Blind Faith (16 page)

Will squeezed his eyes shut.
 
Oh God, how was
he
going to tell her family?
 
And how was he going to get through each day knowing that if he hadn’t been so consumed with jealousy he would have gone to look for her?
 
Guilt washed over him in unrelenting waves.
 
If only he’d found her sooner, Serena would still be alive.
 
Lowering his cheek to hers, Will whispered in her ear.

“I’m so sorry.
 
Forgive me, Serena.
 
I should have come to look for you…I should have…”

His voice
faltered
when he felt the warmth of her breath sift across his cheek.
 
Will lifted his head just as Serena blinked, although she still didn’t speak or acknowledge his presence in any way.
 
Hope surged through him, spurring him into action.
 
The first thing he had to do was check for broken bones and find out the extent of her injuries.
 
If she had a spinal injury, moving her could cause permanent damage.
 
It wasn’t until he skimmed the light over her prone body and noticed the rip down the center of her dress that Will’s mind grasped the ugly truth.
 
Serena hadn’t fallen, she’d been raped.

Will knew he should have left her there and gone to call the police; he’d watched enough true crime shows to understand that touching Serena or anything else could destroy important evidence
,
but he didn’t care.
 
Quickly shrugging off his jacket, he covered her partial nudity, an anguished cry tearing from his throat before he could rein in his emotions.
 
Randy had done this to her.
 
He’d brutally attacked Serena then just left her there to suffer in the cold and dark, maybe even to die.

Rage burned inside him as he got to his feet then leaned down and gently picked Serena up.
 
He held her close to his body, sharing his warmth and praying with all his heart that he wasn’t too late.
 
Will pressed his cheek to hers for a moment, unashamed of the tears that dampened her skin, then began the long trek back through the cave.
 
As he walked, he promised Serena he was going to take care of her and that everything would be all right, his shaky voice growing stronger and more confident as he continued to offer what little comfort he could.

He didn’t know if he was getting through to her but he kept talking anyway, hoping that the familiar sound of his voice was all she
would
need to let her know she was safe now.
 
He would see to it that Serena got the medical attention she needed and then, God willing, he
would
find Randy Porter before the police did.
 
It wasn’t enough to see Randy get arrested or to know he
would
do time in jail for what he’d done; Will wanted to extract revenge with his fists and had every intention of leaving Randy in the same catatonic state Serena was in.
 
If that meant doing jail time himself, he could live with that.

Looking back on the events of that night made Will wonder how different his life would have been if he hadn’t caught up with Randy.
 
He’d been filled with so much rage, so much hatred, and it had only gotten worse once he discovered there were three other boys involved.
 
Will
was
suspended from school for a month and lost his athletic scholarship
,
but he never regretted what he’d done to Randy and the other boys, not for one single minute.
 
The image of Serena’s battered body and the horror of what they’d done to her made his losses inconsequential.
 

Given the chance, he
would
do it again without suffering a moment of remorse.
 
He’d committed his own acts of violence
that night
and made them all pay in one way or another.
 
He only hoped Serena wouldn’t condemn him once she learned the truth.

Serena woke with a smile on her face
, smothering
a giggle as the memory of Will’s kiss set a whole slew of butterflies loose in her stomach.
 
It was going to be an excruciatingly long day but she had this evening to look forward to and with any luck, the whole weekend as well.
 
She was in a good mood as she showered and got dressed, and was even happier to hear the familiar sound of Will moving around the kitchen as she and Rufus made their way down the hall.
 
Will had obviously been up for some time; the smell of freshly brewed coffee filled the air, mingling with the enticing aroma of fried bacon.

“Perfect timing,” Will said when Serena entered the room.
 

“I hope that means you made enough for two because it smells wonderful.”
 
She let Rufus outside then felt her way along the counter, intending to pour herself a cup of coffee.

“Oh, no you don’t.”
 
Will’s hands lightly gripped her shoulders and turned her around.
 
“I’m doing all the work this morning,” he told Serena as he propelled her towards the table.
 
“All you have to do is sit there and look beautiful while I serve you.”

