BLIND: A Mastermind Novel (47 page)

But that wasn’t necessarily true. She could identify his scent from a mile away, recognize his voice in a crowded room. She could sense his presence by the way the hair on the back of her neck lifted whenever he was near. But he was no longer near and her hair had no reason to rise.

She pulled into an empty parking space and gripped the steering wheel. “There’s something wrong with you,
”
she mumbled.

Calvin was a nice, attractive man. She should be flattered he’d shown any interest at all. Six months ago she would have killed to have a guy like him ask her out. Her head fell back on the headrest. Why couldn’t she just be normal?

The sharp knock at the window had her shelving all matters of self-doubt. “Sorry,
”
she said as she opened the door and stood.

Calvin politely closed the car door and opened all other doors between there and the table. Once they were settled into a booth with cocktails on the way and well associated with their perky waitress Jennifer, she took a deep breath and embraced the awkwardness.

God, she hated this. Mr. Stone plowed through any barriers, jumped right into the most personal details. She’d loved that about him. There were no secrets—well, at least not on her end. Maybe that was the trick?

All the social boundaries and superficial niceties made it impossible to really get to know others. People toed the surface and expected some deep relationship, but never really connected. It was impersonal bullshit and she was sick of it. So she decided—with nothing left to lose—she was going all in.
Cannonball
…

“So…how long’s it been since you had sex?”

Calvin choked on a sip of water and quickly blotted his chin with a napkin. He cleared his throat. “Wow. I wasn’t expecting that.”

She shrugged, more convinced than ever that she’d lost her mind. “Clearly you’re ready to get back out there if you asked me out. You’re divorce has been final since last spring. Isn’t this the sort of thing friends talk about?
”

Sex seemed to dominate a great deal of her and Nicole’s conversations and Calvin said they were going out a
s
friends
.
Maybe if she crossed certain lines so their association could no longer fit in some neat and tidy box they’d actually be friends and not some posturing courtship. If he had a secret motive she was intent on destroying it. She didn’t like secrets anymore.

He cleared his throat again and Jennifer delivered their cocktails, which Calvin seemed delighted to taste. “I wasn’t asking you out as an attempt to get laid, Scarlet.”

She sipped her vodka cranberry—Merlot no longer sat well—and tossed him a coy smile. “Oh, come now, Mr. Armstrong. You’re a man. If this were truly a man’s world there’d be no call for dating at all. We’d just run around like animals mating on some geographic special. How long?”

He tugged at his collar, setting the knot of his tie askew. “Six months.”

She chuckled, slowly tipping her head back. Life was a continuous learning experience. “How silly of me to assume I was the first woman you’d asked out.”

“Did I miss something? I feel like what was a friendly engagement ten minutes ago has turned into an aggressive scrimmage.”

Her drink was empty. “Sorry,
”
she said without much sincerity as she hunched deeper in the booth. Maybe she didn’t want to go deep after all. It seemed, with people, she would always have something to learn.

Calvin looked at her for a long moment, studying her until she had the urge to pull the collar of her blouse tighter. “Who was he?”

She searched for Jennifer in the restaurant, wanting another drink. “Who?”

“The guy that broke your heart.”

She chuckled, her finger flicking the edge of the paper placemat. “He was…no one.”

No name to give. You’re pathetic.

“That bad, huh?”

She couldn’t look at him. Why were they even discussing this? The waitress returned and Calvin ordered another round.

“Want to tell me about it? I’m a good listener.”

She laughed without humor. “I don’t talk about it.
”
Him.

“Okay.
”
Their drinks arrived and they ordered. She quickly selected the ravioli without glancing at the menu. “Do you want to talk about sex?”

Twirling her straw through the ice and diluted cranberry, she mumbled, “Someone once told me sex is a hollow impression of love, an impression that can be conducted seamlessly without the main ingredient.”

He frowned. “Meaning love?”

“Yup. Biggest four letter word there is, but totally unnecessary in the grand scheme of things.
”
Their second round arrived and she took a hardy sip. “I’m not into impressionism. I also don’t automatically believe sex is more than sex. It’s not. It’s just two bodies coming together and relieving a physical need.”

“How very…
”
He laughed. “I’m not sure what that is, exactly.”

“It’s sad.
”
Her drink wasn’t strong enough, yet somehow it managed to bully the confessions out of her head and into her boss’s lap. “He was a coward and I’m the idiot that let him in. At one point, I actually thought he was the strongest, most powerful man in the world. I don’t really understand men at all. I’m sorry I said those things to you. I shouldn’t butt into other people’s personal lives when I hardly have a grip on my own.”

