Breaking the Silence (32 page)

“You think they’d threatened him, too?” Dylan asked.

John shrugged. “Anything was possible. I thought maybe the people who’d gotten rid of me had gotten rid of Sarah the same way. Spirited her away and given her a new identity. I’ve always hoped she was able to make a new life for herself and Janie. That was the only thing that got me through that time. Now I realize she was trying to avoid being found, not by me but by the good doctors of Saint Margaret’s.”

“That’s right,” Laura said. “They were able to track her down very easily, so she moved several times, always trying to cover her tracks.”

“I met Elaine in 1969,” John said. “Ten years after I’d become John Solomon. We moved in together in 1970. We’re not legally married, although we’ve always referred to each other as husband and wife to make it easier for the kids. I didn’t know
if Sarah was dead or alive, and as long as there was that uncertainty, I didn’t feel it was right to remarry, no matter what my identity.”

Relieved by his integrity, Laura nodded.

“We’ve had a good quasi-marriage,” Elaine said with a smile as she rubbed her husband’s shoulder again. “It’s been truly wonderful. But I know that John has never forgotten Sarah and his daughter.”

“I told my son and daughter just last year what happened to me,” John said. “I also told them they have a half sister somewhere. My son tried to find Janie, without any luck. I figured that they’d changed her name, too, and she’d be impossible to find. But now that you tell me that they never did change Sarah’s identity, I don’t know what to think.”

“I received a couple of unsigned letters warning me to leave Sarah alone,” Laura said. “Dylan and I wondered if they could possibly be from Janie. I don’t understand what her motive would be, but she’s our best guess.”

“Maybe they are.” John looked excited. “Where were they sent from?”

“One was from Philadelphia and the other from Trenton. Of course, there were no return addresses on them. And they were typed.”

“Not much help, huh?” John said, sinking back in his chair. He suddenly looked exhausted, and Laura wondered if she was wearing out her welcome.

“Well, I think I’ve dumped enough on you two for one day,” she said, standing up. She leaned over the coffee table. “You need to finish up, honey. We’re going back to the hotel now.”

John looked at Elaine, communicating something with a glance. Then he turned to Laura again. “Can you come back tomorrow?” he asked. “Elaine and I could use some time to
talk, but I want to speak with you further about this. Will you still be in town tomorrow?”

“Yes,” Laura said. “We’ll see you then.”

“T
HIS HAS BEEN ONE OF THE LONGEST DAYS OF MY LIFE
.” Laura dropped into the love seat in Dylan’s hotel room. The room was cozy, decorated in a Western motif that included a lampshade made out of a cowboy hat and a branding iron hanging on the wall. The coffee table, covered with empty cardboard boxes and paper plates from their dinner, was nothing more than a plank of wood set on top of two small wagon wheels.

They’d come back to the hotel in Truckee after leaving Serene Lake, and while Laura gave her exhausted daughter a bath, Dylan went out in search of dinner. He returned with a huge grocery bag filled with Mexican food. Emma only managed to eat a bit of a taco before her eyes closed, and Laura steered her into the room they were sharing and tucked her into one of the double beds. Then she’d returned to Dylan’s room to finish eating and perform a postmortem on the day.

“So, I found Joe Tolley,” she said. “But what’s the point? He’s essentially married to someone else.”

Dylan stood next to the window. He took a final swig of his soda and tossed the empty cup on the pile of litter on the
table. “At least you solved a long-standing mystery for him,” he said. “And a short-standing one for yourself.”

“I
am
obsessive, you know that?” Laura said. “I get caught up in something and I can’t quit it until I’ve examined every angle.”

“I think that’s an admirable quality, actually.” Dylan walked over to the wall switch. He surprised her by flicking off the overhead light and coming to sit next to her.

“There’s something I want to tell you,” he said.

The room was dimly lit from the lights outside, but she could still see the blue of his eyes.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“I’ve decided I want to give up my ‘living day to day’ existence,” Dylan said. “I’d rather focus my time and energy on you and Emma. If that’s all right with you, of course.”

She was not certain what he was telling her. “Are you saying—”

“I’m saying I’d like to quit being a multiple dater and be a one-woman man, instead.”

“One woman?”

“One woman. Yes. You. If you’re interested, that is.”

She couldn’t stop her smile. “You think you can survive without all your girlfriends?” she teased.

“I’m sure of it. Except…” He took her hand in his. “I have to be honest. I’m worried about this. If we go into this, we have to be very…
adult
in the way we handle it. If it turns out we’ve made a mistake getting together, I don’t want Emma to be hurt when we split up. Though, of course, you still haven’t told me if you’re interested.”

“Oh, Dylan, of
course
I’m interested, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea, either,” she said, although she desperately wanted it to be. “I’ve never been very good relationship
material,” she admitted. “You’ve only known me during a break in my career. You don’t know how dedicated I can be to my work. When I start working again, you’ll see a different side of me. It hurt Ray terribly. It hurt Emma. I plan to never be that selfishly driven again, but you have to know, that’s my nature.”

