Breath of Fire (32 page)

“Shh, my love,” Julian’s voice said as he tried to soothe me. Even in dreams I couldn’t escape the seduction of his voice. But I knew it couldn’t possibly be him. I wasn’t his love.

“Go away,” I said, though I was glad my dream had shattered at the sound of his voice. I’d feared I’d be lost in the blackness forever. My body was wracked with chills and not even calling on my dragon fire could get me warm.

It wasn’t until the bed shifted and I felt a hard body behind me that I realized I wasn’t really alone. I woke slowly and stiffened at his touch. I was thankful he’d at least thought to wear clothes.

“Why must you fight me, even in sleep?” he asked.

I didn’t have an answer, so I stayed silent. We lay quietly a few more minutes until I began to relax. Then he spoke, and tension filled me once again.

“I have done you a great disservice, lifemate. I owe you an apology.”

I turned over to face him, unsure if I’d heard his words correctly. This was a problem, because unlike him I wasn’t wearing
any
clothes. And our bonds made any touch a distraction.

“Excuse me?” I asked, not sure I’d heard him correctly.

“I apologize,” he repeated.

“Why?” An apology seemed a little out of character for the man I’d come to know.

“You know only a portion of the man,” he said, reading my mind. “We are still new to each other, and this union will have many pitfalls because it is our nature to fight first and ask questions later. But I know that we were truly meant to be lifemates. I didn’t bargain with the gods for you, I give you my oath, but I would do anything for them because they blessed me with you. It would be hell to spend eternity apart. And I do not wish for the time we have together to be in strife. The apology is mine to make, and I hope we can come to live in peace with each other if you decide you do wish to reside with me. I have never been close to a woman before. Or spent any time with them outside of the bedchamber.”

“Why not?” I asked, curiously.

“Because women are all the same. They are softer. It doesn’t matter what culture or time period they come from. They want affection and love and to be showered with attention. I’ve never met a woman who I wanted to give those things to, and I wouldn’t begin to know how to give them.”

I knew this already because I’d seen his true feelings when we’d faced each other earlier. For all his age and wisdom, he truly had no knowledge of what those things were. He only knew of loyalty and obedience and matters of war.

“You may not realize it, but everyone wants love and attention and devotion,” I said softly. “We all need it. Not just women. Without those things our souls would wither and die. Love can make us so much more than we already are.”

His eyes became guarded, and the diamond shaped pupil of his eyes shrank to the size of pinpricks. “I’m not sure I can give you what you are asking, Rena. In my head I know that our people must come first, even above each other. But you are my lifemate and I can feel your pain. It overwhelms my senses until I can’t think of anything but soothing you. I know that our life force is now shared, but I feel as if I am splitting my loyalties.”

“I’m not asking you to neglect the needs of your people. I know you carry a great burden, and I will help you however I can. But I think if you will treat me as your equal and not one of your people to command, you’ll find things like affection will come naturally. We should always try to please each other, and maybe the love will find its way. I’ve never experienced it either, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it.”

His skepticism was obvious, and I saw into his mind and heart before he could close it against me. He didn’t see how it was possible I could ever become his equal. My power was less than his.

He chose his words carefully, trying to work his way around the temper I’d shown earlier and still get what he wanted. He was a master at manipulation. “I cannot promise you the love that you want. I do not understand it, and it appears as if it could be a weakness.”

I dropped my gaze and stared at the spot just above his collarbone because I couldn’t bear to see the pity in his eyes.

He smoothed the hair back from my face, and his warmth sank into the coldness of my bones. “I’ll be forever grateful to the gods for choosing you for my lifemate, but love has no place in the midst of battle. I’m sorry that you have been burdened with such an emotion toward me.”

“I’m not sorry,” I said, finally coming to terms with my emotions. Just because Julian didn’t love me didn’t mean I could stop loving him. Tears streaked down my face, and I hated that he was witness to my weakness. My dragon nudged at me gently, comforting me. She hurt too, and she didn’t understand the other emotions that got in the way of the physical act of mating. Sex was all she needed to be happy. But I needed more.

“I don’t like to see you cry. The archives say that it is my job to see to your happiness, as it is yours to see to mine. I have failed you.”

He kissed each tear away gently, and licked the salty liquid from his lips. Dragon tears held many magical properties and were often used in healing. But nothing could have healed me at that moment.

I was going to have to suck it up. Julian and I were different. We didn’t understand each other, but maybe the gods had had something else in mind when they’d put us together. Julian’s mouth moved to mine, and I didn’t push him away as I knew I should have. Making love would be another complication on top of our already complicated lives. But it felt so right, two halves of a whole that were starving for each other. The feeling would never get old for as long as we lived.

“You are beautiful,” he said, kissing his way down my neck and tracing the tattoo of our union with his tongue.

He moved over me. His hair hung down and brushed silkily over my shoulder, the sensation erotic. His fire burned just under his skin, and I knew he was holding back his passion. Just as I was. We were being careful with each other. Too afraid of the emotions we’d exposed and chosen to ignore.

His clothes disappeared with a thought, and I moaned at the touch of his body against mine. There was sensation in every movement. The rasp of his chest hair against my sensitive nipples brought a gasp to my lips. His cock lay heavy against my thigh and made me writhe in anticipation.

We were both gasping for breath when the fire rose around us. My flame burned high, daring Julian to match its intensity. His blue gaze found mine as he pushed deep inside me, taking me to the edge of oblivion. He held himself up on his arms and I watched his body piston in and out of mine, from hilt to tip, drawing out the pleasure. It was one of the most erotic things I’d ever seen to look down my body and see his length disappear inside of me. This was the first time we’d made love like this, and I knew just as he did that it was more than sex.

