Breakaway (26 page)

“I am!” she cried. “I do care! It’s just not that easy.”

“That’s what being a parent is,” he said shortly. “It’s not
easy, but you give up things for the sake of your children. Because you love
them and they’re the most important thing in the world.”
Remi…

She nodded slowly. Jason went into her bathroom and crumpled
the cigarettes into the toilet and flushed them. There.

When he returned, Brianne was sitting on her couch, leaning
back, arms folded across her chest, her full lips even fuller in a small pout.

“So what did you come to talk about?” she asked. “Other than
my smoking and eating habits.”

“I will not let you endanger our child by putting nicotine
in your body when you’re pregnant,” he said through clenched teeth. “You’re
going to quit, Brianne, and I don’t care if you put on fifty pounds in the next
week. I don’t care about your goddamn contracts. I’m here to help financially,
I’ll make sure you’re okay, but you are not going to smoke.”

She stared at him, hands on hips. Her bottom lip trembled. “Financially?”
she asked. “That’s what this is about?”

He closed his eyes. What did she expect from him?

“Well, I guess that’s one more good thing about sleeping
with a jock. Not much intellectual stimulation, but you’ve got a great body and
at least you’ve got lots of money.”

His stomach bottomed out at her careless words and he stared
at her. What the fuck did she just say? She did not just call him a stupid
jock. His head whirled.

Stupid. He was not stupid. Remi’d told him that.

But he wasn’t irresponsible, either. Not anymore.

“I wanted to talk about how we’re going to do this,” he said
heavily, sitting down in a chair across from her. “I’m the father of this baby
and I have a responsibility to the baby and I want to do the right thing.”

* * * * *

Jasmine woke Remi up Sunday morning, later than she should
have slept, but once again her night had been restless and agitated, with bad
dreams and waking up sweaty and shaky. Her head throbbed, her eyes felt gritty
from crying and her stomach ached.

“I can’t believe you’re still in bed,” Jasmine said. “But I
saw the for sale sign outside! So you’re going to sell the house, that’s
fantastic!”

“Yeah.” Fanbloodytastic. Remi yawned and walked to the
kitchen to make some coffee, shuffling in her flannel pants and bare feet. “The
realtor seems pretty optimistic that it will sell quickly.”

“That’s so great!” Jasmine clasped her hands in front of
her. “I can’t wait to get the money. Ethan and I are going to look at some open
houses this afternoon.”

“Maybe you should just hold off until we’ve actually sold
it. It will take a while before things go through.” She didn’t even know how
that all worked. She’d never bought or sold a house before.

Jasmine just waved a hand. “We can look. This is so great.
And you can put conditions on the sale to make it go through quickly.”

Remi leaned against the counter, arms folded across her
chest, and looked at Jasmine. “And what about me?” she inquired quietly. “Where
do you think I’m going to go if we get things ‘through quickly’?”

Jasmine frowned. “I don’t know.”

“You know, I wish once in a while you’d think of someone
other than yourself.”

Jasmine’s brows flew up and a hurt expression creased her
forehead. The coffeemaker sputtered and hissed behind Remi on the counter. “Well.
That’s kind of mean.”

At first, Remi’d been proud of herself for speaking her
mind, but then regret filled her at her hasty words. She rubbed the back of her
neck and let out a long breath. “I’m sorry, Jas. But I feel like I’m being
pushed to sell this house without thinking it through.”

“But, Remi…we talked about it. It’s our house. All three of
us. You’re the one who’s being selfish, wanting to keep the house just so you
have somewhere to live. It’s not all about you either, you know.”

Remi jerked as if she’d been physically struck. She
straightened slowly, let her arms fall to her sides, her fingers curled into
her palms.

Jasmine looked at her and must have seen the look on her
face. “Well, it’s true,” she said with a hint of defensiveness. “We’re entitled
to our third of the value.”

“Yes, you are. I’m not disagreeing with you about that. I’m
just pointing out that this all happened really fast and I haven’t even had a
chance to find another place.”

