Bladed Wings (36 page)

              “They only had me to look at. With your help, there’ll be a second point of reference. Maybe they’ll find something new.” Seth peered down at his food like he didn’t want to meet her eyes. It didn’t seem possible that she’d be able to push back like that.

              “Do you really believe that?” Kayla could feel his doubt.

              “No.”

              Kayla exhaled, swallowed, and said, “If I didn’t have this ability, something really bad would have happened.” She fought the urge to close her eyes. That would have made the memory of Tristan’s touch impossible to ignore.

              “Interesting.” He tilted his head. “You could be right, but there’s something else. These abilities might be a message from God. He wanted to protect us and give us the chance to make the world a better place. We could be super heroes. Modern day angels.”

              Kayla didn’t hear any sarcasm in those words. That didn’t stop her from saying, “But you don’t believe that.”

              “To be honest, I don’t have any reason to think you’re wrong, but there are two sides, aren’t there? Ultimate good and ultimate evil?”

              “Satan?”

              “Pick a name. Every culture has some monster boogey man. But if we throw the supernatural into this question, then we have to wonder if these abilities aren’t gifts from Satan.” He sounded like this was just another thought process. He ran the equation without thinking about what any of it really meant. “You hurt Tristan pretty badly. You could’ve killed him. Definitely demonic.”

              Kayla didn’t let the sickness down her throat show on her face. “I defended myself,” her tone went as stiff as her lips.

              “Push a little harder and you might kill someone. That’s a nasty temptation.”

              “I wouldn’t hurt anyone.”

              “What if you saw a killer? Would you hurt him? What if you knew that killing one person would save a hundred?”

              “When’s that going to happen?”

              “Never. Tomorrow? An hour from now? A month?” Seth asked, “Who knows?”

              “If it does, I’ll listen to my instincts and I’ll do my best.” Kayla could feel the weight of his focus on her. Everything she said would be dissected and broken apart. He wanted some kind of truth, she saw. And she wanted to respect him for that. “I have to try.”

              Seth watched her. “You really mean that, don’t you?”

              “Why wouldn’t I?”

              “You’re a human. People are mean. We hurt each other. We let others suffer. That’s how it works. People generally aren’t very good. I see into people’s minds, and they’re vicious. Someone says something. Someone else hears it and jumps back with some profanity, a sharp cut of hatred. It’s there. Every day.” He watched her and expected some answer.

              Kayla looked down, “That must be hard.”

              “You’re kidding.”

              “No,” she said, “I’m not. You’re probably right. People are probably really mean with what they think about each other.” She stopped, looked back up, and hoped he’d listen. “But we try to help each other. Look at all of the charities out there. You’re right, a lot of people get hurt every day, but we try to be good. We want to be better.”

              “Do efforts matter if they’re doomed to failure?”

              “Yes.”

              “You really believe that too?” Seth shook his head again, “So can I ask what happened between you and your friends?”

              “Didn’t you just read their minds?”

              “Your friends aren’t that important. I usually just try to scan for anyone who might be a threat. Annoying sure, but your youth group isn’t very dangerous.” That made her wonder what he thought would make someone dangerous, especially considering what he could do.

              “Do you really want to know?” That was supposed to end the conversation and save her from having to explain it to someone else. Erin knew most of it. Seth might understand more, because they were tied as much as that might’ve scared her. No one else could understand what it meant to be different like this. With a thought, a flick of her finger, and she could knock her soda over. Part of her wanted him to just say no, that he didn’t care.
              “Yes. Tell me.” He didn’t reach out or take her hand. Instead, he watched her like he wanted to understand this part of her. “I want to know.” He spoke those words like a confession.

              Kayla pulled in a long breath and wished he didn’t say that. It would’ve been easier if Seth smirked and made some joke about her friends. She tilted her head and looked down at the floor. An ant crawled along the ground as it looked for a drop of spilled Coke. “Everything was good. We were close. School was hard with honors classes, but we handled it. Me, Dean, Allie, and everyone else, we got through it. Every day I was with people who had the same values. We were friends.”

              “What went wrong?”

              “My family,” Kayla said. “My parents started fighting, more and more and more. Until they decided they wanted a divorce.”

              “That’s harsh.”