I closed my eyes and fed my flame with sensation after sensation—each thrust between my thighs, the feel of his tongue as it captured my breast and swirled around my nipple, his groan of pleasure as my nails scored his back.

“I love you.”

The words escaped my mind before I could control them. Julian lost his rhythm and he buried his head against my neck, closing the gap between our bodies. He moved harder against me, and I wrapped my legs around him tighter, changing the angle so he went deeper than before.

He shoved himself inside of me with a ferocity that I’d never experienced—as if he were trying to become a part of me. The flame exploded around us as a ball of pleasure gathered at my core and released violently. Julian couldn’t help but follow in the aftermath.

We lay silent, holding each other close and thinking our own thoughts. I couldn’t have read Julian if I’d wanted to. He was shielding too tightly.

“I must go,” he finally said. “There are things that need to be tended to. Traps to be set.”

“What do you need me to do?” I asked.

“My wish is that you stay here. I feel we are close to exposing our enemy, and I want you to be protected.”

“How am I supposed to stand by you and fight when I’m locked in a room? Your orders were that every man and woman would fight. I cannot be an exception to the rule.”

“And you won’t be. But we have not found the Destroyer yet. The gods are fickle beings and could see fit to make things difficult for us. Remember that the Prophecy was not their original creation, but given to us by the goddess. There’s no guarantee she’ll honor the words that have fueled our existence for the last eleven thousand years.”

“That’s a cheerful thought,” I said.

“The reason I came to you here was to tell you that the Destroyer has delivered more Drakán. Their ashes are lined neatly at the base of the mountain.”

I threw the covers off, ready to jump out of bed and go examine the scene, but Julian put a hand on my arm to stop me.

“The ashes have already been gathered and dispersed to their clans. Two pieces of silver were found beneath each pile of ash, just as before.” Julian’s shields all of a sudden grew taller and more impenetrable, and I knew something else had happened.

“What is it?” I asked.

“The Destroyer’s scent was on his victims. He left a trail. His army is ready, and he wants us to follow him so they’ll have the advantage in the fight.”

“Who is it?” I asked excitedly. “Did you recognize him? Where is his army?”

Julian hesitated, and I tasted the lie before the words came out of his mouth.

“I don’t know, but I’m going to follow his scent out of this Realm and see where he’s waiting for us. I’ll come back and gather our warriors once I’ve found his hiding place. I’ll be gone a while. Stay here until then. No one is to be trusted.”

He was already dressed and walking out the door before I could call him out on his obvious lie.

“I’ll stay on one condition,” I said before he could escape. I’d learned a thing or two from Julian in the time I’d spent with him, and if I wanted answers I was going to have to play dirty. Julian turned and lifted his eyebrow.

I crawled sinuously to the end of the bed and sat up on my knees so I was completely bared to him. I cupped my breasts and then ran my hands down the curve of my body to the thatch of black curls between my thighs. Julian’s eyes were mesmerized as he followed the path of my hands.

“I’ll stay here if you’ll come back to me tonight.”

His cock was hard and thick against the front of his black slacks, and a devilish smile quirked on his lips. He bowed arrogantly before walking out my door.

I knew he’d be back.

The snow fell in big fat flakes and the gentle hush cocooned the mountain as it piled higher and higher. I’d showered and slathered on lotion the scent of honeysuckle. I was past the point of exhaustion, but I was revved at the same time. We were close to finding the Destroyer. I could feel it. And so could my dragon. She was restless and wanted to hunt. But I’d promised Julian I’d stay in the castle.

My body had finally gotten its warmth back after the vision I’d had. I was clueless as to what it had meant, but something told me that Noah might have some of the answers. One problem at a time, though. As soon as I dealt with the Destroyer, I’d have time to deal with Noah.

I bundled up in my blue satin pajamas and terrycloth robe. I pulled on a pair of warm socks and slippers and made sure the magic that I’d put on the doors into my room was sealed tight. I had no idea how Julian had broken through them and ended up in bed beside me. I hadn’t felt him breach them at all.

I poured a large glass of wine and went out the glass French doors that led onto my balcony. It was cold, and puffs of white left my mouth with every exhalation, so I let the dragon fire beneath my skin spread outward. I touched the logs in the outdoor fireplace with my hand and they burst into flame. I went to each corner of the balcony and did the same thing to the braziers. Someday I was going to get Julian to teach me how to breathe fire from my mouth. It could come in handy.

This was the first time I’d been out on my balcony, and I hadn’t realized it had connected to Julian’s suite next door. I looked over the edge of the balcony. Hazy clouds rolled below me, and when they passed by and cleared the view I stared straight down into nothingness. It was an endless drop. Drummondsey Castle had literally been built out of the mountain.

I heard the quiet shuffle of footsteps behind me and smiled to myself. Maybe there was hope for Julian yet if he couldn’t stay away from me this long.

“Some day you’re going to have to tell me how you keep breaking past my shields,” I said with my back still turned. “I know they’re strong.”

“Are you so enamored by your mate that you’re no longer able to think of anyone else?” Erik asked.

I whirled around and wondered how long he’d been standing there. “Erik! What are you doing here? I thought you’d left.”

“Not yet. The rest of the clan isn’t as eager for me to leave as you are. I’m a scientist—a healer for our people. I don’t suppose it ever occurred to you to keep me around in case there was a need.”

Actually, it hadn’t occurred to me. Not since I’d seen what Eunice’s Faerie salve could do.

“So you truly have put your clan from your mind,” he said, reading the guilt on my face.

“No, of course not. But a lot has happened in just a short period of time. You have to give me time to adjust. My entire life has been turned upside down and rearranged without my permission.”