Bladed Wings (9 page)

              “But the people who believe in angels usually aren’t insane.”

              “How do you tell the difference?” that was the sharp question, the one which someone like Jeremiah would have loved. “I know it sounds dumb because we always want to use common sense, but seriously, how do you tell the difference? You have two people. One says she believes in angels. The other says she wants to drink the blood of the innocent.”

              “Shouldn’t it be obvious?”

              “Not if you are really honest. What proof do you have that one is insane aside from the fact you know you want to agree with the nice person?” Jenny shook her head. “That’s not evidence; it’s just believing what you already expected in the first place.”

              “So no angels?”

              “I don’t know. Call me an angelic agnostic.”

              “What about really good people?”

              “I believe in those.”

              “You could call them angels,” Timothy said.

              “But then you’re playing with the language. I could rename sandwiches babies, so now I’m a horrible monster. But then I’m just someone who likes a little extra lettuce on her baby.”

              “Definitely gross.”

              “A little,” Jenny said, her smile spread across her face as little ripples of joy or excitement fluttered through his chest and palms.

Timothy had these conversations with Jeremiah, never with someone he wanted to date. Ignoring what that might have meant, “I do.”

              “Why?”

              “Personal experiences.”

              “You’ve seen an angel?”

              “Something like that. And I believe in demons too.”

              “I don’t.”

              “Same reasons?”

              “No,” she said. “I don’t believe in demons because I don’t believe in hell.”

              “But you believe in heaven?”

              “I’m Christian.”

              “You don’t sound like it.”

              “Meh,” Jenny said with a quick wave of her hand. “Lots of different kinds of Christian, but I believe in God who loves me. And I believe in heaven.”

              “But not hell.”

              “No, no hell, no demons, no devil.”

              “Why not?”

              “That would mean someone would have to be miserable for eternity. That’s not the universe I want to live in. Everyone deserves a happy ending. It sucks because it’s hard to think that a murderer doesn’t deserve punishment, but we’re only here for a little while, and we all screw up.” She raised one hand to an anticipated objection that Timothy didn’t even have time to think up, “And I know it’s not proof, but until I get some, I’m going to believe what makes me feel best. I can’t trust Hallmark, but I can trust my instincts, and my instincts tell me I should do my best, be happy, and enjoy it.”

              “What?”

              “Life,” she said. Timothy nodded with a drag of soda while he considered her thoughts, but that didn’t stop her. “You look like there’s something you want to say,” Jenny said, her chin on a palm.

              “No.”

              “Sure?”

              “Yeah.”

              “Sure you’re not lying?”

              “Yes,” he said.

              “I think you’re lying.”

              “Why would you say that?”

              “A woman’s intuition.”

              “Right?”

              “You don’t believe me?”

              “I’m not lying.”

              “Unless you are.”

              “True.”

              “I can tell.”

              “I hope not.”

              “Do you have plans tonight?” she asked just before a sip of her Diet Coke.

              That almost choked him. Then there was the honest answer. He didn’t have any plans if she wanted to do something. He’d cancel shuttle flights, put off the Second Coming, and reschedule his three wishes that genie owed him. But Jeremiah would’ve been proud because Timothy managed, “No, not really.”

              “I’m going out tonight with some people. Maybe you could come?”

              “Sure.”

              “It’ll be me and Terrance, then Jessica and I think she should really get out because she just broke up with someone, but I don’t think she wants to be a third wheel.” That was honest, but Timothy needed a lot of willpower to keep from flinching. Instead he smiled and nodded and said he’d be happy to help. Somewhere he imagined Jeremiah laugh at that exact moment without any idea why.

              “You’re a girl,” Jeremiah mocked, flicking through different channels he wasn’t watching even as he scanned his laptop. Running through data, Jeremiah could mock his roommate and search for something to grab his fascination.

              “You’re a jerk,” Timothy called back. His dresser was messier than usual, every drawer only half-shut, unfolded clothes spilled out as he’d already rummaged through his entire assortment of pants and shirts at least three times.

              “It’s not a date,” Jeremiah reminded him, his voice almost a shout from their living room. “You don’t need to be pretty.”

              “You’re still a jerk,” Timothy called back.

              “Her boyfriend’s going to be there.”

              “And another girl.”

              “Then it’s a double date!” That time Timothy ignored Jeremiah. He had a couple options on his bed, and he almost wanted to laugh because he’d never been like this before. Job interviews were easy. First days of jobs and classes were simple too. But not going on a date with Jenny and things got tough. “It’s a double date, and you’re with the wrong girl!”

              “Shut up.”

              “Truth stings, I know. But you need to accept it.”

              “You think I shouldn’t go?”

              “Oh no,” Jeremiah said. “You should definitely go, but go and know what you’re about to face. You have to brace yourself, man.”

              “What’s that exactly?”

              “A happy girlfriend with her happy boyfriend. Then you need to figure out their weakness and what you can do to accelerate the rate of their romantic decay.”

              “I won’t hurt her.”

              “Is it really hurting her if there’s a better guy waiting for her?”

              “I wouldn’t be better if I tried to break them up.” Timothy said, scanning the different combinations and nothing looked good. That probably had something to do with the fact that he didn’t know what he’d be. Formal, informal, office casual, fun Friday, it all felt wrong. “She deserves to be happy,” he shouted back.

