Break In Two (32 page)

Present Day

After her second pint, Claire decided it was time to try to find her way to her sister's house in Richmond. Her brother-in-law, Ted, might be home, as he often was during the day. Usually gigs with his band ran late in the night, so he would sleep in the next day. She figured if he was home, he would be awake soon. She got another porter to help her bring her luggage outside and get it all loaded into a cab. She was quite tipsy as she handed the porter a 20 euro bill and stumbled into the backseat.

She gave the driver the address to her sister's townhouse and asked him to stop at a grocery store on the way. She picked up some flowers for Janet, a bottle of whiskey for Ted and a six pack of Bulmer's Original beer for her. Getting back into the cab, she pointed her finger forward and yelled, "Tally ho!" at the driver, giggling hysterically.

When they reached Janet and Ted's, the driver helped Claire unload all of her boxes and luggage onto the steps of the townhouse. Claire buzzed a few times, but there was no answer.

"Say, my good chap, what is the time?" she asked the cabbie.

He gave her an irritated look and then checked his watch, "It's twenty past one."

"Thank you," she said, handing him her credit card to pay for the ride.

Once he drove off, she settled on to the top step, along with her things. She cracked open a beer with a grin.

"Let's keep this party going," she said, grinning to herself. It was an unusually warm day for London in November and Claire was grateful for the sun shining on her as she sat, waiting for Ted to show up. She felt pleasantly detached from the pain that brought her there.

*              *              *

Two hours later, Janet's assistant put a call through to her from her neighbour across the street, Mrs. Gladstone.

"Hello? Janet? I'm sorry to bother you at work. I know you are terribly busy."

"I'm sure it's important. What do you need?"

"I wondered if you knew that there is a young woman on your front step. She looks a lot like you and has a lot of boxes and luggage."

"What? That could be my sister, Claire. She lives in the US, but I'm not expecting her."

"Does she have long, dark brown hair and a love of beer?"

"Yes to the hair but not really to the beer. Is she drinking?"

"Quite heavily I'm afraid. She has lined up five beers on the step while I've been watching my shows this afternoon."

Janet looked at her watch, it was three thirty and she still had two more clients coming in before she could come home. "I'll call Ted and get him to come home right away. If that is Claire, something must be horribly wrong. Can you do me a favour and keep an eye on her until he gets there?"

"I will definitely do that."

*              *              *

In Colorado, it was eight thirty in the evening. Cole was back in his cabin in the shower. He stood under the spray of hot water feeling more empty than he ever had. He let a loud sob to escape his mouth and let tears flow, mixing with the water. He had blown it with the only woman he ever would love and she was gone for good. Sitting on the bench with his head in his hands, he let the water rush over him until it started to run cold. He turned off the shower and got out, wrapping a towel around his waist and heading to the kitchen for a beer. His cell phone was sitting on the kitchen counter. He checked it for the one hundredth time to see if Claire had tried to reach him. She had made no contact. He walked over to his living room window to look out at the lake. He could see the lights on in Gabriela's cabin and could see her standing in the kitchen window at the sink washing dishes.

He sighed and went to bed to read a book. He kept reading the same paragraph over and over, not taking any of it in, finally putting it down on his night table and looking around the room. Claire's half of the closet held only empty hangers. This place that had only a matter of days ago felt so warm and full of love, was now cold and lonely.

He could picture her sitting in the armchair in the corner of the room. It was evening and they hadn't spoken since the middle of the previous night. She was wearing her cozy bathrobe and had been waiting for him to come out of the shower. She gave him a serious look and asked him to come and sit down on the ottoman near her. He pulled on a t-shirt and some pyjama pants and came over.

Her voice was quiet and she didn't meet his eye as she started to speak, "Cole, I've booked a one-way flight to London. I fly out on Thursday morning."

Cole felt like he had been punched in the gut, "Claire, don't do this. I know I fucked up but we can work it out. I know we can."

"No we can't," she said, shaking her head. Her voice was quiet and full of defeat, "I can't be with you if you are going to lie to me and I honestly can't handle having Gabriela in our lives. I'm not built that way."

Cole sighed heavily and rested his face in his hands, elbows propped up on his knees.

She waited for him to say something and when he didn't, she continued, "I've given this a lot of thought. As long as I'm here, you will have to worry about Gabriela taking Tomas away from you. She holds all the cards and she knows it. It could be a long road getting parental rights through the court system, maybe years even. The quickest way would be to marry her and then she'll gladly sign all the paperwork you need to make sure she can't just disappear with him."

"Are you kidding me? I'm getting married to you, Claire. Or did you forget that you made me a promise. Was that all bullshit?"

"Come on, Cole. That's not fair and you know it.
Of course
I wish we could still get married. But now everything's changed and it won't work," Claire shook her head. "Think about it. Tomas will grow up without you and when he gets older, I will be that woman that was more important to you than he was. He'll have a huge hole in his life from his dad choosing me over him. You'll have an emptiness that would otherwise be filled with the love of your son. After a while, you'll grow to resent our relationship. You'll wonder if it was really worth losing your son over. Whether I leave now or you grow to hate me later, it's going to end badly. We've only been in this for six months. It's nothing compared to the lifetime commitment that you have now. I won't get in the way of that."

