Breath Of The Heart (13 page)

"But they make you pay, so I don't want to get hit with a huge fair."

"I'll pay for it. You can give me a couple of minutes."

I set down my backpack and he let go of my arm. I dared meet his eyes and immediately looked away. "I don't have a lot of time."

"Emma, what's going on?"

"Nothing is going on. I'm anxious to go home."

"Is this because I kissed you? I did that because I wanted to."

His words were a knife to my heart. "You shouldn't have."

"Why? Is this about Jake?"

"No!"

He let out a grunt. "This is about Jake. My God, are you still pining for that asswipe? When are you going to get that he doesn't give a shit about you?"

"It's not about Jake!" I screamed. I'd turned all out hysterical. I felt like one of those cornered and wounded animals fighting for its life. I needed to escape before I did something stupid.

"Then what is it?"

"It's you!" I could feel my eyes welling with tears. I hated letting him see me cry. "It's all about you. If we start dating everything we have together will be gone. In a few months some hot girl will come along and you'll dump me. Then I lose you and Genie. I lose everything." I wiped the tears from my eyes and felt angry. Why was he doing this?

"That won't happen," he said, sympathy etched on his face.

"Oh please! Are you serious? I know that right now I'm this little puppy you feel sorry for, but then I'll stop being so cute and you'll wonder why the hell you ever got mixed up with me. I don't want that. If we're just friends then everything is okay."

I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn't look at him. He reached out for me, but I jerked away. "None of that is true and I don't want to be just your friend," he said, his voice just above a whisper.

"Well, that's all I want and you should respect that."

He retreated, possibly hurt by my words. "Go then," he said.

I scooped up my belongings and bolted from the apartment. I didn't like how I'd left it, but he had to know how I felt. I couldn't lose him too.

Chapter Twenty-two

Emma

Dad picked me up from the bus station and I tried to act like everything was great, but he was my dad and saw through all my bullshit. Instead of taking me home, we stopped at Harriet's Diner, the restaurant Jake's parents owned, for a burger. We ordered and Dad's ice blue eyes were trained on my face and I was withering under his silent cross examination.

"What's going on? No more sugary crap, just the truth."

"Nothing's going on."

"And you think I believe that?"

So many lies and all I could think to do was stretch the truth. "I met a guy but I don't think it's going to work out."

Dad shifted in his seat. The conversation of boys clearly hit a nerve. "Why not?" he asked, trying to sound sincere, like he wasn't unhappy about this revelation.

"He's not right for me. I like him, but it just can't work."

"You're young and have lots of time to meet boys," Dad said relieved. "I was worried this had to do with Jake."

"No, nothing to do with Jake." At least that part was true.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

I grabbed a French fry and dipped it into my ketchup a million times until it resembled a limp noodle. "Do I have to?"

"I suppose not, but you seem down. Did he hurt you?" Dad asked, his eyes narrowing.

"No, he's a really nice guy."

"Then what's the problem?"

I dropped the fry onto my plate, but didn't look up at Dad. "When I meet the right guy I want it to be real. I'm not sure he does real."

"He's a player," Dad deduced.

"Pretty much."

"I was one of those. Stay away from them. Look, Kiddo, you'll meet other guys. If you don't have a good feeling about this one, then it's best to walk away."

But I did have a good feeling about Zach and that's what was eating me up. The other part of me was a constant reminder that I didn't want to end up like the Beccas of the world. At the end of the day Zach's word didn't mean all that much. He could say anything he wanted, but that didn't mean three months from now he'd still want to be with me.

"Can we talk about something else? Having the boy talk with my dad is kind of weird."

He laughed. "Let's talk Christmas. I should probably tell you that Dad has invited Wendy for dinner. She's nice enough, but I kind of like when it's just the three of us."

That was it? End of interrogation? Boy, I'd gotten off easy.

"Do you like her?"

"I do, but I guess it feels like Mom is being replaced."

"You know that he's not. He just doesn't want to be lonely. And sorry, Dad, you just aren't cutting the mustard."

"I suppose."

We finished our burgers and I was anxious to get home. I needed the safety of our house, a place that was my own. The short drive from Harriet's to home had me edgy. I couldn't keep my feet still and their constant tapping resulted in a look from Dad. I stopped. I nearly jumped out of the moving car when Dad pulled into our gravel driveway. Grandpa met me at the front door and gave me a big bear hug. I missed this so much.

"My girl is home! We missed you, Emma," Grandpa said, kissing the top of my head.

