Blind Reality (10 page)

Joshua is in the room when I walk in. I catch him pulling up his shorts and stifle a laugh when he yanks them a little too hard. His pained expression tells me everything that I need to know.

“I thought you were Amanda.”

I pause and look at him. “Why would she be in here?” I don’t want to be possessive, but damn it, he’s my husband right now.

“She shouldn’t be, but I can usually tell when it’s you coming down the hall.”

“How?” I ask, hoping that he can dig himself out of the hole he’s starting to bury himself in.

Joshua doesn’t tie the board shorts he’s put on and it takes everything that I have in me to not pull him closer by those flimsy strings. He slides our door shut and comes over to me. We’re almost chest-to-chest, the closest we’ve been all day.

“It’s your perfume. I can usually smell it a mile away, figuratively speaking, and I’ve been waiting for you to get done with Millie. So when you walked in and I didn’t smell you before you got here, I automatically assumed it would be Amanda.”

Nice story, but not buying it, buddy
. “Why was the door open if you were changing?”

“I’ve noticed that if it’s shut, you won’t come in. I’m not sure why, but sometimes I think you’re afraid to interrupt me.”

As I cross my arms over my chest, his eyes fall to my cleavage. He licks his lips, an act that I find enticing and sexy. Sometimes I think he’s attracted to me and then other times I think he’s a guy and probably horny. But he’s right. If the door is shut, I’ll go find something else to do and wait for him to open it. I don’t want to bother him.

Joshua pushes my hair behind my ear and leans in. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

When I don’t answer him, he kisses me just below my ear. “Since we woke up, I’ve wanted to do this,” he says in between kisses. My arms fall to my sides, giving him the opportunity to step closer. “I wish you’d open up to me.”

“I can’t,” I cry out as my heart breaks a little bit more.

Joshua stands tall and places his hand on my neck. “Why not?”

Sighing, I look him square in his beautiful brown eyes. “It’ll hurt when it’s over.”

He can’t hide the frown that takes over his face. The words I just said hurt, not only me, but him as well. It’s the truth and there isn’t anything I can do to change it. He’s said it from day one. I’m just reminding him that when this is over we go back to reality.

Reality sucks
.

“You’re right, but in here you’re my wife and a wife walks in on her husband changing or when he’s looking for a few moments of peace and quiet. A husband probably wants his wife to walk in, come lie in his arms, and pretend that we’re not in a house with TV cameras following our every move. I may be an actor, but every now and again I need an escape.”

I lean into his hand and fight the urge to kiss his wrist. It’d be so easy to give myself to him, but he doesn’t want that. No sex, just kissing. My body is screaming for it, and even though he’s not rejecting me, it still feels the same.

“We have a competition.” I have to break up the sexual tension in the room. He’s usually the first one to pull away, but today it’s going to be me. I’m going to be strong enough to resist him.

“We have a game to win,” he says as he places both his hands on my cheeks and kisses me full on the lips. His tongue grazes my lips, but before I can open and allow him in, he pulls away.

He wins.

He’s always pulling away.

The six of us stand at the back door and wait for it to open. We see what our competition is at the same time so that no one has an unfair strategy. The door opens automatically, giving us each our own vantage point. When I see what’s before us, today’s outfits make sense. The guys are dressed in board shorts, each a different color, and only Cole and Gary wear T-shirts. My husband, of course, has opted not to put one on; either that or the producers didn’t give him one. Amanda, Millie, and I are dressed in board shorts, much shorter than the ones the guys wear, and bikini tops. We color match, with Joshua and I being in Navy blue.

Outside, the backyard has been transformed into a mud pit. The guys rub their hands together when they see this and I can only imagine what is going through their minds right now. Mud wrestling is not something I’ve ever wanted to try.

Millie and Cole step out first, hand-in-hand. Seeing them together like that brings a smile to my face. There needs to be some blissful happiness in here even if it’s not me. Well, it is me because, believe it or not, spending any amount of time with Joshua is worth what I’m doing to myself. When this is all said and done, and we walk out those doors, I have these memories that no one can taint or tell me it was wrong. No one knows the agreement we have, or rather the one he’s insisting we have, so technically I can be as free to fall in love with him as much as I want.

Except I want him to fall in love with me, too.

Joshua reaches for my hand and I let him take hold. I welcome the warm tingly feeling I get when he touches me. Just that alone is worth the eventual pain. We walk to where the banner says ‘The Wilsons’ and all I can envision is our Christmas card, and then the immediate let down that we won’t have one. I need to stop dwelling on what I can’t change, and focus on something else.

Like making him fall madly in love with me.

“Newlyweds, welcome to the Pit of Doom.”

The computer voice trails off, exaggerating the word doom as if it’s supposed to scare us. Above us, the skies are blue and the sun is shining. Not exactly something I fear.

“You will enter the Pit of Doom and search for your name. But only one of you out of your pair may enter at any one time. When you find your name, place it on the board and then your spouse may enter. The first couple to retrieve the most names in less than two minutes earns a week in the coveted master suite.”

