Breaking Bedlam (Beautiful Bedlam Book 2) (16 page)

“No.” she replied defeated and slumped in to her wheelchair.

“And I only ever kissed you at
the dance so I could show everyone that I could get any girl I wanted, even the pretty self-righteous virtuous good girl who already had a boyfriend. To prove that all I have to do is click my fingers and you’ll come running.” He smirked clicking his fingers then went back to his book.

“Oh, you can leave now. This ‘relationship’ is about as over and broken as my leg and by the looks of it your heart.” He said dismissing her as he continued to read avidly as if he hadn’t read the novel four times before. Sienna called for Meredith once more who came bustling in and quickly strolled Sienna out quiet as a mouse as if she had heard the entire conversation. She wondered if everyone had heard the conversation as Rose looked at her pityingly. Jake nodded at Meredith causing her to fumble with the door handles of the large double doors situated in the hallway. Sienna wondered about the enticing imperishable effect the Jackson males had on the River girls that always left them inevitable heartbroken. Everything felt numb.

Sienna just sat frozen in her chair rendered speechless. Her brain was still processing what had happened. Her entire body shivered even though she didn’t feel cold. Something changed inside of Sienna that day. That was the day she had decided to never give her heart to anyone ever again, only for them to tear it apart. She thought back to her parent’s marriage, and all the marriages and relationships she had witnessed in her life.

All of them always ended in tears. She thought of all the times she had heard her parents swear and curse each other, all the times her mother had been unfaithful to her father,
and vice versa, all the times she had witnessed her uncle beating his wife, all the times that she herself had been cheated on, the girls in Hawaii, the girl on the phone, it all made sense now. Sienna had been so blind to it all. She had been so blinded by the fact that someone had noticed her and thrown her crumbs of affection and attention that she pounced and latched on to it unwittingly.  She wondered why humans put themselves through this unimaginable cycle of pain so often in their lives only to get so little in return. Why would anyone ever want to love again after being treated so badly?

She vowed to never love again. It was easier just to hate and to be hated than to love and never be loved back. It hurt too much. Logan didn’t even glance up at her as she left probably because he was too busy engrossed in to the world wherein even innocent children exploited the true raw character of humans.

In reality, Logan didn’t look up at her as she left because he couldn’t. He knew that if he did his façade would crumble and so would he. He’d return to that weeping needy mess and he wasn’t that guy. He refused to be that guy; the guy whose sole reason for existence was some girl. He was Logan Jackson for God’s sake! He didn’t need anyone. Then why did his feel so alone when she left? He despised how much he loved and adored her. He despised that despite the fact that
she
was the selfish cruel one who wanted to leave him and the world without so much as a simple explanation,
he
turned out to be the bad guy. He wanted nothing more than to hold her and nurture her back to health but he was hurt. And like all wounded creatures Logan slipped in to his defense mode, guarded and distant. Its as if he wanted to be the bad guy, as if he wanted her to hate him.

“Sienna, are you okay?” Meredith asked after several moments of silence as they went back to her room. “I’m fine. I’m always fine.” She replied smoothly and stared blankly ahead. Those were the last words she spoke to anyone for three weeks straight.

11.

“Open your mouth.” Ebony said irritably only to find the pill lodged under Sienna’s tongue.

“Swallow it.” She reprimanded with a stern look on her face and her hands on her hips. Sienna merely rolled her eyes and swallowed her meds with a glass of water then retreated back to her spot on the couch. She hated the way the made her feel dizzy and off. Basically making her not exactly herself. She had to take lithium for her mood swings, Prozac for her depression and antipsychotic called Clorazil for her hallucinations.

The most annoying part of Sienna’s stay in the Haven Falls General Hospital psychiatric ward were the doctors and their incessant need to talk about everything. Sienna decided it to be better if she didn’t speak to anyone at all to avoid conversation. The patients had gathered around to watch ‘It’s a wonderful life’ together. She didn’t appreciate the irony. Ebony had been Sienna’s care worker for almost a month now and she had never heard a word come out of her mouth. She would just sit there for hours either playing chess by herself or read that Lord of the Flies book of hers. She wouldn’t interact with any of the other young girls here. Sometimes she would just stare blankly out at the window for hours, with her pretty pale face and long dark hair and flowing white dress, she looked like something out of a horror movie.

It unnerved Ebony although didn’t show it. She watched the girl like a hawk. On more than one occasion she would catch her vomiting out her pills.

“Sienna, look. You have visitors!” she said. Sienna continued to stare blankly ahead as if she couldn’t hear her. Ebony kneeled close to her and whispered her name. She slowly responded by blinking her eyes rapidly as if from waking from a deep slumber.  Her mother and eldest sisters stood by the doorway looking clearly uncomfortable in their surroundings. Sienna turned back to the TV.

“Don’t you think you should at least go and say hello?” Ebony urged politely. Sienna sighed and walked towards them and pulled out a chair at a table. They followed suit and sat down on the chairs opposing her. Her sisters were dressed casually in jeans and shirts. Her mother on the other hand was wearing a long knee-length and looked fresh faced and better than she had in months.

