Bittersweet (Xcite Romance) (4 page)

‘No, I don’t have a card,’ he replied and took a subtle step closer to me that I’m sure was unconscious, yet not overlooked.

‘Oh,’ Carla remarked, noting the sudden energy in the air. ‘I see.’

‘Next!’ the checkout clerk yelled, breaking the few seconds of tense quiet and prompting Carla to say her goodbyes.

‘Great,’ I sighed, ‘all I need is Carla passing rumours around the neighbourhood about us.’

‘Sabrina, you are facing the hardest thing you’ve ever had to deal with. Who cares what the busybodies in your neighbourhood think.’ He spoke softly, but I could hear the intensity in his voice. ‘This is about what you want, what Keith wants and what I want.’

‘I’m not so sure what I want.’

‘If I wanted to kiss you right here, would you stop me?’

I glanced over in the direction that Carla had gone and spotted her squeezing a cantaloupe in the produce section. Her attention was only half-occupied with the fruit as she returned my gaze with a terse smile. I knew the answer I should give, the sensible answer. But in reality, the remedy Keith had prescribed for our impossible situation was entirely sensible in the unapologetically practical definition of the word.

‘You’re right,’ I said, feeling a fraction of the tension in my shoulders ease. ‘Who gives a shit what anyone else thinks?’

He kissed me softly, sweetly – like lovers who have been together forever and I felt my cheeks burn, not with embarrassment, but a desire that wouldn’t been quelled by Carla’s judgmental stare. It was liberating to release that bit of unnecessary baggage when far more pressing challenges lay ahead.

In the car, I reached for his hand instinctively and thought about how to ask him to stay the night again.

As it turned out, I wouldn’t have to, because when the snow began to fall, Keith readily made the suggestion.

‘I’ll head out before it gets bad,’ Evan told us. ‘Just need to pick up a few things from my place.’

‘Maybe you should pack enough for a few days,’ I piped up. ‘In case we’re snowed in.’

Evan grinned at my explanation and called me on it. ‘I thought you’d never ask.’

He left sometime after three, before the storm warnings went into effect. I took the time alone with Keith to massage his back, which gets stiff from sitting so much. Straddling him on our bed, I slowly dragged my fingers over his muscles, watching them twitch in response.

‘Does that feel good?’

‘Mmmm. It does.’

‘We used to joke about a threesome, years ago. Do you remember that?’

‘Of course I do,’ he replied, sounding relaxed.

‘But nobody jokes about something unless there’s some bit of truth lacing the humour.’ I took a sweep past his skin with my lips. ‘Would you join us, if I asked you to?’

‘I’m not sure what you’d need me for, but if Evan is open to it, then yes.’

‘Do you think you will enjoy it?’

‘I will enjoy seeing you happy.’

‘Keith, tell me what I can do to make you happy.’

‘Sweetheart, that isn’t a fair question. I can’t control a thing about this tumour in my head. I don’t know when I’ll take my last breath – tomorrow, next month. It’s like a time bomb. But what I can control ... what I want to ensure, is the way I leave things. What would make me happy is to know that you are happy.’

‘You must be the most generous man on the earth.’

‘Actually, I think that I’m quite selfish. We were a strong couple, Sabrina. I love you fiercely still. It’s just unacceptable to risk your fire dying with me. I simply won’t have it.’

I helped him turn over and let my hair hang in his face. ‘You can try selling me that selfish line all you want; I know the truth about you, Keith.’ And I employed my kisses to explain exactly what I thought of him.

The afternoon talk shows buzzed in the background, on the TV no one was watching downstairs. Keith looked different to me all of a sudden. He didn’t seem like the broken shell I had merely existed with over the past months. On the contrary, Keith had new colour in his cheeks and he looked empowered and strong.

‘Do you remember the first time you told me you loved me?’ I asked him, tugging my top off over my head.

‘I do.’

‘I came to your office to surprise you with a little fun before class ...’

‘And I was expecting you already and hard as a shotgun.’

I rocked off of him and slid out of my pants. ‘It made me so angry that you thought you knew me so well.’

‘I did ... I do know you that well, my Sabrina.’

I continued, ‘It made me so angry that I decided to make you sorry for being so presumptuous.’

He ran his hand up my bare thigh. ‘You hiked up that tight little skirt you had on and sat on top of my desk.’ For a better view, he propped himself up with the strong arms that used to hold me every night as we fell asleep.

‘And then I spread my legs in front of you, like this.’ Keith’s eyes were smoky, the way they used to look when we were about to fuck. ‘And I slid my fingers over my pussy, like this, teasing you relentlessly.’

‘You weren’t making me sorry, sweetheart. You were making me fall in love with you. So stubborn and sexy, so difficult – I ate it up.’

‘You waited until I was in the middle of my climax, with my fingers rubbing my clit furiously and my mind cloudy with the sweet power I had over you in that moment.’

‘And then I fucked your mind completely and told you I loved you.’

‘Yeah, that was how it went,’ I breathed through a sultry grin. ‘You ended up being the one who did the surprising that day.’