              “You think so?” she asked. “Divorce isn’t uncommon. Half of marriages, or something like that, break up. I wish it wasn’t true. I don’t like it, but I can’t be really surprised.” She blinked a couple times to get away from those memories. Remembered shouts and screams rushed back. Homes weren’t supposed to have that much rage between their walls. “It shouldn’t be hard.”

              “They loved each other, right?” Seth asked. She nodded, “If they loved each other, then they got to know each other, and that means they know how to hurt each other. It must be hard. They’re fighting and you have to hear it. Same with your siblings. You’re the oldest, right?”

              “Yeah. How’d you know?”

              “You mentioned it in English.” That was three years ago and he still remembered it. “Sucks with your family, but shouldn’t it mean all of your friends circle around and try to help you?”

              “It’s a divorce. My friends don’t believe in divorce. At all. My parents made their vows to God, and my friends don’t think they should be able to break up. They want me to try to get my parents to stay together. When I said no, they cut me out.”

              “They wanted you to try to get your parents back together?” Seth made it sound like a joke “Really? And were they high when they made this demand.”

              “They’re right,” Kayla said. “Marriage is important. It’s supposed to be a real promise.”

              “But it happens. People change.”

              “I wish they didn’t.”

              “So everything’s falling apart,” Seth said. “I’m sorry you have to deal with this. All of this. It would’ve been nice if you could’ve muddled through your family stuff, gotten your friends back, and run off to college for a normal life.”

              “It’s not all bad.” Kayla forced a little smile that wasn’t completely forced. “I got to meet you again.”

              “That might not be a good thing.”

              “You’re not as evil as you think. You’re a good person Seth.” Reminding him of that made him flinch, but Kayla felt glad she said it. He helped her. He ran in to help her even though they weren’t friends, and she wouldn’t let him forget it. Seth wouldn’t admit it, but she was okay with that. He deserved to know the truth and have someone there to remind him.

              It was ten when Seth told her goodbye and watched him drive away. Despite the cold, she pulled her arms up to her chest and waited out there. She looked at her house. A couple lights brightened the front rooms, but the windows looked dim and empty. Across the street, she saw a TV on in a neighbor’s living room.

              Everything dusted with silver moonlight, her street felt abandoned. It seemed like no one really lived there. She knew there were people around her hidden in their houses. Some dreamed about the next day. Others watched movies and TVs to get away from the rest of their days. But Kayla couldn’t see them. It was hard to believe they existed, everyone in their bubbles of wood, plaster, shingles, and glass.

              Seth had left, but Kayla still turned down the street and wondered what he’d find at home. He was different from everyone else. His family would be unusual. That part was obvious, though she couldn’t tell how much different they’d be. Maybe his parents fought. Maybe he used his abilities on them and kept everyone happy. That thought should’ve disgusted her, yet it came out almost like a fantasy. Making everyone get along sounded like a nice thought. Sort of.

              After skipping school yesterday, Seth might have gone anywhere. Maybe we went off to get high in some crack den down town. Or maybe he disappeared to volunteer at some soup kitchen. She knew his huge secret, but Kayla didn’t know anything else about him.

              Rubbing her hands together, Kayla knew she had to get inside. A glance down at her cell phone and she was about an hour past curfew. For a second, she hoped that meant her parents would lecture her together. Maybe they’d get to scold and yell at her as a team. Shaking her head, she had no idea how a fight with her parents could feel like a good thing.

              Kayla pulled out her key, undid the lock, and pushed her way inside. The lights in the living room were off. No angry mom or dad on the couch or at the computer. Careful and quiet, Kayla leaned over and peered down the hall. All of the lights were off except for the small lamp that hung halfway down one wall. Careful not to breathe too loud, she crept up the stairs and glanced over at her room.

              The hall was black and shadow except for the streaks of light leaking from under Skyler’s door. With a backpack full of homework waiting for her, Kayla wanted to go to her room and finish it. Instead she tapped her knuckles against the painted wood and smiled at the stickers. She could still make out the heart and butterflies stuck there. Skyler put those up when she was ten, three years ago.

              “Sky,” she whispered even though her parents weren’t around. “You awake?”

              Quiet lingered before the small answer, “Yeah.”

              Kayla turned the knob slowly like she expected a wounded animal on the other side. A twinge of conscience struck at her, but Kayla didn’t know of a better example.

