Blood and Loss (Cassandra Myles Witch Series) (16 page)

Chapter 19

As I entered the cabin, I sent a silent prayer that Declan would be sans fur. He stood in the kitchen, waiting for me with a smile on his face. I approached him and his smile fell away. “I can smell that fae prince all over you.”

Give me strength.
“You should stop smelling me all the time. It’s too frigging creepy.”

He clenched and unclenched his fists. “You are mine and mine only. You are not to be with another.”

“Do you really think I just threw one to the fae prince while I was off on my walk? Seriously, Declan, you are being ridiculous. I was talking with him; is that not why I am here?”

The heat coming off him competed with the fire he had lit. I was beyond tired of this conversation. “I am not talking about this anymore
, Declan. I am not committing my whole life to you just because you demand it.”

His anger left and his eyes were sad. Angry Declan was a lot easier to reject than sad Declan. “Will you at least come into our room
and lie with me? I want to nap. I didn’t have a good sleep last night and fighting my urge to claim you is exhausting me. I won’t try anything, I promise.”

“Fine
.” Shit! I wanted to say “no.”

He sat me on the bed and slowly removed my socks and shoes. Then he reached up and undid my jeans. I went to stop him
, but didn’t. “I promise to be good. Wolves find comfort sleeping skin to skin.”

He stood and pulled my to
p off. To his credit, he didn’t try to go beyond that. He was wearing only his silk boxers. What if I tried something? Once we were under the covers, I turned away from him. He put his arms around me, pulling me into him. Our body heat gathered under the blanket, relaxing me. I drifted off, feeling safe for the first time since I had arrived.

I
awoke to find myself still in his arms. Declan was stroking my hair. A thought just clicked in. That was why he loved me to hold his head in my lap and play with his hair. It must be a wolf thing.

“Are you thinking of all the times you stroked my hair?”

“Maybe.”

His face was beautiful when he smiled. Especially when I knew it was just for me.
“It was the closest thing I could have with you. Wolves are very tactile people. We love to touch our mates. Stroking another’s hair is saved for those we love best; a child, a wife. Are you mad?”

“No, that is something I enjoyed and on some level I knew you didn’t do it with those other
women, so I knew it was special.”

He kissed my nose,
then lightly brushed my lips. “Those other women were necessary. Living with you day in and day out and not being able to touch would have been too hard with no outlet. I would have killed someone. I am glad you never saw anyone that whole time. I might have lost my mind. I did lose it when your bodyguard moved in.”

“
I’m glad my five-year dry spell was enjoyable for someone and you most certainly did lose your ever-loving mind when he moved in. You know Lucius was a perfect gentleman. He never tried to take advantage of me and he did save my life.”

He gave a low growl. That was going to take some getting used to. “I am grateful he saved your life, but he didn’t look at you with respect. He looked at you like he wanted to rip off your clothes.”

“You think any man who walks around me is after me. You even hated Quintus.”

“
I hated him most of all. He was there from day one. He saved you from what happened out east and I knew he cared for you as much as I did. I saw that look you had for him.”

I
blushed. “I did have a small crush. It didn’t last long and it was like a student would have for a sexy teacher. I’d probably shit my pants if he had made a move on me.”

He laughed and it wasn’t forced. It sounded good. “I am glad he never tried. Although I think he has a crush on you too
; he just can’t let himself do anything about it because, well, he is Quintus and seems to have his own personal code.”

“That is enough talk about all the men in my life who supposedly lust after me
, but don’t touch me. It is depressing.”

He kissed me again this time with skill. He nibbled my lip and explored my mouth
with his tongue. My hormones were slowly winning the war against my better judgment. I was the one who pulled him closer.

Declan worked his way down my neck, kissing along my shoulder
, moving my bra strap down my arm. “I want you, Cass. We can finally be together…please.”

He slipped his hand inside the cup of my bra.

For a few seconds, I enjoyed his expert touch and then I panicked. “Wait. I’m sorry. I’m just not ready yet. I’m confused. I need time.”

He just got really still. I braced myself for a tirade
. I held my breath, not knowing what to expect. “You said ‘yet.’ That means there will come a time when you will be ready.”

