Breaking Shaun (17 page)

I returned her smile and lifted my chin. “I can handle it.”

I was sitting on the beach, waiting for my kids to show up. Every Tuesday, I would give surf lessons to kids and the occasional adult. I thought about Natalie as I sat on the warm sand, watching the waves curl into shore. I couldn’t get the image of her out of my head—the way her hair draped down her back when it was wet and the small scar she had on her chin that was made more visible when she smiled. But it was her fucking eyes. They were so bright, and something about them made me want to show them things they’d never seen. I wanted to be there to watch them change, growing dark with lust and light with ecstasy. I wanted to see her.

Just as that idea settled, an image of Cupcake under me as I’d fucked her flashed in my mind. I didn’t know why my night with her bothered me so much, but it did. I rarely got that drunk, and I could barely remember what had happened.
I dug my fingers into my hair and sighed. I wasn’t sure if I was feeling used or if I’d taken advantage of a woman’s heartbreak. Maybe it was a little of both.

I need a strong woman who is secure in herself and who can handle what I’m willing to offer—or more like, settle for what I’m willing to offer.

“Shaun! Guess what, Mr. Shaun! My dad took me out surfing on Saturday, and I stood up! I stood up!”

I smiled as I watched my boy, Noah, running up to me. His little legs were working extra hard against the retreating sand. His mom was standing on the boardwalk behind him with her baby in one arm, and she had the other one up in the air to wave. The moms loved my lessons because I didn’t require them to hang out. They would get a couple of hours without their kids, and I wouldn’t have uptight, overprotective parents hovering. It was win-win.

“That’s what I’m talking about, bro,” I said as I gave him a high five.

Noah was seven. He wasn’t the strongest swimmer, but considering he had been scared to even touch the ocean water when we started, he’d come a long way.

“I’m gonna do it again. Just wait. Pretty soon, I’m going to surf better than you, Mr. Shaun.”

I chuckled and shook my head as I watched my other students approaching with their parents waving from the edge of the sand.

“What did I tell you about calling me, Mr. Shaun? You tryin’ to make me feel old?” I asked him. I waved at the parents to let them know they were good to go.

“Sorry. My dad said I have to call all adults mister or miss.”

“Well, it’ll be our secret then,” I told him with a wink.

“Hi, Shaun!” Raven yelled once she got closer.

Raven was seven, like Noah, and she was a total tomboy. She reminded me of Asia. She was always trying to prove she could do anything the boys could.

“Hey, Wonder Woman. How’s it goin’?” I greeted her.

She threw her Little Mermaid towel on the sand. “Good. My mom made me wear sunscreen today. I was hoping she’d forget.” Her face scrunched up in disgust as she started rubbing her arms with her hands.

“Sunscreen is good for you. You don’t want your skin looking like leather when you get older, do you?” I asked her as I spread out the foam boards they practiced on.

“I guess not,” she muttered as she went to stand next to her favorite one.

“Hey, Shaggy. You ready to stand up today, man?” I asked my third student.

His real name was Mason, and he was only six, but he was a fuckin’ beast in the water. I was pretty sure if he kept at it, he would either be a pro surfer or an Olympic swimmer. He was the shy one of the bunch though. He would only come out of his shell when he was too busy to notice it was happening.

He just nodded and put his towel down on the sand next to him.

I spent the next hour and a half taking turns in the water with each kid. They had all improved since the week before, so I was pleased. We always spent the last thirty minutes just playing around. I’d noticed a lot of the kids I taught had very little time to just have fun. They all had schedules and homework at an age when my biggest concern had been getting back in the house before the streetlights came on.

“Shaun, when are you going to get married?” Wonder Woman asked me as she dug a hole in the sand that would fill up with water when the waves rolled in.

I was in the water, splashing Noah. “I don’t know if I will,” I said as I turned and dunked Shaggy in the salt water.

He came up sputtering and laughing.

“What do you mean, you don’t know? How old are you?” Raven asked.

I raised my eyebrow as she looked up at me from her spot on the sand.

“I’m turning twenty-six tomorrow. What’s your point?”

