Breaking Pointe (4 page)

Saturday morning.

Never mind that I was practising for the ballet eisteddfod last night and practically fell into bed when I got home (although I did manage to scoff down some of Nana's delicious coconut pudding). Today was a new day and that meant two hours of basketball training, because the grand final was only one week away.

My eyes were almost glued shut when I stumbled into the stadium. I just hoped that once I started moving, my body would wake up.

‘Look out, Riley!' someone yelled.

I ducked just in time to miss a basketball smack into my face.

‘Been aiming long?' I snapped to whoever had thrown it.

‘Not a morning person then?' asked Stacey, as I dumped my stuff on the grandstand.

‘I just don't like basketballs being thrown at my head,' I said. Then I realised how rude I was being. ‘Sorry,' I said to Stacey. ‘I'm a bit tired.'

‘You've been like that the past two weeks,' said Stacey.

‘I'm fine,' I said.

‘Here are some lollies,' said Stacey. ‘They'll pep you up.'

I grabbed a handful, but they weren't as good as Silver Shoes snakes.

I missed Ellie, Ashley and Paige. I hadn't really been able to hang out with them lately, before or after class, since I'd been trying to juggle training and dance rehearsals. It hit me just how much I wanted to be in the Silver Shoes change room with them, joking around.

We started some dribbling drills, but I kept replaying the Fire Maiden dance in my head, so my direction was pretty sloppy. One time I found myself actually doing the ballet steps with the basketball in my hand as I ran around the markers.

Then we did some defensive drills, where we partnered up and had to get the ball from each other. I was in such a tired funk that I didn't really care when my partner took the ball off me.

Halfway through I saw Stacey watching me and I felt ashamed that I wasn't putting in that much effort, so I got out my Riley game face and switched on.

It lasted about fifteen minutes. When we were shooting goals my first few went in perfectly, but then I started to miss. I kept missing until I got so frustrated that after one ball missed the backboard completely I picked up the spare and threw it into the grandstand.

Thwonk!

Then the ball disappeared under the rows of seats.

‘Thank you, Riley, you can go and get that ball now,' said Stacey. ‘The hoop is in the other direction, for future reference.'

I stomped under the grandstand. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone.

It was really gross under there – all dusty
with gobs of chewing gum, old coffee cups and chip packets, and even a pair of dirty socks. But once I found the ball I didn't feel like going back out, so I plonked it on the ground and sat down on top of it.

The thought that everyone out there was probably whispering about me made me mad. But no one understood. I was doing it all so I wouldn't let them down!

My brain felt like it was going to burst.

‘Riley?' Stacey whispered through the seats.

I sighed. ‘What?'

‘Just checking that you're okay,' she said. ‘That was some throw! Is the ball still intact?'

I knew that Stacey was joking to try to make me feel better, and I felt bad because I'd been rude to her.

‘The ball survived,' I said.

‘Great news,' said Stacey. I heard her shift
on the seat. ‘You stay under there until you're ready to come out, all right?'

‘Okay,' I said, in a very small voice.

‘Good,' said Stacey. ‘And Riley?'

‘Yes?' I said.

‘I don't want you to feel like I'm telling you what to do,' Stacey said, ‘but you might need to have a little think. I was talking to your mum the other day and she said how well you're doing with the athletics team and ballet. She paused. ‘I know you're very talented, but you don't have to do it all. People will understand if you decide you can't do something. Just think about what is more important.'

I kept quiet, staring at the two dirty socks.

‘Riley?' said Stacey.

‘I'll think about it,' I said, more because I just wanted her to go away, ‘but I'm fine.'

Stacey paused. ‘Okay. See you out there
then,' she finally said, clattering down the steps.

I sat there in the dark, wondering if I really was fine, and what I was meant to do if I wasn't.

Can you believe it? I actually had a day off on Sunday!

After the best sleep-in ever, I called dibs on the living room and practised my ballet. But then Aidan and Heath tried to ruin it by coming in and doing stupid moves before telling me to get out because they were having a PlayStation fest.

After sassing them thoroughly, I went and played with my baby sister, Del. She's only
three, but she was far better company than those monkeys.

Still, when I went to bed that night I couldn't sleep because my thoughts were going round and round like they were stuck in a washing machine.

