Breaking Love (Full Hearts Book 2) (11 page)

“Good. Talk to you soon, Meg.”

“Bye, Ian.”

“Meg?”

“Yes?”

“How are you doing?” he asked cautiously.

“I’m fine,” Megan replied, trying to sound like she meant it.

Ian’s voice was quiet as he spoke. “I think about you a lot, you know. Sometimes I worry about you driving around on those icy roads. Did you put snow tires on this year?”

“Um, no. They’re pretty pricey. I have good enough tires, though, and I’m careful. Don’t worry.”

“Listen, if I get this job with the Suns, I’ll be able to start sending you more money. You can get yourself some snow tires for next year,” he offered, sounding hopeful for the first time in years.

“That would be nice, Ian. But just take care of yourself, okay? I hope you’re healthy.”

“I’ve been doing really good lately. I feel like I might be able to kick this thing, finally.”

Megan felt a lump in her throat. She had heard that line maybe a thousand times before from him. “I’m rooting for you, Ian.”

There was a pause for a moment while Ian let her words sink in. “I don’t know how you can be so kind after everything I’ve put you through.”

Megan blinked back tears that Ian would never see. “You’re the father of my son, Ian. I’ll always want the best for you.”

“You too, you know? I keep thinking maybe you’ll meet some guy who actually deserves you.”

“Oh, I don’t think that’s in the cards for me. Georgie sounds nice, though. Be good to her, okay? And to yourself.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will. I should go. Take care, Ian.”

“Take care, Meg.”

Ian sat at the patio table, under an umbrella, in his small backyard. Even though it was early, the sun was beating down already and it was going to be another hot day. He was dressed only in shorts and flip-flops. He sipped his coffee, thinking about Megan and Elliott so far from him, in the cold winter. He hated how he felt each time he spoke with his ex-wife. The guilt was almost unbearable. Part of him wished she would let him have it just once—really scream at him for every shitty thing he had done: every birthday he had missed, every disappointment he had caused her and their little boy. He could imagine her punching his chest with her small hands, and how much better it would feel to take that pain from her, to just stand in front of her and let her unleash her hurt and rage on him. Carrying that burden would be a pleasure compared to knowing he had caused her so much hurt that she had as good as shut down. Ian knew she hadn’t dated in the years since they had separated. He knew she was remaining completely on her own and he knew why: she would never trust a man again.

He was a complete fuck-up as a father and a husband. The regret and shame he carried weighed on him heavily every day, making it almost impossible to contact them. But with each day that went by, he gave Megan another reason to hate him and had another reason to hate himself. Ian drained his coffee, deciding to go for a jog before it got too hot.

He had been clean for a month, but now the desire to use was almost undeniable. He knew getting high would put a safe distance between himself and the feelings he didn’t want to face. Georgie would be at work until suppertime, so he would have to find a way to get through the day on his own. He checked his phone and found the schedule for the Narcotics Anonymous meeting. He had time for a run and a shower before the next session. He would go and hope it would be enough to keep him clean just for this one day.

* * *

When Megan got off the phone with Ian, she took a large gulp of air, trying to blink back her tears. Things had gotten much easier between them, but she wondered if she would always wish things had turned out differently. She had loved Ian—really loved him—and part of her heart would always belong to him. He had loved her too, for a time, and she could hear in his voice the guilt each time they spoke. Maybe that was part of why he stayed away. It was still so painful for him.

She poured herself a cup of coffee and stared out the window for a minute. She saw Charlie walking along his sidewalk, sprinkling salt around to melt the ice. She threw her coat and boots on and walked outside to see him.

“Hi, Charlie!”

“Good morning, Megan. How are you this frosty morning?”

“Fine. How are you?”

“Good. Keeping busy.” He smiled.

“I talked to my mom about you. I think you might have a shot, but she’s definitely going to play hard to get. She’s claiming that she’s too old to start dating.”

“Well, that makes two of us, then, but what the hell else are we going to do with our evenings?”

“Tell you what. She’ll be here all day Saturday with Elliott. Maybe you could pop by to borrow a cup of sugar or something?” Megan smiled at him. He was a kind person and she knew he would be good to her mom. Why not give things a little nudge?

“A cup of sugar. . . .” He considered it for a moment. “Okay. Sounds good, Megan. Thank you.”

“Alright, I better get to work. I have some photos to edit this morning, and they aren’t going to edit themselves!”

Charlie chuckled and got back to work. “See you later, Megan. Thank you.”

“You bet, Charlie! Have a great day.”

It had been five days since he had seen Megan, and Luc was becoming increasingly unsettled. He had never had a hangover from a woman last this long before. He wanted to get back to feeling like himself—confident, satisfied and ready for his next business endeavour. Instead, he felt more like a cat in a cage—bored, frustrated and needing to get out. He still had two days until his trip to Aspen. It was late at night as he drove home to his empty apartment. He had stayed at Cloud until it closed up for the night, wanting to be with other people. There were dozens of beautiful women he could have taken home, but he had no interest in any of them. This fact alone bothered him.