“Look, Scarlet, we all make mistakes. I’m thirty-two years old and already divorced. Don’t beat yourself up because you decided to trust someone and wanted love. We all do.”

His empathy tormented her broken heart like shitty glue incapable of holding her together. She couldn’t fathom ever feeling whole again and the longer this went on the more segmented she became from reality.  “Please don’t say nice things to me, Calvin. I’m a glommer.”

“A what?”

“I glom. Even when common sense tells me I’m reading too much into things, I somehow turn into a stage five clinger that can’t let go.”

“I recently read one of those little postcard things people put all over GeekPeek. It said,
Being polite is so rare these days, it’s often mistaken for flirting.
I’m merely being polite, Scarlet.”

“Of course you are.
”
Time for drink number three. She looked for perky Jennifer, but didn’t see her. Maybe she could learn something from Calvin, help her own recovery in some way. He seemed so well-adjusted after a failed marriage. “So, when you had sex after your divorce, was it weird being with someone else?”

He shifted and rearranged the condiments. “It was with my wife.”

Her head slowly lifted. “But you were divorced.”

“I know, but sometimes…
”
He shrugged. “Old habits die hard.”

That was the truth.

“We both knew it wouldn’t change anything,
”
he quickly clarified. “You’re right, sometimes sex is just two bodies coming together to relieve a physical need.”

Or an emotional one.
For a moment she’d thought they were comrades, people of the same rejected fiber, but now
…
“Do you still love her?”

“I’ll always love her,
”
he answered quickly, as if there could never be another option. “But we aren’t compatible as husband and wife anymore.”

The waitress fluttered to their table. “Here we are, one ravioli and one steak, medium rare. Can I get you another round?”

Scarlet stared at her ravioli. She might as well rub it on her thighs. Calvin did some talking and the waitress disappeared.

“Hey.”

What was she doing? Glancing at her dinner date she gave an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, Calvin. You asked me out and I’ve been a complete brat, barging into your personal life and spewing my private business all over the table. I ruined what was a very sweet gesture. I’m sorry.”

He smiled. “You didn’t ruin anything, Scarlet. I sort of like the fact that we cut out all the bullshit and made it real. We already know each other on a professional level. It’s nice to see such a different side of you.”

Two more drinks were placed on the table. She should probably slow down.

“Let’s eat,
”
he said, scooping up his knife.

She picked at her ravioli and stared at the ice in her cocktail. Could she have meaningless sex with her boss? Maybe she should?
No. Think about Monday morning at work.

“You’re being quiet.”

She studied him for a silent moment. He was attractive, bald by choice with a good jaw and handsome face, dark brows and five o’clock shadow that worked. “Sorry. I was just thinking.”

“Anything interesting?”

Her mind wandered to images of Calvin pressing her up against the entryway of her den as her heel dug into his ass. He did have a nice butt. “Not really.”

“How’s your ravioli?”

She’d barely taken three bites. “Good.”

They ate in silence and the restaurant crowded with a dinner rush. When their plates were cleared, Calvin ordered coffee and asked to see a dessert menu.

“I guess this wasn’t exactly what you were expecting,
”
she said as she sipped her coffee.

His shoulder lifted as he eased back in his seat, studying her. “You’re a pretty woman, Scarlet. Smart too. Don’t waste your charm on guys that don’t appreciate everything you have to offer. I wanted to have dinner with you as more than colleagues and I think we accomplished that, even if I’m only gaining a friend. I have no regrets.”

She’d thought the same at one time, but she regretted plenty now. “Thank you.”

“Did you want dessert?”

“Oh, I shouldn’t—”

“I’m ordering the black forest cake.”

“But I will,
”
she laughed.
I’ll do the diet tomorrow. Fresh start.
“Make that two black forest cakes.”

“Perfect.
”
He snapped the menu shut and grinned.

Though they never breached any other personal topics, a sense of understanding established between them. She didn’t know why Calvin and his wife split up, nor did she intend to ask. No matter what he said, Scarlet would never assume to understand his experience any more than an outsider could understand hers.

When he walked her to her car, he opened the door—a rather polite gesture she couldn’t determine to be manners or flirting. “I actually had a nice time tonight.”

“Imagine that,
”
he teased. “I did too. Maybe we can do it again soon. I don’t know about you, but the silence at home gets sort of old.”

She chuckled. “I hear that.
”
Silence was all she heard at home, apart from the occasional meow from Thor. “Thanks again.”

