Blood Rose (13 page)

The dreading knowledge found me in my sleep. He was hers and hers alone. When he was done, he turned to look up at me or her rather, with his unmistakable half grin. As he stood, he looked more like the Damien I knew now but all the way around clean-shaven and his skin was a deep bronze from too long in the sun. He came to her. Pulling her into his arms and leaning his lips to hers.

The next second I woke up. Tears blurred my vision. My chest ached so horribly I wished I could rip my heart free. Who was she? How could she take him? Why would he be here if he had her? Is that why he had really left, to go be with her? Or was it not real? Dreams were never supposed to be real. Maybe this was my subconscious’ way of telling me we could never be together. The dreams aren’t real. I’m not crazy. “I’m not crazy.” Saying it aloud didn’t help.

* * * * *

“Hey, Rachel. I need a favor. I need to borrow your car.” I forced myself to wait until eight a.m. to call her, even though I had been up from three a.m. on. “Sure, yeah. I’ll meet you at work. - No problem. I’ll only be a couple hours. - Don’t worry ‘bout the gas. I’ll fill it up before I bring it back. - Thank you so so much, Rachel. You’re my life saver.”

Why Rachel? She’s always willing to help. And best of all, she doesn’t ask questions. Though I barely knew her she’d always been really nice. What did I really know about the woman I worked with? Not much. She has a daughter who’s three who seems to have some health problems but I never really asked. Hm maybe I should. Not today though.

The rest of the morning was a big stressful haze despite the gorgeous sunny day outside my window.

I left an hour earlier than I needed to just because I couldn’t stand to sit at home a second longer.

As a thank you, I stopped in at Denkies Donuts on the way to work and bought Rachel a coffee and two chocolate éclair’s. One for her and one for her little girl for the next morning. I had them wrap one in wax paper and plastic.

Am I a bad person for forgetting the kid’s name? Well I bought her a donut at least.

Rachel was there promptly. Dressed in her usual black pants and white tee shirt that hugged her well-rounded curves completely. Auburn curls sprung down her back to just past her shoulder blades. Her plump overly full face made her beauty stand out in a way that made her look like a baby doll. Tall and tan and perky from her petal pink toes to her petal pink fingers.

She was over joyed by the sweet treats and happy to oblige the use of her car. “It’s totally cool. I trust you, Anna. But I gotta ask why didn’t you just call Neesa? Isn’t she like your B.F.F. or whatever?” My eyes widened slightly at the term. It took a second for my brain to process it before I realized it meant “best friend forever” It was a term I hadn’t heard since way back in middle school. Very Rachel.

“Um yeah but it’s sort of a surprise. So I didn’t want her to know. So if you don’t mind please don’t tell her okay?” All I could do was cross my fingers. It wasn’t vital that Neesa didn’t know really. I knew by the end of the day there was no doubt at all she would. After all it was her mother I was going to see.

“Oh shiz, is it her birthday? I didn’t get her anything!” Rachel’s head tilted sort of like a confused dog as she sat there pondering details such as birthdays. She stopped cussing for her daughter but she forgets to edit when around adults. Now she sounded like a young teen being watched by mommy and daddy when she talked.

I never had such simple days, nor would I. Looking at her hazy eyed expression I suddenly thought maybe it was a good thing.

“No, no it’s not her birthday. Just a B.F.F. thing I guess.” Did I just say that? Hah! I did.

“Oh that’s cool too. I totally get it. Alright, well just bring it back in one piece.” She handed me the keys as she went in to work.

* * * * *

Within thirty minutes’ drive I was pulling up in front of the Wildflower. None to my surprise, Adélia was standing out front with her cup of tea waiting for me next to the door open. Her flowing earthy dress adorning her as usual. At first glance, you would think she was some earth mother priestess Gypsy straight from a fantasy book. All that mattered to me was if she had any answers.

“Hello, my dear. Please come in.” Her smile was small and timid as she ushered me inside, leading the way to the back through the busy store immediately just as last time. Today the store was full of people. The music was the same style but full of chanting and some kind of rattling instrument with a drum.

Again, from unseen pockets she pulled a set of keys and unlocked the back door, this time however she turned back to it once we’d entered the hall. “Sometimes the customers get nosey and try to follow.” She explained as she relocked it.

With an absent nod to her remark, I followed Adélia into the office area and sat as she shut the door. Like before, you could hear the music hear clearly but it was much softer. It was quite obvious she had expected me. On the table there was a trey with a tea set and a cup of steaming tea waiting for me. Guess it just runs in the family.

“So, you knew I was coming. Do you also know why?” My hands were shaking too much from anxiety, or I would have been more polite and drank the tea. Plus I had a huge frappe in the car.

“Only that it has something to do with your last reading. Even if you don’t believe so, you’re not as easy to read as some people are. You hide a great deal of things not just from others but yourself as well.” Adélia sat across from me in a chair perched easily in the seat like a dainty little bird. She was as petite as Neesa.

“Yes, you said that last time. I’m not so much concerned with the reading though.” Clearly this surprised her. “This is about before the reading. The meditation thing we did? With the rocks?”

“Alright. What can I help you with my dear?” She seemed completely at ease still. For some reason that frustrated me. How could she be at ease when I was the exact opposite? “Drink your tea, dear Lianna. It will ease your body and mind both.”

Sometimes I hate formalities but I needed her help- I needed to know what was wrong with me. So as she directed I drank the tea down in one single gulp. “Thank you. It’s great. Now, about the meditation thing.”

“Trance meditation.” She corrected with a simple nod.
Her gentle loving expression didn’t falter at my abruptness nor did she comment about how I drank my tea.