Crap. Had I really said that? I have a really big mouth.
It was something I had wanted for so long and, if I was honest, still wanted. Things were just so much more complicated than when I thought he was just Declan the human bartender. “It means I am not totally closing the door on the possibility.”

He nuzzled his face in my hair.
His voice sounded shaky. “Thank God. I thought you would hate me forever.”

“I want to. I hate what you did. I have to admit that if I were in your shoes
, it would be a hard choice to make. I don’t know, maybe I am being a sucker.”

“No,
sweets, you’re not. That whole time I knew you wanted a relationship. I wanted it too. I wanted to come home to you every night. I wanted to wake up with you in my arms. When Lucius told me you guys had sex, I thought I lost you. It killed me. If you give me a chance, I will make sure you never regret it.”

“I love you
, Declan. Heart and soul, but I have developed feelings for Lucius. He is a good man.”

Declan growled and narrowed his eyes.
“I hate the fact he has touched your beautiful skin and I hate it even more that you wanted him to. I have to take ownership of that, though. I drove you to it by not telling you how I felt.”

“Good, I just want to be honest with you.”

“Well, since that is what we are doing, I have something to tell you.”

“Is this going to make me angry?”

“Probably, but it will save a lot of trouble if you listen to me.”

“Spill.”

“You must not run to Lucius or Quintus when they come in the room. In the eyes of the pack and for your safety, you are my mate, and if they see you go to someone else it will make me look weak and I will have to challenge them.”

“I don’t like it
, but I don’t want you hurt, or Quintus.”

We just
lay there quietly for a very long time. When it was time to go to meet the vampires, I felt like I had made peace with what Declan had done. It didn’t mean I wanted anything to do with his pack. I just couldn’t imagine him not in my life anymore.

Chapter 20

A blast of heat m
et us at the door of the pack master’s office. He must have had the fire stoked all day. The two P’s, Patrick and Peter, were still exactly where we had left them earlier in the day. I had a mental image of them powering down every time we left the room. Na’min was sitting in the chair Declan and I had occupied last time, so we took the loveseat. Declan grabbed my hand and placed it on his knee. I made myself keep it there, even though every fiber of my being was telling me not to. I didn’t want any harm to come to anyone if I could prevent it.

A loud marching noise came from down
the hall. A group of weres came in, surrounding Lucius and Quintus. They stopped in the middle of the room, looking to Patrick for direction. The alpha gave one nod and they left the room.

The two v
ampires radiated anger. My heart sped up. It was so hard not to run to them. They had risked everything to come for me and all I could do was sit there and stare. I didn’t even trust my voice to say anything.

Quintus looked from Declan to me. His eyes glowed.
My boss turned from me to focus his wrath on Patrick. “I came here in good faith and you have the man who kidnapped Cassandra in this room?”

Declan put his hand on my thigh and squeezed, reminding me that it was crucial not to move.
I didn’t need the reminder. I had to force myself to breath. The tension in the room was boiling.

Lucius
’ eyes started to glow too. “Get your filthy paws off her.” Tears rolled down my face. I shouldn’t feel embarrassed. This wasn’t my fault. I tried to smile at them. I wanted things to calm down.

“She is my son
’s mate, vampire. He can do with her what he will.”

Lucius’ fangs came down
. This was not good. I prayed that Quintus would come through and calm things down. Instead, he stirred the pot. “She is human and no one’s property, wolf. She did not come here of her own free will.”

Patrick looked annoyed. He had big balls not being a little nervous in front of Quintus. I was nervous and he was
defending me. “Enough. We are not here to talk about my son’s dating life. Have a seat so we can get started.” Quintus pulled Lucius to the couch across from us. I could feel Lucius staring at me. My face burned from all the attention. This had been such a bad mistake. I should have handled this myself. Declan slid his hand further up my thigh. He looked at the vampires and smiled. I cleared my throat, hoping I could break the spell of this macho pissing contest.

Na’min came to the rescue, distracting everyone
. “I am grateful to have you here. I am honored by your presence.”

“The feeling is not mutual
, fae.” Quintus pulled his eyes from me to concentrate on Na’min.

“Your Cassandra has
offered to shatter the seals if you give her your blessing.”