"I missed you guys too," I said burying my face in his shoulder. If I cried now, they'd never leave me alone.

"Did your dad tell you about Wendy?" he asked.

"Yes, and I'm happy she's coming."

"Are you sure?" I didn't know why they thought I'd be so bothered by it. I was more concerned with our Christmas Eve dinner at Jake's parents' house. He and I would be in the same room for the first time since he'd kicked me out.

"Yes, of course. It'll be nice having another woman around."

Grandpa beamed. "I hoped you'd say that. Now let's get inside before we get a chill."

Yes, being home was exactly where I needed to be.

~~~~~~~~

A part of me hoped that Zach would call or even text. Days then weeks went by without a word. I was getting ready for dinner at the Bennett's house and wished to hear some comforting words from Zach. He had a way of putting me at ease when it came to the subject of Jake. I pulled out my phone and hesitated for a long time before sending him a text.

Me: I wanted to wish you a Merry Xmas. Hope all is well. I'm going to Jake's tonight so that will be super awkward. Say hi to your parents.

I waited, not that he'd text me back instantly. But what if he didn't text at all? I sent Genie a text too and finished getting ready. What would I say to Jake? Would we just pretend it was all happy times? What if Bianca was there? My phone buzzed. I ran for it, excited for a response from Zach.

Genie: Merry Christmas to you too. See you in a couple of weeks.

I wanted to text her back to see if she was with Zach, but instead I put my phone in my jean pocket and met Dad and Grandpa downstairs.

"Ready to go?" Dad asked, getting into his jacket.

"You bet." It was now or never.

The Bennett's lived less than a block away. I'd walked this route so many times I could recognize every imperfection in the sidewalk. The three of us trudged through the newly fallen snow and I longed for my phone to sing to me. It didn't.

"Emma, what do you know about Jake's girlfriend? Ron asked me and I said I'd ask you."

Just the subject of Bianca raised my already sky high blood pressure. What if she was there? The whole afternoon I'd vacillated between all out panic and then a minute or two of calm at the thought of it. Then I'd think of her again, and my hands and body would shake. I tried to busy myself with laundry, baking a pie for the Bennetts and some reading, but all the words melted into each other. I didn't even remember what book I'd attempted to read. Mercifully, the pie and laundry were unscathed.

"Not much." More lies.

"I'm getting the impression the Bennetts don't care for her. This is the first time Jake hasn't spent Christmas with his family."

I skidded to a stop. "What?"

Dad glanced over at me looking puzzled. "You knew that, didn't you?"

"Right, sorry, my head was in the clouds."

Dad took a long hard look at me but resumed walking. "Ron was so pissed off. You don't bail on a Bennett family Christmas."

I wanted to let out a gasp of relief. This news couldn't be any better. I wouldn't have to face Jake, and Dad wouldn't be able to use his super parent power to figure out something was amiss.

"The only thing I know for sure is that Jake really likes her." Finally, some truth out of my mouth.

"Ron and his parents are going to grill you."

"Dad, I don't have much to add. I barely know her."

"Apparently she's all Jake talks about. Not with you?"

"No, not really."

I checked my phone again. This time there was a text, one I hadn't heard.

000:000:0000: Merry Christmas Bitch.

I gasped. Who would send me this? I stopped again to reply.

Me: Who is this?

"Something wrong?" Dad asked.

"Just someone from school," I said in a fake voice. Dad had to know I was full of it.

This time I heard the chime of a text.

000:000:0000: The person who's going to fuck you up.

My insides tightened. Bianca. Who else? I didn't know whether to be worried or angry, so I chose neither. The best course of action with a person like Bianca was to ignore her. If she kept it up, then I'd go to Jake. He'd stop this. She wanted to ruin my Christmas even though she had Jake safely in her clutches. I deleted the two texts and put my phone away. Bianca Smythe could shove it up her ass.

Chapter Twenty-three

Zach

I saw the text from Emma. Nearly three weeks without a word. No, I wasn't replying. Screw that. She'd walked out and I wasn't about to forget that.

"Cider?" Genie asked. "I spiked it."

I hated the holidays. I would have rather stayed at my apartment, invited some of guys over, drank beers and played poker all night. What I didn't want to do was spend Christmas with a bunch of people I didn't give two shits about, all new donors – I mean friends – of my parents. I'd have to be a phony bastard all night long. I could feign sickness but Mom would kill me.

"I'm going to need about a dozen of these."

"Tell me about it. Why didn't you invite Emma?"

"Why would I invite her?" I snapped.

