Blood of the Rainbow (62 page)

Sara sighed. “Yeah, a little.” Her mind was still unsettled, afraid she’d screwed up. How could she be so careless when he trusted her so completely? He must have sensed something.

“Sara, are you feeling all right?”

“Sure, why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. There’s something that’s different, but I can’t put my finger on it. Are you still sure about this – about us?”

Sara jerked her head up, looking into his eyes. They were suddenly filled with dark clouds and uncertainty. She frowned. “Why would you ask me something like that?”

“Because I need to know. I need to know that you’re as certain about me as I am about you.” Sara looked at him for a long time. Jared stared back at her, reading her with his eyes. “Well – are you?”

“Jared…” Sara’s voice broke. “I’m more certain about you than I’ve ever been about anything. Why don’t you believe me?”

Jared kissed her forehead, and eased her head back on his shoulder, softly caressing her hair. “It’s all right. I believe you. It’s just that… well… since we made love this evening; you’ve been a little… I don’t know, distant, I guess. Like you’ve had something on your mind – regret maybe.”

Sara started crying silent tears. She had betrayed him. Her heart was breaking.

Jared lifted her chin and studied her eyes. “What’s wrong Baby? Why are you crying – was it something I said?”

That made Sara cry more. Jared actually believed her tears were his fault. She couldn’t let him feel that way. It wasn’t his fault. It was hers – on both accounts.
What to do?
Tell him, that’s what.
Sara knew it would do her no good to try and keep it from Jared. If her fears were founded, Jared would know anyway.

“Sara…?”

Sara swallowed the lump in her throat. Her heart was pounding so hard she was sure he could feel it. Jared’s face went blank. Sara had to think of something fast – make up her mind to face the consequences. But, what if it made him angry? After he’d learned how she’d betrayed him, what if he didn’t want her anymore?

Sara cried. “I’m sorry….”

He smiled at her. “Sorry for what? What have you got to be sorry for, Sara?” His smile quickly faded as he gazed into Sara’s eyes.

Sara laid her head back on his shoulder. Breathing in his scent for fear this might be the last time she could be this close to him. She could feel his muscles tensing up. “I didn’t do it on purpose – honest – I just forgot….”

Jared’s voice was stern, now mildly agitated. “Forgot what Sara?”

“I’ve taken them up until yesterday – it just slipped my mind.”

“Did you forget to take your birth control pills?” he asked tersely. Sara nodded. Jared clenched her close to his body, so close she could barely breathe. He inhaled deeply, processing what she’d said. Sara guessed he was deciding whether or not, to be angry with her. Her silent tears spilled onto Jared’s bare shoulder. She held her breath. Finally, after a couple of minutes, Jared relaxed his hold on her, still holding her tight but no longer like a vise. He sighed. “It’s all right, don’t cry. I can’t stand it when you cry, no matter the reason, so please, stop crying.”

Sara sniffed. “But you’re mad at me. You think I did it on purpose to try and trap you.” What would Jared do if Sara told him about his Grandfather’s book? Could she risk that?
No, let’s get past this first, but I will tell him; if not tonight then eventually, I will tell him
.

Jared softly laughed. “Is that what you think? I’m not mad at you, you silly girl. Afraid, but never mad, not for that reason. How could I be?”

Sara’s voice was choked and rough. “I don’t deserve you….”

 “Oh yes you do – and I deserve you. If I hadn’t believed we deserved each other, I would never have shared my spirit with you Sara. It’s not something I do lightly.”

Maybe now is a good time to tell him about the book
. Maybe it was time for her to lay all her cards on the table. Ask what she wanted, and not give in until he gave her answers. Answers he knew Sara would be most likely to find in the book, but she wanted them to come from him.

“If I tell you something else… will you promise to keep an open mind about it?” she timorously asked.

Jared drew in another deep breath, letting it out slowly. “You mean about the …
book
?”

Sara jerked her head up in surprise. “You know about the book? How could you?”

Jared kissed her lips and pushed her head back on his shoulder a second time. “Of course I knew.”