“Then you have wasted my time because that is never going to happen.
” Quintus’ anger bubbled over, flying off him like sparks. The room contained too many sources of rage. If something didn’t change, the office was going to be a blood bath.

“I
don’t deserve any forgiveness from you and I don’t ask it. I will ask that you hear my story before making up your mind… Please.” The fae prince looked directly at Quintus.

Quintus snorted. “The great P
rince Na’min saying ‘please.’ The trip was worth that alone.” He motioned for the prince to continue.

Na’min told Quintus a
summarized version of what he had told me earlier. It was no less moving and I found tears threatening to fall.

“Mortality changes a people. Death all around has changed us. Despite our past and the
things we have done, please at least consider releasing us. Is 2000 years and so much death not punishment enough?”

“Change is not in the f
ae vocabulary.” If he had been moved my Na’min’s story, he wasn’t showing it.

“Neither was sacrifi
ce, so to prove we have changed. I want you to take my life in exchange for letting my people go. I owe you a life and I know it will not bring her back, but maybe it will bring you closure. I have made a promise to my little girl and I intend to keep it. I would offer you more if I had more to give.”

I had never seen a surprised vampire before and I was now seeing two. Quintus cov
ered very quickly. “They say a fae can’t lie, but they are very good at half truths. Is this one of those, Na’min?

“No
. I know what it is like to mourn a child and a wife. The loss can take you with them and only the body remains. I am here, but my mind and heart can’t seem to stay away from their memories. It is a slow torture. I took your wife in the vilest way. I regret so many things, but that seems to haunt me most. I am truly sorry.”

“I had not expected this. I thought I would come here faced with demands and threats. Your story is tragic, there is no question, but I can’t change a 2000-year viewpoint in five minutes because of one story. I do promise to think about it.”

“That is all I can ask.”
He turned to me and bowed. “Cassandra, I can’t thank you enough for this chance to plead my case.”

He
glided from the room, dignity and grace walking with him the whole way. Quintus watched him until he was out the door. I couldn’t read his mood. He had his mask on. Lucius did not. He stared at Declan like he wanted to rip him apart and he probably did. I was frightened for Declan. He would never back down from Lucius and I knew he would never stand a chance either.

“Son
, show our guests to their quarters.” Patrick said “guests” like it was a dirty word.

“We will need to take Cassandra with us. We have much to discuss.”

Declan gripped my thigh and growled. “No fucking way.” I yipped in pain.

Quintus
had to hold Lucius back. Despite his strength and age, he was struggling to keep Lucius down. It was Patrick who took control of the situation. Gripping his son by his shirt, he raised him off the ground. His eyes were golden and his voice was a harsh growl. “Back off, Declan, I need you under control. We have fucking vampires here. I want them gone as soon as possible. If meeting with your human gets that done, then that is what is going to happen.”

Declan looked at the floor. His
alpha had called him on his bad behavior and now he had no choice but to toe the line. We left the lodge with my “mate” glued to my hip and his arm wound tightly around my waist. Lucius openly glared at him. I was beginning to think they should all just have at it and get it over with.   

“This is it. I will leave her with you, but you are not to touch her. She is mine.” He growled again. He gave me a showy kiss, with lots of tongue. I discreetly pushed him back. I was afraid he might whip it out and mark hi
s
territory.

Lucius
sneered at him. “If you knew her, you would know she belongs to no one.”

Before Declan could start anything
, I pushed him away to talk. “I will be back with you tonight. I promise. Please don’t start anything.” He nodded. “Seriously, Declan, if we have any hope here, you have to learn to trust me.”

“I don’t want you coming back with his smell all over you. No threats,
but my wolf is unpredictable right now. I need you to understand that I am trying, but if I smell either of them on you, I will imagine them holding you. It will drive me mad.”

“I hate you right now. Do you understand that? I am tired of being controlled. I am tired of your fucking wolf. We will discuss this tonight.”
I watched him walk out of sight before joining the boys inside.

The cottage was a carbon copy of the one I shared with Declan. Much too small for these two men, especially in the state they were in right now. Lucius was pacing back and forth and my boss was standing off to the side just watching.

“Sire, we can’t leave her here. We should go now. Take her and run. Do you want his hands on her? She is being kept against her will. I need to… ahhhh! I can’t take this.”