Genie scowled. "Relax, I was just asking a question. I thought she might like it."

"I told you she went home."

"Isn't it just her dad and grandfather? You could have invited them all. It's not like we don't have enough strays here."

"After the last party, I think she'd probably say no." Shit, I said too much. Genie's eyes narrowed and she zeroed in for the kill.

"What are you talking about? She had a great time."

"But then I fucked it up."

She pulled me to a corner away from other guests. "What did you do? Did you sleep with her and then blow her off?"

"No! I wouldn't do that."

She rolled her eyes.

"I wouldn't do that to Emma."

"Ah, the qualifier. So what did you do?"

I briefed her. I didn't relish revisiting it.

"You kissed her. That's so cute and so last century. Later you can go around to her dad's and ask him if you can court her."

I groaned. "Really, Genie? That's not helpful. You're being a bitch."

She lightened up. "Hey, sorry. I shouldn't have been a jerk. I didn't mean it. I was trying to make light of it because I can tell you're bummed. I'm sure it was a nice moment for both of you and she got spooked. Give her some time. I can talk to her."

"No, do not talk to her. You do enough talking." I paused. "What if it's for the best?"

"You're a weenie, you know that. You're stressing that maybe you might like her a little more than all those bimbos you chase after. She's the real deal. Being a big boy is kind of scary, isn't it?"

"Not what I meant. If we did try this out and it didn't work, what if we didn't stay friends? She's right about that."

"And what if you're a big weenie?"

"You should probably stop drinking."

"She's an awesome girl, perfect for you. When I see the two of you together it's so natural. Have you ever felt that way about a girl before?"

"No," I said begrudgingly.

"Exactly. Give her a little space to come around. I don't think she's ever had a boyfriend before and she's apprehensive."

"There's something else. The guys already give me a hard time about her." Genie was about to open her mouth and I stopped her. "Yeah, I'm the biggest weenie you've ever met, I get it. It's just that I don't want them to give her a hard time. I can handle it, but I'm not sure she can."

"Other than Brett – and I don't like him either — none of these guys are going to be friends when you go off to law school, so why do you care about them? If you like her, and it's obvious that you do, why do you care what these guys think? Man, Zach, I thought you'd be tougher than this. Where are your balls?"

"Don't you have some of Dad's friends to impress?"

"Sure, but only after another glass of my special cider."

She wandered away and I pulled out my phone.

Me: You know he's just an asswipe, right? And it's only awkward if you make it that way.

I finished my cider and looked for the wine. I had a two drink limit before I'd start getting the look from Mom. Little did she know I needed about ten drinks to make this evening interesting. I'd slip out early anyway. Brett rented a rink and the guys were going to play a late night game of shiny.

My phone buzzed.

Emma: Jake's not here! How did I get so lucky? Uncle Ron's asked me about Bianca all night. Somehow she convinced Jake to stay in the city. How is your night going?

Me: Not bad. Hanging out with my family and about thirty other people I don't know. Playing hockey tonight with the guys before doing a repeat of this tomorrow.

Emma: Have fun! And see you soon.

Chapter Twenty-four

Emma

Dad attempted Christmas breakfast with Grandpa as his accomplice. I wasn't allowed to help, but I did supervise by reminding Dad to turn over the pancakes before they burned and for Grandpa to put a splash guard on the frying pan so he wouldn't get singed with bacon grease. Dad was a pro at making eggs so he didn't need any assistance there. They did let me put on a pot of coffee.

"Wendy was going to come over a little early to help us with dinner, if that's all right with you," Grandpa said.

He looked meek as if worried I'd erupt into a fit of rage. "No, not at all. I could always use some extra help. Which reminds me, I've got to prepare the turkey once we're done opening presents."

"About presents, I thought we could open them this evening, once Wendy gets here."

"Oh, okay," I said. We were bucking tradition, but Grandpa seemed really excited about the whole Wendy thing.

We dove into breakfast and I was impressed with the pancakes. Dad had added chocolate chips to the batter. He was finally taking some of my advice and thinking outside the box . . . sort of.

Grandpa and I chatted about school while Dad flipped through the newspaper looking for the crossword. The rustling stopped and Dad stared at whatever had caught his attention. Someone die? Dad had a fascination with the obituaries.

He lowered the paper and looked at me, his face mired in confusion. Without a word he passed me the community section. I looked through the pictures and gasped. There I was, posing with Zach, my name in the caption as Zach's girlfriend.

