Brain (14 page)

Brain

She felt so good in my arms, her head on my shoulder, her body sated, totally relaxed. She still had a thin t-shirt on, but I didn’t try to get it off her. I hadn’t expected to make it this far today, and I wasn’t going to push for more.

She let me hold her a good ten or fifteen minutes, but when she sat up, her face was serious as she told me, “You know all my secrets now. You have to know how much trust I have for you, to have given you the names and locations. Will you trust me with your secret?”

Ice didn’t really believe werewolves existed, but she knew there was
something
to the rumors, she just thought there was some logical explanation.

“I need you to be Harmony before I share my secrets. I know you said you aren’t ready to take on the identity yet, when will you?”

“When she leaves for her trip, I’ll take on some of it, but I’m planning to officially become Harmony in my head after my plastic surgery.”

“And you’re looking at a three to four week recovery period, right?”

“A week to ten days of recovering from the worst of it, another couple of weeks for the eyelids. Supposedly, it’ll be three to five weeks before I’ll be able to go out in public with no bruising or stitches.”

“Okay, when you feel like you’re Harmony, let me know and we’ll have the talk. I’ll answer anything you want to know about me, personally, but you have to understand I can’t answer any questions about my brothers, right?”

“Do you still consider Duke, Bash, and Gonzo to be your brothers?”

I sighed, and let her see the hurt in my eyes. “As far as my oath to the RTMC? Yeah. But more than that? No. Duke’s tried to reach out, but I let him know it wasn’t welcome. He should’ve trusted me, and for him to take you from me when he knew you meant something…” I shook my head. “I can’t forgive him.”

“He was truly like a brother to you, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah, he was.”

Again, I let her see my hurt, didn’t try to hide it from her. I’d pushed him away because she was important to me, and she needed to understand.

“Okay. I’ll wait a few weeks. You probably want some coffee, if you’re planning to stay up. Let’s get dressed and go downstairs and get something to eat.”

* * * *

An hour after Ice left for Harmony’s new rental house, I put together an encrypted call to Kirsten’s office. She’d emailed me back with an appointment for four o’clock, saying she could tack me onto the end of her day, since I was a friend of Aaron’s.

After the initial greetings, I jumped straight into it. “Hypothetically speaking, if someone had been tortured for ten days straight, sleep deprivation, beatings, fingernails ripped off, and lots and lots of rapes, including having their clit hood cut off… how would one go about helping them enjoy sex again?”

“How long has it been?”

“Four years. She’s had sex since then, and apparently a lot of it, but she’s always been in control, almost to the extent of being a Domme, though I don’t think it was a formal agreement. She’s just found men who were submissive by nature, and then kept them around until they rocked the boat.”

“And there isn’t a submissive bone in your body.”

“Nope.”

“Any chance I can have some sessions with her?”

“Extremely doubtful. Besides, we aren’t in Chattanooga.”

I heard her sigh, and a few seconds later she said, “Like it or not, you’re probably going to have to start by letting her control things. The fact she can enjoy sex at all is pretty amazing, based on what you’ve said. You may or may not be able to gradually gain some control, but you’ll have to do it in tiny increments. Your sense of smell will help, as you can back off before she tells you it’s too much, but I’m not sure how much progress you’ll make without getting her someone to talk to.”

“What do I do when I screw up and she goes all zombie on me?”

She had me describe what happened, and told me, “You’ll have to play around to see what works best for her. To start, keep talking to her, say her name, touch her and caress her, gentle touches without holding her. Give her space when she comes back, but try not to let her push you completely away. Stay in the same room, even if she needs you to be on the other side of it. As you build trust, she should let you stay closer to comfort her, when she comes back, but you’ll have to do it on her schedule, not yours.”

“Okay, Kirsten, thanks for the appointment. I’ve already given your assistant my credit card info, do you need anything else from me?”