She slid into her car and he gently shut the door. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she might stand a chance at beating the overwhelming depression blanketing her life—a
very
optimistic hope for her cynical mind. But seeing that other people managed after divorce told her she should be able to handle a breakup.

Chapter Twenty

What Big Eyes You Have

Thor hid on the bookcase as the vacuum roared and the stereo blared. Scarlet let her tears fall as she sung along with Three Dog Night.
“One is the loneliest number! Onnnnnnne is the loneliest number that you’ll ever doooooo…”

Shouting with the chorus, she bopped her head, her ratty hair sticking to her tears. Her mismatched socks tapped along to the beat. “
Onnnnnnnne….la la—”

The power running to the vacuum cut off and the stereo silenced. She pivoted and found Nicole standing in her doorway holding the limp cords.

“No,
”
her friend stated, deadpan. “No, no, no, no, no. You are not doing
this
.”

Scarlet adjusted the vacuum to its upright position. “I was just cleaning.”

“Bullshit. There’s a fucking kitten on your shirt and those pants are from nineteen ninety-nine. There’s nothing clean about—
”
She waved her hand in a very metrosexual circle. “This.”

Taking inventory of her personal appearance, she gave up any argument. “Fine. I was crying.”

“Scarlet,
”
Nicole sighed. “You have to get out of this house.”

“I went out yesterday.”

“Where?”

“To the pharmacy.”

“Oooh. And what did we buy on this big excursion?”

“Toothpaste and tweezers.”

Her friend shook her head and plopped on the couch. She followed and Nicole took her hand. “Okay, listen to me, hon. I
know
what you’re going through.
”

No, you don’t.

“I know you’re afraid to get back out there.”

“I’m not afraid.”

“But—wait, you’re not?”

She shook her head. “No. I just don’t see the point. I’m perfectly happy here, doing my own thing.”

“Crying and listening to Three Dog Night?”

She shrugged. “I’m not going to pretend out there is any better. I’ve been out there. It’s all fake.”

“See?
Right there!
Honey, it’s not all fake. What Matt and I have, that’s real. You can find something real too—not necessarily meaning you need a man, but you need to rejoin the land of the living. You have to get out of the sweats and stop wearing clothing with animals on them, and for God’s sake brush your hair.”

“Why? So someone can see some polished version of the truth? Sounds like lying to me.”

She dropped her hand. “Okay, how’s this? You’re turning into Debbie Downer and no on
e’
s ever going to see how beautiful you are if you mope around looking like an extra from
Thriller.
I know he hurt you, but you’re not the first woman to go through something like this—”

“Yes, Nicole, I am. I’m absolutely the
first
woman to go through anything remotely close to what I’ve been through. It wasn’t normal. What we did, the conversations we had—they were beyond intimate.”

“You didn’t even have sex with him!”

She jumped to her feet.
“So?
Some things are more intimate than sex! You’ll never understand, so stop trying!”

“Fine.
”
She stood and collected her purse. When she reached the front door she turned. “Just remember that I tried to get through to you and make you see there are things to be happy about, but you wanted to be sad more. Enjoy your misery.”

The door closed. “I will.”

Later that night as she lay in the bath she texted Nicole.

I’m a shit friend right now. I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.

Her response was immediate.

I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m not trying to minimize what you’ve been through. I know you’re heartbroken. But I miss my friend and hate seeing you this way. I’m sorry. Do you want him back?

She sighed, appreciating her friend’s apology. Nicole’s husband was a cop and more than once offered to run the minimal information they had on Mr. Stone to see if they could find him, but Scarlet didn’t see that as a solution. She only wanted him if he wanted her, which he didn’t.

No. I wanted someone to love me. He doesn’t. I have higher standards than that.

She chuckled and hit send. Nicole, of course, got the inside joke.

THAT’S MY GIRL! YES!!! You hold on to those standards because you deserve someone who can reach them!

She smiled. It was nice to know Nicole at least changed her position in that department. If Mr. Stone taught her anything, it was to admit what she wanted and settle for nothing less. Though she didn’t want a man in her life, she knew what she was worth, and any man incapable of fighting for her wasn’t worth her time.

Sliding her phone away, she faced some uncomfortable truths. Her body was suffering from this depression. Her mood was unbearable. Her libido had shriveled up like an old…she couldn’t think of something that shriveled. Maybe a hermit crab or an old mummy. Ew. The point was she was falling apart, literally rotting from the inside out. And Nicole was right. It needed to stop.