"Don't do this, Claire. Please," Cole said, his voice thick with emotion, "I know I fucked up here, but I'm going to make it up to you. I won't ever lie to you again. I promise."

"It's not just about that, Cole," she said sadly. "It's the right thing for me to do and we both know it. I've found you a chef, Peter McPherson, that I used to work with in Seattle. He's emailing you his resume and he can be here next week. He's really great, he'll fit right in and he does excellent work. So at least no one will have to worry about the restaurant."

He covered her knees with his large hands. "Claire, just wait. Give me time to figure this out. I can fix it. Just give me a few weeks, okay? I promise things will feel better by Christmas. I can make this work."

"Oh Cowboy, you can't fix this. No one can," Claire said, a tear streaming down her cheek. "You owe it your son to give it another shot with Gabriela. Maybe things will work out this time. I hope for all your sakes that it will."

Cole pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her tightly, 'Just stay, Claire. I can't do this without you. I need you," he whispered.

"I just can't. It's already done," she whispered back.

Claire let him hold her for a long time, drinking in the scent of him and feeling his warm, strong body surrounding her. She would not allow herself to hug him back for fear of not being able to let him go. She allowed her hand to rest on his chest, feeling his taut muscles as he held her close.

Cole leaned his forehead on hers, "What about you? What are you going to do?"

"I'll stay with my sister for a while, maybe find a job there. Move on. After a while, I'll be fine. Really, I will," she responded, trying to sound sure of herself. There was nothing convincing in her words as they came out of her mouth. Cole pulled her onto his lap and held her close.

The next night was to be their last together. They hadn't spoken much during the day, as they both began silently grieving their relationship. In the afternoon, Cole had helped round up some boxes to pack Claire's things. "Here, I didn't think your things would make the trip as well in garbage bags."

Later as they lay in bed beside each other, the realization that this was the end for them sunk in. There was no chance to salvage things now and they both knew it. Claire was getting on a plane the next morning and would never return. Cole reached his hand out and wrapped his arm over her, pulling her to him. They lay together, skin touching for the first time in two weeks. She could smell his aftershave and feel his amazing body, two things she would soon be missing. Cole pressed his forehead to the side of her face. A single tear ran down Claire's cheek as she turned her face to him. Cole looked into her eyes and kissed the tear away, then ran his lips along her mouth ever so gently, not sure if she would allow it.

"I'm sorry, Claire," he whispered, closing his eyes to fight back his own tears, burying his head into her neck, "I'm so sorry."

"So am I, Cole," she whispered back as she wrapped her arm around him and hugged him tight. She closed her eyes and kissed his cheek, then gently pulled his face to hers with her hand. She kissed him again parting her lips a bit to invite more. She was desperate for time to stop so she would never have to leave. As it was, her impending departure hung over them like a black cloud.

They kissed for what seemed like hours. Finally, Cole let his hand move from the small of her back down to her bottom. He caressed her with his fingertips slowly and then moved his hand up and over the curve of her hip and up to her waist. As he reached under her shirt, he stilled his hand suddenly. "Is this okay?" he asked.

"Only if you don't stop," Claire said, managing to smile at him. Cole smiled back, remembering the first time they had made love and they each had said those same words. He would give anything if they could only start over again and relive it all, except this time he would change the ending.

Cole skimmed his fingers up from her waist to her breast. She had no bra on, dressed only in panties and one of his old t-shirts that she had claimed as her own. He cupped her breast with his hand, tracing her nipple with his fingers. Claire moved her hand from his back to the waistband of his boxer briefs. She hooked one finger in and slid it around to the front of his body, tugging the fabric away from his waist and then down, freeing him with one move of her hand.

Cole propped himself up on one arm and used his other hand to carefully slide her panties off, caressing her leg as he did. He brought his body back in line with hers, then lifted her shirt up. Claire pulled her shirt over her head as Cole took in the sight of her naked body one last time.

"I love you so much," he sighed, leaning down to kiss her neck.

He took his time working his way down with his lips until he reached her breasts. He kissed and sucked on her nipples until they were hard. Claire could feel herself becoming wet as she caressed his powerful back and his sculpted ass with her fingertips. She put her hands in his hair and lifted his head to bring him up to her face. Lifting her head off the pillow, she kissed him hungrily, wrapping her legs around his waist and pulling him towards her. Cole pressed his body against her, feeling how wet she was with the length of his cock. He made small circles with his hips to guide himself inside her warm, tight pussy. They both let out a sigh of pleasure as he entered her. The past two weeks of not touching had felt like torture, but it was only a glimpse of the lonely hell that was about to come.