“I’m aware of that,” Dylan said. “You were just saying how obsessed you got with Sarah. I’ve witnessed that, remember? And I imagine you have that same sort of fixation when you’re working. I can handle that, Laura.” He looked out the window at the scattered lights of Truckee. “What I’m
not
sure I can handle are comparisons to Ray,” he said.

“Comparisons to Ray? What on earth do you mean?”

“Ray sounds like a real mixed bag to me. A great and altruistic man on the one hand, and a lousy husband and father on the other, and—”

“He wasn’t a lou—”

“That’s what I mean.” Dylan cut off her defense. “You have him on a pedestal, whether he belongs there or not. How can I ever compare to that?”

Laura tucked her feet under her and turned toward him, holding his hand on her knee. “Ray was a special person, that’s true,” she said. “He did a lot of good in his life. He made some real changes for the homeless, and his book will probably make more. But you said he had no right criticizing me for my obsessions, and you were right. He was more obsessed with the homeless than I ever was with my career. There were many times that I felt Ray’s charities were more important to him than Emma and I were. He was good to me. He didn’t have to marry me, but he did. He wanted to take care of me. But he…he didn’t really know how to do it. He wasn’t cut out for it. That’s where you’re different, Dylan. When I watch you
with Emma—” she smiled at the thought “—I’m so amazed at how you give her all your attention. You have
energy
for her. Please don’t worry about not filling Ray’s shoes. You two are apples and oranges. Impossible to compare.”

He stared at her a moment, then leaned forward to kiss her, and Laura felt a moan escape from her throat.

“Do you remember anything at all from the night we made love?” Dylan asked in a whisper.

“Everything,” she admitted.

“You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m not. I remember it all.”

He pulled her close to him. “Tell me,” he said.

She leaned her head against his shoulder. “There was one light on in the bedroom,” she said. “It was a small Tiffany lamp on the dresser in the corner, and it gave the whole room a sort of pale blue cast. There was a huge bay window, and you could see the snow falling outside. Blowing sideways.”

“You have some memory,” he said.

Of that night, yes, she did. “The bedspread was green,” she said. “Hunter green. And we lay down on top of it.”

Dylan’s hand was on her throat, and she let her head fall back against the sofa and closed her eyes. She felt his lips on the line of her jaw, then his tongue circling her ear.

“It was a…four-poster bed,” she said, the words slow in leaving her mouth.

“Let’s do that now,” he said. “Let’s move over to the bed.”

She raised her head again, feeling a little woozy. “That bedspread’s blue,” she said.

“Good.” He stood up and held his hand out to her. “I don’t want to re-create that night in every detail. This one, I want to remember.”

Laura stopped to quietly shut the door between Dylan’s
room and the room she shared with Emma, then joined him on the bed. He rolled on top of her, gently spreading her legs with his own, and although they were both fully clothed, she felt the seductive pressure of his erection.

He kissed her deeply, then drew away to look at her. “I’m glad you’re Emma’s mom,” he said.

The words were a gift, and she wanted to reciprocate. “When Ray and I made love…” She bit her lip, knowing that making this confession would be more intimate than anything else she might do in this bed. “I used to pretend he was you,” she said.

He stared at her solemnly for a moment, then rolled onto his side, raising his hand to stroke her cheek.

“I love you, Laura,” he said.

“I love you, too.”

His gaze still on her face, he began unbuttoning her blouse, reaching the last button just as a wail came from the room next door.

Laura grabbed his hand and listened. The cry came again.

“It’s her nightmare sound,” she said, extracting herself from beneath him. She was off the bed, smoothing her hair down, making the transition from lover to mother in a few steps across the room.

“I’m here, Emma,” she said as she walked into the other room. She flicked on the light.

Emma was ashen-faced, tears streaming down her cheeks. She held out her arms to Laura.

Laura sat on the edge of the bed, drawing her daughter into her lap. “It’s all right, honey. We’re in a hotel in Truckee, remember? That town with the funny name? And I was just talking with Dylan in his room next door.”

Emma slipped her thumb into her mouth and leaned against Laura’s chest, sniffling, her body quaking with the residue of
fear. Rocking her, Laura looked up to see Dylan standing in the doorway of the room.

“You sure you want to give up life in the fast lane for this?” she whispered to him.

She knew by his smile that he was ready and willing to do exactly that.

T
HE FOLLOWING MORNING
, L
AURA
, D
YLAN AND
E
MMA DROVE
back to the Solomons’ house on Serene Lake. Things had changed overnight. They were more of a threesome than they had been the night before. Emma might not have been aware of it, but Laura knew that both she and Dylan felt the difference. Although she’d spent the rest of the night with Emma while Dylan had slept alone in his room, there was a connection between them that had not existed the day before.

The weather was quite warm, the snow along the side of the road receding.

