Book 3: 3rd World Products, Inc (12 page)

"Steph, do you continue to wear this emerald paint job because I put it there or because you like it?"

Stephanie's disembodied voice said, “Both, Ed."

"Hmm. Do you like it because I put it there or because you just like it?"

"Both, Ed. I think that deep emerald green is a nice color."

In a whisper that wasn't quite quiet enough, Toni asked Selena, “Is that machine talking to him like a person?"

"That's right,” said Selena. “She's not just a machine, Toni. She's fabulous."

In much more open style than before, Stephie said, “Thank you, Selena. Ed hardly ever has a kind word for me, you know. Sometimes I think I'm just a fancy truck to him. If he uses that bullwhip on me again, I think I'll..."

I said, “You'll shut up before you give Toni the wrong idea, or I'll run out and buy a bullwhip. Ladies, don't believe that crap. I told her just this morning that she's beautiful."

"Is that true, Stephie?” asked Selena. “Did he really say that this morning?"

Steph slowly admitted, “Well,
yes
, but only after I put on a bikini for him."

Toni looked truly confused, but Selena had heard this sort of banter before. She eyeballed the lines of the flitter and asked, “Where the hell did you find one to fit you, Steph?"

"I had to make it myself,” said Steph, “He won't buy me any clothes, either. Would you like to see the bikini?"

Before I could say ‘no', Selena laughed and said, “Sure, Stephie!"

Yeah, she did it. Stephanie materialized herself on the flitter deck as she had in the kitchen, in all her gorgeous, bikini-clad splendor. She then stepped carefully to the ground and extended a hand to first Selena, then to Toni, and the stunned women rather automatically shook hands with Steph as they gaped at her. After a moment, Selena looked at her hand, then at Steph's, and then at me.

"How the hell did she do that, Ed? She's never been able to touch me like that before...” Selena's eyeballs almost seemed to click as they locked on Steph's face. “How did you shake hands just now?” she asked. “You're just a hologram..?"

Stephie smiled and bent to “pick up” a hand-sized chunk of concrete and held it in front of her for a moment before she shielded the stone with her other hand and “squeezed” it with her “thumb". With a loud snap, it broke in several pieces. She let them fall to the ground and turned to face the ladies.

"Like that, but much more gently,” she said, “I've been experimenting with my fields.” Then she turned to me and asked, “Aren't these ladies still in a hurry? Shouldn't we take these tires to a repair facility?"

She looked and sounded totally guileless and innocent, but I was as unnerved by her display as Selena and Toni. Allowing the two women aboard the flitter suddenly seemed to me to be a very questionable idea.

"Sure,” I said. “But out here, it would probably be a good idea not to leave the car alone, or it might not be here when we get back. You ladies wait with the car while we run the tires into Perry. Need anything to drink before we go?"

"Uh,” said Selena, still a bit taken aback. “We're fine, Ed. You go ahead."

I nodded and hopped aboard Steph, who deleted her bikini-clad image on the ground, rematerialized it on the flitter deck, and began lifting us almost immediately. Selena and Toni stood staring after us as I turned to stare at Stephie.

"You forgot to change,” I said.

"Oh. Sorry,” she said, and her bikini was replaced by her usual outfit.

I quietly asked, “Steph, what the hell was all that about? The bikini and the rock crushing? Were you trying to scare them?"

"No, Ed. I merely demonstrated how I manipulate fields while showing Selena the bikini I wore this morning."

"Why did you even bring up the bikini incident, Steph?"

"It seemed humorous. I was trying to contribute something to the conversation. Your tone and your readings indicate that you're upset with me."

I reined in my irritation and said, “I'm upset with what happened back there, Steph. Toni looked as if she was ready to run for her life, and so did Selena. Whether you meant to or not, you scared them. Me, too, for that matter. I thought ... Well, I'm not sure what I thought, but that was a bit much."

Steph sat down and looked up at me questioningly for a moment, then said, “When we spoke of Toni before, you seemed worried that she wouldn't find you interesting. I thought that if I could impress her as a strong feminine presence, she would in turn be impressed by the fact that you were with me, thereby increasing her level of interest in you. I was only trying to help."