The two things that normally quashed any feelings of restlessness—kickboxing and women—were doing nothing to help him now. He felt like a pathetic schoolboy, mooning over someone he had known for only two days.
Ne fais pas le con
, he told himself.
Shake it off, you idiot.

Later in bed that night, he decided to relieve some of his tension, sliding his hand under the covers. Pulling on his now hardening length, his mind allowed him to see only Megan. Her face, her breasts, the touch of her skin, the smell of her were all there for him as he climaxed. He sighed when it was over, feeling fed up with himself for this foolishness.

* * *

Friday morning arrived and Luc hummed to himself as he finished packing. He would be in Aspen in time for dinner and would be meeting Clarissa, a woman he knew well. She was always up for whatever Luc had in mind, whether he needed someone to accompany him to an event or just come by his hotel room for sex. If anyone could stop him from thinking of Megan, it was Clarissa.

Megan woke early again for the fourth day in a row. She had been going to bed right after getting Elliott off to sleep all week, telling herself she needed to catch up on her rest after her trip. The truth was that she just couldn’t face the evenings alone right now. Not after her night with Luc. She had been reminded of what it felt like to be touched and held and adored. Now that she had had a taste of romance, the loneliness had become unbearable again. It was almost as bad as it had been when she left Ian. Now waking at 4:30 a.m., her body felt well rested, but she wished she could just go back to sleep for a few more hours until Elliott woke up.

She decided to get her equipment ready for the wedding the next day. She put all her batteries into their chargers, then backed up her memory cards onto her computer. Pulling out her cleaning kit, she carefully inspected and cleaned her lenses, then replaced them in their bag.

Megan sat down at her computer to check that the files had backed up, then opened the photos she had taken in Paris. Slowly clicking through them, she found the ones she had taken at the Louvre. The memories of her day with Luc came flooding back to her. She stopped at a photo of him in front of the museum. The light was perfect and she had asked him if he would mind posing so she could practise something Anita had taught her earlier that morning. Now as she looked at him, staring back at her, she felt a surge of desire mixed with grief. He looked so incredibly handsome, with his strong jaw, his eyes—the colour of worn leather—and his sexy grin. She remembered that just before she had taken the shot, he had run his hand through his hair in that way he did when he was feeling a bit uncomfortable. Part of her wished he would show up at her door right at that moment, just so she could see his face again, hear his voice, feel his touch on her skin.

She quickly closed the file and switched off her computer. There was no way she was going to torture herself like that. He was a one-night stand, a womanizer and nothing more. Even though he had seemed to genuinely believe they had had something more, she knew it was nothing of any substance. She needed to shake him off. Looking over at the clock, she realized it was time to wake Elliott for school.

“Clarissa, you look beautiful, as always.” Luc stood to greet her as she made her entrance into the restaurant at his hotel. He had been seated at a table for twenty minutes already, waiting for her. This was normal with Clarissa. She was always running late, and he suspected it was solely for the purpose of making him watch as she crossed the room.

He kissed her on both cheeks and held her chair out for her. Clarissa was a gorgeous, curvy brunette with full lips. She had on a tight black minidress that was low cut enough to give anyone who wanted it an eyeful of her ample breasts. She owned an upscale lingerie shop that catered to the rich. Luc and Clarissa saw each other from time to time and it always ended well for them both.

“So, Luc, what brings you to town?” she purred, giving him an opening to say something provocative.

“I’m here on business. To check on the club and take a look at a few properties I might purchase,” he answered, pouring her a glass of red wine.

Clarissa was surprised at his dull response. He normally said something that made her blush. “That’s nice. How long will you be in town?”

“A few days. Until Thursday,” he answered, smiling politely.

Luc looked across at her. She was certainly beautiful, but he wasn’t getting the feeling of pure lust he normally did when he saw her. His cock hadn’t reacted in the least when she sat down and leaned toward him, exposing the top half of her breasts in the process. Usually that was good for at least a semi.

They ordered their meals and ate in awkward silence. Finally Clarissa looked up from her dessert. “Luc, what’s wrong tonight? Something’s different with you.”

Luc shrugged. “No, everything’s fine. I am maybe a little preoccupied with these real estate deals. That’s all.”

Clarissa reached her hand across the table, tracing his hand with her fingertip. “Luc, you can tell me. We’re friends, remember? I’ve known you for a long time.”

“It’s nothing. Really. Would you like to go upstairs with me?”

She gave him a skeptical look. “Are you sure you want to?”

“Of course I am. Nothing would please me more.”

Luc signed the bill to his room and the pair went upstairs to his suite. When they got there, he walked directly over to the bar and poured them each a Scotch. He gave her one of the drinks and sculled his back in one gulp, quickly pouring himself another. Clarissa stood observing him. She knew him well enough to know something was seriously off. The evening had been completely devoid of their normal sexual banter, and now that he had her in his room, he hadn’t even laid a finger on her. Usually he would have his hand up her skirt by the time the elevator doors closed. She decided to up the ante and make him talk.

