Bliath: Shattered (19 page)

Chapter 27

Oren strolled back into camp, he looked around and Fera seemed even more like a wreck then she was before he left, and then he saw Vance passed out, “
Awe Fera, what did you do to him? Not that I am complaining, unconscious suits him.”

“I didn’t do anything, he was going to apologize, at least I think he was going to and then he touched my face, fell to the ground and I thought he was...”
Fera trailed off for a second, “
Then he came to and said he was getting memories back, and that he was confused and pretty much fell asleep, and now I am not sure what is going on.”
  She threw her hands in the air as if to punctuate her nonverbal words, but quickly wrapped them around herself with a shiver.  

“A'mael, he cares deeply for you, you have to know that, I can see it, but there is so much going on I think he is trying to let you deal with it. Markus, I remember used to tell you not to have such tunnel vision, time everything will happen how it was meant to, in time.“
Oren was frustrated, and he knew things would change soon and Fera had been hurt enough, he was going to cause her more pain, but he prayed she could forgive him.

“Oren, you’re not sounding too confident, are you ok?”
Fera was trying to tease him, but he just hung his head, Fera knew they all were feeling pretty defeated, but she knew they just had to keep carrying on, things were bound to change. 

She watched Oren settle down more the night, he asked if she was coming to bed, but she was not tired, she looked over at Vance, he seemed to be in a deep sleep and no longer shivering, she wished she could say the same for herself. She when over to the saddle bags and dug through the clothes, she found gloves and hats that she saw Desree knitting, she happily put them on followed by a jacket Markus or her father packed for her.  She saw the book, the book that started all of this, but she knew it was silly to blame a book.  She picked it up and traced the outside with a small amount of reverence.  She opened the book, looking at words scrolled on the page, and then she turned to a page with pictures.  Her mother looked up at her, she was beautiful, perfect and flawless, Fera let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in.  She mentally started to compare herself to the image of her mother, and in her mind she kept coming up short.  She gave up, going to put the book away three letters fell out.  She picked them up, she recognized her father’s and Markus’s penmanship on two of the letters, but the third she could not place, and the paper felt brittle and looked older than the other two.  Her mind began to race - did she want to read them?  What would they tell her? 

Her thoughts were intruded on, “
Come curl up and read them, you might as well get it over with all at once and move on
.”  Oren still sounded defeated but he laughed in their shared connection at the fact she jumped when he talked to her, she after all did not put her wall back up.

Fera conceded and went over snuggling into Oren’s warm side. 

“A'mael I am going to miss this.”

“Oren miss what?”
Fera could feel his thoughts were so heavy she could tell he was in some state of heartbreak.

Oren sighed in her mind,
“A'mael, it is time for me to rest, it has been a long day,  quel undome, Amin mela lle” 

“Oren”
Fera groaned in frustration,
“You know I don’t understand Elven...  Good night.”

With Oren falling asleep, Vance now snoring, and Fera left in a river of her own thoughts she turned her attention back to the letters.

She pulled Markus’s letter out first, carefully opening it, like it was going to blow up in her hands.  She recognized his flowing script, and she made and involuntary whimper and began to read:

Dearest Fera,

I know when you read this your heart will be breaking, your world shattered, and you enviably altered.  Know I am missing you immensely, I will see you again, this I promise.  I just hope you can forgive me in the part I played in all of this, it was truly to keep you safe.  Your mother and I were very close, and in return your father and I became close.  You are family to me, and seeing you hurt or in pain of any form and knowing that I am to blame even in the smallest amount, causes me great sorrow.  I know you will find your way, you are stronger than you think you are.  You will find a way, you just need to remember who you are, not what you were or who you are meant to be, for those are the details you lose yourself in.  

Not a day has gone by since I first laid eyes on you, and that was the day you were born, that I have not felt proud of you.  Princess, please remember my love for you, and stay strong.  I need you to remember not to hold the weight on your shoulders alone, ask for help.  It will be hard to trust those around you, but you are smart, and have an amazing heart, follow it.  Trust your gut and follow your heart.  Remember our lessons, you will need them.  Fera, I love you like you were my own child and in some ways, you are mine.  I would lay down my life to assure your safety, and happiness.   I will see you again, and remember fight for what is right, and what is important, the side you think you are on might change and that is ok, and sometimes you have to choose to create your own side and follow a new path.  Please take care my sweet girl.

Hugs and Love,

Markus

Fera was at a loss, as a tear escaped, she knew always Markus loved her, but how he expressed it was not hugs and all words, it was more in the way he took an interest in her upbringing and education, how he watched over her, and guided her.  She always thought that if she had an uncle that he would be like Markus.  Now that she knew she had one and he was a rebel murderer that thought made her shudder.  Markus’s words worried her, he was controlled like a typical elf from what she gathered, but for him to break down like that, it gave her a sense of how grave things were and how grave they could get. 

She pushed Markus out of her mind for now and picked up her father’s letter, she took a moment to mentally ready herself, and then focused on the words.

