social outcast who ate alone. I usually ate a sandwich as soon as I got home from school. 

“You know, you don’t have to skip lunch on my account.” 

He sighed, exasperated. 

“Anywhere you are is where I want to be.  If you want to spend our lunch period in the library that’s where I will be.  Now, if you decide to EAT during our lunch period, I’ll be there too.”

He winked at me as he opened his car door.  As we made our way to the diner, we both reached for the door at the same time. 

“Ladies first,” he announced as he swept the door open for me. 

I spent a good deal of my time trying to blend in and be invisible.  It felt very awkward to have someone treat me like I was important to them.  I didn’t know how to react, but deep down my heart was beating a little stronger.  It felt good to matter.  I would have to be very careful not to get used to it. 

After the waitress handed us our menu, my heart sunk down to my feet.  I had been so busy staring at Logan and wallowing in my new sense of freedom that I forgot I didn’t have any money. Logan studied the menu while my mind frantically raced to find a way out of this predicament.  I should have known he would come to my rescue. 

“The fajitas here are awesome and the portions they give you are huge.  Want to share an order?”

There was no hope for it, I was just going to have to fess up and tell him I didn’t have any money.  Before I could open my mouth, he added,

“I hope you won’t mind, but this is my treat, okay?”  

My sense of pride wanted me to refuse, but I knew I didn’t want to go home and face Jack yet.  A meal would mean a few more minutes of precious freedom. 

“Sure. Thanks.” 

There were a few kids in the diner that I recognized from school and a few even said “hello”.  They were looking at Logan when they said it.  It was ironic.  I went to the same school with these kids since elementary school and rarely exchanged more than two words with anyone.  Logan was here for a few weeks, and he was already making friends. 

I firmly reminded myself that was the way I wanted it.  When you are in survival mode, friends are a luxury you cannot afford.  Now Logan was my friend. It was thrilling and terrifying at the same time. He was a risk I wasn’t sure I’d be able to take. 

The food made it out pretty quickly, and we both dug in with gusto.  I made a mental note to pack a lunch for tomorrow.  It was one thing for me to suffer through missing lunch, but I could not let Logan starve every day just because he insisted on spending lunch with me.  Besides, now I didn’t have to eat alone anymore.  That thought warmed my heart more than I would ever care to admit to anyone.  In between bites Logan blurted out,

“Do you want to hang out at my house today?  My dad is out of town, and we would have the place to ourselves.” 

All my warm and fuzzy feelings about Logan managed to fly out the window in an instant.  I got up from the table and stormed out of the diner.  Angry tears welled up in my eyes as I ruthlessly swiped at them.  Luckily, the walk home wasn’t too far from the center of town.  Stupid, stupid, stupid!  What was I doing here?  I knew better!!!  I should have known all this nice guy crap was just a way to get me to have sex with him.  He must have thought I would be so grateful to have a guy like him pay any attention to me that I would fall into bed with him at a snap of his fingers.  Stupid, stupid, stupid!  Jack was right.  This guy just wanted one thing from me.  

I hadn’t made it a block before I heard footsteps behind me. I guess I should’ve known he wasn’t giving up that easily.  I took a deep breath and deliberately slowed my pace.  I refused to back down or run from him like the scared little girl I felt like on the inside. 

“Come on Beth.  I thought by now you would give me a little credit.  All I am asking from you is to spend some time with you to get to know you better.  If you don’t want to come to my house, we can hang out at the park or anywhere else you want to go.” 

He sounded so sincere, I felt like an idiot.  In my world, assuming the worst made sure you were never disappointed.  Maybe I had misjudged his motives.  Maybe.  I decided a little brutal honesty was in order. 

“Look, I assume the worst because that is what I’m used to Logan.  I’m not interested in a boyfriend, and I am NOT sleeping with you.  If that is what you want, you are wasting your time.” 

He nodded towards the gazebo in the middle of the square,

“Okay, that’s fair enough.  Can we just sit down and talk?  Don’t I deserve a chance to defend myself?” 

My reply was to cross the street and make my way to the gazebo.  Logan followed a couple of steps behind and we sat on a bench beside the fountain.  I wasn’t brave enough to look at him, so I focused on a couple of kids kicking a soccer ball around at the park right next to us.  We sat there for a couple of minutes before Logan spoke.