              “Hey,” Kayla said. Knees pulled up to her chest, Skyler was in pink sweat pants, a purple t-shirt, and socks. She should’ve been comfortable, reading or on her way to sleep. Instead, she stared ahead, her eyes tinted red like she’d been crying. Kayla thought she’d see the darkened splotches of moisture on her sister’s sleeves if she checked. “It was bad tonight?”

              “No.”

              She smiled, just a little, “Liar.”

              “Okay. It was bad. But admitting it doesn’t help.”

              “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

              “It’s not your responsibility,” she said. Eyes at the door, “It’s theirs.”

              “They’re going through some stuff.”

              “And that makes it okay?” her eyes watered again. Skyler locked them shut for a second, desperate to keep the tears from getting out. It worked for a second until Kayla put her hand on her little sister’s shoulder. Shaking her head, Skyler knocked a bang of light brown hair across her eyes. She swiped the bangs away with the tears. “Why are they doing this?”

              Kayla had official answers, the kind of replies supposed to make people feel better but never did. “They’re just trying to figure this thing out.”

              “But why? Why don’t they love each other anymore?”

              “I don’t know.”

              Kayla sat on the edge of her sister’s bed and looked around. With just a nightlight on, everything was vague and distorted in the semi-dark. There were her sister’s trophies, a couple pictures of friends, the stand covered in makeup her sister used to wear. For an instant, she wondered if Skyler wanted to be alone until she said, “They were loud tonight.” She smirked, “Nothing different. Same fights. Again and again, they kept yelling,” her eyes widened, “they wouldn’t stop.” The base of her palms over her eyes, she tried to hide it but she started crying again. Kayla scooted over and put her arm around her sister. Skyler kept crying for a long time.

              In ten minutes, a door slammed. Shouting came from downstairs. First they fought about waking up the kids. Then they fought about money. Then they fought about her family. Then they fought about his family. Kayla tried to ignore it and she prayed Skyler would fall asleep, but her breath never steadied into dreams.

Chapter 4: Excited Prayer

              Like always, Kayla felt awake before her alarm had the chance to scream her out of sleep. Five hours of sleep then another day.              Kayla turned off her alarm, whispered a prayer, and threw off her blankets. It didn’t take long to get dressed. She grabbed her homework, stuffed it into her backpack, and tried to think of anything else she’d have to face today. A year ago that would’ve been tests, volunteering, or something she wanted to double study. That morning she had to worry about a mercenary named Cyrus, what Seth wanted, and what happened to her.

              Downstairs, Kayla found her father at the table. Dressed for work, he wore a suit and tie. A newspaper was spread out against the table, but her dad didn’t read it. Instead, his eyes snapped up to her the second she stepped on the kitchen tiles. Kayla didn’t know what he wanted, but there wasn’t any breakfast on the table. Her mom wasn’t around either, so this might’ve been planned.

              Being the oldest somehow made her speaker for Skyler and Everett even if they wouldn’t listen to him anyway.

              “Good morning sweetheart.”

              “Hi.” The drowsiness from just waking up disappeared.

              “Feel like some breakfast? Thought I’d take you out, have a father-daughter trip to McDonald’s before school.”

              “You have something to say,” she said. “Right?”

              “You’ve always been direct.” Her dad smiled at her like this was a negotiation or business meeting. Sometimes she didn’t like having a corporate manger for a dad either. Aside from hiring and firing, Kayla couldn’t explain what he did. “That’s a valuable trait. You should never be afraid to speak your mind.”

              “It could get me in trouble too.”

              “Not as long as you’re respectful?”

              “Because no one gets in trouble for saying the wrong thing to the wrong person,” Kayla said. She picked up an apple from the center of the kitchen table.

              “This is important,” he explained. Kayla rolled the apple between her hands as her dad put his hands on the table, his fingers woven together. It was his business face. “There’s something we need to discuss.” He paused, took a breath like he was about to jump from a bridge, and said, “We need to talk about what’s going to happen to you and your brother and sister after the divorce.”

              Something cold hit Kayla’s stomach. “What’s that?”

              “We need to figure out living arrangements, custody in particular.”

              “We’re kids.” It was a blank answer. “I didn’t think we got a say.”

              “You’re almost an adult. All of you are getting old enough to make your own choices,” he picked out each word like someone was listening for a mistake. “You’ll have a lot of say about who gets custody.”