I tried to give her a stern look, but it was hard. She could see the smile playing on my lips. It wasn’t easy getting things past that little girl.

“If you don’t find a wife soon, you might get old and ugly, and then you’ll be all by yourself,” she told me, giggling.

I stuck my tongue out at her and kept playing with the boys in the water until their parents came to get them.

I was in Nick’s apartment, putting the coffee away, when I heard his ringtone playing on my phone—“It’s Raining Men” by The Weather Girls.

“Hi,” I said as I threw the empty grocery bag in the trash.

“So, how did it go?”

“I got the job. I work tonight actually. You gonna come see me?”

“Congrats, girl. Yeah, I’ll try to come out. Maybe Luke will come with me.”

I made my way to my room to get ready for a shower. I was excited about working again.

“So, what’s up? How’s work going?”

“Boring as usual. Hey, Marcus and Asia are throwing a party tomorrow night for Shaun’s birthday. You’re not working, are you?”

I froze when I heard Shaun’s name, and I grinned when I realized I didn’t have to work. “Nope. I’m off.”

“Good. Since you two are friends and all, I’m sure he’ll want you there.”

I could hear the sarcasm in Nick’s voice, but I chose to ignore it.

“Okay, great. Well, I’m gonna go take a shower and get ready for work. Hopefully, I’ll see you there.”

“Yeah, you’ll see me. Talk to you later.”

“Later.”

After hanging up with Nick, I smiled as I got ready for my shower. I’d only been in Virginia for three days, but I already had a new job and new friends. I was beginning to think this move might have been the best decision I’d made in years.

Now, I just need to get laid.

I sighed as I stood, naked, waiting for the water to warm. I ran my hands over my skin. It had a light gold tint to it from my surf lesson with Shaun, but I was still pretty pale. I was soft and curvy, but I worked hard to keep my figure. Usually, I controlled my diet since I hated any kind of forced exercise. If I wasn’t doing it out of necessity or for fun, then I loathed it. I had long legs, and my booty was pretty big. I also had size D breasts, so I definitely wasn’t lacking there. I would describe myself as having an hourglass figure. My coworkers back in L.A. had called me Jessica Rabbit. I always rolled my eyes, but I had to admit that I’d enjoyed the compliment. I’d learned to embrace my body the way it was, and I’d realized men were even more drawn to women who did.

I couldn’t help but think of Shaun as I took my shower. Everything about him seemed so effortless, so easy. I envied him. While I was guarded and aloof, Shaun was carefree and outgoing. I wanted to be more like him. The more I thought about it, the more I questioned my reasons for staying away. Maybe he was exactly what I needed—someone who could make me feel alive.

I wondered what I should wear to his birthday party and if I should buy him anything. As I pictured myself handing him a box of condoms, I laughed, and the sound of it echoed against the shower walls. It took me by surprise. Hearing myself laugh wasn’t something I was used to. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I stood under the hot stream of water and took a deep breath.

Why is happiness so scary to me?

Instead of enjoying the good in my life, I usually focused on how much I would hurt once it was gone. I wasn’t sure when I’d started that, but it was as natural to me as breathing.

I poured shampoo in my hand, and I began scrubbing it into my hair as I tried to relax. If I wanted my life to change, I had to stop running from the things that scared me, and Shaun was on the top of that list.

When I walked into Red, all the bartenders were busy, cleaning the bars, tables, and chairs. The place looked clean already, but it was obvious that Jay ran a tight shift. That was fine with me. I preferred to work with people who weren’t lazy.

Just as I was putting my purse in an empty locker in the break room, I heard my phone chime, informing me of a new text.

What are you doing?

I didn’t recognize the number, but it had a Virginia area code—757. I glanced around to make sure no one was looking, and I sent a text back.

Who is this?

I got a quick response.

Who do you think it is, Killer?

I couldn’t believe I felt butterflies fluttering in my stomach. No text from a guy had ever done that to me. I tried to hide the giant smile threatening to show, but I failed.

“Hey. What’s that big cheesy grin about?” Mandy asked as she came to push her purse into the empty locker next to mine.

I shook my head. “Nothing,” I muttered as I pretended to go through stuff in my bag.