“I know you bad-ass guys aren’t big on talking about your feelings, but if you need to talk to someone about what’s going on with you, I’m here. I know most of what happened before you left town, and I can only guess you’ve found her again. Your secret’s safe with me, but it’s a lot to deal with and you don’t have your best friend to bounce ideas off of, anymore.”

“Thanks, but I’m good. I just needed advice in how best to help her. I don’t want to hurt her while I’m trying to help.”

“My best advice is to just love her and accept her. Don’t try to help yet. Just be there.”

“Okay, thanks again.”

* * * *

I had a room at the Atlanta RTMC compound, but I didn’t want to face any of them right now, so I stayed in the hotel a few more days while I waited for Harmony to leave on her trip. Ice didn’t want anyone to see me who might place me with her as Harmony later, and I agreed with her reasoning.

She had my burner phone number, and I texted her to let her know I’d be using it exclusively for the next couple of weeks, and then took my phone to the indoor, climate controlled storage space I rented outside of town. Before I left the hotel room with it, I turned it off and sealed it in a cell signal and GPS blocking sleeve, to be sure no one could get a trace on it.

I grabbed two spare guns and a few boxes of ammo from my storage space, and put them into a backpack. Unsure of the internet and wiring situation at the rental house, I also packed a router, preconfigured to proxy everything through a corporation in Cincinnati, Ohio. I put some other miscellaneous items into the backpack, locked up my unit, set the security, and went to a drugstore to buy everything I might need to make someone recovering from surgery feel better.

I also went to a new-age kind of place, and bought candles and massage oil.

When I could finally join her the next day, I checked out of my hotel and made a trip to the farmer’s market to buy tons of fresh fruit, as well as lots of salad fixings, and the veggies I remembered her liking on her salad.

Of course, I also made a trip to a butcher, for lots of meat. My wolf wasn’t impressed with fresh fruit
or
salad.

She was in the front yard on an old swing when I arrived. She seemed genuinely happy to see me, and let me hug her a few seconds longer than she’d allowed before. Not that I was counting, or anything.

“I have groceries I need to put away. You ready for surgery tomorrow?”

“Yes, I am, actually. I have groceries, too. You didn’t have to bring anything.”

“Got more than just groceries. Do you know how to shoot a gun? I know I’ve never seen you with one, but I brought a few, so I can scatter them around the house, make sure one’s close no matter where we are.”

“Yeah, I can handle them, they just weren’t practical for my lifestyle. I had to dump all my belongings and travel light too often, and didn’t want to leave one where a kid might find it. Plus, I couldn’t get a carry license, and while a stun gun or taser is technically illegal, too, I could get cops to ignore it long before they’d ignore a gun. It’s kind of understood girls need to be able to defend themselves, I guess.”

She shrugged and added, “Besides, guns are loud and draw attention when you use them. Knives and tasers don’t.”

She helped me put the groceries away, and I smiled as she moaned in pleasure at some of the veggies I’d brought. When everything was put away, I pulled her to me and said, “I researched recovery instructions for the things you’re having done, and for the eyelids, especially, you can’t do anything to get you out of breath or raise your blood pressure, for three to four weeks, maybe longer.”

She nodded, and I asked, “So, no sex for a month?”

She rolled her eyes and her mouth scrunched into a smile. “So they tell me.” She looked towards my car and said, “Thanks for not bringing the bike, but you just don’t look right in a car.”

“Yeah, but we’re low key, so no colors, no visible weapons. Just a boring, middle class couple.”

“Looking at all of the veggies made me hungry. You want a salad?” she asked, clearly changing the conversation.

I shook my head. “No, but I think I’ll make a burger. You want one?”

“No. I won’t eat much meat while I’m recovering. I do better on greens. Feel better.” I watched as she got salad fixings out and spent twenty minutes putting together a salad with a little of everything in it.

We sat and ate together, me with two large burgers, her with a huge fucking salad, and she talked of the things she needed to do before surgery, to prepare for the time she’d be out of commission.