              “Why are you telling me this?”

              “Because the judge will want to hear about what you have to say.” He stopped, looked down, and pulled his hands together again, “It’s important you make the rational choice.”

              “Rational?”

              “I want you to think about what’ll happen when your mother and I separate. Officially. Yes, we still care about one another, and yes, we both love you kids very, very much and nothing is going to change that, but you need to consider your position.”

              “Like what?”

              “Like financial concerns.”

              “Money?” this was one of those conversations Kayla never wanted.

              “Your mother won’t have the resources to maintain full custody. I don’t think she’ll realize this on her own. It might help if you discussed the best situation with Skyler and Everett. Things would be a lot easier if you three made the choice so the lawyers don’t have to convince anyone to do the right thing.”

              Kayla opened her mouth to speak but stopped because that was her dad. Her dad was wrong. Sometimes you couldn’t speak without getting someone mad. Instead, she nodded, mumbled something about how she was going to be late, and headed for the door.

              Outside it was cold and winter, but that morning air still felt warmer than her house.

              Every step and Kayla felt her stomach darken and get heavier. Her dad wanted her to choose. Her dad wanted her to herd Skyler and Everett to his side. He’d get custody and that would mean they loved him more. No one should read it that way, but it’s what they’d think.

              At school, Kayla’s skin was still bumped and raised with the chill of morning. She didn’t rub her hands together or pull up her hood. The cold didn’t mean anything because her face was probably red and her chest still felt like it was lit on fire. Kayla wasn’t supposed to be violent, but she wanted to kick something or break something.

              Thin metal posts held up the canopies between the buildings and halls. For some reason, Kayla thought it would feel really good to kick one. Ignoring the urge made her even more frustrated. She’d probably just hurt her foot and that just made it worse.

              Kayla didn’t know if she should be mad at her dad or both of them. Her mom wasn’t there, but that could’ve been because she didn’t want to be part of that conversation. Or her dad wanted to make sure he got them just to hurt her mom. This shouldn’t have happened.

              Anger tightened her sight and made it hard to see anything. Her fingernails nip into her palms, but Kayla didn’t care. It got easier since no one was going to talk to her anyway. She passed the flagpole and spotted her old friends circled together in prayer. They supported one another, and then Kayla didn’t know if she thought of her friends or her parents. Yeah, she really wanted to hit something.

              Kayla tried to think of something else. She tried to think about her homework. She tried to go through yesterday’s Spanish quiz and figure out what she should study. Thoughts of college, her unknown major, and the rest of her life bit at her. If she had friends, she could’ve gone and talked to them. Kayla missed her friends because she could have helped them with  their problems. Someone would be in a fight with her boyfriend. Someone would be scared about a grade. Now she just floated at the edge of school and people and waited for school to start so she could have some place to be.

              Half way to her home room, Kayla stopped and glanced around. She was alone. That’s why she slid her backpack from her shoulder, dropped it to the concrete tile, and pulled her hands together, one palm over her fist, lowered her head, and whispered. Always the same, she let her fears and doubts slide out. He’d hear her. He’d help her figure it out with just a couple words and a lot of peace. He’d help her find the right answers she already knew but wouldn’t figure out on her own.

“Please don’t let that happen. I don’t know what I can do, but please don’t let us break apart. Give me the strength to keep it from happening. Or if it has to happen, help me help Skyler and Everett.” The anger faded and drifted away. “Help me help my parents. I know this is going to hurt a lot of people, but I can try to be there for them. It’ll be a lot easier if I know you’re there too.” She didn’t know if it made sense, and that was her favorite part of prayer: it didn’t have to.

Lighter, freer, Kayla grabbed her stuff and headed back to her home room. The door waited for her along with a couple other people. She knew most of their names, but they weren’t friends. For a second, she wondered if she should try to change that. Sure, most of her old friends vanished, everyone except Erin, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t just start talking to someone. The thought made something in her stomach twist and flip, but it felt like the right move.

Before she had the chance, a high pitched voice said from behind, “Hi Kayla.” Always confident and aggressive, Allie talked like she got to be in charge of everyone.

Kayla didn’t want to do this again, but at the same time she felt a flutter of hope. It was one of those nice little fantasies where they could be friends again. “Hi,” Kayla said, careful.

