Blind Faith (36 page)

“That’s a bold faced lie!” McKinley managed to sound indignant, though her venomous expression didn’t change. 

“It’s the truth,” a feminine voice said from behind her.

McKinley whirled around, her demeanor instantly morphing into feigned delight at the sight of Rose standing in the doorway.  Rose swept past her, giving Rufus a pat on the head before she flashed Will a brief smile then turned back to McKinley.

“Rose, it’s so nice to see you,” McKinley gushed.

Rose arched a dubious brow.  “Is it?”

“Of course it is.  You know I always enjoy…”

“Cut the crap,” Rose spoke sharply.  “God only knows why I love you, McKinley, but I do.  If I didn’t, I
would
be kicking your selfish little ass out the door
right now
.  Your parents, your brothers, me…we’re all guilty of indulging you for far too long, making excuses for inexcusable behavior.  Well, it’s time to hang up your tiara, honey, because your reign as Prom Queen is over.”

Will had never seen McKinley at a loss for words
before
, but for one blessedly quiet minute, she seemed incapable of doing anything but gap
ing
at Rose in disbelief.  He should have known it was too good to last.  It was like watching a pot begin to boil, he mused.  He could almost see the anger slowly bubbling to the surface and braced himself for the inevitable.

McKinley’s temper exploded.  “Since when have you ever indulged me?  You
have
always
favored Serena.  Poor, plain Serena, destined to play second fiddle to her sister just like you and Mom.  How miserable it must have been to witness history repeating itself.  Mom was the cheerleader, the girl everyone envied because she was beautiful and popular and because she married the kind of man you could only dream of landing.”

If Rose was hurt by what McKinley said, she didn’t show it.  Will was furious, but it wasn’t his place to defend Rose when he had no idea whether McKinley’s cruel remarks were based on fact or fiction.  Serena pressed herself closer to his side, but apparently, she had also decided it was best to let Rose respond to McKinley’s allegations.  He wasn’t sure what he expected, but it certainly wasn’t the slow smile that spread across Rose’s face.

“Is that what you think, that I was miserable because Leslie was more popular than me?”

“Yes,” McKinley persisted, “I think you’ve been jealous of Mom your entire life, and the reason you bonded with Serena was because you saw yourself in her.”

“At least you got one thing straight; I do feel a strong bond with Serena that I
have
never felt with you.  Now don’t get up on your high horse,” Rose said when McKinley scowled at her brutal honesty.  “Yes, Leslie was the belle of the ball but you’re wrong about me being jealous.  I wasn’t witty or charming, and I didn’t have boys flocking after me.  I was shy and reserved like Serena, though you may find that difficult to believe considering I have no problems voicing my opinion now.

Leslie was all the things I wished I could be, but I wasn’t envious.  I was proud of her, proud to be her sister.  Even though we rarely saw eye to eye, even though I didn’t approve of some of the things she did…I still loved her.  So, yes, I do see a lot of myself in Serena.  Because no matter how rotten you’ve been
to Serena
, despite
putting her down, throwing
stumbling blocks in her way, chipp
ing
at her self-confidence…
d
espite all of that, sh
e still loves you, McKinley.”

Will waited for the sarcastic remark
s
he was sure would spew from McKinley’s mouth
,
but her reaction didn’t even come close to what he anticipated.  He would have bet his life the woman didn’t have a single emotion that didn’t stop short of her heart if he hadn’t witnessed several of them play across her face.  Maybe she was struggling with the concept that her sister could love her after all the horrible things she’d done, or
maybe…and this was quite a leap for Will to believe…maybe McKinley actually felt remorse. 

He glanced down at Serena and saw the shimmer of tears in her eyes, and had to force himself not to order McKinley out of the house.  He didn’t care what turmoil McKinley was going through right now.  The only thing that mattered to him was protecting Serena from being hurt any more than she already was.  Will’s gaze moved to Rose. 

Her lips were pressed together as if she was angry, but her eyes betrayed what she was really feeling.  She was hoping McKinley would crack, that she would admit what a hateful sister she’d been in the past and ask for Serena’s forgiveness.

It was a pivotal moment in McKinley’s life. 
Will
knew it and hoped for Serena’s sake that McKinley did too. 
I’m sorry.  Forgive me. 
Such simple words, yet they wielded the power to mend the rift between the two sisters and alter their relationship forever.  If only McKinley would say them.  It was her decision, her choice.  All any of them could do now was wait to see which way the pendulum was going to swing.

                        
                                       
***

Serena blinked back the tears flooding her eyes.  Rose was right.  She
did
love McKinley, and she wanted nothing more than to hear her sister say she loved her too.  And mean it.  There was enough pain and sorrow in her past, enough regrets.  She wanted to move on and stop the incessant gnawing in her stomach that occurred every time McKinley was around. 

It shouldn’t be like that between sisters
.  But as much as Serena wanted to extend an olive branch, she refused to offer forgiveness when none had been asked for. It was up to McKinley to dig their relationship out of the sink hole it had fallen into over the years.
             
     

The silence seemed to stretch on forever and, of course, not being able to see their faces made it impossible for Serena to know what any of them was feeling.  Well, maybe not impossible at least as far as Will was concerned.  She could feel how taut his muscles had grown, and his arm was like a steel band around her waist.  Each breath was measured; drawn in slowly and evenly, and released in the same controlled manner.  Whatever other feelings Will was battling, anger was leading the charge.