Cole used his entire body to make love to her with long, slow drags as he kissed her with such intensity it was almost too overwhelming for either of them. They were saying with their bodies what they couldn't with words. They would always love each other, always have an unending yearning for each other, they were saying good-bye. Cole was filled with both the most beautiful love and horrible regret as he moved over her. He felt desperate for her to know how sorry he would always be for the way things turned out and for how he had lied to her. She was the only woman he would ever love and would always need. And even though no part of him could accept it, he understood why she had to go. She was doing it for him and for his son and it made him love her even more than he thought possible. Claire was giving up her job, her new home and love itself in order to give him a chance to be a father to his little boy.

Claire gripped him with her legs and arms as firmly as she could, willing every single cell of her body to show him how much she loved him. She held his face in her hands and kissed him, showing him she was sorry for all of her harsh words and her anger. Claire could feel the fervour in his body, how much he wanted her and needed her. She knew that they would always be connected even if they never saw each other again. She had finally known real love, the unconditional kind, and although she would have to leave, she would leave knowing what that felt like and to never settle for less.

They made love like this long into the night until finally they both gave in to their bodies' need for release, clinging to each other as they came. Tears streamed down Claire's cheeks as Cole collapsed onto her. He could feel his eyes welling up as he heard her try to stifle a sob.

He moved off of her and lay beside her, pulling her into his chest to cradle her body in his as she cried. Silent tears rolled down his face as he held her. He didn't know what to say - it would be meaningless to say it would be alright, because it wasn't going to be.

Finally after a few long minutes, he spoke in a low voice, "Claire, I'm always going to love you. Always. I'm so sorry. I'm just so sorry for everything."

"I am too, Cole," she said in a whisper, "I wish I could have been stronger and had handled this whole thing differently."

"You wish
you
could have been stronger?" he asked with disbelief. "Claire, between the two of us you are the strong one. I was a coward not to tell you what I was doing and I never would have been strong enough to leave you, even for my son's sake. You made the choice we both knew needed to happen and you did it selflessly for my little boy and I. You're the most incredible woman I've ever known and it makes me wish I could keep you here forever."

They both struggled to stay awake for as long as possible, knowing that sleep would bring the morning in an instant. They kissed and caressed each other for hours, making love again. Sometime around four in the morning they could fight sleep no longer and drifted off, bodies intertwined.

Less than two hours later, Claire's alarm went off. She shut it off, with a feeling of doom. It took all of her strength to slip out of Cole's arms and get out of bed. As she crossed the floor, she turned back to watch him sleep for a brief moment. Her perfect cowboy would soon be nothing more than a memory. She stepped quietly into the en suite to shower.

A horrible emptiness crept over her as she dried off and slid on her jeans and a white long sleeved t-shirt. When she walked out of the bathroom with her make up bag, Cole was no longer in bed. She could hear him downstairs making coffee.

Reaching the kitchen, her heart broke at the sight of him. He was dressed in jeans and a grey t-shirt. He looked up at her, his expression grim. Claire's face twisted as she tried to fight back her tears. She blinked quickly, looking up at the ceiling.
'Come on Claire, keep it together
' she told herself.

Cole walked over and wrapped her in his arms, pressing his lips to her forehead. "You sure you want to do this?"

"Every fibre of my being is begging me not to, but I have to," Claire said, resting her head on his chest and pressing her hands to his abdomen.

"I don't think I can let you go, Claire," he said squeezing her tighter, "Even if you leave, I won't be able to stop loving you."

Claire nodded her agreement, unable to speak.

"Can I at least drive you to the airport? I don't want to miss a minute with you."

"No, I can't handle a terminal full of people seeing me saying good-bye to you. As it is I'm feeling bad for the unlucky cab driver that will be here in a few minutes."

They stood holding each other until Claire's cell phone rang to notify her that the cab had arrived.

"Let me take your stuff out. You have a coffee."

"I'll grab one at the airport. I need to get some fresh air."

The pair silently loaded themselves up with as much of Claire's things as they could, heading out of the cabin together. It was still dark outside and the air was cold enough to see their breath. The world seemed completely still and devoid of life, the only sound was their feet crunching in the snow. Cole went back to the cabin for the rest of the luggage while Claire helped the driver arrange things. Once Cole was back with the second load and everything was packed in the cab, the driver got in and shut his door, giving them some privacy to say good-bye.

Claire stood beside the backdoor to the cab. "Well, this is it then," she said, wishing she could think of something better to say.

"I guess so," he pulled her to him, holding her close. "Claire, I..." his voice trailed off as he felt a lump in his throat again.

"I know," she whispered, "Me too, Cowboy." With that she gave him one final kiss and stepped quietly into the cab. She was grateful that it was still dark out so the cab driver might not see what a complete wreck she was.

Cole stood in the cold air, with the first signs of light appearing in the sky. He watched as the cab disappeared around the bend in the road, taking her out of his life forever. He turned and noticed a light on in Gabriela's cabin, then walked slowly over to go get Tomas. He needed to see his little smile right now to remind him why this awful pain was worth going through.