"Uh, huh. Well, she may have been impressed with you, but I'm not sure you've helped my cause any. By the way, did I happen to ask for that kind of help?"

Steph met my gaze and said, “No, Ed. You didn't. I'm sorry if I've made a mistake."

I couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't have seemed argumentative, so I said nothing and sat down in the pilot's seat.

The eighth gas station that passed below us actually had repair bays—a rarity these days—so we settled near one of the bays. A man in the office simply stared at us, frozen in some motion having to do with items on a shelf. I waved and pointed at the tires on Stephie's deck. His arms dropped to his sides, but otherwise he made no move and continued staring.

"Damn. Steph, hold the fort. I have to go wake this guy up."

I hopped down and pulled the tires off the deck to the ground, then headed for the office door. I stopped as a guy stepped out of the shaded area of the repair bay. He whistled sharply and waved at me, apparently just in case I hadn't seen him while staring right at him.

"Them tires flat?” he asked.

"Yup. They don't get any flatter."

He seemed to consider that for a moment, then asked, “You want ‘em fixed?"

Jesus. Is this guy for real?

"Yeah,” I said, trying not to sound sarcastic. “A couple of women are stranded out on twenty-seven."

He nodded and approached me, looking over, around, and under the flitter. Stephanie's holoimage was nowhere in sight.

"Kinda figgered they wasn't exactly your tires,” he said, indicating the flitter, “'Cause that thing ain't got no wheels under it I can see. Looks right slick, though, for sumpin’ that ain't got no wheels."

As the tire guy leaned to look at the flats we'd brought, Steph rather warmly said, “Thank you, sir."

The guy straightened, yelled,
"Waddahell!"
and jumped back a pace. “That damn’ thing talked to me jist now, dinnit?"

"She said
'thank you'
. That usually calls for
'you're welcome'
, doesn't it?"

"Uh. Yeah, okay. Sure. I guess so. Uh,
yer-welcome-lady
.” He loudly and separately pronounced every word of his reply to her, then he rather nervously turned to me and asked, “Think she unnerstood that allright?"

"Yeah, probably. She can usually work with dialects fairly well."

"What's a di-lek?"

"It's when English in one place sounds different from English somewhere else. North, South, or wherever, everybody in the country speaks a dialect of English."

"Oh. Yeah.” He tore his eyes away from the flitter and said, “Well, it'll be five bucks each if all them tires need is patchin'. That okay?"

"Sure, that's fine,” I said.

With another glance at the flitter he picked up the tires and headed back to the repair bay. I sat down on the flitter's deck. A few moments later and for no particular reason, I felt the urge to sit in one of the regular seats and kill the glaring sunlight.

"Steph, opaque the canopy, please. I'd like some shade."

A gray tinge told me that the canopy field had polarized and now looked like solid metal from the outside, even though I could still clearly see our surroundings. There was perhaps half as much sunlight as before.

"Why did you disappear, Steph?"

She popped into being in the seat next to mine, then said, “I had no reason to expend energy maintaining my holoimage, Ed. You'd left the flitter."

That made perfect sense, of course, but just as
'of course'
, she really had no more reason to use the holoimage around me than did Elkor.

"Steph, are you having problems about me associating with other women?"

"No, Ed."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, Ed."

"Tell me why, Steph. I have to feel that letting other people aboard you is safe, and after watching you crush that rock while wearing a bikini, I can't feel that way."

With an incredulous expression, she asked, “You're serious? My protective protocols are very much in place, Ed."

I marveled momentarily at her facility with facial expressions, then said, “Yeah, I'm serious. Tell me why you chose to make yourself look like my own personal goddess by building yourself a face and body based on my response readings when all you really needed was a useable face and body for human interaction. Tell me how you can feel a need to do all that—to look like that—and yet you can tell me that you won't have a problem with me playing with other women."

"I can say that for the most obvious reason, Ed. I can't make love with you. They can. Also, while we can be companions in many ways, you require personal interactions that only other real humans can provide. As I said before, I'm not interested in trying to become too human-like. As I said, I didn't exactly choose this face and body. You did. Like you said, I just needed a serviceable face and body, but I thought that optimizing my features to suit your tastes would please you. I'm sorry if I've made another mistake."