Quintus put his hands on his son’s shoulder to make him stop pacing
. “We don’t have a choice. I wish we did, but we can’t take on every wolf in this camp.”

“I want to. I want to tear his head off
. He hurt her in that lodge. Did you see that? God knows what he does to her when they are alone. If I find out he has made her do anything against her will, there will be nothing left to identify.”

“I know how you feel, Lucius, but we have to pick our time and this is not the time.”

I couldn’t stand the good cop bad cop routine any longer.
“Hello person you are talking about not to. Declan won’t hurt me. I have to be careful, but he still cares about me.”

Lucius
turned and came towards me in a rush. I backed away quickly. “Please don’t touch me; he will know.” I regretted the panic in my voice. That started more cursing.

I needed to change the subject.
“Quintus, what are you thinking? Is Prince Na’min the same man he was before?”

“
He certainly doesn’t seem to be. It would be a whole lot easier if he was.”

“I can’t doom a whole race on either side of that wall.”

“There is another matter. He has been gone five years. If things had been as dire as he said, there may be nothing to go back to. It may be too late for whoever he left behind.”

“Well, that is one factor I can’t control. My gut is saying that we should do it. Na’min seems like a tortured man who wants to redeem himself. Of course, he is also fae and I am just a lowly human. He might have me fooled.” I hated not being able to trust my instincts.

“
The fae cannot tell a lie. They are masters of half-truths and omissions. His story rang true to me. I don’t see how that much death couldn’t change a people. I came here thinking this decision would be easy. I am sorry I am not more help.”

“You have been. It just isn’t a decision that should be made by one person.”

Quintus put his arms out, then remembered and dropped them to his side. “I am glad you are okay, Cassandra. I would feel better if I could hold you.”

I tried to give him my best smile to show him I was okay, but I know it was half-assed at best.
I wanted a hug too. The whole thing was crazy. “I should go back. Declan is probably climbing the walls. We’ll think about everything tonight and talk more in the morning.”

Lucius spoke for the first time in
a while. “Let me walk you back. I promise not to touch you, but I don’t want you walking back alone.”

“Half
way; I don’t need him seeing you escorting me.”

We walked in silence until we reached the courtyard. He went to take my hand
, but took it back and put it in his pocket.

His face darkened. “You
say the word, Goldilocks, and we are out of here.”

“You know that isn’t an option.”

“Swear he isn’t hurting you. If he is, I don’t care what it takes. We will be gone.”

“No
, he isn’t hurting me. He is just really aggressive. He gets angry so easy.”

“
His father is an alpha and he wants you as his mate, to not consummate is taking a lot of his control. So he needs to dominate you in other ways. He is showing amazing control not to take you against your will.”

“So I should be grateful he hasn’t rape
d me?” What is it with men?

“Don’t twist my words
, Cass. I want nothing more than to walk in that cabin and snap off his head. He is what he is. He is a wolf and they are territorial and aggressive and they claim what is theirs.”

“I feel I don’t have a choice and that is making me resist even more.”

“Good. I am glad. Don’t be bullied into anything. It is killing me. When I saw you in the lodge, I wanted to scoop you up in my arms. I needed to feel for myself you were okay.” His eyes burrowed into mine. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this. He doesn’t own you.”

“I know
. It isn’t even Declan that bothers me the most. The rest of the wolves, especially his father, hate me. I don’t know how he expects us to be a happy couple while his whole species looks at me like a piece of gum on the bottom of their shoe.”

“I should never have left your side. I knew better. I failed again. I don’t want you with him. He doesn’t deserve you.”

“You didn’t fail me again. Declan had fae magic and I was too drunk. I got myself trapped in my dress. When I took it off, he was there. He put his hand over my mouth and that is the last thing I remember.”

“I lost it when I found that dress. I’m afraid I owe you some new bedroom furniture and maybe some drywall.”

“You men need to all go to anger management classes. I will hold you to a shopping spree when we get back and I don’t want any cheapy stuff either.”

He smiled back and then turned serious. He didn’t touch me, but he moved as close as he could without making contact. His eyes started to glow. “I wish I would have taken you up on your offer. If we had been in bed together
, he would not have taken you.”