Josh looks at me and smiles. “We can win this.” I nod in understanding. He has a game plan, and it’s in full effect now. He wanted to wait a week and let everyone settle in before he really started competing.

The bell sounds and I jump in first, shrieking at how cold and gross the mud feels. The mud is knee high and sloppy, making it hard to trudge through.

“Drop down to your knees,” Joshua yells and I hate that I didn’t think of that because now both Millie and Amanda have done the same thing.

“This is so gross,” Amanda whines. I agree, but won’t say anything. I’m focused on the task at hand and that is finding my or Josh’s name. My fingers bump into something hard and I grab hold of it. The suction from the mud, air, and my arm pulling out is like a vacuum. I yank and free my hand, wiping the mud onto my arm and bingo,
Joshua & Joey Wilson
. I smile at the sight of our names together and hate that the only time I’ll see it is in this house or on my annulment papers.

“That’s my girl,” Joshua yells when I stick the name card up in the air. I try to run using the high knee method. Joshua moves like he’s going to help me, but stands back. He has to wait his turn and while I appreciate it, I don’t want us to get disqualified. I climb out of the mud pit and run to the board, slapping our name up there and in he goes.

I turn around in time to watch Joshua jump into the mud pit. Millie is out now, but Amanda is still looking. Gary is trying to direct her to locations, but he’s unsuccessful. They really ought to work on their teamwork. It’s not all that fair to Gary.

Joshua is back in no time, and I’m slightly jealous that he had an easier time than I did. I jump in, drop to my knees, and trudge across the pit. My arms are submerged and my fingers are grabbing at anything and everything possible. The next card I pull out isn’t ours and I bury it quickly in the mud. I want to win. I want that master suite because with no cameras maybe I can crack Mr. Wilson. The stolen kisses are nice, but I’m going to test him. I’m going to push his limits. I have years’ worth of fantasies to play out in my head. I’m just hoping he’s willing.

The next card I pull out is ours and I make my way back to the edge. I’m already breathing hard, but can’t give up. I slap the card on the board and glance at the others while Joshua is busy finding another. All three guys are in now, but we’re in the lead. Millie is cheering on her husband, while Amanda tries to wipe mud off of her arms. I really hope the viewers are seeing what I am witnessing right now.

“Come on, Josh. You got this, baby.”

He looks at me surprisingly, but the grin on his face tells me otherwise. He liked hearing it as much as I liked saying it. He holds his hand up and tries to move as fast as he can to the edge. The countdown has begun over the loud speaker, ten … nine … eight …

“Hurry,” all three of us yell at the same time. It doesn’t matter because Joshua and I are winning, but the support for your spouse could be a voting boost I suppose. I jump in Joshua’s arms after he puts our name up and the timer goes off. He holds me, mud and all, to his body and kisses me.

I pull away quickly and he sets me down. “We won,” I say, for lack of a better icebreaker.

Cole and Millie come over and congratulate us, as do Gary and Amanda.

“Well, I guess I know what you guys are doing tonight,” Gary adds with a wink. I roll my eyes and deduce that he and Amanda are perfect for each other. She’s vain, and he’s crass. They complement each other perfectly.

“Come on, let’s get cleaned up.” Joshua pulls me toward the outside shower, taking it before anyone else can claim it. He pulls the curtain shut and turns on the water.

“One week in the master suite with a king size bed, Jacuzzi tub, and all the food you can eat. Technically we don’t have to leave that room for seven days, except for our hospitality comp.” Joshua takes the nozzle off the hook and starts running the water over my skin. The warm water feels good after bathing in mud for the past few minutes.

When he bends to get my legs, I use this as the perfect opportunity to shock him. “Millie told me that there’s a bowl of condoms in there as well.”

Joshua pauses, and I close my eyes. I know he finds me attractive. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t kiss me … and he most definitely kisses me. I haven’t initiated a kiss since our first night here in the bathroom. It’s been all him.

“Sex will complicate things.” He turns me around to face the wall and I’m thankful because he can’t see the tears welling in my eyes. When his chest presses against my back, I’ve had enough for the moment.

“I think I’m clean enough to go inside now. The others are waiting.” I slide the curtain over and walk away from him, keeping my eyes downcast so I can avoid whoever is looking my way. I don’t want them knowing. I don’t want them asking me questions that I can’t answer. And I definitely don’t want Amanda thinking she has a chance with him.

A
s soon as Joey steps out, I peer over the top of the shower. The only one paying attention to us, or me for that matter is Amanda. I think it’s safe to say I’ll be adding her to the “watch out for” list when this show is over. I wouldn’t mind spending time with these guys outside of here, except for her.

I glance at Joey, where my focus should be. She’s facing the dark curtain that blocks us from going inside. I can tell from her posture that she’s upset and all I can think is,
How am I going to fix this
? That shouldn’t be my thought. I should be thinking about what the viewers are seeing, or what the producers are going to air to slant everything in their favor. They’re paid to make the ratings higher, and Joey just set them up with a nice drama-filled segment. I slam my hand against the water dial to shut the water off.