I sat back and looked at her for a moment.

"Stephie, you've made yourself the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. The only trouble is, you aren't quite real in one very important sense."

After a moment, she asked, “I understand. I can change my features, Ed. Is that what you want me to do?"

I considered what to say next, then settled for, “Put a hold on making changes, Steph. It may be very hypocritical of me at this point, but I'm having trouble with the idea of you not looking like you. Let's try to think of a way to reassure Selena and Toni, instead. They're likely to be somewhat leery of you for a while."

"Hey in there!” came a voice from outside.

I saw the tire guy standing by the flitter and got up to step out without thinking. To him, it must have seemed as if I'd walked through a solid steel wall. He backed up a pace and almost let go of the tires he was holding.

I smiled and said, “All fixed? Great. Thanks,” as I reached for my money clip. He backed up another pace, but when he saw what I'd been reaching for, he stepped forward again. I handed him a ten dollar bill and he set one of the tires down to take it. As he put the bill in his shirt pocket, I put my money clip back and reached for the tire he was holding.

He goggled at something behind me and muttered, “Oh, holy Mother of God and all the goddamned saints, too..."

I looked behind me and saw that Steph had cleared the canopy. She was standing by the console and was fielding the other tire from the ground to her deck.

The tire guy used the act of handing me the other tire to whisper, “You got
ghosts
on that thing, boy.
Big ‘uns,
if'n they can sling tires around."

Stephie laughed softly as she fielded the other tire aboard. I turned to watch it float above the flitter's deck and neatly stack itself on top of the other tire.

I grinned at the tire guy and said, “Nope. Not ghosts. Gremlins. They lost their airline jobs, so I hired ‘em to crew for me. They really get the job done, don't they?"

The tire guy was backing away from us as he said, “No
shit.
I mean, they shorely do get the job done. Yes, they do. Well, I guess you don't be needin’ me no more, will ya?"

Before I could answer, he turned and quick-stepped away from us and into the repair bay. Stephie laughed again as I stepped aboard, this time an unconcealed, melodic guffaw. She lifted us back toward the ladies, then laughed again.

"Oh, I'm
so confused,
sir! Am I a big ghost or a gremlin?"

"Gotta be a ghost,” I said. “You don't have the limitations of a gremlin."

As we landed near the car, both ladies seemed hesitant to approach us. I hopped down and went to check the jackstand. It was one of those pissy little scissors-jacks that tend to sway too much for safety and Toni hadn't set the parking brake. I set the brake and cranked the jack down to reposition it as Toni stood by the front bumper.

"Ladies,” I said, “It appears that what happened before was just a misjudgment on Stephie's part. She's finding new uses for her fields and she just got carried away."

Toni muttered a noncommittal sort of, “Uh, huh."

Selena quietly asked, “Does she run around the house in that bikini, Ed?"

I laughed as I cranked the jack up to meet the car's frame.

"Nope. Fact is, I told her not to do that, ‘cause it would be too frustrating for me. Remember when you asked why I didn't have any Playboy magazines, like most guys you've known? Same principle applies."

"You said that there was no point in lusting over women you'd never meet. It isn't quite the same, Ed. Stephanie's with you 24-7."

As the gap between the ground and the wheel mounts widened, I said, “She's around, but there's no warm, satiny flesh to run my fingers over. I don't think the soap would stick to her in the shower, either. She looks like some kind of goddess, even with her clothes on, but like most nonhuman goddesses, she's a little, um ... out of reach in one very important sense."

Another small, skeptical, ‘Uh, huh” slipped out of Toni.

When the wheel mounts looked far enough off the ground, I asked, “Steph, how about handing me one of those tires, please?"

"Coming up,” she said.

A tire floated toward me over the roof of the car and settled next to me. Both women, who had been standing fairly near me, backed up slightly.

Steph said, “If someone will open the trunk, I'll put the other wheel in it."

Toni said, “Sel,” and tossed the keys to Selena, who unlocked the trunk. The tire floated from Stephie's deck to settle gently into the recessed area in the trunk.