              “Sounds like a conundrum then. You have to be a jerk to be the good guy who gets the girl in the end. You remember that saying about nice guys and where they finish, right?”

              An exasperated sigh didn’t make Timothy feel better, so he put on a shirt and some pants. He combed and gelled his hair, then went back to the living room, ready to leave. It didn’t matter, so it didn’t matter what he wore. He was a guy. It wasn’t supposed to matter, and it was scary that a girl could do this to him. It didn’t even matter that she had the soul of an angel.

              Timothy got through the living room, his hand almost to the door when Jeremiah said, “Go back. Wear shorts and randomly pick a t-shirt. Right now you look like you’re ten and going off on your first pretend-date.”

              A few minutes later he knocked on the door to Jenny’s apartment. He paced a few times, unsure what he should expect. The door opened to someone he didn’t recognize.

              “Oh, hey. It’s Timothy, right?”

              “Yeah.”

              “I’m Terrance, Jenny’s boyfriend,” he said, holding out his hand. Timothy shook it as Terrance’s fingers clenched. It felt practiced. He kept his eyes on Timothy’s, looking down a few inches. Debating between a curse on genetics or fate, Timothy realized Terrance was taller. The universe deserved its reputation for unfairness. “Come in. The girls should be back any minute.”

              Timothy moved inside, standing on the brown tiles that led to the kitchen. Terrance went back to one of the lounge chairs. They were twins to the set Timothy and Jeremiah shared. The furniture was the same, though there weren’t any coasters or women’s magazines in Timothy’s apartment. Glancing down the hall, Timothy wondered what Jenny’s room looked like. Seeing a girl’s room seemed a lot like reading her diary.

              “So how’s it going?” Terrance asked as he sat down on one of the chairs. He kept his feet apart, one hand at the end of each armrest. He sat like a king looking at a peasant. Tapping one finger against hand, Timothy reminded himself he wasn’t being fair. Terrance was her boyfriend. He should try to be nice.

              “Fine.”

              “So how do you know Jenny?”

              “We’re neighbors.”

              “No classes together?” Terrance said.

              “No.” Timothy searched for something to say. Nothing else popped up. The really mature thing to do would be to lower his defenses. He should have come up with some conversation. He could acknowledge that this guy got to be with Jenny, that the universe didn’t want a demon and an angel together. He should’ve been okay, but looking at this guy with his blond hair, spiked into obnoxious little horns, made Timothy want to kick something. The second and somewhat less mature thing he could do would be say he felt sick, go back to his apartment, and play video games with Jeremiah. Bashing robots might have felt good.

              Or he could spend his night blasting alien insects and call them Terrance.

              “You go to Sac State?”

              “Yeah. You?” Timothy asked. He managed a question. It wasn’t a bad start.

              “Definitely. It’s a great school. Going for Business Administration. Two more years in stupid classes before I get the piece of paper to conquer the world. I’ll take over a giant company and have a thousand employees, each one dedicating to making me happy.”

              “Business Administration. What is that exactly?” Timothy hovered by the door. If that bothered Terrance, he didn’t let it show. “Like what do you study?”

              “No one really knows, but hey, it’ll make me a lot of money.”

              “And that’s why you’re in college?”

              “That’s why everyone is in college.”

              “A bit cynical.”

              “A bit honest,” Terrance said with a predator’s confidence. “Two years and I’ll be off to work at a firm somewhere. But what I do doesn’t really matter as long as I get to do what I love.”

              “What’s that?”

              “Money. Money and influence. There’s nothing more vital than respect. Idiots go after physical strength without ever realizing money makes influence, and together they’re everything that ever matters.”

              “You are honest,” and that didn’t sound like a compliment to Timothy’s ears.

              “Thanks. What’s your major? Are we going to be competing?”

              “I haven’t decided yet.”

              “Second year?”

              “Yeah. How’d you know?”

              “You have that almost vacant look of someone who’s started to learn stuff but doesn’t know how to use it. I suggest you figure it out. Everyone’s running and everyone’s hunting. It’s a competition. Best you realize that early on.”

              “You think it’s that much of a fight?”

              “Limited resources. What do you think?” Terrance asked.

              Those ideas dug into Timothy, burning and itching, but he managed, “So what does Jenny think of your philosophies? She seems a lot more relaxed.”

              “She has a good heart.”

              “What’s that mean?”

              “It means I like the way she sees the world. I think she’s wrong, mind you, but she’s a good person. So it’s a good thing she met me. I’ll take care of her.”

              Timothy would have pushed the conversation, would have found the clarification, but the door opened and Jenny came in. She said hi to Timothy and hopped over to Terrance on his throne of faux leather. A kiss on his cheek and she turned to their guest, “So we have some bad news.” Seeing her smiling there, lounging in her sweatshirt, Timothy couldn’t imagine bad news when he got to see her. Even if an ass had to be so close.

              “What’s wrong?” Terrance dripped all of the world’s concern. He put his arms around her and he squeezed Jenny once with the soft affection of the world’s most dedicated boyfriend. Timothy watched this guy cling to her like there was no other place he could imagine being. He acted like someone who saw the world in his girlfriend.