Blackberry Crumble (43 page)

Sadie blinked quickly to keep May’s face from blurring through her own falling tears.

“Why did you hire me, May?”

May didn’t answer, allowing Sadie to clarify her question. “You could have hired another PI up here. Someone who knew what they were doing. Why me?”

May shrugged.

“Didn’t you tell me you felt drawn to me?” Sadie offered. “Didn’t you feel like I was the person who was supposed to help you?”

“This is
not
what I wanted,” May said, looking up at Sadie quickly and waving her arm through the air. “I didn’t want any of this.”

“You wanted truth, and you wanted closure. I can’t imagine what it feels like to face this all at once, but I’ve been asking myself why I came—especially after I hurt you so badly.” Sadie forged ahead, even though her voice quavered. “And the only answer I can come up with was that I was supposed to. I felt it before I called you back that very first time, and I believe you felt it too.” She took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I’m so, so sorry this happened.”

May dropped her head into her hands and gave into the sobs that had been rumbling below the surface since Sadie had first come inside.

Sadie slid closer to her on the couch, unsure if the other woman would accept her comfort but willing to try. She put her arms around May’s shoulders. May resisted at first, but when Sadie put a hand on her hair and attempted to pull her closer, May crumpled into her, desperate enough for comfort to accept it from anyone, even the woman who had forced her to face things she didn’t want to. She was so different from the confident woman who had approached Sadie at the Latham Club dinner. The last few days had peeled back her layers, and she seemed more like a girl than a woman right now.

A moment later, Richard poked his head into the doorway. Sadie waved him out before May could see him and put up two fingers for two more minutes. Sadie lifted May’s head from her shoulder, and pushed her tear-drenched hair from her face so that she could look her in the eye. “There’s one more thing,” Sadie said. “Something important I need you to hear.”

May pulled back, and Sadie hurried to assure her that it wasn’t bad. Sadie slipped her hand into her purse and removed the digital voice recorder she’d taken with her during her first meeting with Richard. She’d already cued it to the part she wanted May to hear and pressed play.

Sadie: You’re in love with her.

Richard: Have been since I was fifteen years old.

Sadie: You have children.

Richard: I do.

Sadie: Are you married?

Richard: Not anymore.

Sadie: What happened between you and May, then?

Richard: I’ll tell you everything. I’ll answer every question you have about my father, but I need you to promise me something.

Sadie: What?

Richard: I need to be face-to-face with May at some point. Promise me. Promise me you’ll help me see her. It won’t be as easy as it sounds.

Sadie: Why? Is she afraid of you?

Richard: Yes. No one has hurt her the way I did.

Sadie: Hurt her?

Richard: I broke her heart to the point that I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me for it, but I have to tell her how wrong I was and how truly sorry I am for everything.

Sadie turned the voice recorder off, and May closed her eyes as though unable to listen to any more. Sadie held the younger woman by the shoulders until May opened her eyes again.

“Richard Kelly loves you,” Sadie said. May began to pull away, and Sadie shook her slightly. May met her eyes, more tears leaking over. “I understand why you don’t want to risk being hurt again, and no one can blame you for that. People aren’t perfect, and Richard certainly wasn’t, but he’s grown up and become a man who, I believe, deserves the chance to make things right.” She kept talking to May, realizing she was advising herself as much as she was sharing her thoughts. “Life is too short to not be loved, May. You
deserve
to be loved; you deserve to be cherished.”

May looked away, shaking her head. “Too much,” she whispered, raising a hand to wipe at her tears.

“Too much what?”

Her face crumbled. “I don’t want to leave anyone behind. I can’t carry that responsibility.”

Sadie felt her throat catch. “That’s why you left Portland in the first place, wasn’t it? To ease out of the connections you had to people and protect yourself from pain—not just Richard. Everyone.”

May’s shoulders pulled inward, but she didn’t answer with words.

“It didn’t work, did it? When your dad died, it hurt just as much, maybe worse, than if you’d stayed.”

“If I’d been here,” May said, “maybe I could have done something and kept Gary and Lois from . . . ” She shook her head, unable to finish.

Sadie didn’t have an answer for that. May was not responsible for Jim’s death; May couldn’t have stopped Lois any more than she could have prevented Hugh’s gambling or Gary’s greed or Jolene’s cancer. May had nothing to do with any of that, but Sadie wanted to focus on the future rather than trying to help May make sense of the last several weeks. There would be time enough for her to work through the past, but right now Sadie felt as though May were standing on a precipice, facing the decision of what to do next. She was broken and hurting, and Sadie hoped that that equated to an openness that might help May see things differently than she’d chosen to see them these last ten years.

“May,” Sadie began, “you’ve experienced more loss than anyone I know, but would you have chosen against having these people in your life in the first place if you knew how it would end?” Sadie had faced that question herself. If she’d known she would lose the love of her life, would she have married Neil at all? She had found her answer—a resounding yes that no longer hurt to say—but May had to find her own answer to that question. Sadie hoped May would trust herself to answer it honestly.

“No,” May said, but it came with another sob. Sadie understood that she didn’t want to
not
have had her parents and brother and sister and aunts and nephew; she just didn’t want to hurt anymore or cause that kind of hurt for anyone else. That was something else Sadie could relate to, though not quite on May’s level.