So I was already tired and cranky on Monday morning, and even more when I realised that straight after school I had ballet class. I mean, I loved class, but it was like one thing after the other.

How was I going to get from athletics to basketball to ballet on Saturday? I hadn't even told Nana yet!

I couldn't go on the bus with St Vitus, because they left late, after all the events were over. And I had to leave early, straight after the triple jump, if I was going to make it on time …

Wait. I'd forgotten something. The relay! They were always held towards the end of the
day. If I left early, I'd miss them. How had I not thought of that?

Suddenly I felt like bursting into tears.

It was just too hard. Why couldn't I do everything?

Mietta came over to me after the final bell had gone and we were collecting our bags.

‘Hey!' she said. ‘You okay? You were really quiet at lunch today.'

‘Just trying to save my energy,' I said, swinging my backpack onto my shoulder.

‘Guess what?' Mietta said, walking with me. ‘I went to this professional athletics meet on the weekend. State champs. It was so cool. I can't believe how fast they run! I hope one day I can sprint like that.'

I felt a guilty twinge in my chest but I pushed it away – I had too much on my plate already to worry about poor Mietta not making the team.

‘You must be so excited for the athletics carnival this weekend,' she said. ‘I've kept it free, just in case.'

‘Wow,' I said, ‘you really want to go.'

‘More than anything!' Mietta said. ‘It's the best feeling, running down the track, in front of an audience. It feels kind of, I don't know, right. That's a bit dumb, though, isn't it?'

‘Not really,' I said. ‘I guess you should do what makes you feel the best.'

Mietta kept chatting about athletics as we made our way outside. She was so engrossed in what she was saying, she didn't notice all the kids around us jostling to get home. She didn't even hear Mr Waters calling out.

‘Hi Mr Waters,' I said.

‘Where?' said Mietta. She shook her head clear of all the sprinting and jumping rattling around inside it, and saw him right in front of us. ‘Oh. Hi!'

‘You girls heading down to athletics training?' he asked.

‘Yep,' said Mietta.

‘What?' I said.

‘Athletics training,' said Mr Waters. ‘Second-last one before the big meet on Saturday.'

‘Oh,' I said.

‘Awesome!' said Mietta.

‘We'll do a lot of relay work today – changing the baton and run-ups and all that.'

‘I love relays,' said Mietta.

‘I can't,' I muttered.

Mr Waters paused. ‘That's a shame. Why not?'

It might've been just me, but his face looked less friendly.

‘I forgot about it,' I said.

‘Oh,' said Mr Waters. ‘It was on that sheet I handed to you the day of the carnival.'

‘Sorry, I think I lost it.'

Although, now that he'd said that, I remembered it was scrunched up in the bottom of my ballet bag.

‘Can you come anyway?' he asked.

‘No,' I said. ‘I have ballet practice.'

‘You can't miss it, just this once?'

I shook my head. ‘We have an eisteddfod on Sat … coming up. Sorry.'

‘Well, okay,' Mr Waters said. He definitely didn't look friendly now. ‘But today was an important one. We have a good chance of winning this year.'

‘I'm sorry,' I said again.

‘That's fine,' he said, in a ‘it's not fine' voice. ‘Just make sure you come to Wednesday training.' He turned to Mietta. ‘Come on, Mietta, you can be Riley today.'

Mietta gave me a little wave as the two of them walked off to the oval. I stared after them and then looked down at my blistered feet.

I felt awful. I couldn't go to athstraining on Wednesday because I had dance class. What on earth was I meant to do? I couldn't miss either!

I just couldn't figure it out on my own anymore. I needed some help.

I needed my Silver Shoes girls.

At last something went my way!

Paige was free after ballet class, and Ellie and Ashley were able to come around on short notice too, even on a school night.

They all came over to my house and we sat around the kitchen bench. Nana made us milkshakes, sweet potato balls and babakau.

‘I'll leave you alone now, girls,' she said. ‘Call if you need anything.' She rushed out with Del on her hip, shouting at Aidan to
turn his music down because she could hear ‘the bass through the walls'.

‘These milkshakes are delicious,' said Ellie, taking a big slurp.

Hers was, of course, strawberry (she wouldn't have any other colour but pink). Paige had vanilla malt while Ash and I both had chocolate.

