Break Your Heart (6 page)

Six

Gina looked down to her watch realizing the time. She was late.  She stood up and continued the walk that was paused by the words that now haunted her. Even though the café was a few short blocks from the bench she sat on, it felt to her a day had passed before she reached the door.  She inhaled a deep breath attempting to clear her mind before walking in. 

The café was small, but loud.  It sat about forty people, all of which were talking amongst themselves. Loudly. She looked around the crowded café spotting Ali tucked away in a corner booth by the window.

“Hi.” Gina approached slowly still lost in her thoughts.

“Hi there.  How was your appointment?”

“Ridiculous.  The woman who helped me today wasn’t very welcoming.” Gina took off her coat hanging it on the hook by the booth.  She sat, setting her purse, hat and gloves down next to her.  “Almost done,” she huffed.

“Isn’t planning a wedding fun?” Ali asked with sarcasm oozing from her.

“Yep.”

“Just wait until you have kids.  It gets even crazier.”
“How are the twins?”

“They’re two, what can I say!” She laughed. “Did you
finish stamping the invitations?”

“Yep.”

“Did you mail them?”

“Nope, not yet.”

“Gina, you need to get those in the mail. You never sent save the dates!”

“I know. I’ll mail them when I get home.”

“What’s up with you? Is the wedding getting that overwhelming?”

“No. Yes. I mean, the wedding is fine. I can deal with it.” She paused, “I just don’t know what to think right now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Gina looked around the café taking in the sights and sounds around her. “I just bumped into one of my students.  He was with a friend of his who goes to another school.  His name is Kaelib.” She said with disbelief.

“And this disturbs you how?”

“Kaelib just moved here from
South Carolina.  But, his uncle used to live here.  His Uncle Grant.  Grant Foster.”

“Isn’t that your ex-boyfriend?” Ali asked innocently. She sipped the water in front of her as she peered back to Gina for clarification.

“Yes.”
“Wow, what a small world.” She paused, “so why the

face?”

“I don’t know.  I feel funny about it. Knowing where he is and all.  That he is engaged to get married.  It bothers me.”

“Well, lets not forget you’re engaged too.” Ali said as she pointed her finger up and down towards the engagement ring Gina wore.

“I know. Its just…Grant was my first true love.  When we broke up it was awkward.  I feel like I left this door open.  Like I just walked out of this life I knew and started over again. And then Adam came into my life and I became this new person.” She stopped, taking a sip of her coffee.

“Why’d you bring your own coffee?”

“Have you ever had the coffee here? It’s flavored water.”

“Ah, fair enough,” she paused, “I think it is normal to feel something for your first love.  But life has moved on and so should you.”

“Yeahh, I know.  I get like this every so often, where I will come across a picture of him, hear a song he sang, and I just get so down about it.  It’s weird.  I was thinking about him while I waited at my appointment, I don’t know why. And then I bumped into Kaelib.” She pushed away the solemn thoughts that seemed to be taking over her mind. She exhaled a long breath and then smiled politely. “Anyway, how are you Al?”

“Fine…” she replied. “Really G, you think that was going to be the end of that?” Ali laughed.

“Ah, right. I forgot my little Ali loves her gossip.”

             
“Are you still in love with him?” Ali questioned lightly.

“I don’t know. How could you still be in love with someone you have not seen or talked to in six
Yeahrs?”

“True love never dies.” Ali replied. She was the mature voice of reason in most situations for Gina. She could give one line to Gina that was always so profound that it would often linger with her for days.  Ali had clearly already nailed this one.

“What can I get you ladies?” the waitress asked as she quickly approached their table.  She was short and heavy, with a warm smile.

“I will have two scrambled eggs and rye toast please.  And a water with lemon.” Gina replied.

“And for you?”

“Two buttermilk pancakes and a glass of orange juice.” 

“With bits or no bits?” She asked.

“Bits?”

“Pulp.”

“Oh, no pulp.”

“Thank you,” she said with a wink as she took the menus from their table.  She took the pen she had written with and poked it through the bun on the top of her head before shooting them a smile and walking away.

Ali looked back to Gina. “You and Grant met at that party in Kipshaw right? Over the summer?” She asked.

“Yes.  But we didn’t start dating until six months later.”

“Really? Why not?”

“He never called me.  I knew he was leaving for London a week from the night we met.  I became obsessed with him,” she started giggling at how silly she sounded. “I marked on my calendar the day he was leaving. Counting the days, waiting for him to call.  He never did.  That night, at the party, he played this song.  I borrowed the CD from a friend and listened to it over and over again. In my car, my room; my poor friends, I made them listen to it all the time too. I must have told them the story of that night we met a million times.  I loved hearing it.”

“So, you never heard from him? Did Julie talk to him?”

“No, nothing.  I literally became obsessed with him, Al. I don’t know what happened, but something came over me. I couldn’t get him off my mind. He became this fictitious person who lived in my fantasies.  I thought about him non-stop.  I even conjured up this little fantasy about how I would bump into him and tell him how madly in love I was with him and he would say the same thing back to me.” Gina picked up the coffee in front of her and sipped again, looking out the window next to their table as she drank.  Two boys, appearing to be siblings, bounced down the sidewalk laughing and chatting with each other followed by a man and a woman in their thirties, holding hands and smiling at each other. She rolled her eyes, realizing the image of the all American family she just watched cross the window made her want to puke. It was what she wanted and was on her way to having, but something about it made her unsettled and upset.