“Well.” Jasmine shook her head. “It’s back to you again. All
about you. God, Rem. You want to keep the house because you’re hoping that I’ll
come running back here when things don’t work out with Ethan. You don’t
want
things to work out with Ethan, because you don’t want to live here all alone.
And you want Kyle to come home every summer so you won’t be alone.”

Remi’s mouth opened, then closed. She stared at her sister.
Her head throbbed and she put a hand up to her temple. “That’s not true,” she
whispered. Was it?

“You should be happy for me and Ethan,” Jasmine continued. “And
Kyle has his own life to live.”

Remi shook her head slowly. “I know that. I just…want to be
here for you. If you need me.” That was all she’d ever wanted. It was so
important to her. But…

“Well, we don’t need you.”

Jasmine’s words were like a knife to the heart and Remi
almost staggered back at the pain. No words would come. She didn’t know what to
say.

“I ask you to do one thing for me!” Jasmine went on. “And
you—”

“One thing!” Remi stared at her sister in amazement. Did she
really not remember all the things Remi had done for her over the years? Hurt
rose inside her, a fierce pressure in her head. She wanted to point out that
she’d supported Kyle and Jasmine after mom and dad had died. She’d made the
money that paid the bills and bought the groceries. She’d paid Jasmine’s
college tuition and now Kyle’s. She’d spent hours of her life driving them both
around to lessons and activities and appointments, not even having time for a
real relationship, as Darryl had pointed out to her when he’d given her the choice
between him and her family.

But she said none of that. Because it didn’t really matter.

She’d done it because she loved them, because it was the
only thing to do.

Darryl hadn’t been the right guy for her anyway. At the time
it had hurt like hell, but that now seemed like nothing. Now…a violent rush of
pain thinking about Jason almost had her doubling over. Dense silence filled
the kitchen while she struggled for control, swallowing through a tight throat
so she could speak. She turned away from Jasmine and blinked her stinging eyes.
She couldn’t blame her brother and sister for what had happened with Jason,
much as she wanted to feel the victim, the martyr at that moment. That was a
whole other issue.

No, Darryl hadn’t been the right man for her. She’d been
devastated when he’d made her choose, telling her she was boring and had no
time for him, but she knew now, after what she’d felt for Jason, that she would
never have ended up with Darryl anyway. Her feelings for him had been like flat
water compared to her bright and sparkling champagne feelings for Jason.

Jase. Oh Jase. It so wasn’t fair this happened to her again,
only this time….

“Remi. Are you okay?” Jasmine’s voice behind her sounded
hesitant, confused.

“I’m okay.” She swiped at her wet cheeks. She certainly didn’t
want to talk about Jason. “It’s no big deal.” She forced a smile and turned
around. She’d done those things for her brother and sister because she loved
them, not because she expected anything in return. They were fighting about
stuff that really didn’t matter.

And Jasmine was right. Painfully, eye-openingly right. The
house was just a place to live. What she was really struggling with was the
fact that Kyle and Jasmine didn’t need her like they used to. Her chest ached
with the realization, but she had to face the fact that they were adults. Like
Jason had pointed out. God, he’d been right too. They were adults and she
needed to let go.

“So, looking for a house will be exciting for you and Ethan,”
Remi said, her smile tight. “Where are you looking?”

They chatted for a few minutes about neighborhoods and
prices.

“I’d better go,” Jasmine eventually said. “I’ll talk to you
later.”

“Sure. Bye.”

Remi poured herself cup of coffee and sat down at the table.
She stared blankly at the dark, steaming liquid.

They didn’t need her anymore. It hurt, but she had to face
reality. That was what happened when kids grew up. That was the goal of
parenthood—to rear adults who were independent and strong. She remembered Jason
asking her if she’d ever thought she was enabling them by being there for them
every time something went wrong. She’d thought she was doing the right thing,
because she loved them and being there for them after their parents had died
was the most important thing in the world to her. But maybe she’d needed to be
needed more than they needed her. If that made any sense at all.

So Jasmine might get a reality check when she and Ethan
bought their house and moved in together, but that was life. Kyle might get a
shock too when he didn’t have anywhere to go between terms, but he’d have to
figure it out. They were both adults and needed to make their own decisions and
take responsibility for their lives.