“Jared?” she said, making his name a question.

“Hmm?”

“You said I should have come to you first and yet…” Sara stuttered, unsure of how to approach the subject, but she felt this
issue
needed to be resolved. “…when I mentioned the book… or when you….”

Jared lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. “Sara,” he breathed her name as though to him, it was the most precious name in the World. “Are you…
afraid
of me?” He asked the question as if the words caused him physical pain.

How could Sara answer – truthfully? Was she? She had been, in the beginning, the day his grandfather passed. Sara ran from him. Was it shock, or fear that made her run? Was she afraid
of
him or afraid
for
him? Sara blinked past stinging tears, and tried to answer Jared as honestly as she could, without hurting his feelings. “Yeah, I guess so – at least in the beginning but.…”

Again, his words seemed to cause him physical pain. “Are you now?”

Sara stared into the darkest brown eyes that she had grown so familiar with and shook her head. “No – not now. I’m not sure it was fear that made me run before. I think it was more of a reflex or shock than fear.”

Jared sighed. “Well, I’ve only myself to blame for that. I should have known once Granddad passed, the change would be stronger in me and harder to control, especially with you being my weakness.” Jared closed his eyes and kissed her forehead. “I don’t want you to be afraid of me – you don’t
need
to be afraid of me. I won’t
ever
do anything to hurt you – ever!”

“Will you tell me…? I mean, can I ask you about… it?”

Jared smiled. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, it’s not going to… get you into trouble with your Spirit Guide, or anything if you tell me… is it? Because if it will….”

Jared grinned. “Well, let’s see… other than having to crawl across the desert with a single drop of water on the tip of my tongue, walking through incinerating flames and draining my blood to the point of death….”

“What? No – I don’t want you to.…”

Sara felt him tensing up again. A smile played at the corners of his mouth. He was teasing her. She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at him. “That’s
not
funny!”

Jared chuckled silently. “I’m sorry. You were just, so serious, I couldn’t resist. Go on – ask me. There’s no turning back now, not after yesterday. You’re in my soul now, and I’m in yours.”

“So… what you did yesterday… it wasn’t just making love?”

“Well, it was… and it wasn’t. Yes, I made love to you, but I shared much more than just my body with you. I released the full force of my…
gift
… on you. I’ve walked through your soul and touched your spirit. Something that is only meant for my perfect match or someone extremely important to me. It’s a form of
bonding,
beyond anything you could understand. That’s the nearest as I can describe it. There are really no English words that truly fit, and you probably couldn’t pronounce the Navajo word.” He stroked the top of her head, and kissed it.

“So, we’re bound on some kind of spiritual level or something?”

“Yes. Even if you decided to… if you ever decided you didn’t want me anymore – I don’t know that I could ever share that part of me with anyone else. What I’ve given you; what I’ve
shared
with you, and I could never
love
so completely again. I don’t have
that
anymore, and I’m not sure I could ever get it back. I don’t even know if I’m meant… to get it back.”

“So, you’ll never be able to do that with
me
again?”

“Oh no!” he laughed. “I’ll be lucky if I can
keep
from doing that with you now. I only know one way to love you Sara, and that’s completely. The way I loved you yesterday.”

“Good – I can take that, but I have to make one request.”

“Anything.”

“If you ever decide to… you know… do anything stronger than that to me, do you think you could give me some kind of warning, so I can prepare myself.”

Jared smiled. “I’ll try, but I’m learning new things with you all the time. I don’t want to make promises to you, I might not be able to keep.”

“Fair enough.”

“Is that all you wanted to know?” Jared’s voice was hopeful.

“Well, no, but my mind’s a bit overwhelmed, to say the least, right now. I’m sure I’ll think of something, later on.”

“Now can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

Jared lifted her chin and looked into her eyes again. “And you’ll answer me –
truthfully
? Even if you don’t want to, and even if you think it might hurt me?”

Oh God!Why would he ask that?
Sara swallowed hard, knowing she would probably regret her answer for the rest of her life, for she could deny him nothing. She answered with quivering voice. “Yes….”

