Blood Debt (Touched Series Book 1) (46 page)

The physical contact was the first I had had since he kept me from collapsing down the steps.  It awakened something inside me.  I remembered
: 
Phineas
had told me to contact my mother, then Gage and the others came
,
and I never
tried
.  How long ago had that been?  T
wo
weeks and I hadn’t even attempted.  I would be able to talk to Drake, to tell him how sorry I was, to
tell
him I loved him.  For the first time since Gage left, I felt a glimmer of excitement again.  I was weak, too weak from allowing myself nearly
to
starve to death.  When
Phineas
brought me food the next morning
,
I wasn’t hungry
,
but I found the strength to eat
– not much because my stomach wasn’t able to hold much, but enough to jump start my body again
.
  He came back at lunch time with more food
,
and I ate a second time.  I could feel my mental faculties slowly returning
. 
I still had difficulty concentrating
,
but I tried talking to my mother.  I told her about everything
;
something told me she was with me
,
but I couldn’t see her and I couldn’t hear her. 

“Mom, do you remember when you forced me to ride a bicycle?  You thought it would be fun to ride by the ocean?  I begged you not to make me do it.  I pleaded with you to let me sit on the b
eac
h.  You wouldn’t take no for an answer.  You worked double shifts for weeks so you could buy us matching bikes.  I still remember looking at it in the store
:  t
he pink tassels
, the
big white banana seat.  It was so beautiful at the bike shop
. 
I wanted you to be proud of me
, but
I was terrified when you took them both out of your van in Carlsbad.  I knew everyone was watching me
,
and I was scared.  Do you remember what you told me?” 

I waited
,
hoping she’d answer me
, h
oping I could hear her just for a second.  “You said bravery is measured by how hard you try, not
by
whether you actually succeed.  We went home from the beach that day
with
my skin gone on both knees, both elbows and my cheek. 
I never did learn how to ride it
, but
you still
told me I was the bravest person you’d ever known.”

I looked for her face, begging her to show me the same grainy image of herself that she’d shown me at Bruce’s wedding. 
I confessed,
“I don’t know how to be brave
unless you’re with me
.  I need you to show me how to be brave again.
”

When my mother didn’t show herself
,
I believed it was because my heart longed to see Drake.  She knew me better than anyone on the planet
,
and she must have known that it was Drake I needed to see.  Her loss had broken my heart, but his death was my fault.  Zandra had killed him because she knew
he
was who I wanted.

I needed to tell him how sorry I was. 
I’m sure Phineas could hear me through the door, but I didn’t care. 
I sat on the edge of the bed, feeling the place where he’d lain.  I smoothed my hand over the pillow that
had
cradled his face.  “Drake, I don’t know if you can hear me.  I hope you can.  I was just scared, okay?  When I found you, you were everything I’d ever dreamed of.  No one’s supposed to get everything they want.  No one is supposed to be perfect. 
It seems like every time I feel a sliver of happiness, a machete comes from out of nowhere to remove whatever I love most.”

I felt hot tears dripping down my cheeks, my vision clouded, my throat was tight.  “
If I’d broken the engagement like you asked me to, maybe you’d still be here.  Or maybe I’d be with you right now.  You told me my plan was ridiculous, you didn’t need to know me better – the truth is
,
I didn’t need to know you better
,
either.
  You were the one.”

I took my palms and wiped the moisture from my cheeks, drying my hands on my jeans.  “I know I don’t deserve a do-over.  I should have seen you for what you were when I had the chance.  I’m so sorry.”  My voice lost its volume
. 
I whispered, “I love you, Drake.  I always will.  There’ll never be another.”   I buried myself in the pillow he used, trying to drink up whatever scent was left. 

I slept
, wishing for dreams of Drake, wishing to touch his skin, to feel the stubble on his face one more time.  I wished
I had known
how I felt
about him
while he was still alive.  I tried to communicate with my mom’s and Drake’s spirit
s
all the time.  I kept thinking of it like a television station that was just outside the range of my digital receiver.  Nothing worked.  I never heard, saw, or felt either of them. 

My guard detail of four
had
dwindled to two.  I wasn’t sure when it happened
,
but sometime during the
time
that I’d nearly starved myself to death
,
the other guards were gone.  Aragon kept his post in the hallway during his shifts
at night
. 
Phineas
began standing
his watch inside my room
during the day
.  He knew I was close to a mental breakdown and did everything he could to keep me from losing it.

Phineas
openly spoke to me, trying to nurse me back to health.  Although he seemed to be more comfortable stationed at my door, he occasionally took a seat in one of the chairs in my room.  He was a constant reminder that I was coming back
;
I would be
me
again soon.  I still wore the hideous necklace
: 
no
t
so long ago
I
had
though
t it
beautiful
.  I no longer felt that way
. 
I hadn’t felt even a flicker of energy from it since
Zandra
’s last visit to my room
,
but I didn’t tempt fate either
. 