Elaine opened the cabin door and ushered them into the living room. She’d set out coffee and juice on the coffee table, along with muffins warm from the oven. John slid open one of the doors along the back of the A-frame to let in the mild air.

“Well,” he said, sitting next to Elaine on the love seat. “I need you folks to help me make a decision.” He took Elaine’s hand. “I know I have some legal things to take care of,” he said, “but more important, should I go to Virginia to see Sarah or should I not?”

Everyone looked at Laura. Having thought about this much of the night, she had her own answer. She set her coffee cup
down on the table. “Two things could happen,” she said. “Sarah might not recognize you. That’s very likely. She still loves you—she has your picture displayed in her apartment. But she loves the man in that picture. I’m not sure she’d connect you to him. So, then there would be little point to the visit.”

“And the second thing?” John asked.

“If she
does
recognize you, you would have to tell her you’re…with another woman.” She felt her lower lip start to tremble. “I don’t want her to have that sort of pain and confusion.”

Elaine nodded. “That would be terrible,” she said.

Dylan put his arm around Laura, and Emma looked worriedly at her mother at the sound of that catch in her voice.

Laura studied John’s face for his reaction, but he said nothing. His gaze was fastened on her throat.

“Where did you get that pendant?” he asked.

Laura touched the necklace. “It belonged to my grandmother,” she said.

Frowning, he suddenly stood up. “It’s warm enough for the canoe,” he said. “Let’s take a little ride, Laura. Elaine, will you entertain Dylan and Emma for a bit?”

Elaine looked surprised by the abrupt change of plans but quickly turned to Dylan. “Maybe you and Emma would like to go for a walk with me?” she asked.

“Sounds good,” Dylan agreed.

John was already out the back door. Offering Dylan a confused shrug, Laura followed her host into the yard.

With the strength of a much younger man, John lifted the canoe off the sawhorses and carried it to the water’s edge.

“You go ahead and sit in the bow,” he said as he steadied the craft.

She did as she was told. John handed her an oar, then climbed into the stern.

They paddled silently and at a leisurely pace for a while, Laura wondering if John was less rational than she’d originally thought. What was the purpose of this unscheduled outing?

“Let’s stop for a while,” John said finally. “Turn around and face me, Laura, please.”

She obeyed him again, lifting her feet over the seat to turn around but feeling a bit anxious now. They were a good distance from shore.

John again had his gaze fixed on her pendant. Then he raised his eyes to Laura’s face.

“When Sarah and I got married,” he said, “I had a pin made for her. I believe that pendant you have on was made from her pin.”

Laura touched the necklace again. “That’s impossible. I told you it had been my grandmother’s.”

“Have you ever seen another like it?”

“No. That’s one reason why I treasure it. It’s so unusual.”

“If you look closely at it, you’ll see that it is actually a combination of an
S
for Sarah and a
J
for Joe.”

Laura could easily picture the pendant. It had always reminded her of a woman in an old-fashioned, wide-brimmed hat. Resting her oar across the sides of the canoe, she unfastened the necklace and placed it on her knee. There was the woman in the hat, as usual. “I don’t see it,” she said.

John carefully made his way toward her. “See?” he traced the design with his fingertip. “Here’s the
S
. Here’s the
J
.”

“My God,” Laura said. “How can this be?”

“Turn it over. Can you see where it had once been a pin?”

Indeed, there were tiny raised bumps of gold on either side of the pendant where the clasp of a pin might have been fixed.
Those minuscule protrusions had always been there, but she’d never thought anything of them.

John returned to his seat. “Tell me again how you got it,” he said.

“It belonged to my father’s mother,” Laura said. “I never knew her, but I was named after her. My father gave the necklace to me when I was about eight, shortly after my own mother died. He told me I should always wear it. The pendant was really too big for me then, but I loved it. I’ve worn it nearly every day of my life since he gave it to me.”

“Somehow,” John said, “your father got it from Sarah.”

Laura thought hard, feeling like she’d gone around in a circle, once again trying to determine her father’s connection to Sarah.

“Look at me, Laura,” John said.

She raised her face to his.

“The moment I opened the door yesterday and saw you standing there, you reminded me of my daughter who lives in Alaska. The resemblance is very strong. Elaine even mentioned it.”

“What are you saying?” she asked.

“I believe you’re Janie.”

Laura laughed. “John, I’m sorry, but that’s totally ridiculous. I know who my mother and father were.”

“How old are you?” he asked, then caught himself and smiled. “Forgive the rudeness,” he said.

“It’s true I’m about Janie’s age,” Laura said, “but I was born in July of ‘58. She was born in April.” Her hands shook as she fastened the pendant around her neck again. She recalled with a sudden lurch of her heart that there were no baby pictures of her in her family albums.
We lost them when our basement flooded
, her father had told her.

“I’d like you to go back to Virginia and learn the truth,” John said. “Show Sarah the pendant. Then call me to tell me what you’ve discovered.”