Born of Silence (53 page)

Zarya followed him into the room to find Nero standing on the other side of Darling’s bed.

But that wasn’t what held her attention. Her stomach shrank into a tight knot as her gaze went straight to Darling. There were numerous monitors hooked to him. But it was the bandage covering his entire face that scared her. She couldn’t make out any part of his features.

“Did something happen?” Syn asked Nero.

“No. Why?”

Syn looked like he started to say something, then he reconsidered. “Never mind.”

Zarya paused as she noted the way Nero stood, and the expression on his face. It was so similar to one of Darling’s that it startled her. They had the same eyes. Not the color, but the shape of them. While Darling’s were blue, Nero’s were gray. Their noses were also very similar.

If she didn’t know better…

Nero arched a brow at her. “You okay?”

She mentally shook herself and wondered if she was imagining it. “I am.”

“Uh… yeah. I should probably warn you that you can’t lie to me.” His tone was level, but there was a peculiar note in it. “You’re stressed and you’re scared. You really should relax and calm down.”

Her suspicion ran rampant at his words. “What do you know that I don’t?”

He glanced to Syn. “I have an answer about one of your concerns for Darling.”

Syn quirked a curious expression at Nero. “Which one?”

“Darling
can
father children.”

Those most unexpected words left her completely breathless. Was he implying…

She closed her gaping jaw. “Excuse me?”

Nero gave her a lopsided grin. “For the baby’s sake, you need to rest, and yes, I’m exactly what you’re thinking I am.”

Trisani. A chill went down her spine. She’d never met one before. Few people had since they’d been hunted to the brink of extinction. But everyone knew about their legendary psychic abilities. Abilities that were so great, most of them were killed in their youth before they could develop them. Others were kept as drugged slaves and ruthlessly used. An even larger number of them had been experimented on to the point they willed themselves dead.

Now they were an endangered species.

Nero turned toward Syn. “Can you give us a few?”

“Sure. I need to see about a bed for her anyway.” Syn left them alone.

Nero folded his arms over his chest. “And to answer your earlier question from the waiting room, Darling’s my cousin. But only Syn knows that, and only because of Darling’s surgeries. We had to tell him since he needed to know exactly what he was dealing with whenever he operated on Darling. Due to the hostility toward our people, it’s not something we
ever
talk about.”

“Then Darling knows he’s partially Trisani?”

He nodded. “Don’t fret, though. Darling’s a good eighty to ninety percent human, genetically. He has just enough of our DNA
to screw with his metabolism and genetics. But that’s a good thing. It’s the only reason he wasn’t hurt worse by what the Resistance did to him. Had he been fully human, he wouldn’t have survived it.”

While she was grateful Darling was still alive, those words hit her hard. Had he been completely human, he would never have been forced to endure so much. “Can you tell me what’s going to—”

“No,” Nero said, cutting her off. “My powers don’t work that way. The future is in constant flux and I don’t have the ability to pinpoint the decisions you’ll make that impact it. I can see several outcomes, but I won’t know which one is correct until it comes into being.”

That made sense, but she hated that he couldn’t tell her what would happen. “Which is why you’re telling me to rest.”

“Exactly. And I can tell you what is fact. Such as, Darling loves you more than anything. I know you love him the same.”

Those words should make her happy and yet…“Why do I have a bad feeling there’s a
but
in your tone?”

“You know the but.” His voice was eerily calm and distant. “It haunts every second you breathe.” Nero looked down at Darling. “He has the ability to be the greatest governor in Caronese history. But he will step down to keep you with him. Drake’s not old enough to lead yet, and Ryn can’t lead because of his mother’s bloodline.”

“Could you?”

Nero shook his head. “I’m related to him on his mother’s side.”

Which meant no. Inheritance was only traced through the males.

Zarya’s heart sank as she considered what Nero was really saying. “So you’re telling me that I need to leave him.”

“I’m not telling you anything.” He stressed the last word. “It’s
not my life to live. Any more than it’s my decision to make. If you stay with him, his enemies will come at him with everything they have, and it will be fierce. If you leave, he will follow you. Especially since you carry his child. His throne means nothing to him compared to you. It never will.”

Honestly, she didn’t like the sound of those options. No matter what, Darling lost.

Nero approached her slowly. “I didn’t mean to add to your stress, Zarya. But I thought you should know. It’s not going to be easy.”

Nothing ever was.

She swallowed against the pain inside her. “Have you ever been in love?”

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life.”

Zarya didn’t miss the fact that he avoided answering her question.

Or was he saying that love was a mistake?

“But you know,” he continued, “in all the regrets I have, the one thing that never bothered me were the decisions I made with my heart. The rational ones, the ones I made while I was scared or desperate, those hammer at me constantly.”

She didn’t know why, but she had a bad suspicion that someone had hurt him in the past. Terribly. A betrayal so foul that he couldn’t even speak of it.

She glanced to Darling, and tried to decide what to do. “I don’t know if I can leave him.”

“Then you shouldn’t.”

Yes, but how could she stay if it caused him to be attacked?

She placed her hand over her stomach and considered the baby that was there. But for Nero, she’d have no idea at all that she carried a part of Darling with her. “How far along am I?”

“A little over a week.”

Oh yeah… he had to be messing with her. There was no way he could know that. “And you can tell?” she asked suspiciously.

He winked at her. “I’m much more reliable than any pregnancy test.”

Still, she wasn’t ready to believe him. “Have you ever been wrong?”

