Breaking Bedlam (Beautiful Bedlam Book 2) (13 page)

“Sienna, what are you talking about? You could never hurt me or ever disappoint me. Just calm down and think about what you’re doing for a second.” He said quickly. His pulse skyrocketed as he raced down the empty streets looking for her frantically.

“You deserve better than me. I don’t want to hold you back from enjoying life and having fun. All I’ll do is bring you down with me. I want you to be happy. So I’m going to let you go.” She said her voice trembling with emotion.

“Sienna please don’t-“ Logan began speaking but she was done listening and past reasoning with.

“Goodbye Logan.” she gasped and cut the line unable to contain her heart wrenching sobs. A homeless man from across the other side of one of the platforms looked over at her with big pitying eyes. The old scruffy faced hunchbacked man with the street for a home and a bottle of vodka for mouthwash and sustenance pitied her. Sienna had somehow managed to find herself in an all time low. The lightning struck again. It was getting closer. She leaned against the wall. Her legs were too tired to carry her anymore. She sank to the floor and wrapped her arms around her head. She was supposed to be free, liberated and giddy with relief and happiness. She had finally stuck up for herself to her family. She had finally taken control of her situation yet she felt so unimaginably helpless. She had never felt more alone.

“You’re like a black hole, you suck all the light and good and happiness away from people.” She heard Meredith sneer in her ear. Sienna immediately cowered away and covered her ears.

“You’re nothing but a cancer cell gorging away at me from the inside out. Mutating me from this happy person in to this bitter angry shadow of a human. I never wanted you. You’ve brought me nothing but pain, misery and disappointment!” her mother yelled as she stood towering over her. She closed her eyes.

“You’re not real. You’re not real.” She whispered to herself.

“You’re nothing but a bastard child who ripped this family apart limb from limb. I could barely look at you when you were born. Sometimes I can barely look at you now. I barely tolerate you.” Her father’s voice bellowed in her right ear. She still had her eyes clenched shut and her fingers in her ears yet she couldn’t get the sounds out of her head.

“That’s not true!” she cried. Her palms were clammy with cold sweat. In fact she felt frighteningly cold one second then feverishly hot the next. What’s happening to me? She thought despairingly and squirmed around on the floor uncomfortably. She slowly stood up. Her mind was spinning all over the place. It took a few seconds for the world to stop whirling around. “What did I do?” she asked meekly. There was no response. She looked up at the sky and walked out in to the hammering rain.

“I SAID WHAT DID I DO?” she shouted angrily her chest heaving with emotion. “What do you want from me? Huh? What do I have to do for you to get over your vendetta against me?” she yelled putting her hands up in the air. The lightning struck the roof of where she was standing just seconds ago. She could see the homeless man from the corner of her eye slowly bundling down the platform away from her. She didn’t blame him although she didn’t think crazy was contagious.

“YOU WANT MY LIFE? TAKE IT! IT’S YOURS! I NEVER WANTED IT ANYWAY!” she screamed the anguish clear in her voice and jumped on to the train tracks. “I never asked for this,” she bawled as she looked in the far distance she could see a yellow colored freight train coming her way.

“SIENNA!” Logan called from the opposite platform.

“Get off the tracks!” he yelled. She had never seen him move so fast as he jumped on the tracks next to her. He was the quarterback after all. The sound of the train whistling was relatively louder now. The train was still coming; the distance between them was growing shorter and shorter by the second. He grabbed her arms and looked at her as if he were about to throw her over his shoulder and haul her ass out of the train station.

“No!” she screamed and struggled in his firm grip.

“What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be here!” she gasped as the train conductor finally noticed the couple on the tracks and began blaring and blowing his horn loudly.

“I swear to
God
, I’ll throw you on to the platform myself if you don’t move. NOW!” he said his dark eyes furious. His jaws clenched. She had never seen him so unnerved yet frighteningly intimidating.  He didn’t know whether to kiss her or slap some sense in to her. What was she thinking? How could she do this to him? ‘
Doesn’t she know what she means to me?
’ He thought frantically. She finally broke from his grip and took a defiant step backwards. The train had to be only roughly a hundred feet away now.

“You won’t find your God anywhere here. Don’t you see Logan? I’m cursed. I’m damned. You weren’t supposed to be here! You’re not supposed to see this. Logan, you have to understand this is what I want!” she said her tears freefalling down her achingly beautiful face. Her heart thrummed rapidly as she saw the look of hurt in his face.

“Please, Sienna I am
begging
you don’t do this.” He said and took a step forward and held on to her wrists gently. Seventy feet away.

“I’m tired. I’m tired of all the noise. I’m tired of the voices in my head. I’m tired of disappointing everyone. I’m tired of all the pain. The heartbreak. I just can’t take it anymore Logan; I just can’t take it anymore. I need it all to stop.” Her voice broke as she spoke barely above a whisper. He had never seen anyone so distressed and tortured before in his life and it broke his heart to see the pain and anguish in the eyes of the first girl he had ever loved. Fifty feet.

He could hear a couple of people rushing in to the station shouting at them to get off the train tracks but he ignored them and never let his eyes leave those precious emerald eyes he adored so much. It was like it was just the two of them alone left in the world, and she wanted to leave him. Logan looked at her and wondered how someone so beautiful could be so oblivious to their own beauty, how someone so smart could be so foolish to the extent of their own intellect and how someone so loving and compassionate could ever think she wasn’t worthy of love?