I drank half of mine almost in one gulp. Ballet class had been tiring! I hadn't even taken off my tights yet.

‘So what are we here to discuss today?' asked Ashley, speaking like a posh businesswoman, with her hands clasped. Then she ruined it by slurping her milkshake. ‘Excuse moi!' she said at the end of it.

I drained the rest of my milkshake before I said, ‘I need your help.'

‘What happened?' asked Ellie.

‘I don't know what to do,' I said. ‘I kinda mucked up. I have the basketball grand final,
the athletics carnival, and the ballet eisteddfod – all on this Saturday.'

‘Wow,' said Paige. ‘How long have you known about this?'

‘A few weeks,' I admitted. ‘I thought I could do it all, but … I can't.'

My cheeks flushed when I said that. I hadn't wanted to admit it to myself, but I knew it was true.

‘So you have to choose?' asked Ashley.

‘Yeah,' I said, ‘but I don't know what to choose!'

‘Well, dancing, of course,' said Ellie.

‘Why?' I asked.

‘Because it's dancing! What could be more important than that?' She tossed her long hair. ‘I know that's what
I
would choose.'

‘Yes, we know you would, Ellie,' said Ashley, ‘but this is
Riley
. If it was as simple as that, Riley would have picked something already.'

Ellie shrugged and took a long sip of her milkshake.

‘What do you want to do, Riley?' asked Paige.

‘I don't know,' I said. ‘I like everything equally. And it's not fair! I should be able to do it all! Why does everything have to be on the same day?'

Everyone was silent for a minute. All I could hear was Ashley munching on a sweet potato ball. ‘So good,' she mumbled, licking cheese off her finger.

‘Everyone's always telling me I can't do dancing
and
sport,' I said. ‘It really bugs me. Why can't I? I'm good at both.'

‘No one's saying you're not,' said Paige, ‘but no one can be in a million places at once. It doesn't mean you're bad at ballet, basketball or athletics. But you might be if you try to jam them all in when you can't.'

‘Yeah,' said Ellie, ‘you'd get so tired that by the end of the day you wouldn't even be able to put on a costume.'

‘And then you'd have to go out and dance naked,' teased Ashley.

‘And then you'd fall asleep on stage,' Ellie said. ‘Hopefully, right on top of Jasmine.'

Ellie and Ash both dissolved into gleeful giggles.

‘Yes,' said sensible Paige, ‘but apart from that, you don't want to go on stage and be sloppy. You know how important this eisteddfod is to Ms McGlone.'

‘I know,' I said. ‘I don't want to let her or anyone down.'

‘Maybe you should think about who you would let down the most by not doing something,' suggested Ashley.

‘Or who you would make happy by staying,' said Ellie.

‘Or what would make you happy,' said Paige. ‘That's really important.' She looked out the window and I didn't know if the advice was for me or for herself.

‘What do you want to do the most? What makes you feel the best?' asked Ashley.

I thought about it then, but everything had been a struggle the past few weeks and it was hard to feel good about anything.

‘I don't know,' I sighed.

‘Well, how about this,' said Ellie. ‘Who did you call when you needed help? Us. Before all this, what did you most look forward to every week?' She paused. ‘Silver Shoes, I bet.'

‘We are pretty awesome,' joked Ashley.

‘That means dancing must be very important to you,' continued Ellie, ‘so you should definitely do the ballet eisteddfod.'

‘I do really love the Fire Maiden role,' I said.

‘Plus, why would you turn down a chance to show up Jasmine on stage?' Ellie took an innocent sip of her milkshake. ‘I'm going to see the eisteddfod with Ashley, and I know we'd rather see you up there than Tove.'

‘Also, if I don't take part in the ballet eisteddfod, Ms McGlone said I can't do the exams.'

Ellie looked horrified. She set her glass down with a thunk. ‘Then why are we even talking about it? You
have
to do the eisteddfod!'

I sighed. ‘To be honest, I knew I would choose that all along. The only question is, now, what fits around it?'

‘Can we talk about that after?' asked Ashley. ‘I'm starving! And that yummy babakau is getting cold. Eat first, talk later?'

So that's what we did. After all, I needed my energy. I had some big decisions to make.