"Care to explain?" he asked. He was a bit annoyed, but who wouldn't be.

"He's not my boyfriend," was the first thing out of my mouth. And then I thought of Bianca. Did she see or hear about his? Was that why the texts started again?

"Let me see," Grandpa said, taking the section from me. "Oh, he's handsome and a senator's son. You could do a lot worse," he cooed.

"No, he's not my boyfriend," I protested. "He and his sister invited me to the party. Genie is a friend of mine." More truth-stretching. I was going straight to hell.

"Is this the guy you were talking about?"

"Dad!"

"You're grandfather is eventually going to find out. Why the secret?"

"Zach and I are friends, that's it. The photographer got it wrong."

"I think you make the cutest couple," Grandpa said. Now that he was in love, he wanted everyone to be.

Dad pressed his lips into a thin line. "Emma, you didn't even tell me about this."

My cheeks flushed. Busted. "It was a last minute invitation. It wasn't a big deal."

"A party at the Walker house is a big deal," Grandpa said.

I shot him a warning glance. He responded with an apologetic shrug.

"I was going to tell you but I forgot about it. Really, it was nothing."

Dad's eyes stared hard at me. He was a human lie detector. "Why do I think you're not telling me everything?"

What did I do? He wasn't going to let it go. I bit down on my lip, trying to think of something fast, but nothing was coming other than the truth. "I did like him, but I knew right away that it wasn't right. Before anything got started, I shut it down. The caption is still wrong. He was never my boyfriend. That's it."

"Paul, cut the kid some slack," Grandpa said, rising from the table and grabbing our empty plates. "No need to pour salt in the wound."

Dad's hard stare softened. "If this changes . . . "

"I promise you're the first to know."

"Well, let's clean this up. We have a guest coming," Grandpa said.

That was over thanks to Grandpa. Next I focused on dinner duty while Dad cleaned up our breakfast dishes. Grandpa disappeared to ready himself since Wendy was expected in a few hours. I decided it was time to bake. Of everything in the kitchen, baking relaxed me most. With the few hours I had I made Dad's favorite shortbread and Grandpa's gingerbread cookies. I was arranging them on a platter when Wendy arrived. I wandered over to the front door to see Grandpa taking Wendy's coat. Her eyes fell on me and she smiled.

"And you must be Emma."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Wendy."

"I hear so many great things about you and I hear you're quite the chef."

My trusty old bullshit meter dove into action, this time on Wendy, but it wasn't going off. She seemed sincere. And though she'd never replace Grandma, she did have a grandmotherly quality about her. Grandpa told me she was divorced with a son living on the East Coast. She wasn't spending the holidays with him and his family because she had a trip planned out there in the New Year. Or maybe she wanted to spend Christmas with Grandpa? And while she used to be a ruthless prosecutor – Grandpa's words – she had a simplicity to her. Black slacks, a fuzzy baby blue cashmere sweater and although her nails were done, she didn't have on layers of makeup and her light brown hair was cut short, something easy to maintain. Elegant in an approachable way.

"Thank you for the kind words."

"And if you need any help, put me to work."

"Would you like some homemade eggnog?" Grandpa asked. "Emma made it herself."

"I'd love some," Wendy beamed.

I liked that Wendy was and soft-spoken. I'd been a little worried about meeting her, thinking I'd have to walk on eggshells or she'd make me wither under a barrage of questions, but it seemed she'd left that behind for small town life.

"What are you taking in school?" Wendy asked.

"I'm in first year so I'm still trying to sort things out."

"I got my English degree before I realized I wanted to be a lawyer. Just remember that you're young and you have lots of time." She sipped the eggnog. "Oh, this is divine."

Dad, who'd been loitering around but not saying much, jumped into the conversation. "Wendy, do you know the Walkers? What's his name? The senator."

"Oh yes, Daniel Walker. I don't know him per se, met him a few times and he has a good reputation."

"How about his kids?"

"Dad!"

Wendy's grey eyes looked from me to Dad. "I haven't heard a thing about them, and for a politician, that's a good thing."

I laughed nervously, wanting to throttle Dad. Time to make my exit. "I'm going to finish up dinner," I said, rising and giving Dad stink eye as I passed.

"Let me help," Wendy offered.

I wasn't entirely sure I wanted her help, but to refuse would disappoint Grandpa, so we got to work. The turkey needed a few more minutes in the oven before resting for at least a half hour. Wendy peeled potatoes and I stuffed mushrooms. I was attempting acorn squash for the first time and prepped them with fresh ground pepper, Himalayan salt and a parmesan rub. Once the turkey came out they'd go in.