“Have you contacted your mother’s spirit?”  It was always the first question
Phineas
asked me.  Although I missed her, I
was secretly expending most of my energy
desperately
trying
to contact Drake.  If spirits chose to stay earthbound, maybe he had chosen not
to
stay with me.  I couldn’t blame him.  What little time we had spent together wouldn’t have obligated him to me.  I tried to speak with both as often as I could get my brain to focus, but even though I gathered strength, I had no luck whatsoever. 

Friday at noon a seamstress brought a beautiful dress to my room.  She put it over me and pinned it for the last of the alterations before tomorrow’s wedding.  I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror
: 
I had lost
too much weight.  T
he last
couple
days
with
Phineas
had done me good
,
but I
still
looked sickly compared to the person I’d been just weeks ago
.
  My hair had lost its luster, my skin looked dull
,
and my bones were nearly visible under my skin.
 

Phineas
and I were having our usual dinner chatter when there was a soft tap at my door. 
Phineas
immediately came to attention and in
three large strides had opened it. 
Phineas
excused himself and allowed a woman to step through the door and into my world.

Chapter
35

She had kind eyes, ice blue, exactly the same shade as Drake’s.
  Her hair was shoulder-length, smooth and straight.  She
wore expensive cologne
;
I couldn’t place the scent but
k
new I’d tested
it
at Dillards
.
  “Hello, Camille.  I’m Hallenjah Nash.  Is it okay if I speak with you?”

My heart stopped
.  T
his was one of Drake’s relatives
.  S
he looked
almost
too young to be his mother
, but I could see so much of Drake in her
,
I didn’t know who else she could be
.
  Would she, too, blame me for his death?  I answered,
“Of course.”

“I am Drake’s mother.
  I was hoping to speak with you about my son.
”

“I can see the resemblance
.  H
e had your eyes
.  I’m sorry for your loss.”

“I can see that you are.  Maybe you can help me find him?”

I gave her a questioning look but didn’t know how to phrase it.
  Hadn’t Gage told her what
had
happened?
  She continued,
“You see,
obviously,
I am
a
Centauride
-
just like you.  If my son were dead, he would have answered my calls to the spirit world.  He has not.
” 

My mind was strong
,
but I didn’t understand what she was telling me.
  I confessed,
“I’ve tried to speak with him as well, but I’m afraid I’m not very proficient.”

“
Your proficiency has nothing to do with it
.  H
e is not in the spirit world.
I fear he is hidden somewhere in this fortress.  I
felt
his presence when I stepped on the grounds.
  He is here
: 
he is
alive
.
”

I yelled for the first time in weeks,
“
Phineas
!!!” The door bolted open as if he were ready to do battle.  “This is Mrs. Nash
.  S
he says Drake is still alive
.  W
here is he?”

Phineas
hesitated for only a second.  He stepped inside my bedroom and closed the door. 
“
I don’t know for certain, but two of your guards were reassigned to the guest quarters, the day that. . . when Gage left the estate.  I haven’t spoken to the guards
,
and the estate staff are not permitted entry.”

“You didn’t thin
k
that was odd?”

“Truthfully, I was too worried about you.  I was pleased that I was left assigned to you.  It didn’t occur to me to be curious.”

I couldn’t be angry with him.  If it weren’t for
Phineas
,
I wouldn’t have had the strength to even speak to Drake’s
m
om.  “How do we get into the guest quarters?”

Phineas
answered sternly, “You don’t!  You stay put.  I will try to get into the structure this evening.”

“I want to see them.”

“Camille, I don’t know if they’re there.  If they are
,
I don’t know their condition.”

Hallenjah responded, “He’s alive.”

I threw my arms around Drake’s mother
.  T
his was the first time I
had
felt joy in
weeks
.
  I felt her body stiffen at my unexpected show of emotion.  Once she’d regained her footing
,
she
returned my embrace
.
  I asked her, “Why would
Zandra
pretend they were dead?”

“Why, indeed.  I was hoping you could shed some light for me on that one.”

I didn’t know how much Gage had told her
,
and the last thing I wanted was to dime anyone out
, so I only shared,
“She’s nutso, that’s why.”

“That is one explanation.  Do you know my son spoke of you to me?”

Drake, talked about me?  To his mother?  What had he told her?  When had he talked to her?
 
“No . . .I wasn’t aware.  I mean, I met him. . . before. . .you know.”

“You spent the day with him on
your
father’s
yacht
.  It must have been some afternoon.”  Her tone wasn’t accusatory, but she was politely making me aware that my infatuation with Drake likely had a hand in why
Zandra faked his death
.  “Do you know
that after he spent the afternoon with you,
he asked his father and
me
if we would support him breaking his engagement
to Bianca
?”