“I’m here for the duration, Harmony. God, that feels weird, but it’s time to start using the new name, isn’t it?”

She nodded. “Yeah. The sooner we get used to it, the better. The nurse works for the auction company, so she knows the deal, and is used to dealing with patients in hiding while they recover from cosmetic surgery.”

“So how’ll you introduce her to me?”

She shrugged “You’re Brain. She doesn’t need to know more. The doctor wants her here the first forty-eight hours, and then wants her to stop in and check on me once a day. I’ll go back to see him after a week to ten days so he can take the stitches out. The nurse will decide when they come out.”

I helped clean up when we finished eating, and told her, “I’m going to walk the property. I drove around the neighborhood, got a good lay of the land before I arrived, but I’d like to walk it. I like the woods, the privacy, but…”

“Yeah, means people can spy on us easier, as well. I know, but out here, it seemed the best option for me to disappear, for a while.”

“Agreed. You wanna walk with me?”

She shook her head. “I’m gonna get a shower, wash my hair. Take your time.”

My cock went hard as I smelled the promise of arousal, as if she hoped to be clean so we could play around. I kissed her forehead, told her not to get started playing without me, and went out the door.

Ice

Brain had been gone nearly an hour, and I was beginning to worry when he came in the back door, announcing, “It’s me,” as he stepped inside.

“Why don’t you show me the guns you brought, let me get familiar with them, and then we can figure out where to hide them.”

He nodded, pulled two from his backpack, another from a holster at his waist, and sat beside me on the sofa.

Brain never talked down to me, and while he went slow at first, until he realized I really was familiar with semi-automatics, he didn’t treat me like a dumb girl today, either.

We put one near the bed, one near the sofa in the living room, and another in a kitchen cabinet. We were both assuming this nurse wouldn’t freak at seeing a gun, since she worked for the auction company. It was likely she’d dealt with bad guys a whole lot worse than me.

Brain took his shirt off as he headed to the bedroom. He didn’t tell me where he was going or what he was doing, but I heard the shower turn on a few seconds later, and smiled to myself. Maybe I’d get some action tonight, after all.

No one had ever known my story before. Brain not only knew I was Ice, knew how smart I was, what I was capable of… he also knew what’d been done to me. Part of me was terrified of going farther with him, but my libido was all over it. And wanted to be all over
him
.

I needed to start things, though. I needed to be the aggressor. Watching him jack off, I’d realized what he meant by saying he needed to be the fucker, not the fuckee — most guys gave themselves a hand job. Brain had fucked his hand. He needed the hip motion, which meant he wasn’t going to lie still in bed and let me ride him.

I still needed to be on top, but I was hoping we’d figure out a way to make it work for both of us. His idea of standing with me might work, if he wasn’t so damned long. Thick I could handle, but that long, with me on top… I wasn’t sure.

Still, as soon as I heard the shower turn off, I went to the bathroom. The look he gave me as he stepped out of the shower made me feel like prey, and I took a step backwards. His entire expression immediately changed as he turned away from me and wrapped a towel around his waist.

“No,” I told him, bringing my heart rate back under control. “Drop the towel. I’m okay.”

He pulled the towel away and dried his hair with it, his back still to me. “You’ll always be okay when you’re with me, but I realize it’ll take a while to build up trust.”

“My rational brain knows it now. You didn’t even hurt me when I was your captive, when you had total control, and
reason
to torture me for information. I know I’m safe with you logically, but there are some instincts I just can’t push away.”

“I know, and I’ll do my best not to trigger them.” He eyed the bedroom behind me, as I was still standing in the doorway, and said, “If you don’t want me wearing the towel, I’m guessing you don’t want me in clothes, either?”

I grinned. “Have I told you what a mighty fine specimen of a man you are? Will you lie on the bed and let me trace your ab muscles with my tongue?”

He lifted both eyebrows and reached for his rapidly swelling cock. “Will there be a blow job?”

