Blind Dating: (11 page)

Everyone is in the SUV.  Kids, Parents, Sisters, Ryan and Michael.  Ready to go on our family vacation to Los Angeles.  That way we get to the beach, Disneyworld and Hollywood.  So, everyone will be happy.  Everyone except me.

It is funny, because that is his second name, but he finds it more intriguing that his first name.  He feels that everyone has the same first name as him, so he prefers people not to call him that.  He prefers Michael.  He claims there are not many guys called Michael.

We did
wonder what planet he was on when he made this bold statement.

I had to be begged, blackmailed and even threatened to come on this trip.  After the dinner episode with Mom, we stopped talking.  She upset, hurt and disgusted me all in one night.  I had to call off sick for the week I did not stop crying.

If your own Mom as much as she loves you, thinks and feels that way about you, then there is no hope, you are doomed. 

No man can ever love you

No friend could ever treasure you

You had no hope.  Everyone avoided discussing what actually happened and the meaning of what happened, the talks would be things like, Mom was a bit drunk from drinking some wine, she had a bit of a tiff with Pops and took it out on you, why do you take everything so personally, there is no need life is too short.

I question, if it is so simple then why has she not been round.  Why did she say that the kids should come around without their Mom.  Jennifer, questions who told you that. I reply, I heard her on the phone, when I was speaking to Pa.

Silence.

There is and was no round getting round her behaviour.  I just had to think she is your Mom and that is all there is to it.  You cannot go back to the relationship you had before, because
it never existed.  You cannot keep ignoring and day dreaming that you had a different Mom, it does not work like that only in fairy tales.  And you are too old to be thinking about those, but every once in a while it is nice to dream.

She looks at the door next to me, and asks how I am doing. 

I reply
, Fine thank you for asking, how about you, like she is a complete stranger.

Fine, she replies.

So, in a typical family trip.
Pa gets sick, and we rush him to the hospital.  He checks out fine.  Then, Hannah vomits in the SUV, we have to stop over to clean it up.  She ran up and down the aisle vomiting, no one understood why someone with travel sickness insisted on eating every 2 hours, then showed us exactly what she ate on the trip, either by changing our clothes with her food, or nearby.

Ryan confesses that he had an affair, which is why
him and Jennifer needed to have that time away and spend time together.  They were taking each other for granted.  Actually, it was not so much an affair, more of a build up that led to one night.  He confessed so I think that needs to count for something.

The kids tell me that they are going to have a sister or brother.  Jasmine is pregnant and they are happy and excited to have a young sibling.  Mainly because it means she or he will not live with them, they could just visit him once in a while.

Michael confessed that he has a secret child out there and he found out recently and is seeing him on a regular basis.  We were in shock, he ws normally so careful, especially in that department, so we were shocked to discover there was more of him.  Anyway, it is better than another Tom.  Anything would be better than another Tom.

The kids reveal that the old Tom, has gone, and there is a new Tom.  How do some women do that? Just makes me sick. You are with a guy for eyars, and he is completely useless, he goes with a new woman and he is a God. Not fair!  If that God was with me now, I would not be in this mess with my Mom or in life in general.

I declare that I am gong to be a teacher.  All signed and ready to go.  Course is paid for – thanks to younger sister, going to move into her house with Eric for a year, start and finish the course, then go into teacher training.  Mom asked, Does this mean you will do the course full time? I reply, Yes will do, but I do not need to work full-time.  My get a job as a waitress on the weekend, do not want to take complete advantage of my sister.

She whispers, you do not have to.

Not about what I do not have to, more a case, of what I want to do.

Everyone stops and gives me a big cheer.  Even mom gives me a hug, and states she was wrong for what she said, and that Facelook has really changed me for the best, she is so proud of me.

Seriously, I question

With all my heart, she replies

And on that note, we sing and chant all the way down to Los Angeles, with nothing but happiness in our heart.

It was one of the best vacations, we have ever had, which was all I ever wanted.  All we all wanted.

It has been close to a year, and I think it is time we meet, I tell lonelysingle that I want to do this.  He replies within 5 minutes Canlis, in Lower Side.  With the reputation of the most romantic restaurants in town, How can I girl say no!

Never!

I am so impressed when he states that, then we have to work out the logistics, of how we will know each other.  There is only one thing on my mind.  Is this the beginning or the end?  Some days, I think it is the beginning then after I think it is the end.  He is really fat, ugly and 90 years old.

What a waste of a year!

Oh my gosh, I just thought of the worst thing, just say, he sees me and is so disappointed after all I did describe myself, as Carrie Bradshaw.  Not in so many words, but the title, that damn, name title.  Why did I kid myself? 

He may look at me and think, in your dreams.  Well, it obviously would be in my dreams, I am
not the best looking woman in the world, but I am not exactly ugly.  Yes, but Kimberly, you pasted this imagine, of being extremely stylish, having a yoga tight body, long blonde curly hair and generally wanting to be sexed by all.