“Yes, the trance meditation. Well, to get to the point. What did you do to me?” My hands were still shaking. They had been for the last couple days now.

“Can you explain the question a little more thoroughly my dear?” Her brow furrowed just slightly in wonder as she took another sip of tea. Always so calm.

“I mean during the meditation I dunno if I was supposed to have a vision or just go blank or what. Honestly though, I think I fell asleep and the dream was really weird. And, well-” I hesitated a moment. No part of me wanted to be here. “from then on my nightmares have been like a million times worse and now… Well you see me. I can’t sleep. I have no appetite. When I do sleep, I wake up covered in blood. It’s way worse than it ever was before and I just feel like I am going abs-”

“Wait. Covered in blood how, Lianna?” Now granted, most people would find such a fact quite odd so it relieved me slightly that she was paying enough attention for it to make her take pause but she still looked so composed about all of this.

Either way I had to pause a moment to explain thoroughly. “It’s hard to explain. I get stress nosebleeds while I sleep. My eyes may bleed. Sometimes I bite my lips open. I somehow get cut in my sleep in weird places. But now, it’s way worse than it ever has been before.

“And what I was trying to say, it feels like I am going crazy. It’s been so long since I have even gotten more than three hours of sleep in a single night and it’s not even all at once now.” I took a moment to breath but she still let me continue.

My hands ran through my hair, which was down and barely brushed, in an attempt to collect myself. “Last night was worse though. The dream changed.”

“Changed how exactly?” Her eyes were narrowed slightly as she listened closely to everything I had to say.

“There is this guy I know from work and we’re sort of seeing each other. I guess. Well it’s really complicated.” My hands were now moving along with my words as if I needed them to talk. “But, anyways, he - he was in the dream.” I shook my head in disbelief. I couldn’t believe I was saying this. Thinking it. Dreaming it!

“Lianna- Honey, please slow down. Breathe. Start from the beginning so that I may understand better. Please, my dear.”

So I did. I told her everything, even more than I had explained to Damien. I needed help, I was desperate to understand what they meant. What they were trying to tell me. I left out my family’s reaction but walked her through every dream from my childhood and then taking more detail with the one about Damien.

“Nothing like this has ever happened.”

She nodded as she finished her tea and set the cup to the table. “And you’ve never had a dream about anyone you know in real life until now. Correct?” I nodded quietly for answer.

“You said you had only dreamed about one person in particular and the people who lived around her. And you could only see their detailed features a little while before they died. But this man in the dream last night, Damien, he came in clearly. Yet you say you know him in real life. So you’re afraid he’s going to die in real life. That’s very interesting… I can understand why you’re so obviously upset though.”

While she spoke, she moved to sit beside me on the couch. Her hands clasped over mine. “You poor child, having to see such horrible things night after night. And those horrific injuries. I’m sure there is something we can do to bring us some understanding and hopefully put an end to this chaos for you.”

“Well I wasn’t afraid he was going to die until you said it just now.” Just great. Add a new worry to my life please. “But mostly I want to know what they mean. What is she trying to tell me? Why is she doing this to me? What does Damien have to do with her?”

“Anna, you sound like you think these dreams are real. Sweetheart, dreams are our subconscious interpretations of our fears and desires but they’re not real. It may be strange for you to only dream about one place but they are not real however vivid they may be. I interpret your dream about Damien as fear. Fear to let yourself love him child. Fear he will leave you. Fear he will betray you.”

The ping fired synapses through my temporal lobes wildly. Not right. Time to go. I couldn’t tell you why but it was a finite decision. It took a moment for me to be able to move.

It was the first time I had said anything like this out loud in such explicit detail in ten years. The first time was to my mom and father. Then to a therapist, who suddenly suggested I see a psychoanalyst to my mother and father.

The memories were so vague I had pushed them back so forcefully. My brother had no idea. He couldn’t know, they said. He wouldn’t understand. He was military and it could hurt his career. Keep it secret. No one can know.

They said I was sick. There were tests. I spent the next ten years in and out of hospitals.

There was a fight with screaming and then another stay at the hospital. I hadn’t spoken to my mom and father since then. I got emancipated and moved to my grandmothers. When she died, I moved to the loft. When I finally told my brother why I moved out he stopped talking to me. I haven’t seen any of them since.

Thinking about these things for a few moments and my past on this subject, I looked up to Adélia with a calm understanding smile.

“I apologize for wasting both your time and my own. Goodbye, Adélia.” Standing up, I walked out of the room while Adélia sat there confused and obviously insulted. Before I made it to the second door in the hall, she was behind me taking a hold of my arm.

“Lianna, don’t leave like this. I’m certain that I can help you if you will give me the chance. We can find a resolution.”

Releasing the door handle, I turned to face her. Carefully and slowly annunciating my movements, I removed her hand from my arm. “Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s going to happen. I was wrong to come here like this. Thank you again for your time, Adélia.” So I left. I forgot to tell her to keep our conversation private and eventually I would regret it.

Adélia had followed me out to the parking lot and to Rachel’s car all the while attempting to argue once persuasion failed. It may have been rude but I never said another word to her. The lump in my throat was simply too big to speak around.

I know it was Rachel’s car but driving was relaxing so I took my time on the way back. Inevitably, I turned a thirty-minute drive into two hours.

Eventually I found myself in the parking lot at Riads texting Rachel to come grab her keys so I didn’t have to see Neesa. As promised I left her with a full tank despite the fact when I picked it up it was nearly on empty. She said I should keep it until she was off work so she could drive me home but I really didn’t feel like being around people much so I declined.

In fact, just as I had taken the long drive home I planned on walking a little extra that night as well. As it turned out, I probably should have listened to Rachel. My life would have turned out a lot different for sure.

IV