I shook my head. “I might tease it some with my tongue, but let’s hold off on more, for now.”

I’d given a few guys a short blow job, or worked them with my mouth enough to get them back up when I wasn’t finished with them, but only the super submissive ones who wouldn’t dare move while I was paying attention to them.

“Okay, Buttercup, but when do
you
get naked?”

I grinned and pulled my shirt off as I said, “That’s a start. You gonna lay on the bed and let me play?”

He stepped to me, put his hands on my shoulders, and asked, “You know I’m not likely to behave, right? I’ll go slow, try not to startle you, but you aren’t gonna get a passive Ken doll who’ll just let you have your way.”

“Yeah. I had a few hints in that direction. Well see if it works. If it doesn’t…” I shrugged, “then I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.”

“Oh no, it’s meant to be. If it doesn’t work, we’ll figure something else out.” He seemed so sure. I wished I was as convinced.

He walked to the bed and stretched out, but then sat up and asked, “Can you put your hair in a ponytail, or something? I like to play with hair, it’s just kind of a habit. If it’s in a ponytail, I won’t be tempted.”

Part of me wanted to apologize for being broken, but the stubborn bitch inside me refused. He was going to have to accept me as is, if this was going to work. Still, I was sorry he couldn’t play with my hair. Sorry for both of us. Maybe I’d tell him later, but not now.

I went to the bathroom, got a ponytail holder, and pulled my hair back. As I returned, I quipped, “I don’t know what you did in a past life to be gifted with such a beautiful cock, but
damn
, Brain.”

He was sprawled on the bed, as if he were king, waiting for someone in his harem to come service him. His hands were at the back of his head, which was propped on a fluffy pillow, and he had one leg bent, knee pointing towards the ceiling, with the other angled out so I had an excellent view of his balls.

Some men lay in bed and wait for orders. Brain would never be one of those men. Even lying in bed, flat on his back, he was clearly used to being in charge.

I plopped on the bed beside him and traced his ab muscles with a single finger, then dipped down to trace the muscle at his hipbone, all the way down to the area around his cock.

Brain groaned, but stayed still for me, and I moved up the bed to kiss him. He parted his mouth to let my tongue in, but he kissed me back, his tongue pressing into my mouth as well. When I pulled back, a little out of breath, he warned, “You can play, but don’t tease, Buttercup.”

“How about if I sit on your face while I play with your chest and abs, and maybe your cock a little?”

His grin was all the answer I needed, and as I turned around, his hands came out from behind his head to help situate me where he wanted me.

I groaned as his tongue went into my pussy, and I leaned forward to lick the tantalizing dips and bulges of his abs, tracing them back and forth with fingers and tongue.

* * * *

Brain

My wolf wasn’t going to lie still much longer, and I was surprised he’d let her play the ten minutes he’d given her, but I instinctively knew I shouldn’t move an inch while her tongue licked the shaft of my cock. Her mouth had once been repeatedly raped, and I knew I couldn’t do anything to bring those memories back. I’d worked her up with my tongue in her pussy, thankful I could make it thicker and longer, but careful to stay away from her clit. However, it was time for more.

I used my supernatural strength to pick her up and turn her around. Most girls didn’t realize it shouldn’t be possible, and she was already in the air before I remembered she’d know, but it was too late by then. I settled her on the bed as I sat up and then went to my knees, and then touched her cheek, careful to keep my touch soft. “Ready to climb on and ride, Buttercup?”

She nodded through a fog of arousal, and I put a condom on as fast as possible. As she climbed on, I made my cock a little shorter so I wouldn’t hit her cervix. This made it wider, because the extra length had to go somewhere, but she handled it fine and within moments her body was undulating as she moved on my cock.

I rested my hands on her thighs, forcing them to stay relaxed as she moved. God, this was torture, but she needed to learn to trust me. Someday, I assured my wolf, we’d be able to throw her on the bed and fuck her hard, but for now, we had to teach her to trust us. Someone had hurt her, and we couldn’t remind her of what they did.