Maybe she should talk to a professional. Maybe she should see about getting on antidepressants. Exhausted by the mere thought of her options, she sunk deeper in the tepid water and shut her eyes. Maybe it would just go away and one day she’d wake up normal again.

The problem was, she didn’t remember her normal before him. She hated him for what he’d done. Hated the idea that it was all just an act for him. She
felt
him,
connected
with him. But her honesty and trust wasn’t enough to compensate for his lack of faith and it never would be.

It didn’t matter. He was never coming back and she was never going to see him again or have the answers she wanted. Deciding enough was enough, she left the tub and focused on the things she could count on—herself, her friends, and her students. Tomorrow was a big day at school and she wouldn’t let her happiness be overshadowed by what she could not change. There would be no more dwelling on Mr. Stone.

****

Lifting her hand, she waited for the students to settle. “Boys and Girls, I’m waiting.
”

Gradually, the noise in the auditorium quieted. “We have the luxury of meeting some very clever men today and I expect everyone to be on their best behavior.”

The students weren’t aware they were about to be gifted with ninety thousand dollars worth of technology and she was giddy with anticipation. “How many of you are familiar with GeekPeek—a show of hands?
”

Every hand went up.

“How many of you use that social network?
”
Most hands remained lifted. Some younger students lowered their arms.

“Well, did you know the creators of that social network actually went to our school and once sat right here in this auditorium?
”

The kids began to whisper and comment on this news. She grinned, sure she had their attention and grateful Mr. Garnet had shared that inspiring fact.

All four of the creators actually graduated with her class. She’d looked them up online, but didn’t recognize any of them. She was going to dig out her yearbook this week and see if older pictures brought back any memories.

“That’s right,
”
she continued. “Not only did they attend the same school as you, they’re here today with an incredible gift. I want you to put away anything distracting, give your full attention to our guests, and show them how much we appreciate their time. Please welcome two of the co-founders of GeekPeek, Mr. Jet Piazza and Mr. Asher Roan.”

The students clapped as she stepped back from the podium as their two honored guests stepped out from backstage. Both were dressed in suits, one tall, dark, and dangerously handsome, the other refined and equally dangerous, but in an intellectually attractive way, the sort of sophisticatedly handsome look every woman fell for.

She smiled in greeting, wishing she’d had a chance to welcome them before the students arrived. “Thank you so much for coming,
”
she whispered, handing off the microphone. “I’m Scarlet Farrow, the teacher that wrote the grant.”

“Nice to meet you, Ms. Farrow. I’m Jet and this is Ash.”

She shook his hand, surprised by her nerves. The other man, Ash, nodded and she didn’t sense an opportunity to offer more of a greeting so she quickly stepped backstage where the curtains hung.

“How we doin
’
today, kids?
”
Jet shouted and the students again applauded. “How many of you recognize this?
”
He held up a tablet and every hand went up.

“It’s a telephone, right?”

“No,
”
the kids called.

“It’s not?
”
Jet frowned at the device, creating an immediate rapport with the crowd. “Is it a typewriter?”

“No!”

“A computer?”

“No!”

“Then what is it?”

A bunch of hands shot up and Jet pointed to a girl in the front row. “It’s a tablet.”

“Can you type on it?”

The girl nodded.

“Can I take it online?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I use it to video chat with friends in China?”

“Well, yeah…”

“So maybe it is a typewriter, computer, and telephone all in one.”

“Yeah, but it’s more than that,
”
the girl said.

Jet nodded. “Interesting. How many of you kids have one of these at home?”

A few hands went up and someone shouted, “My mom has one.”

“What if I told you Ash and I had a few to give away? Would you sit up straight and be the best audience we ever had?”

The chairs squeaked as every student suddenly corrected his or her posture. Jet laughed and Scarlet smiled. He had a wonderful disposition the kids immediately responded to.

“Before I go handing out tablets to the good listeners, I’d like to hand the mic over to my friend Ash who’s going to tell you all how much these little things can actually do. See…we’re sort of nerds like that. We like to invent toys that can always be upgraded and advanced. So while some of you might have seen similar tablets before, this one is brand new and not on the market until next month. I bet you’ll learn something new today and maybe when you get home you can share your expertise with Mom and Dad. You ready to learn?”

“Yeah!
”
The crowd shouted.

He handed the mic to the man with the dark hair and glasses. He didn’t seem to have the ease with public speaking that Jet possessed. As he approached the podium slowly, he glanced over his shoulder and she smiled, thanking him with a nod. This was such a wonderful thing they were doing for the community.