“How are you?” she asked as she sat perched on the edge of her chair as if she could catch something from it. She glanced around nervously. They were acting like they were visiting her in prison
and not in hospital. Sienna shrugged in response.

“You’re still not talking?” Cora asked anxiously staring at the ghost of a sister.

“Sienna, you have to talk to us eventually. All this bottling up is not doing anyone any good.” Meredith hissed and leaned forward on the table. Sienna looked behind the trio confused.

“We thought it best if Annie didn’t see you like this so Candice is watching her.” Her mother explained uneasily. Then silence followed as they watched her eerily. Sienna didn’t understand why they even bothered to visit. They would initially come for ten minutes everyday in the first week, now they would come once a week, Sienna was sure they if she stayed here any longer she’d probably only get a Christmas card at the holidays.

“Your doctor said you haven’t been taking your medication properly.” Maria whispered and tried to take her daughter’s hand. Sienna immediately snatched her hand away and clenched it in her lap. She didn’t like it when people touched her.

“I met a guy, his name is Greg. He’s an orthodontist.” Meredith said trying to spike up conversation. Sienna couldn’t help but smirk. Her sister was twenty-three years old. This guy had to be at least a few years older.

‘
How did you two meet? Oh he gave me braces and our hands touched as he passed me my retainer. That was when I knew he was the one.
’ Sienna chuckled at the thought. More awkward silence ensued.

“Sienna, you know Logan’s just some dirt bag loser who’ll get what’s coming to him.” Meredith said venomously. Sienna turned her head in annoyance. She may have been hurt and stung by that bastard in the cruelest way yet she still flinched when someone said a bad word against him. She hated herself for wanting to defend him. Even the mention of his name ruptured the dam of emotions she had been holding at bay for weeks.

“I heard he had surgery on his leg. He can walk again and his shoulder’s getting better. Just in case you wanted to know.” Her mother told her quickly. The knowledge comforted her. At least he was well and she wouldn’t have to feel guilty for crippling him.

“Why would she care? He’s an asshole.” Meredith shouted eagerly as tears flew past Sienna’s fragile face.

“Meredith, lower your voice!” their mother hissed as several of the patients looked their way curiously.

“How can you even cry over him?” she asked frustrated.

“He used you. He
pretended
to like you and drove you around town in his fancy car and took you to prom, all so he could sleep with you then dump you! Don’t you see how despicable and low he is?” she snapped petulantly with her voice going higher and higher by the second.

“Meredith!” her mother scolded as she watched Sienna’s face crumple and her body shake with silent sobs. Her daughter was hurting. Hurting so much that there was nothing she could do to stop the pain. She remembered the distress and the anguish that came along with her first heartbreak. It was like watching history repeat itself all over again. Robert had claimed to love her. Then he left for college only returning years later with a glamorous rich girl on his arm that he then married and acted as though she didn’t even exist. It must have been worse for Sienna. She was younger, more fragile, more broken. She was already ill. She didn’t deserve any of this. It was that boy’s fault. Maria hated him with every ounce of her being.

“He’s scum. The sooner you get over him, the sooner you can get better and come home!” she yelled.

“Is everything alright here?” Ebony asked sensing the growing tension and stood next to Sienna.

“No. Ebony, I want to go to my bed.” Sienna said softly in a girlish voice and stood up.

“Okay.” She replied surprised and took the girl to her room.

Sienna jumped in to her single bed before Ebony could even shut the door.  Sienna buried herself under the covers, wanting and needing to hide herself from the world. She didn’t sleep of course. Instead she lay there for what felt like hours but could have been only minutes as she stared through the tiny corner barred window. It was raining outside. It was cold inside also. She could hear familiar voices. She jumped up and extremely quietly opened her door as she listened to her mother talking to Dr. Nichols, her therapist. They were so deep in conversation they didn’t notice the little head that bobbed out of her room door at the end of the corridor.

“She’s making very little progress. She’s not been sleeping, eating or even speaking or engaging in group therapy or in her private sessions. I’m sorry Mrs. Rivers but she is nowhere close to going home yet until she shows significant signs of improvement.” The good doctor said apologetically.

“But she spoke today and she’s been doing her reading and she was talking to her care worker Ebony.” Her mother explained nervously desperate to get her out of this bedlam of a hospital.

“I’m sorry.” He replied as he walked off. Sienna had already missed an entire month of junior year, if she missed any more than she wouldn’t have time to take her SAT’s this year. She silently closed the door and leaned against it breathing heavily. She did not want to spend another night in the hospital. The girls here quite literally added new meaning to the adjective ‘insane’. One girl Sarah believed herself to be the Virgin Mary and kept stuffing pillows under her dress asking people to rub her bump for blessings from Jesus. She’d later found out from some of the other girls that Sarah was a teen mom who had lost both of her infant children from cot death.

Then there were the criers who wailed at night and were dragged off to god knows where, and of course then there were the real wackjobs who made it their life’s mission to laugh randomly and sing and dance and sometimes talk like children. She did
not
belong here. There was nothing wrong with her. So what if she was a little sad? Who wouldn’t be after finding their father’s dead body after he shot himself and having been used and dumped by the only boy they had ever loved? She needed to get out. Now.