“Nope. You can bet on me any day.”

Then I’m pregnant.
The reality sank in slowly. A part of her was so happy, she could fly. But the rest of her was terrified and stunned.

Although, she shouldn’t be
that
surprised. It wasn’t like she hadn’t known it would be a possibility given what they’d been doing, and the fact that they hadn’t been using protection… Something they’d always used when he was Kere.

Funny how she hadn’t even thought about her pregnancy shots having run out before Maris bought her. She’d always been so conscientious about it. But since their reunion, she’d been focused on so many other things that the possibility hadn’t even occurred to her.

I’m going to be a mom for real.

Her thoughts drifted for several minutes as she fully accepted the weight of that reality and responsibility. There was a piece of Darling inside her. Right now. A part that would grow into a baby she hoped looked just like him…

What are we going to name you, little one?

Yeah, that, too, was scary. What if she screwed it up? All of the Caronese aristos had unreasonably long names like Darling’s. Her full name was Escadara Marahn Zarya Clotile Starska.

What if her child hated the name she gave it as much as Darling hated his?

And with that fearful thought, she remembered what Darling had told her about Nero. “Are you really the one who named him Darling?”

He gave her a sheepish grin. “His mother technically, but I was the one who suggested it.”

“Why?”

“In Trisani, Darling’s the name of our north star. It’s what we use to guide us home and to find our way through the dark. When I suggested it, I wasn’t thinking about the Universal definition. As I said, I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. But I don’t count that as one of them. Darling, however, does.”

Yes, he did.

Still, Darling didn’t have to go by it. “Out of all the names they gave him, why did his parents choose that one to call him by?”

“When he was a child, everyone used it as an endearment for him to the point that we thought nothing about it. It wasn’t until he was a teen that it became a source of ridicule.
That
is what I feel guilty about. I never intended him to be mocked for it. But it, like the rest of his past, is what has made him the empathetic ruler Caron needs.”

Darling certainly was that, but it made her wonder…“You said you can see multiple outcomes for people?”

He nodded.

She hesitated before she asked a question she probably shouldn’t. But it was one she had to know. “What would have happened to Darling had his father lived?”

Nero stared into space with a glassy look in his eyes before he answered. “He would never have been scarred. He’d have grown up very spoiled and happy.”

“Selfish?”

“No,” he said empathically. “That was never in him. But to address what you truly want to know, he wouldn’t have the bitterness that he has now, and while he would have been sympathetic to his people, he wouldn’t have the degree of understanding that he has.”

His next words stung her. “He would have married young, in his late teens, and been very happy.”

But Darling wouldn’t have married
her
. A part of her wanted to know who his bride would have been. The other part didn’t want her name for fear she’d hunt her down and punch her over something that hadn’t happened in this lifetime.

Either way, there was one truth she couldn’t deny. “He would have been much better off.”

Nero screwed his face up. “Maybe… In some ways.”

“In others?”

Nero released an elongated breath. “We’re all victims of someone else’s hatred, Zarya. And survivors of our own bad decisions. Had Darling not gone through what he has, he would never have been able to love you to the depth that he does. Plain and simple.”

“But he no longer trusts me.”

Nero laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. “For better or worse, our pasts and experiences are what define us. But they don’t have to rule us. In time, all hurts can be forgiven. It’s only when you add to them that they can’t.”

She paused at his unexpected wisdom. At first glance, Nero looked like any other live-by-the-crotch-of-his-pants Tavali rogue. And yet…

“There’s a lot more to you than you show most people, isn’t there?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “That’s true for most,” he said with a wicked gleam in his eyes. “But I’m a lot older than I look. I’ve lived through things far worse than Darling has. You’d be amazed at how much forgiveness the heart is capable of.”

“Love isn’t what scares me,” she admitted. “It’s hatred I fear.” She jerked her chin toward Darling. “And I’ve seen what it’s capable of more times than I’ve seen people forgive. It’s that cold
viciousness that drives out all humanity that terrifies me. I don’t want him to ever feel that for me again.”

“Have faith in yourself, Zarya. And have faith in Darling.”

Before she could comment, the door opened to admit Syn and Maris.

Zarya fell silent. While she didn’t mind Maris knowing her fears, she wasn’t as sure about Syn. Darling trusted him implicitly. But she didn’t have his allegiance and she barely knew him.

Nero inclined his head to them. “I’m going to rest for a while. I’ll be nearby if anything changes.”

“Later.” Syn moved to check Darling’s readouts while Maris handed her a bottle of water.

“How are you holding up?” he asked her.

“I’ll be better once he’s awake.”

Maris squeezed her hand before he went to stand in the far corner.

“So how did you meet Nero?” she asked Syn. “Through Darling?”

“Through prison,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone like someone who was answering with, “at the market” or “at a friend’s house…”

She froze at
that
unexpected answer. Was he serious?

“He’s not joking,” Maris said as if he, too, were Trisani.

Still, she was aghast that both of them were felons. “Do I want to know what you two were in for?”

Syn’s eyes flashed with anger. “Being born. Both of us. You’d be amazed at how many people the League locks up for no reason whatsoever.”

“Actually, I wouldn’t. I’ve heard the stories.”

“Yeah, well, I lived them. Believe me, it’s much better having them told to you.” Syn made a few adjustments, before he turned toward them. “I’m going to rest, too. I’ve got the alarms set. They
should have a bed in here for you soon. If you need anything, buzz me.”

Maris inclined his head to him. “Thanks, Syn.”