Blind Faith (8 page)

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
                                         
***
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Serena fought the nausea that was still threatening to bring her dinner back up.
 
It was childish to let
             
what she’d overheard upset her so much, especially since McKinley had been talking about something that happened years ago.
 
She’d overreacted, but it wasn’t only the shock of discovering Will and McKinley had been an item back in high school that stabbed at her heart, it was the sinking feeling they had been on the verge of reviving their relationship when she interrupted them.
 
She didn’t have to see them to know they were standing within inches of each other; their voices had come from almost exactly the same position, and McKinley’s silky tone was far too intimate to assume anything else.

She couldn’t really blame Will for wanting to be with a whole woman, but why did it have to be McKinley?
 
And why did they have to carry on like that when they both had to have known she could walk in any moment?
 
Unless…unless Will had
wanted
her to
overhear them.
 
Was it possible he’d guessed the depth of her feelings for him?
 
Had she misread the interest he
had
taken in her life, mistaking the close relationship they’d developed as something more than what it was?
 
The irony of it hit her like a ton of bricks; the first man she trusted enough to open her heart to had just soundly slammed the door on it.
 
 
 
 

Will must have seen this as his opportunity to let her know he didn’t want anything beyond friendship without having to come right out and say it.
 
As much as it hurt to acknowledge, Will hadn’t refrained from kissing her because he was patiently waiting until she was ready
;
he hadn’t kissed her because he didn’t want to.
 
The cold, hard truth was that he chose to be with McKinley, a woman he could barely tolerate in high school and hadn’t seen in years rather than being with someone he actually had things in common with.
 
She didn’t have to ask herself why; McKinley made it blatantly obvious she could offer him things Serena wasn’t capable of at this point in her life.

Something deep inside her began to wither.
 
Will had given her hope, made her believe it was possible to overcome the fears and doubts so that one day she
would
be able to put it all behind her and learn to love.
 
Now she was beginning to understand she
had
pinned too much on him, relied too heavily on Will to show her
how to live again
.
 

Serena’s shoulders slumped.
 
She’d let herself down and in the process she had let him down too.
 
By consuming so much of his time she had robbed him of the opportunity to find companionship with other women, and because of that Will
was
defenseless against the onslaught of sexuality McKinley had thrown at him.
 
The noble side of her wanted to hold them both blameless, but there was a selfish side that wouldn’t be silenced
.  I
t screamed that Will belonged to her, that in time she could have made him happy.
 
But she’d blown that, hadn’t she?
 
Stupid, naïve, scared little Serena had let the one man who made her feel whole again slip right through her fingers.

Blinking back the sting of tears, Serena crossed the room to the sliding glass windows and stepped out onto the small deck.
 
Bracing her hands on the banister, she tilted her head back and let the night air fill her lungs.
 
She was
not
going to cry.
 
She’d let the fantasy of falling in love with Will and having those feeling returned override reality and it had come back to slap her in the face
.  B
ut he was in for a rude awakening too if he thought McKinley was capable of loving him.
 
How many times had she heard that same syrupy sweetness in her sister’s voice when she introduced Serena to her latest fling?
 

Sex
.
 
That’s all McKinley thought of; seducing a new man into her bed when she’d grown bored with the last one, and how lavishly they would pay for the privilege of being there.
 
Serena had never really concerned herself with McKinley’s loose lifestyle before now, but it made her sick to her stomach to think of Will being used that way.
 
McKinley would string him along for awhile but once she discovered he didn’t have any money, she would move onto her next victim and leave him totally devastated by it.
 

“Why should I care?”
 
s
he mumbled to herself.
 

If Will was foolish enough to become entangled in the web McKinley was spinning for him then he deserved what he got.
 
Except he wasn’t a fool and Serena knew it.
 
Which meant he was only in it for the physical gratification too.
 
Anger and resentment rose hard and sharp, the bitter taste of it hardening her resolve not to cry over a man who chose lust over love.
 
My God, were all men like that?
 
Were they all so easily distracted by the prospect of having sex with a woman like McKinley that they couldn’t see what they were throwing away?

A harsh sob tore from her throat.
 
Will wasn’t throwing away anything.
 
What was she compared to McKinley
,
or any other woman for that matter?
 