"I don't mean to be nosy, but I'm guessing you're the reason your dad asked about the Walkers?"

"Zach and I are just friends. The stupid paper published a picture of us saying that we were dating."

"How'd they get a picture of the two of you?" she asked.

"I was at their Christmas party."

"And with the both of you at the party, I guess the paper assumed."

"So now Dad's all bent out of shape."

Wendy saw the paper lying on the kitchen table and glanced at it. "Well, he's certainly easy on the eyes."

My cheeks blushed and I made sure to keep my face hidden from Wendy. "Like I said, we're just friends."

"I don't mean to sound nosy, but how did you get invited to a Walker party? Invitations like those are pretty exclusive."

"Zach invited me–I mean Genie, invited me, his sister."

If Wendy had a bullshit meter, it had to be off the charts.

"How many friends did the Walker kids invite?"

"I don't know, but I wasn't paying attention. Genie's boyfriend was there, but I guess the rest of the guests were donors and friends."

"I see. All your grandfather does is talk about you, so if I'm overstepping, you tell me to mind my own business, but usually a senator's son invites only special people to fundraisers like that."

My face was growing more crimson by the second. "Zach is a really nice person."

"I bet he is. How many potatoes should I peel?"

"I think six is enough," I said relieved that she'd changed topics.

"What is Zach doing for Christmas?"

Damn. "I don't know. I'm sure he's spending it with his family. He may have mentioned a ski trip with friends."

"And how long have you been friends?"

"Since the beginning of the school year. Do you like spinach in your mashed potatoes?"

"I love spinach and I've never had it in mashed potatoes before. Sounds intriguing." She peeled the last potato and brought them to the sink to wash. She glanced over at me as I coated the squash. "How did you meet him?"

"Jake, he used–he's a friend. He introduced us." Damn. I could see why she was such a good prosecutor. She had me tripping all over myself.

Wendy piled the potatoes in a colander. "Should I cube them and get a pot on for them?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Jake is your roommate? Henry mentioned that."

Grandpa sure did share a lot with Wendy. "Uh, yeah."

"Sweetie, I'm going to be honest with you. Your grandfather asked me to come early so that I could get to know you and talk to you about, you know, girl things. It seems your dad is really worried about you, and as much I want to help them out, I feel a need to be honest with you. Please don't tell them I told you. And if you want me to butt out, I'd understand fully."

In so many ways Wendy wasn't anything like Grandma. Grandma doted on me, made quilts in her spare time, played cards every Sunday night with her friends, volunteered at the church, didn't care about clothes or makeup, probably the exact opposite of Wendy. Grandma was a simple woman, Wendy was a lawyer, a woman who would have intimidated Grandma, but despite all that, I felt a kinship to her. She liked Grandpa a lot, it was obvious, and even though she didn't give off the warmth Grandma did, I was drawn to her.

"Can you keep a secret?"

She nodded.

"Jake kicked me out of our apartment after I punched his girlfriend in the face. Zach took me in and gave me the spare room at his place where I've been living ever since. Jake and I no longer talk. Please don't tell Dad or Grandpa." I felt like those people who walk into sacred rivers and are cleansed. The burden was lifted, the lies out in the open.

Her eyes bugged open. "Well, I wasn't anticipating all that! You did what? You don't seem like the type of young lady to have that kind of outburst."

I told Wendy all about Bianca over another cup of eggnog. We sat at the kitchen table and I relayed it all, every last detail right down to the kiss. She listened, enthralled by every word. At one point she stopped me, telling me she needed another glass.

"You really should tell your Dad," she said, a thoughtful expression on her face.

"It will kill him. I figure I'll just let the school year end and come up with some story why Jake and I aren't living together next year. And you never know, Jake and Bianca could break up."

"They could, but is Jake still someone you'd call a friend?"

I deflated. "I guess not."

"I will keep your confidence, but at some point your dad is owed the truth."

"I know."

"And about Zach . . . he seems like a really nice young man. From one girl to another, you might want to give him a chance."

I looked at the clock. It was getting late for dinner. We mashed potatoes, plated food and called Dad and Grandpa to the dinner table. As we all sat together I wondered if I could trust Wendy and if she really intended to keep her word. I'd know if she didn't. Dad and Grandpa would be all over me the second they found out.