“Not that I object to being waited on, but may I ask what I’ve done to deserve such royal treatment?”

Will pulled her chair out then left for a moment to get the coffee.
 
“I owe it to you for keeping you up so late last night.
 
Here you go,” he set the cup on the table.
 
“Aren’t you going to ask what I’m serving?”

Serena tilted her head, slowly inhaling the collage of delicious aromas permeating the room.
 
“Bacon…eggs…and…I believe that’s pancakes I smell warming in the oven.”

“Very good, but I’m afraid you missed one.”

She drew in another deep breath but didn’t detect any new scent other than Will’s spicy cologne, which was distracting to say the least.
 
“You’re hiding it in the refrigerator so I can’t smell it,” she accused.

“I promise it’s not in the frig,” he chuckled.
 
“As a matter of fact, I have it in my possession right now.
 
And just to show you how magnanimous I am, I’ll give you a few hints.
 
It’s sweet…like honey, more addictive than chocolate, and it can be quite heady, like a fine wine that
has
been aged to perfection.”

“So…it’s a dessert?”

“I suppose it could be considered a dessert, but I
would
call it more of an appetizer.”

Serena scrunched her nose.
 
“An appetizer before breakfast?”

“Sure, why not?
 
My grandmother used to say that if you start and end each day with a
póg ar
na
liopaí
, it erases all the rotten things that happened.
 
You
will
never have a bad dream again and you can start each new day with a blank slate.”

“Póg ar…whatever you said.
 
Is that an Irish dish?”

“That’s how the Irish say it, but translated into English…” Will cupped her chin and tilted her head back, “it means
kiss on the lips
.”

“Oh,” was all Serena managed to say before the gentle pressure of his lips threw her mind into a complete meltdown.

Oh
,
yes, this was definitely a great way to start the day.
 
Serena’s limbs liquefied
,
and for those few glorious minutes while Will was kissing her, she was filled with an incredible lightness of heart that had been absent in her life for far too long.
 
And his description couldn’t have been more accurate; it was sweeter than anything Serena had ever tasted before and there was certainly no doubt as to the addictive nature of his kisses, or the dizzying effect they had on her.

Will drew his head back, lightly playing his thumb across her bottom lip.
 
“And what is your opinion of appetizers before breakfast now, Miss Cross?”

It was the husky tone of his voice that jerked Serena out of the dreamy state she’d fallen into.
 
What was she doing?
 
She wasn’t ready for this.
 
No, that wasn’t entirely true.
 
She
was
ready for Will’s heavenly kisses, but not for what those kisses would eventually lead to.
 
Did that make her a tease?
 
Of course it did, how could it not?
 
And boys didn’t like to be teased.
 
They didn’t like it when you let them kiss you and then tried to push them away.

Oh
,
yeah, you like being kissed, don’t you?
 
What about this, baby?
 
Tell me how it feels when I touch you like this…

Serena’s body went rigid.
 
“No,” she whispered hoarsely.

“No?”
 
Will’s hand went still for a moment then fell away from her face.
 
“Am I moving too fast?
 
I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for.
 
I mean that, Serena.

“No…no, it’s just that…” she shook her head.

“What is it?
 
Talk to me, honey.”

Despite the memories struggling to claw their way to the surface, Serena was touched by the term of endearment.
 
Will genuinely cared about her.
 
She could hear it in his
voice; felt it wrap around her like a protective embrace, and it was…nice.
 
Really nice.
 
She wanted to hang onto that feeling, to draw strength from it, but as the silence between them grew, it began to slip away.
 

“Maybe we should just eat breakfast,” she finally said.

Will remained by her side for several seconds before he replied.
 
“It’s not me
that you’re afraid of.
 
If it was, I would have felt it when we kissed.”

Serena’s breath stilled.
 
“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes
,
you do.”
 
He took her hands and drew Serena to her feet.
 
“Now tell me,” he slipped his arms loosely around her waist, “does this make you feel uncomfortable?”

“N-not exactly.”

“Define not exactly.”