She was damaged goods in both mind and body, someone to be pitied or fretted over like a wounded animal that had been abandoned on the roadside.
 
She hated herself for feeling this way, and she hated McKinley and Will for the raw pain that sliced through her whenever she thought of the two of them together.
 
But she wouldn’t cry and she would
never
let either of them know how much they
had
hurt her.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
                                       
***

Will tapped on Serena’s bedroom door, more than a little shocked by the upbeat lilt to her voice when she called out for him to come in.
 
At best, he
had
hoped to find her withdrawn but approachable; at worst, he was afraid she
would
be in tears and unwilling to discuss it.
 
What he hadn’t expected was the bright smile and calm exterior she greeted him with.
 
It was unnerving and concerned him more than if he’d found her crying or even hostile towards him.

“If you’ve come to let me know you and McKinley are going out, you shouldn’t have bothered,” Serena said as she came back inside and stood at the foot of her bed.
 
“I figured you two would want some time alone to catch up, that’s why I left so quickly.”

“Serena…”

“It never even occurred to me how selfish it was to monopolize all your time until McKinley showed up
. 
I realized I was keeping you from going out and enjoying yourself instead of being cooped up here with me.”

“I like being here with you…”

“And I’m glad about that, but I
would
hate to think our friendship is interfering with your love life.”

Will’s frown deepened.
 
“What love life?
 
I don’t
have
one, and I don’t…”

“I know you don’t have one, that’s what I’m trying to tell you.
 
Will, I understand a man’s need for female companionship and I
a
m not going to be upset if you want to start dating McKinley.
 
She’s a beautiful, desirable woman, and from what I overheard there was a…mutual interest in renewing your relationship.”

If he didn’t think it would do more harm than good, Will would have taken her by the shoulders and tried to shake some sense into her.
 
Like hell she understood a man’s need for female companionship!
 
She was running scared, and attempting to pawn him off on McKinley was a defense mechanism, plain and simple.
 
Hearing that he’d kissed her sister had no doubt come as a shock and this was Serena’s way of dealing with it, but he didn’t believe her magnanimous gesture was any more sincere than McKinley’s denial that she was jealous.
 
 
 

“There is nothing to renew,” he replied as patiently as he could.
 
“Your sister has a vivid imagination and she made a lot more out of what happened between us than there really was.
 
I’m sorry I never told you before, but now that you know
,
I think I need to explain a few things.”

“Don’t be silly,” she waved a dismissive hand in the air.
 
“You don’t need to explain anything.
 
I think I would have been more surprised to find out that you
hadn’t
kissed McKinley considering how determined she was to snag you back then.
 
I’m happy you have someone you can go out and fun with.
 
Besides getting you out of the house, it will give me time to catch up on some things I’ve been neglecting since you moved in.”

Will had to applaud her effort, but she wasn’t nearly the accomplished liar McKinley was.
 
“What
things
would that be?”

“What…oh, just some new history lessons I’ve been meaning to work up.”

“I see.
 
So you’d really be okay with being left here alone while I go out on dates.”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

She was still smiling at him and her tone was downright cheerful
,
but if she was so thrilled with him dating other women, Rufus wouldn’t be eyeing her with that same soulful look he’d had the night Will came to her room when she
was
having a nightmare.
 
He wished he could put his arms around her and confess his own feelings but didn’t think this was the right time for it.
 
With no other options left to him, Will played the one card he felt certain would prod Serena out of the protective shell she was hiding behind.
 

“Just so we’re clear here…it won’t bother you if I go out with McKinley?”

Serena’s plastic smile faltered for just a fraction of a second.
 
“Not at all.
 
You deserve to have some fun after working so hard on your studies.
 
Go on…you don’t want to keep her waiting, do you?”

“No…no, I wouldn’t want to do that.”
 

Will bit back the disappointment that rolled through him when she made no attempt to stop him from leaving.
 
Maybe he’d been wrong to sit back and wait for Serena to
realize what she felt for him was more than friendship.
 
Maybe what she needed was to be nudged into acknowledging she didn’t want him dating McKinley or anyone else.
 
The performance he just witnessed was practically flawless, and if it wasn’t for Rufus and his own gut instincts, he might have conceded that she didn’t reciprocate his feelings.
 
But Will wasn’t buying it and he was
not
giving up without a fight.