Hands on her hips, Allie titled her head to one side, “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.”

“I was thinking about you,” Allie said. “Can we talk?”

Kayla waited for something to stop her ex-friend. It felt like talking to a coiled snake. Sure, she might just touch her tongue the air and hang out, but she could spring just as easily. When Allie smiled, Kayla noticed her canines. “Sure. What’s going on?” Her question pretended the last month never happened.

“Have you talked to them?”

This would go the same way, same argument, same fight. Kayla should’ve walked away. It was like with the guys. One of them said something and the other wouldn’t walk away. Now Kayla didn’t leave either. “No. There’s nothing for me to say.”

“They’re going to break the vows they made before God,” she said. “Don’t you think you should try to stop them? You’re their daughter. They’d listen to you if you try.”

“It’s their decision.”

“It’s wrong. It’s a sin. You can’t let them do it.”

“Let them?”

“They would listen to you.” This felt like a battle she’d gone through a thousand times. Twice before with Allie in the real world and another couple hundred times in her head.

“I’m not doing this again.”

              “You’re going to have to live with the choices you make Kayla.” Allie made sure to say her name like an insult. “I’ll pray for you. I promise.” She was halfway gone when the bell rang and she disappeared into clusters of students. Everyone had somewhere to be.

              But later on, Kayla couldn’t sit down. She couldn’t sit at her desk and listen to the morning announcements and be still. She couldn’t be still at all. Frustrated, Kayla turned and walked against the current of students. That itch to smash something was back in her fists.

              The world spun and it felt like everything would crack apart. She felt it in her chest. Cracks broke through everything. Kayla wanted to cry, but she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. Her eyes watered anyway like they didn’t care what she wanted.

              She didn’t see anyone. Everyone blurred together into a nameless throng of people. Guys in jeans, girls in skirts, teachers yelling at people to get to class. No one noticed Kayla. No one noticed her until a strong hand gripped her shoulder and pulled her to a stop.

              “What’s wrong?” Seth asked when he pulled her to a stop.

              “Nothing,” she wiped at her eyes. Worst lie ever.

              “C’mon,” Seth let her go and walked beside her, but she didn’t stop. She let Seth tow her along, because he had somewhere they should be and she didn’t. Besides, if she kept walking, one of the hall monitors would drag her back to class.

              Kayla was relieved again when he didn’t ask questions. Anyone else would’ve wanted to know what was wrong, but he strolled beside her. A few stragglers hustled between classes trying to get to their teachers before their names were called and they were tardy. One of the monitors glanced over at Seth, but he didn’t say anything.

“It’s cold,” Seth said to her. “Let’s find somewhere better.” A few steps later, he opened a door to the cafeteria for her.

The air was warm and smelled like stale pancakes. A few student volunteers worked at wiping down the tables before the lunch lady turned on them, “You can’t be here. You two have to get back to class. Now.”

“You have things to do in the back. You should take care of them now.” The same spark of blue touched her eyes before the cafeteria lady barked for everyone to leave. “No people,” he said. A trace of a smile touched his mouth. It surprised her, because he didn’t do it often enough, and she thought he would’ve looked good if he could be happier.

              “How long can we stay here?” she asked.

              “As long as you want,” he went over to the counter with his wallet open, dropped a bill, and came back with two little cartons of milk. He handed her one.

              “Chocolate milk?”

              “Good for the soul. If you believe in that sort of thing.” Seth sat next to her. They both had their backs to the table. Kayla got the impression he didn’t want to leave his back to the door, but she didn’t hear that paranoia when he added, “Be careful. That’s hardcore stuff.”

              Kayla felt herself smile, mostly because someone wanted to say a lame joke to make her feel better. He didn’t say anything else and he didn’t poke her to talk. She did anyway. “People aren’t bad,” she said. “They’re good when they’re nice.”

              “You’re probably right,” he said. “I wouldn’t know.”

              “What do you mean?”

              Seth needed a heartbeat to find the right answer, “I don’t do the whole people thing.” He squirmed a little. “It doesn’t work out.”

              “Everyone has people, someone.”

              Now he looked at her. His eyes were warm and sad at the same time, but she guessed she wasn’t supposed to see that part. “I don’t.” Before she could ask, “No one. No family. No parents. No siblings. Everyone’s gone.”

              “What about your friends?”