“You’re still in love with him.” Ali whispered.

“What?  No.  It was so long ago.” Gina replied. She jumped herself back into the present, dismissing her wandering thoughts of the family that passed her window and the unexpected pain it brought with it.

“So, what happened? How did you meet again?”    

The waitress approached their table quickly. “Here you go ladies.” She took their drinks off an old tray that she carried over her shoulder. She whisked around, practically running back to the kitchen.

“Well, my little fantasy became a reality.” She smiled, turning back to Ali.

“Details Gina, details!”

“I spent a few days at Julie’s over winter break.  One night we went to a party there.  I walked in, and of course, who is the first person I saw?”

“Grant.” Ali replied.

“
Yeahh. But nobody, not even Julie knew how crazy in love I was with him.  She ran up to him and gave him a big hug.  Then looked over and said, ‘you remember my friend Gina right?’  He looked at me like just some other girl and said, ‘oh Yeahh, I remember. How are you?’ ”

Ali was staring at Gina intently taking in every word of the story.

“I felt so stupid!” She went on, “I had spent six months fantasizing about this guy who looked at me like I was just some girl he hung out with one night in the summer.”

“So then what?”  Ali’s level of excitement in the story made Gina laugh to herself. It was obvious this was one of the
few adult conversations Ali had in a while that didn’t include the twins being around or the topic about the twins.  Her level of curiosity in the story was synonymous with the soap operas she vowed she would never watch and now was admittedly addicted to.

“So then Julie and I went off and began hanging out with everyone from summer. Catching up and telling stories.  By midnight I was pretty tipsy.  I got the courage to go up to Grant. He followed me out to the back yard.  I remember it was really cold. I was so anxious to be alone with him that I didn’t even stop to grab my coat.  We sat down on this bench.  I asked him why he never called me. I got mad, and almost started yelling at him.”

“You’re kidding!”

“No.  And if it didn’t end up so great I would have thought I was a lunatic.”

“What did he say?”

“He told me he thought about me and wanted to call me but he didn’t want to start something he couldn’t finish.”

“What does that mean?”

“He was leaving for London. He couldn’t start
anything

living that far away.  Ali, He looked me in the eye and told me he fell for me that night too. It was straight out of a movie. I know it sounds crazy, but I believed him.”  She took a sip of her water feeling the cold sting against her tongue. “We kissed. I will never forget the kiss.  It was amazing. It was as if I was waiting my whole life for it.  I was so happy Ali.  I mean, can you imagine?  Falling so crazy in love with someo
ne after just one night? Fantasizing about them for months and then all of it comes true? It was almost too much to handle.”  She said, smiling to herself as she drifted into thoughts of that night. 

“You must have been on cloud nine!”

“I was. And the crazy thing is, I was on cloud nine

every day until we broke up.”

“I have known you all these Yeahrs and you never told me any of this!” She sighed and looked off into a fogged haze in the distance. A half smile cracked across her face as she played the words Gina had given her out in her mind. “I don’t get it.”

“What?”

“Why did you break-up with him? I mean, seriously G.”

Gina sighed, “I don’t know what I was thinking. I was terrified that being with Grant would mean making a choice for the rest of my life. I was scared. He was so established, emotionally, physically, everything. I was still lost and growing up. By the time we were ready for that next step, I just wasn’t ready and he was and I felt like I was holding him back. From starting his life.” She paused as a single tear ran down her check.

Ali quietly looked back to her with a soft stare.

Gina wiped the tear off her cheek. “We talked about getting married. He was ready, I wasn’t. It was the hardest moment of my life. I left the next day for my parents and never saw him again.” She looked off into the distance calming herself and pushing back the tears that were trying to form in her eyes. “I am rambling. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“So,” Ali replied slowly, feeling as if she was treading in uncharted waters. “Then what?”

“I don’t think I was able to handle it emotionally. I spent some time at my parents. When I got back to school I lost myself in my classes and took as many hours as I could bartending. When the semester ended I took off for the summer for Colorado. I moved in with Julie. We worked at a summer camp there.  I tried to forget about Grant.  And for a while I did.  I lived in this bubble in Colorado. I became this new person.  I was having fun. Going out every night, being single. I tried to enjoy it. And part of me did.”

“And then?” Ali asked.

“A
nd then I came back to school. I needed an apartment. That’s when I met you. Adam followed. And life went on.” Gina pursed her lips together and took in a deep, controlled breath as she tried to finish the story she now wanted to be done telling. “I guess I never really let myself get over him.” She looked around the café staring at the other patrons. Everyone was engrossed in their own conversations.

“Wow,” Ali whispered.

Gina couldn’t tell if she was being empathetic or entertained. She often felt like Ali lived vicariously though her. Ever since Ali had the twins, she was overly interested in every detail of adult life that she felt was behind her.

“I never knew.  I can’t believe you never told me this. We have been best friends for so long. And all I knew about Grant was how you met.  Gina, why didn’t you ever tell me you guys were so serious?”

“I don’t know. I look back and try to figure out why I did the things I did. I never have any answers. I guess I just moved on.  Time went on and time faded into the background. But Grant, he never faded.  My memories became my fantasies.”

“You and Adam are happy Gina, just remember that.” Ali said, changing her tone.

“I know.  We are.  It’s just. I can’t figure out why I can never get Grant off my mind.  I think about him all the time. I thought it would fade as time passed, but it hasn’t.  Do you think that is wrong?”