I felt the ring at the front of her labia rubbing my groin above my cock as she rotated on her downstrokes, and wondered if she’d ever trust me to take it off, let me see, let me pleasure her without it.

When I couldn’t stay still any longer, I adjusted up a little, centering my weight so I could fuck her from below.

“I’m gonna move now, Buttercup. God, you feel so good. Touch me wherever you want, do whatever you need, whatever makes it okay. If you tell me to stop, I will.” I pushed up, slow, my hands on her hips, holding her a little now, or rather, pressing her down so she stayed in place when I pushed up into the silky heat of her. “We can finish off by masturbating if we need to. No pressure.”

Her legs had been braced on the bed, and she lifted them, wrapped them around my waist, and then encircled my neck with her arms, holding on for dear life.

“
Fuck
, Brain. God yes. Don’t stop.”

I didn’t like not being able to see her face, but I smelled only arousal, so I took her at her word and pounded my cock up and into her. I held back until she came, and then held back longer, as she kept coming, but eventually I lost control and came into the condom, her arms still wrapped tightly around my neck, her legs like a vise grip around my waist.

* * * *

Ice

Brain had literally fucked my brains out. I couldn’t think straight, but that was okay because I didn’t want to put any thoughts together at the moment. I wanted to die happy, in his embrace, so I could experience this feeling for eternity.

He held me, his arms loose, his hands stroking — soft, gentle. He’d held my bottom in place when he fucked me, but hadn’t held my whole body. Somehow, this rough-and-tough genius knew when I was distressed the second I knew, and changed his tactics before my body went all PTSD on us.

But there’d been no distress, and he was the first man to actually fuck me — to move inside me and turn me on by doing so — since before the Russians took me.

Brain was barely out of breath, and I was breathing like I’d just ran a marathon, when he’d done all the work.

I felt him moving me, and I leaned back a little for him as he said, “I need to see your face, Buttercup. Make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m so far beyond okay, there isn’t a word for it. Damn, Brain. Part of me wants to play it off casual, so you don’t get all big headed or anything, but I’m probably not capable of pretending it wasn’t a big deal because you just seriously rocked my world.”

His smile wasn’t cocky, it was… relieved. My heart suddenly hurt for him — and me, and us, that I was so broken.

“I’m sorry, Brain. This has put a lot of pressure on you, and it isn’t fair.” I opened my mouth to tell him I was sorry again, and closed it before the first sound came out.

“Don’t apologize,” he said, his voice gentle, his eyes tender. “I care about you,
all
of you. I told you once before, I can’t change what happened in the past, but I can love the person it’s made you.”

My heart dipped into my stomach and I slid off his lap, his cock finally coming out of me, as I said, “No, you’ve never said anything about love, before.”

“And now I have, and I’m not taking it back. You don’t have to say it back, but you need to know I fell for you a long time ago, and spending time with you now has just cemented the feelings I already had.”

I shook my head and changed the subject. “How do you know the
instant
you’ve triggered my PTSD? You seem to know before I do, so by the time it registers with me, you’ve already made adjustments.”

“I just do.”

I could tell by the look in his eyes, I wasn’t going to get a better explanation, and I sighed and told him, “I’m reaching the point where Occam’s Razor would tell me you’re a werewolf, but I don’t believe in werewolves, so there has to be a simpler explanation I’m just not thinking of.”

“You and I are both off-the-scale geniuses. I love the fact I can talk to you about anything without having to slow down and explain everything. We’ll have our talk in a week or two, once you feel like Harmony to both of us. I need to use the name more, and you need to hear it more. We’ll work on that.” He caressed my cheek, and brushed the hair that’d escaped from the ponytail behind my shoulder. “For now, though, I’d like to cuddle and hold you, once I get rid of the condom.”