“Maybe you can let Richard make that same choice instead of counting yourself out so easily,” Sadie said, rubbing May’s arms as she spoke. “Richard was there when you lost your mother, and he’s been in the shadows through your father’s passing and this whole unbelievable mess that’s followed. Is there any possible way you can trust him to make the best decision for himself? Can you believe, even a little bit, that regardless of what may come, his life might be better for having had you in it?”

May dropped her head, her tears overflowing and dripping into her lap. “I don’t know if I can do that,” she said with a sob. “I don’t know.”

Sadie pressed her lips against May’s forehead, wishing there was a way to send all her feelings of love and tenderness directly to May’s broken heart. May was a
good
woman, and with all her heart Sadie wanted her to find joy.

“You have so much to give,” she whispered into May’s hair. “And someone who wants to love you.”

Movement caught her eye, and Sadie saw Richard step inside. He’d apparently been counting down those two minutes and was unable to wait even a second longer. She looked at Richard’s questioning glance and answered with a slight nod that it was a good time for him to come in. Sadie was aware that she was taking a huge risk of making everything worse by orchestrating this reunion. Yet, somehow, she felt that May was ready—ready to let someone else help her pick up the pieces, ready to have something to live for.

Richard knelt next to May, and Sadie felt May stiffen when she realized he was there. She didn’t look at him, but she didn’t move away or yell or slap him either. Sadie took both of May’s hands in her own and squeezed them slightly, willing May to open her heart just a little more. She wanted to point out that Richard had two healthy, happy children May could love if she felt unable to risk having her own and that he’d sacrificed all his security to help Sadie find Jim’s killer. She wanted to convince May that it was a
logical
decision for her to take this chance, but it was May’s heart that needed to believe.

Richard kept a comfortable distance and didn’t try to touch her right away. “May,” he whispered.

Sadie felt May stiffen even more. She squeezed May’s hands again as Richard continued.

“I am . . . so sorry,” he said, emotion causing his voice to tremble. “I know that’s not enough. I know those words in and of themselves can’t fix anything, but I am so, so sorry. Hurting you is the biggest regret of my life.” He sniffed, and May lifted her head, ever so slowly.

She looked at him, her tear-streaked face and swollen eyes reflecting fear and hope and everything in between.

“It seems as though I’ve been in love with you all my life,” Richard continued. “I beg you to give me another chance, to let us find happiness together—a happiness neither of us has found on our own.”

“I don’t know if I can do that,” May said, shaking her head. “I just . . . I feel so . . .”

Sadie could think of several words that could work: alone, abandoned, betrayed, overwhelmed, hopeless, sad.

May dropped her head again, but Sadie could feel her resolve softening. With small movements, she removed her hands from where they covered May’s.

Richard saw what she was doing and shot her a grateful look as he placed his larger hand over May’s small and shuddering ones. May didn’t pull away at his touch.

“Let me love you, May, the way I should have the first time,” he whispered, raising his other hand to touch her face. “Please.”

For a moment May was still, and then another sob broke through and she moved ever so slightly toward Richard.

It was all the prompting Sadie needed. She slipped off the couch, and before she could take a step, Richard slid into her place. Just as May had crumpled into Sadie’s arms minutes earlier, she melted into Richard, allowing him to hold her, allowing him to wrap his arms around her and bury his face in her hair as the sobbing began anew.

Sadie wiped frantically at her eyes as she walked toward the door. Before leaving the room, she took one last look at them, just in time to see May wrap her arms around Richard’s shoulders, holding him as tightly as he held her. Sadie closed the door silently behind her and wished them all the happiness they had never known.

Once on the porch, Sadie kept her hand on the doorknob but leaned back against the door, letting out a breath and willing away some of the lingering fear and tension that had taken hold of her neck and shoulders. Not all things broken could be fixed; Sadie knew that from her own experience with loss and with life in general. She’d been reminded of the same thing in spades as she’d watched the depth of human suffering this week and tried to comprehend the evil that could rot men’s—and women’s—souls. And yet, as the sun came up every morning, as the roses bloomed every spring, she was reminded again that there was healing even in a world so full of confusion and pain. There was hope. There was love.

And love, above all things, was worth the battle.

She started down the steps and smiled at Pete, who had stepped out of the car, watching her approach.

“Good?” he asked when Sadie was close enough to hear him.

“I think so,” Sadie said, continuing forward until she could link her arms behind his back and look up into his face. “I’m sure glad that life comes with second chances.”

Pete’s arms snaked around her back as well. “So am I,” he said, leaning down for a kiss—soft and perfect.

Sadie pulled back enough that she could still feel the barest touch of his lips against hers. “I love you, Pete Cunningham,” she whispered, wondering why she’d held back so long on saying those words. It had seemed like he should say them first, but why?

Pete smiled and tapped her nose with his. “And I love you, Sadie Hoffmiller. I love you, too.”

Second-Chance Baked Potato Soup

1⁄2 cup butter

1⁄2 cup flour

5 cups milk

4 to 5 large, leftover baked potatoes, peeled and mashed (or 3 cups mashed potatoes)*

1 teaspoon salt (don’t be afraid to add more to taste)

1⁄2 teaspoon pepper

4 green onions, chopped and divided

12 slices bacon, cooked, crumbled and divided

11⁄2 cups shredded cheddar cheese, divided

1 (8-ounce) package sour cream

Melt butter in a heavy kettle over low heat. Add flour, stirring until smooth. Cook for about 1 minute, stirring constantly.