Bouquet: Sequel to 'In Full Bloom': The Trilogy of the Rose (Volume 3) (19 page)

EIGHTEEN

“H
ello, Linda,” Sami greeted as she turned in the seat to view her friend.

“Been with us long?” Linda asked, undoing her seat belt to lean forward to hug Sami.

“Never left,” Sami replied, seeing Mark shake his head over Linda’s shoulder.  Releasing Linda, she stated, “I wasn’t playing possum again, Dr.  Stevens.”

“Didn’t think you were,” Mark responded.

“You heard everything?” Linda asked, still leaning forward and
wedged between the bucket seats.

“Yes.  I wanted to respond to you, but my body would not allow me.  Not being able to control my body frightened me,” she answered.

“That fright kept you locked inside,” Mark informed her.

“I figured that out when I wet myself,” she said, blushing. 

“What brought you back?” he asked.

She looked intently at him.  “Your remarks about my focus being only on my mother’s and JW’s needs.  I felt my body tingle all over.”

“Why didn’t you say something then?” Linda asked.

“I didn’t know what to say,” Sami replied honestly.  “Don’t get me wrong; I was screaming at you in my head for most of the time, but when I knew I could respond, I couldn’t find the right words.”

“Understandable,” Mark offered. “How do you feel?”

“Physically or mentally?” Sami asked.

“Both,” he directed.

“Drained, enlightened, confused, focused, happy, sad .  .  .  Do you want me to go on?” she asked.

“How about raw?” Linda suggested.

Sami looked at Linda.  “You always could find the right word,” she replied, smiling.

“It is the way I felt during therapy,” Linda stated.

Sami nodded.  “I am also extremely tired.  Not physically, but emotionally,” she added.

“You would be.  You have been in emotional overdrive for a very long time,” Mark offered.

“I don’t want to think or feel anymore,” she stated, gazing at the road ahead.

“Sorry, not an option,” Mark informed her.

“Is there any way I could just cruise for awhile since I am unable to turn-off-the-engine?”

“That is easy,” he answered.

“Easy?” Sami questioned, looking back at him.

“Yes, reverse course.  Stop driving like a bat out of hell, away from the past,” he directed.

“I cannot do that,” she stated, glaring at him.  “I cannot reverse time.”

“Did I say reverse time?”

“That is what you implied,” she replied.

“No, what you need to do is face it.  Stop running from it,” he directed.

“Not possible.  Look, you said it is history and cannot be rewritten,” she reminded him.

“Rewritten, no.  But, forgiven, yes,” he offered.

“How do I ask for forgiveness when they are no longer here?”

“Therein lies the problem,” he stated.

“I don’t understand,” she cried.

“You will never heal if you are seeking forgiveness from others.  You need to make peace with yourself; forgive yourself.  Stop placing others before you.  Honor thyself first.  Others play roles in your life, but it is you who must live it,” he shared.

“You want me to be selfish?” she asked.

“Yes, but not in the negative way you are thinking,” he stated.

“I don’t know any other way,” she admitted.

“Think of it as self-worth, not selfish.  You need to strengthen your self-worth.  Don’t base your worth on how others respond to you,” he offered.

“You are right.  I do that very thing,” she confirmed.  “Why do I?”

“From what I have gathered from Linda’s account of your past, I believe you were set on this path from the very beginning.  Your twin’s illness was everyone’s focus, even yours.  You assumed the role as caregiver before you established your own self identity.  You place others before yourself.  You feed off them — even assuming their identities, like Linda.  I believe we have yet to see the real Sami,” he deduced.

“Are you saying that I isolated myself all these years because I had no one to ‘feed off’?” she asked.

“Ooh, very good,” he smiled.

“Why Adam? Why did I give up my son?” she asked.

“You were protecting him from you,” he answered.

Sami nodded.  “I want to improve my self-worth, Dr. Stevens.  I don’t want to continue like this anymore. Please help me,” she asked.

Mark felt every fiber in his being tingle at her words.  Smiling from ear to ear, he offered, “I would be delighted to help you mend; however, I have one small request.”

Sami laughed lightly.  “No, I will not change my ‘catch word’,” she replied, smiling.  “I like it!”