Sweet Pea,

I know these words will not fix anything.  I do hope you find it in your heart to forgive me, though for the most part I cannot say I regret the choices your mother and I made, they were for you, and one day when you have your own children you will understand, you would do anything, give anything to make sure they are safe.   Losing your mother was the worst day of my life, I love her to this day.  She showed me the images of you before you were even a thought in my head.  She saw you years before you were born, and from the first time she saw you in her head she loved you, as did I.  A parent’s love is something so deep and ingrained in one’s soul it takes on a life of its own. I do not know if this is fate set in motion or destiny, maybe both.  I do think the future is not set in stone and there is some room to give, but it will not be easy.  I know you are not happy with me for making you run, you are a fighter, not a runner, but you are running to something, you are going to get your answers, I am just sorry I am not going to be the one giving them to you.  I can tell you this, from the glimpse of the future your mother saw, I will be taken captive, but I will be safe, they will use me as a pawn against you.  We are not sure who will take me or where I will be, but know I am safe.  Now the hard part, you cannot let them use me against you, whatever they want or have planned cannot be justified for good if you have to be underhanded to achieve your goals.  So I need you to tell them no, do not cave, even if it means my death.  All of this will mean nothing if you let yourself be manipulated.  I know it is a horrible thought my dear one, but it is what I want.  Also please do not think too much about this until it happens and you will have people who love you to fall back on for support, they are the ones with you now, yes we know about Vance, and Oren is with you, he will keep you safe.  As far as Vance, your mother saw him too and we know him, you have met him several times though it will take a little longer for you to remember as it will him as well.  He will have his own identity to find.  You at least know who you are, he was left to the winds of fate, and if you ask me a loopy enchant guardian, to help see out both your fates.  I could write you a book if I had the time, but the shield is wavering and lights were spotted heading our way, so in the morning you will have to leave.   Please do not doubt the love your mother and I have for you.  Please try to stay as safe as possible, I know the magic you will be feeling will threaten to consume you, but fight it.  Yes that is the other thing. One last apology, I am sorry to not tell you about your magic and I am sorry it was bound in you.  You will understand everything soon enough, and I regret not being there for you when you do.  I love you my sweet girl, I miss you and you will always be in my baby.

Dad

Fera’s tears now flowed like hot lave down her cheeks, her sobs were racked with grief and hindered by hiccups.  Her heart hurt, there were so many secrets, and it was her fault.  If not for her, she thought everything would be fine.  She also knew that was not entirely true, it was her uncle and grandmother’s fault, but she still couldn’t see how all the pieces fit together just yet, and that frustrated her.  She shivered as the tears slowed a little.  One last letter, and she was not sure who this one would be from but why stop now she thought.

My Sweet Princess

I am not sure what to say, how to put things into words, feelings into words is harder than one might think, this is so you will understand the depth of my love for you, and the reasons I am not with you.  I have what our race, the Elven race, call sight, I can see future events, and normally they come to me in dreams.  You my sweet baby, are the best dream I have ever had.    I waited so long for that dream to come true, over 38 years from the first time I had it.  When I learned you were growing inside of me, I wept for joy, but also out of grief, I knew I could not keep you in my arms for long.  I never kept anything from your father and his emotions mirrored mine, but while he got to keep you, he had to lose something else he loved.  Life is a bittersweet song.  I will never regret what I must do.  The first time I felt you move in my stomach, I was never more certain of what I must do.   I know this will anger and confuse you when you are older, how unfair this life is, it is not though, this was my decision, you will bring the balance to this world, a much needed balance.  There is so much I want to tell you, but you need to make the choices yourself, for you are your own person and not me.  I brought help to guide you, and your father was wrapped around your little finger even before you had fingers, so I know you will be loved, protected, and allowed to grow up safe and happy.  It is so important to me to know you will have a childhood without worry or fear.  I know elves are different from humans and dwarves, my childhood was not carefree and much regimented and I do not wish that upon you, you are going to be a free spirit and very much your own person, that is what you need to be to know who you are and that is a gift in itself.  I have so many hopes and dreams for you, but the most important ones are your happiness, and the hope you will always feel my love, it radiates in you and around you.  Remember I am proud of you no matter what you do and who you become.  Please do not judge us on the past, my darling, all of us have a past, and in time you will see the whole truth and it might change things, this is also part of growing up, ideas change they evolve and there is nothing wrong with that, that is how we improve upon ourselves.  I must go, but I leave you with my real journal, take it in your hands let your magic flow into it and the words will appear, but it is for your eyes and your future a’mael’s eyes and knowledge only, it would put you in more danger at this point. The last thing is, when you give the book your magic to break the seal on it, you will feel a sting, it is the counter to what was done to lock memories away, don’t worry, they will come back slowly, but might come as a shock.  Please please remember my love for you. 

Hugs, kisses, and all the love my soul can posses

Mom

Fera was choked with emotion, it consumed her, thick and heavy, she couldn’t think clearly, the cold that surrounded her also started to consume her on the inside too.  She curled herself into a little ball trying to hide from herself and the world that was coming after her.

Chapter 28

Vance woke to darkness, he was in a cold sweat, half sitting looking around, moon light streaming in, he saw he had his and Fera’s blanket on, his breath caught the air in a white puff, realization dawned on him, if he had her cover, where was she?  As he slowly stood, his mind seemed to clear, he remembered going back into a memory.  A memory that proved he really did know Fera and was connected to her.  He looked over at Oren, he knew if he was here she would be right by him, and she was, but something was not right.  Vance dashed over to her, he leaned down and touched her cheek, she was ice cold, curled into a ball, gripping paper.  Vance grabbed the cover wrapping them around her.  He took the paper from her hand, he let out a sigh when he realized what he was holding.