And she had to take responsibility for her own life too. Yeah,
being on her own had been a rude shock and selling the house and moving into an
apartment all her own wasn’t going to be easy. But it was her life and she
needed to make the best of it. A place all her own could be exciting. And maybe
instead of lonely she’d feel free. She’d probably still worry about Kyle and
Jasmine, but maybe being without all that responsibility would be liberating.
She’d only have herself to look after, and when it came right down to it,
looking after herself was really the most important thing she could do. At one
time she might have thought that was selfish, but now…she felt a need to do
this, do find out who she really was, to be her own person.

Now Jason was the one being saddled with a huge
responsibility that he hadn’t asked for. Huh. She could almost laugh at that,
except…it really wasn’t funny.

She understood responsibility and she got why Jason had to
step up. She wouldn’t love him as much if he had done anything else, if he had
tried to ignore the baby, pretend it wasn’t his, deny his duty. He would never
do that. Because it was his child and he was doing the same thing she
had—anything he had to for that child. For love.

Her heart squeezed painfully and she took in a shaky breath,
just on the edge of crying again. God, she was such a crybaby lately.

But how much should Jason sacrifice for the sake of his
child?

Would Remi have sacrificed her relationship with Darryl if
she’d truly loved him? She couldn’t imagine that, because she knew now she hadn’t
loved him, heart, mind, soul and body. So she’d let him go. Continued on with
her life, doing what she had to do.

But she loved Jason. Heart. Soul. Mind. Body.

She wandered into her bedroom and looked at the boxes half
full of things. She stood in front of her dresser, staring at her watch, a pair
of earrings and…the bear Jason had built for her, that day at Navy Pier, in his
little Chicago Wolves uniform. A sharp stab of pain pierced her heart as she
reached for the bear, remembering that day, the crazy fun they’d had. She’d
probably fallen in love with him that day.

She hugged the bear, pressing her cheek to the soft fur, her
tears dampening it, aching inside as memories of that day rolled through her
head. She’d been so happy, so carefree. “Remi is beary beautiful.” Jason’s
voice spoke from inside the bear and the tears fell harder and the ache
intensified.

Why did she have to let him go? Why did he have to let her
go? Parents together “for the sake of the children” was a huge mistake. Nobody
these days expected a man in that position to ask the woman to marry him—did
they? Wasn’t that the worst reason to get married? Especially if the
relationship had ended and they didn’t love each other anymore? Wouldn’t that
just be doomed to failure? And what kind of life would that be for their child
if they stayed together and were miserable?

The questions bounced around in her aching head until she
felt it might split open. She rubbed her temples. Think, Remi. Think.

She’d sacrificed a lot in her life. And she didn’t regret
it. But she wasn’t going to let Jason sacrifice his whole life. There was more
than one way to take responsibility for something.

She surged to her feet, then stood there for a moment, mind
racing. She had to talk to him. She had to talk to him now.

She glanced wildly at her watch, but she wasn’t wearing one.
The clock on the stove said nearly one. Where would he be? Practice? At home?
She had to find him.

She grabbed her purse and was fishing for her keys when she
realized she was still dressed in pajamas. With a growl of annoyance, she
dropped her bag to the floor and ran to her bedroom to change.

When the phone rang, she dove for it, somehow the idea that Jason
might be calling her implanted in her mind. But it was the realtor, calling to
tell her there was an offer on the house.

“A great offer,” he said.

“Wonderful,” she huffed, trying to get out of her pajama
pants with the phone tucked between shoulder and ear. Just what she needed. “That
was fast.”

“I can come over right now,” he said.

“No. No. I have to go out somewhere. I’ll call you later.”

“Remi, you don’t want to lose this offer.”

“I…I have something important to do. Please. I’ll call you
later.”

She had to talk to Jason.

Chapter Eighteen

She called his cell phone, but he didn’t answer. She drove
to his apartment, but he wasn’t home. Remi stood on the street in front of his
apartment building, biting her lip, wondering if he was with Brianne. She had
no idea where Brianne lived and she didn’t think she had the nerve to go there
anyway. The other place he could be was the arena. They were likely practicing
for tomorrow night’s game.