“It just makes me feel funny is all.”

“Funny,” Will repeated with a hint of laughter in his voice.
 
“As in butterflies in your stomach, blood rushing to your head, heart pounding like a jackhammer?”

Dry mouth, dizziness, weak knees; he’d left all of those things out, but Serena merely nodded.

“And this,” he brushed a light kiss to her lips.
 
“Does this make you uncomfortable?”

This time she was smiling when she said, “Not exactly.”

“You looked scared to death a few minutes ago, so if it wasn’t me that frightened you, what was it?”

Serena’s smile faded as she drew in a stilted breath.
 
“You told me McKinley
didn’t think it was a good
idea for you to live here because it would stir up bad memories.
 
Well…in a way, she was right.”

“Serena…”

“Please don’t say you’re sorry, Will.
 
I’ve spent seven years hiding from this.
 
I want to face it.
 
I
need
to face it.
 
But I don’t…”
 
h
er voice cracked and for a moment she couldn’t say anything.
 

Will didn’t press her.
 
He pulled Serena closer and just held her, patiently waiting for her to continue.
 
She wondered how much she should tell him or if she should say anything at all right now.
 
They
would
both have to leave soon and she didn’t want the lovely
breakfast he’d cooked to go to waste.
 
On the other hand, if Will was sincere about wanting to be with her, now was as good a time as any to put his staying power to the test.

“I don’t want to do this alone, Will.”

“You won’t have to,” he rushed to assure her.

“You might not want to stick around after you hear what I have to say.”

Will’s arms tightened around her.
 
“There
is
nothing
you can say that will make me leave you.”

The fierceness of his tone sent a strange sense of happiness surging through her.
 
“First I want you to know that I spent months in counseling and never told my psychiatrist what I’m about to tell you.
 
I don’t really know why, but I suppose it was because I didn’t believe she could help me even if she knew.”

“And you think I can help?”

“I’m not sure,” she replied earnestly, “but when I’m with you, I feel…stronger.
 
Inside.”

“Ready to take on the world?”

“Not quite,” Serena said.

“But ready enough to conquer your demons?”

“I’m not sure of that either.
 
I only know I have to try.”

“Okay, out with it.
 
Give me a demon and we’ll slay it together.”

Somehow, Will making light of it
did
seem to take away some of its power.
 
Some, but not all.
 
A sliver of fear still remained, but Serena pushed it aside with determination and forced the words out.

“I hear voices.
 
In my head.”

“Voices, as in…spirits?”

She had to smile at that.
 
“No, I’m not a ghost whisperer.
 
They started when I was in the hospital.
 
I
would
be lying in bed and suddenly I
would
hear them.
 
It wasn’t like a whole conversation played out in my head, just little bits and pieces that didn’t really make much sense.
 
Gradually, I realized it was
them
…the boys who attacked me.
 
I didn’t want to hear them.
 
I was too afraid that if I listened to them, I
would
remember what happened that night.
 
So I blocked them.
 
When
ever
they started up, I force
d
myself to think of something else, and it worked for the most part.
 
The only time I couldn’t control it was at night when I slept.”

“The nightmares?”

“Yes.
 
But I could deal with that because even though I knew I’d had a nightmare, the details were so sketchy and
they
faded so quickly after I woke up that I was able to shake it off.
 
But now…I’m starting to hear them again.”

“Is that what happened a few minutes ago?”

“Yes,” she replied softly.

“And you think it’s because our relationship is becoming more physical?”

Serena nodded, silently praying she wasn’t handing Will an excuse to give up on her, on them.
 
“I think it’s a combination of the physical aspect and the strong emotions that are elicited because of it.
 
When you kiss me, I can’t seem to rein in my thoughts or emotions, and I think it’s that…loss of control that allows the voices back in.”

Will was silent for a moment.
 
“I know how I
would
solve the problem, but it would be very time consuming and require complete dedication from both us.”

Serena’s lip twitched.
 
She had a pretty good idea what his solution entailed.
 
Even so, she couldn’t keep herself from asking.
 
“What did you have in mind?”