It was like watching a blind man trapped and wandering aimlessly and helplessly in a scorching hot desert unable to see the small puddle of water that lay just a foot away. The only difference was that she had eyes. Two beautiful ones, yet she could not see. Is that what madness was? Was it to be able to view and appreciate every form of beauty but to be blind to the value and exquisiteness of one’s own? Logan believed in many forms of insanity but he knew in that instant watching her trembling frame on the train tracks that hers, that her illness, surpassed any clinical or psychological term known. Maybe she did suffer from depression or bipolar or schizophrenia. Who knew? All he was certain of in that moment that she suffered from no greater illness than the blindness of the heart.

“This world is designed to
break
your heart but that’s why you have me. Sienna I love you more than I ever thought was humanly possible. I know I’ve never said it aloud and I know you don’t believe me, but you
are
loved.” He shouted with such conviction in his voice that she almost believed him. Twenty feet. The horn blew and grew louder and louder.

“You don’t mean it. You’re just saying that and I know that because you have the biggest heart in the world and you want to save everybody. You can’t save me. You can’t fix me. I’m too broken.” She wept and moved her hands up to his face and kissed him quickly. She could taste the salt of their tears. She had never seen him cry before and it pained her even more to see him so wounded. She took a step back away from him. This issued more frantic yelling in the background from the homeless guy, train conductor and the railroad engineer. This was it. Ten feet.

“Sienna, trust me things will get better. Just take my hand sweetheart. Do you trust me?” he asked with his hand outstretched longingly. Her fingers itched to touch him as always but she clenched her fists and held them by her side and slowly shook her head. Why wouldn’t he just give up on her? Everyone else had.

“Logan you have to go! MOVE NOW!” she shrieked as the freight train moved dangerously close.

“I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITHOUT YOU!” he hollered over the sound of the train’s screeching brakes and threw her over his left shoulder and bounded upwards on to the platform, shielding her body with his as the train grazed past
them grinding to a final halt…it had been too late.

Both Sienna and Logan fell on to the platform, knocking Sienna out instantly as her head hit the cold hard floor. She had a cut on her forehead where blood oozed out from and splayed on to the platform ground. Logan fell next to her on his stomach. The left side of his body was perfectly unscathed. The right side conversely received the full impact of the force from the train. His right shoulder exploded with pain. It felt as though someone had yanked his arm out from its socket. The pain from his right foot however was excruciating in comparison. He clenched his hands in to fists as he tried to block out the pain. He looked at the yellow freight train covered with splatters of blood. Strangely it reminded him of mustard and ketchup. His head spun. Everything was blurring up in front of him.

“Sienna…” he croaked and turned his head and saw her lying in a pool of her own blood, knocked out cold. “Sienna…” he rasped as he slowly stretched out his left arm towards her. He could hear a hubbub of noise around him. People were calling for help and telling him not to move. He ignored them despite the agonizing smarting he felt all over his right side he slowly dragged himself closer to her and placed his trembling fingers to her neck. He panicked as his fingers failed to find a pulse. 

A strange man leaned over a touched her neck. Logan had the strange urge to yell at him not to touch her but he was weak and his eyes were drooping and his head was pounding.

“She’s still breathing.” He heard someone say and almost smiled if he could with relief. Logan felt like Icarus. He had never felt so free and blissfully alive as he did whenever he was with her. The closer he got to her the higher and happier he felt. Even at the mention of her name his heart would pound incessantly and all the giddy feelings he didn’t quite understand would suddenly reemerge. Every glance upon her blinding beauty cast a shadow upon every other girl for him. Everyone else paled in comparison to her. With every passing moment he had somehow discovered something new and exciting about her. With her by his side he could feel the light breeze flapping against his sides and the warmth of sunshine beating down on his handsome face. This is what it meant to be truly awake. This is what it meant to be in love.

But just like Icarus he had gotten too close and had crashed and burned. As he lay crippled in the aftermath of his own destruction he wondered what hurt more the aching pangs of physical pain his body had been subjected to or the raw burning sensation he felt in his heart. He had gladly given her his heart and in return she threw it back in pieces claiming it wasn’t enough. That he wasn’t enough.

‘
Everyone warned me not to break her heart, it never once occurred to me that she’d break mine.
’ That was the last thought Logan Jackson had before he stopped breathing.

10.

A bright light appeared before Sienna’s eyes and she followed it. The doctor put the tiny torch down and looked at her curiously.

“Can you tell me your name?” he asked.

“Sienna Rivers.” She replied groggily. She looked around the hospital room confused. She had IV drips attached to her and a pounding headache that just refused to go. “What happened?” she asked blearily and yawned. Boy was she tired. “You don’t remember?” he asked tentatively and started flipping through her medical records.

“I remember arguing with my family…leaving home…and going to the train station and…” she said slowly recalling the events that had occurred. Her eyes widened with horror as she recollected her memories. She jerked upright in her bed.

“Logan!” she gasped and looked around her eyes desperate for the sight of him instead she found her bleary-eyed mother slumped in a chair in the corner watching her intently and silently. Sienna quickly averted her gaze.