The last year, there has been a huge improvement, but by no means, unless you have had cosmetic/plastic/lipo surgery during the year, you are nowhere near to that description.

I ask my sister, she agrees!

Sis, what were you thinking – why would you lie so much!

Tell him, she says

How can I? I reply

She says up to you, but if I was you, I would simply just tell him the truth, she encourages

At first, we thought of silly things, like wear red.  I said there was nothing worse than 10 people wearing red at the same time.  Then, I regretted it because if so, then it would mean that we could lose each other and may never know what we really looked like.  This sounded like a wonderful plan, but not the plan we intended to play out.

Then, we thought of should we describe each other now.  We agreed if we did then that would spoil the surprise.

So, I suggested the craziest thing, and I do not know how I am going to get hold of one of them, but I will try.  I suggest we both get a yellow tulip and wait for each other outside.

He questioned – what if one of us are late, then it will seem silly standing outside carrying a tulip, and if I do not see you carrying one, then I will sit in my car and
wait till I do.

He has a fair point.

He says, one minute.  Rather give me 15 minutes.

I do exactly; he returns and says I just reserved the tables in our chat room names.  This is under our discretion and no one will ever know, who we really are and we will never be embarrassed.  Just promise me one thing.

I say – go on shot.

If I am first, do not leave me sitting at the table even if you are not interested.  I say off course, not I would never do that.  He says cool, I just do not want to be sitting there all night finding excuses for you and then only to discover that you were never showing up.

I never even thought of doing that! I did think of early exit routes, I had already discussed that with Christine, and I had her on speed dial 3. 

So, if I call you on speed dial 3, put the phone down, call me back and say I need to go home now.

Oldest trick in the book, but saves both of us being embarrassed.  Ok not really, it saves me having to go through a painful night.  Last night was bad at the Prom.  I never knew that it would hurt so much.  It did not hurt so much; I just was not good at rejecting.   I was good at being rejected but not the other way round.

I talk about John, but the truth is when I dumped him, I sent Christine to his house, actually I sent her to all my boyfriend’s houses.  We would sit there and have conversations of- How am I going to tell him it is over? Christine would look me straight in the eye and say do you want me to do it?

I would look at her and say, but you are my younger sister, I should be helping you out.

She would say, yes you should but you never do, and furthermore, we are sisters, we are blood, so it is like you telling them yourself.

This seemed to be the best explanation in the world, a
nd I related to it totally.

Duh

It made no sense, it was just another example of how incompetent I was with everything I did in my life, and I would always have an excuse to excuse my lack of incompetents, how sad is that.

Christine, says am I sure I am ready for this; we are going to a totally different level.  And was I ready for it.  I told her that I needed to be, not because it never worked with Prom King, or anyone else.  But for once in my life, I could relate to someone, because I was out of this dark hole and started to love me again.

Maybe, it was the first time, I loved me.  This is why I had a new lease of life, nothing could stop me now.  With that in mind, we went on to you tube, and off we were listening to Aint No Stopping Us Now Mcfadden and Whitehead.  Dancing in the bedroom with a glass of wine, enjoying the music and shit scared of meeting him.

We were due to meet in 4 weeks’ time, and I wanted those 4 weeks to feel like 4 years and to drag on as long as possible.  To the extent, I tried whilst we were chatting to cancel nearly every time.  I cut down our chatting sessions, due to the fact that I did not want to get even more nervous about the event or put pressure on it.

Then, before I knew it that day was here, and I could not believe, it.  I would ask the coffee shop assistant is the time right.  She would reply yes, and then I met my friend.  He said he was in a bit of a hurry but he could have a quick chat and a croissant before he went to work.

He said he could see I was nervous, I said, I was meeting someone, he said, he would leave.

I said not here, I am meeting someone later.

He said – Like a blind date.

I said to him yes, he said he has the same thing too

It is nerve racking isn’t it.

Course it is, I tell him.  You may get a rejection and then you do not know how you will deal with this rejection.

He replies, like everything in life, you get kicked off the horse; you jump right back into the saddle.  He goes on to ask, are your kids in danger.

I reply, No

He questions, is your life in danger

I reply, No

This means it
cannot hurt you or bring you down, because the most important things in your life are in place.  And with that word of wisdom all my fears were buried.  I looked forward to the date.

I enjoyed the idea that I was finally going to meet his man face-to-face.

As I drove to Canlis, there was only one thing on my mind. 
As I held my yellow tulip and locked the car.  I am simply meeting a long lost friend.

Wow, I was taken aback by the restaurant.  The pictures, of it were amazing, but standing here in the foyer, being here, just took my breathe away the scenes of the Ocean, were really amazing.  As I took in the scenery, I remembered what I was therefore and I composed myself.

The prices in the restaurant did not match the view or the food by the look of the table I just passed or even the privacy that the restaurant offered.  It was so quiet, yet it was full of people, everyone felt like they had their own secret compartment.  I was wondering if someone was having sex, in another side of the restaurant, would anyone know.  Then, whilst I had such thoughts, I wondered if that person would be me tonight, and I laughed.