“Have you read any of it?”

Sara’s head was suddenly flooded with flashbacks. She shook her head as if to erase it from her memory. “Not a lot. I read the introduction to the book and… well… I really wasn’t
able
to read anymore. I tried to… but.…”

Jared’s eyes were determined and searching. “What happened?”

“I don’t know - something strange and weird, and very frightening – at least for me, anyway.”

“Please, tell me, Sara,” he whispered.

“Well… Joel, your cousin, said the book came with a curse, and I was really starting to believe him when I tried to read the actual
content
of the book.”

Jared tensed his muscles. His tone was cold as he fought to hold something in, maybe anger – Sara wasn’t sure. “Please, stop
talking
in riddles, and just tell me.
What
happened?”

“Well, when Myra brought me home, the day of the funeral, I decided I would use that time to…” Sara closed her eyes and tasted bitter betrayal, her betrayal, “…read it, so… you wouldn’t know. I was going to tell you, honestly… when I got up the nerve. I planned to get rid of it. You know, put it away and never touch it again. Because it was your grandfather’s book, I couldn’t even think about destroying it. Believe me! I don’t want to touch the thing again.”

Jared sighed deeply. “And?” he prompted.

“Well, I sat down on the bed to read it, and as I opened the cover page, a gust of wind came through the window and blew it shut. But I didn’t remember opening the window. So I thought, maybe it was just me. My nerves playing tricks with my mind – making me see things and all. Anyway, I dismissed it and opened the cover page again. This time, the wind blew through again, but stronger. It actually blew the book off the bed, and onto the floor.”

Sara paused to watch Jared’s reaction. He seemed indifferent. She continued without prompting. “Well, you know how stubborn I can be. I got up, picked up the book, and laid it on the bed. I then walked over to the window and shut it. I was determined to make sure, if the same thing or anything similar happened again, it wouldn’t be because of
that
open window.”

“And did it happen again?” Jared prompted her.

“Oh… that’s when it got weird. I tried to read the first paragraph again, but the words were different. What I had just read in plain English had somehow changed or transformed to odd looking symbols – not even Navajo. Then the words started winding off the page, spinning into a ball of black ink, hovering just above the page like a ball of yarn. I didn’t quite know how to take this. I watched in horror as the ink spelled out ‘Sara Don’t Be Afraid’, in thin air. It then spooled back onto the page and became those mysterious symbols again.  

Jared still seemed indifferent, as if he either didn’t believe Sara, or this was nothing new to him. Maybe he thought she was crazy. Jared stared into her eyes for a long time before saying anything. He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Sara, the only curse is the one men like my cousin and Seth have fabricated to frighten people. People will believe what they want anyway, no matter how many times you tell them the truth.”

“Then how do you explain what happened?”

“Honestly, it sounds like someone drugged you with dream dust. I’ve read the book before, many times. It never did anything like that. It’s just words, tales, legends, stories, with only the meaning you give it.”

“What about your eyes, Jared. I mean, being able to change the color of your eyes is not exactly a normal thing,” Sara countered, defending her sanity. “I was at least fifty yards ahead of you, and you chased me down like a cat chasing a mouse. One minute you were sitting beside me, and the next I slammed smack into you like a brick wall. If that’s normal, I’m confused now.”

“Before my cousin gave you the book –
sold
you the book,” Jared said through clenched teeth. “Was he alone with the book for any length of time?”

“Maybe a couple of minutes or so, why?”

“It sounds like he sent you on a worse trip than we’d thought. One you should
never
have taken.”
But one you’ve obviously survived
.
That could mean only one thing. You’re not what you think you are!

“But you said there was nothing supernatural about the book, or what was in it. What about the blood and urine tests your friend David ran on me? Am I in any kind of danger? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“If you were exposed to what I think you were, it’s not like any other mind-altering drug. He shook his head in disbelief. “For you, it could have been fatal. Joel would have known that.”

Sara stared at Jared with worried eyes. “You mean I could have died? But you said it was just LSD – acid!”