Damn, she is good
, he thought, chuckling lightly. “Alright, you win.  Tomorrow, we will begin.  Tonight, we will celebrate,” he informed her.

“Celebrate?” she asked, feeling anxious.

“Yes.  I am taking us out to dinner.  Linda, call your husband,” he said, pulling into the parking lot of Five Point Clinic.

“Out?” Sami cried, wide-eyed.

“Yes. Linda, I am turning her over to you. Go shopping. Get the works,” he directed, placing the truck in park, but not turning off the engine. Opening the door, he stepped out and released the wing door for Linda. 

“I am on it,” Linda laughed.

“Pass me the box. My homework, while you play,” he stated.

As Linda gathered the journals back in the box, Mark reached for his wallet and removed his credit card. “It is on me,” he said to Linda, giving her the card in exchange for the box as she stepped out of the truck. “Pick me up around five.”

“Girls day, love it,” Linda stated, sliding into the driver’s seat.

Mark moved around to the passenger’s side of the truck and placed the box on the rim of the truck’s bed and opened the door.  Reaching into the truck, he cupped Sami’s chin in his hand, seeing her frightened expression.

“I can’t do this.  I am not ready,” she said softly.

“You are ready,” he replied in the same soft tone. “We are going out on the town tonight and I refuse to take you in a diaper.”

Sami laughed lightly as her fear disappeared.  “I could start a new fashion trend,” she offered. 

Mark released her face and shook his head. “Another time perhaps, but not tonight,” he replied.

“Okay, Dr.  Stevens.  I will hold you to that,” she informed him, playfully placing her hand on his chest and pushing him out of the path of the door.  “We are on a mission to use your card.”

Stepping away, he closed the door and retrieved the box, hearing the laughter inside the truck by the two women.  He watched as Linda reversed the truck.  He focused on Sami’s face and caught her mouth two words in his direction.  ‘
Thank you
.’

Bowing at the waist, Mark knew in his heart ‘the crying rose’ was now only an exquisite painting.

NINETEEN

T
he following months were busy ones for Mark, Sami and their support team.  With the knowledge of her past and the freedom to speak openly of it, Sami bloomed.  As her arm healed, so did her spirit. 

Linda was back fulltime in her life.  She and AJ became regular visitors to Sami’s house on Coyote Run. He looked so much like JW, his father, Sami thrived on his attention.  It took several weeks, but the boy and his mother closed the gap in their relationship.  AJ began spending the weekends at Sami’s, and readily accepted Mark in his and his mother’s lives. 

David’s assistance was so impressive and appreciated; Mark and Jon offered to sponsor his continuing studies in the field of psychology. 

Grandma Jo nurtured her friendship with Sami, even spending her Monday baking days at Sami’s house. Her love of baking sparked a new interest in Sami, and she registered for a community college course in gourmet cooking.  The ‘Queen of Volunteers’ continued her activities at the Five Point Clinic, but had cut back on the hours.  She was spending more time at Sami’s cabin as she became closer friends with Gus.

The relationship between Mark and Sami rapidly took on new dynamics.  Mark tried to remain the consummate professional during her therapy sessions, but would occasionally be overcome with intimate feelings for his patient.  Sami’s feelings for Mark had run the gamut from initial hostility, to respect, to friendship, to the awakening of love.  And, that love for Mark deepened quickly; so much so that at the end of February, Sami requested that Jon continue her therapy, as Mark saw to her other needs. 

They married on April 25
^th
of that year.  They agreed that on their honeymoon they would pass the tradition of the candid photographs and letters on to a young newlywed couple, relating their story to them.

Sami felt that for the first time she was completely whole as she sighed and settled into the comfort of Mark’s arms — her brilliant doctor and her wonderful husband. 

***

EPILOGUE

S
ami sat in the glider, overlooking the peaceful scene before her.  The two small babies wiggled and scurried on the knitted afghan in the middle of the yard, flanked by two, very attentive, Springer Spaniels.  Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of white and turned to the knitted, fire ‘n’ ice rose-designed afghan, a gift from Grandma Jo.  Admiring it, she thought that it certainly was a tribute to Grandma Jo’s talents with knitting needles.  Sami shook her head slowly as a smile reached her lips.