“Well, that was very…touching,” McKinley finally said.  “But if you expect some heart wrenching sob story about how
ashamed
I am for being such a
bad
sister, I’m afraid you’re all going to be sorely disappointed.  I know you think I’m selfish, that I never consider anyone else’s feelings but my own, and that’s fine because you’re right.  I do whatever I have to do to get what I want, and if that means tromping on someone else, so be it.  I suppose that makes me cold and heartless, but one of the glorious things about not having a conscious is that I don’t suffer from the senseless guilt the rest of you do.”

“You can’t mean that,” Rose sounded horrified by her niece’s admission.

McKinley’s tone was harsh.  “I am what I am, Rose, and I won’t apologize for it.  So…I gather from your casual attire and Serena’s little slip about the flashlights that you intend to take a trip to the cave?  I thought so,” she replied smugly when no one responded.  “I don’t suppose any of you bothered to tell Mom and Dad about this?”

“It…it was
my
decision,” Serena’s chin jutted up.

Okay, so maybe she didn’t quite pull off the confident air she
was
aiming for, but at least she’d stood up for herself.  She
had
come a long way since Will first moved in, and though she didn’t relish the idea of going this round with McKinley on her own, Serena knew she had to do it.  She was stronger now, and with Will and Rose here boosting her courage, she felt capable of handling her sister.

“It was my decision,” she repeated more firmly.  “I didn’t want them to interfere.”

“For God’s sake,” McKinley’s voice rose sharply, “you were a basket case for months!
 

Even after you started college, you were barely functional.  You freaked anytime a man came near you and woke up in a cold sweat every night from nightmares.  And that was when you had no memory of what happened.  Do you really want to risk turning into that cowering mouse again?”

“I won’t…I’m better now, s-stronger.”

“S
t
-
st-
stronger,” McKinley mocked.  “You can’t even say it without s
t
-stuttering.  Just looking at you is like watching a sapling try to stay rooted in a tornado.  Going to that cave will do more harm than good, and I’m not just talking about you.  You need to consider how this will affect Rose and Will too.”

“This is about me…”  

“Wrong, little sister.  If…
when
you crack under the pressure, Mom and Dad will never forgive Rose or Will.” 

“I have to face my fears,” Serena said, annoyed by the quiver in her voice.

“
But y
ou
don’t
face your fears, Serena, you never have.  You run and hide from them.  The only thing you need to face is that you’re like a vase that’s been shattered and glued back together.  Jogging your memory won’t do anything but send you over the edge again, only this time those pieces will stay broken.”

Serena shook her head slowly. 
Had McKinley always been so cruel?
  It almost seemed as if she
enjoyed
digging the knife in and giving it a good, hard twist.  Serena thought about her childhood and tried to recall if there was ever a time she’d felt a true bond with her sister.  Snippets of memories sifted through her mind, silly things that shouldn’t matter anymore but for some reason still affected her deeply.  Her favorite doll dismembered; the little plastic arms and legs flung across Serena’s bedroom floor. 
Somehow all of her favorite toys ended up broken or missing altogether.  Mishaps that always involved McKinley.

And there were other hurtful, hateful things McKinley did.  Like laughing at Serena when she’d raced into McKinley’s room to model her first party dress. 
Oh my God, Serena, you can’t wear that!  Your legs are so skinny, you look like a stork.  Do you want everyone to make fun of you? 
Serena had been devastated because she’d felt like a princess in that dress.  With the party only a few hours away, she’d had no choice but to wear it, which seemed to irritate McKinley. 

Well, at least let me do something with that hair,
McKinley said, clearly horrified when Serena told her she planned on wearing it down.  Serena had been twelve at the time, and except for an occasional trim, she’d never cut her hair.  It was thick and shiny, and hung a few inches past her waist, and Serena thought it was one of her limited assets.  But she wanted McKinley’s approval so badly, she let her sister talk her into cutting it. 
You don’t get to see it until I’m done,
McKinley insisted as she brandished a pair of scissors and began snipping at Serena’s hair.

Serena had burst into tears when McKinley finally finished and passed her a mirror.  It
was
cropped close to her head and cut unevenly so that some patches of hair barely covered her scalp while other clumps of it stuck out at odd angles. 
Wow, I really botched that job,
McKinley said, a malicious
gleam
in her eyes. 
It looks like an explosion in a steel wool factory, but don’t worry, it
will
grow back…eventually. 
The real tragedy was that McKinley convinced her to take the blame and say she
had
hacked her own hair off. 
Look, Serena, you have to do this.  Mom will be furious if she knows I did it, but you won’t get in trouble because she’ll feel sorry for you. 

Serena couldn’t count the number of times she’d covered for McKinley, and not once had her sister ever repaid the favor.  All her life, she
had
been little more than a door mat for McKinley to wipe her feet on.  It was humiliating, and she was ashamed of herself; not only for allowing McKinley free rein to malign her but also for taking so long to recognize that McKinley derived some sort of sadistic pleasure from hurting her and making her feel insignificant.  Serena was forced to acknowledge that having a confrontation with her sister wasn’t what scared her but the possibility that in doing so, McKinley would admit she didn’t love her.