She sauntered over to him, letting her hips sway from side to side like a pendulum. When she reached him, she pressed her breasts against him, running her finger down along his stomach to the front of his pants. Giving him a “come and get me” look, she let her finger slide lower.

He quickly pulled his hips away from her. “Whoa, let’s take it one step at a time.”

“Okay, that’s it!” Clarissa snapped. “Who are you and what happened to Luc Chevalier?”

“Nothing.
Merde
! I don’t know anymore.” Luc dropped onto the couch, resting his elbows on his thighs and his face on his hands. “I’m a fucking mess right now and I was hoping that seeing you would get me out of it.”

“You finally met the one, didn’t you?”

“The one what?”

“
The
one. Your soulmate, of course.”

“Bah, there is no such thing.” He scoffed.

Clarissa sat down on the couch and curled up her legs, placing a pillow on her lap. “Why not?”

Luc glanced over at her. “Look, you and I are not built that way, believing in fairy tales, thinking there will be a forever with someone. That is all bullshit. Lies made up to sell diamonds.”

“No, it’s not. And speak for yourself, Luc. I happen to believe in fairy tales. I’m going to find my someone, and it
is
going to be forever. It just hasn’t happened yet.”

“What?” he pulled his head back in surprise. “I thought you and I were alike in this way. We know that life is better lived freely rather than tied down, no?”

“No. That’s what
you
think. I don’t agree with you. I never have. I just never really told you that before.”

“Why not?”

Clarissa shrugged. “What would be the point, Luc? I’m just here for a little fun with you until the right guy shows up. I don’t need to argue with you about things.”

Luc considered this for a moment.

Clarissa spoke up again, reaching over and patting him on the knee. “Listen, why don’t you tell me about her? I’m your friend, Luc, and I’m a hell of a good listener. I think you need to talk more than you need to fuck right now.”

Luc sighed and reluctantly gave in. “It’s all so stupid, really. It’s just this woman I met. She was in Paris visiting a mutual friend. As soon as I saw her, I just had to have her, you know? She is different—very beautiful, yes, but not at all like the women I normally see. She has a son—a little boy—and a shithead addict for an ex-husband. We spent one very wonderful day together and she stayed at my place for the night. When I woke up in the morning, she was gone. I went to see her again. She got the wrong idea about me. She thinks I’m in the habit of using women. Anyway, I tried to clear it up, but it’s over. It never would have lasted anyway. I can’t be with a woman who lives in the middle of nowhere and has a child. I’m just having trouble getting her off my mind for some reason. I was hoping you would help with that.”

“Is that why you came all the way to Aspen? To get her off your mind?”

“A little bit, yes. I needed to come for work as well,” he said, rolling his eyes at himself.

“For someone so brilliant, you can be a fucking idiot sometimes.” She laughed.

“That’s a mean thing to say.”

“I’m just trying to help,” Clarissa replied plainly. “Listen, if you would fly to another continent just to have sex with someone so you could
forget
a woman, it means you’re most likely in love. It’s not the way most men react when they’re in love, but you aren’t most men. You’ve got yourself so convinced with your bullshit ‘pleasure is for the moment, there is no such thing as love’ mantra that you don’t know it when it’s happening to you. No man goes to such lengths to forget a woman he
isn’t
in love with.”

Luc shook his head. “Well, I’m fucked then. I can’t be with her and I’m fucking miserable without her. I have never been this distracted and restless in my life.” He raked his hair with his fingers in frustration. “What do I do about that?”

Clarissa looked thoughtfully at Luc for a moment before answering. “You know, Luc, maybe you have to just
be
with her. I mean, what is the point of all your money and power if you won’t let yourself have the one thing that would make life worth living?”

“No. That’s not possible. She has a son. She lives in Boulder, for Christ’s sake. I would be horrible for her. I could never live there, never be a father to her son. I doubt I could even be faithful for more than a short time. I don’t want any of it. And I don’t want to hurt her. I will have to stay away.”

“You want to hear something, Luc? I’ve never met a man like you before. I’ve never seen anyone so driven. When you get an idea in your head, you go for it full on and make it happen. You started with nothing and look at you—you are insanely rich and you did it yourself because you wanted it. If
anyone
can make something work if he sets his mind to it, it’s you. If you want to be with this woman, you can. It’s really pretty simple, my friend.” She patted him on the knee and stood up.

“But I
wanted
to be rich. I don’t want this.”

“So, you got everything you wanted in life, Luc. But you don’t have anything that you really
need
. I know it’s scary for you, but most things in life worth having require a leap of faith.” She paused for a minute to let her words sink in. Clarissa looked at her friend as she put on her coat. “I’m going to go. I didn’t squeeze into this dress just to talk.”

Luc stood and walked her to the door. “Good night, Clarissa. I’m sorry about all of this. Thank you for listening to me. And for your advice. I won’t take it, but thank you all the same.”

She gave him a light kiss on the cheek. “Goodbye, dummy. Call me from Boulder.”