He reached out to take over where I left off, stroking my swollen clit with his thumb and the feel of him pleasuring me again was instantly explosive. I missed him so much.

When I was finished, he collapsed flat on the bed, having exhausted the arm that was supporting him upright. I snuggled back against him, wishing that I could return the favour in some way, but settled for a long kiss instead.

We lay there, drifting on our memories and let the afternoon talk shows turn into the evening news. Thoughts of happy times challenged the darkness of tragedy that loomed over us like a spectre waiting to strike. We spoke little; busy in our own minds, but connected by touch. And as the hours ticked by, reality knocked louder, disrupting the dreamy recollections of better days. Sadness and gloom beckoned and I found myself in need of something, someone to ward it off. It was very dark when I began to wonder what was keeping Evan.

I extracted myself from Keith’s lazy arm strewn across my chest and sat up to check the clock. The time was rounding 7 p.m. and the driving snow was starting to obscure the upstairs windows. Worry tinged my brow with the idea of Evan’s little hatchback trudging through what looked like a foot of snow on the ground already. I almost hoped that he’d used his good judgment to stay in the city after all, knowing that if he had, I’d have volunteered to pick him up in the Rover instead. I called his cellphone but only got his voicemail.

‘Keith, are you hungry?’ I asked him, taking my mind off of the howling wind.

Comfort food was the menu of choice for the evening, and our favourite brand of frozen gourmet pizza and a glass of Merlot was the best I could do. I never learned the fine art of cooking; too busy ordering take-out. And that night, I didn’t dare call for delivery for fear they’d laugh me off the line.

By 9 p.m., even Keith was asking if I’d heard from Evan. And at 10 p.m., I was staring out of the window into the blurred greyness of the storm, my lips pressed flush with anxiety. In a day’s time, Evan had become my only security. Keith had already gone to bed when small headlights finally cut the darkness in our driveway.

Relief washed over me as a smile softened my mouth. Before he rang the bell I was at the door, with the cold whipping through my old college T-shirt. He was soaked.

‘Why didn’t you answer your phone?’ I sputtered, closing the door and tipping around the icy puddles in my bare feet.

‘No battery,’ he replied easily, pulling off his coat. ‘I was out all day and night with this amazing woman and left my charger at home.’

I wasn’t terribly amused. ‘Well, I was worried sick.’ And as I said the words, I realised just how frightened I was. It was a surprise to me to know that I needed him so much already – my security blanket.

‘I’m sorry about that,’ he said, his tone now serious and his hand making its way to my face.

‘What took you so long?’

‘When you’re driving five miles an hour, this is a three-hour trip from Manhattan.’ His smile was effortless. ‘But, patience is a good friend of determination.’

‘I’m glad you’re here, safe and sound.’

‘How glad?’ he asked, slipping his arms around me.

‘Quite glad,’ I replied with a sexy smile. I’d been in more and more agony for his return with every minute that passed, worried for his safety and worried for myself. It was a little scary to feel afraid that I might lose the only glimmer of light in my dismal life. Throwing my arms around his neck, I smothered him with kisses and he returned every one with equal voracity.

It was fast work ridding me of my panties and with little desire to delay by fully undressing, Evan loosened his pants exposing his cock still battling the frigid temperatures of February’s frosty assault. I dropped to my knees in front of him and took it whole into my mouth, sucking hard with intention. He played softly in my hair, cooing and sighing as his cock responded in kind. It grew quickly between my lips, blood surging under the skin. And once he was ready, he wasted no time, scooping me up and placing me on the steps. His large hands gripped firmly on my legs, holding them apart. Into me he slid as if it were the only place he belonged. And I was glad for how he replaced the pit in my stomach with the fullness of satisfaction.

He fucked me with strength, a gritty power that hinted of ownership or at least the hope of it. Another kiss on my lips was hard and fevered, and he tugged on my lip with a gentle bite. I pressed my tongue inside his mouth and he met this with a deeper thrust of his rigid cock.

‘Oh, God. Evan!’

Raising my legs higher, he pounded me deeper still; sighing raggedly against my shoulder and beginning to tremble. The heat of his come gratified me. He was back, close where I needed him and I knew it would be hard to see him leave again.

But questions abounded in my head. ‘I need to ask you, Evan. Why would someone want to be tangled in this sad predicament?’ I gave a cynical laugh. ‘I mean, besides the sex.’

Evan smiled in the face of my impetuous inquiry. ‘I’m crazy for you,’ he said in a breathless admission. ‘I’ve been into you since the first week I came to work for your husband.’

‘Why?’ The simple question surprised me as much as it did him.

He flopped onto the step and reclined under the afterglow of orgasm. ‘Because, you are impossible to ignore. When you walk into the room, Sabrina, I want to know what you’re going to say. It’s endlessly entertaining to watch the way you dissect the world from the safety of your perch.’

‘Some people would say that’s what they hate about me.’

‘No, that’s just because they don’t understand you.’

‘And you think you understand me? How is that possible? We barely know each other.’

‘I hope that’s only a temporary condition,’ he replied, smiling in the kind of way that made me know he’d do all he could to ensure that it was.

We awoke to the glare of a whitewashed landscape, beautifully fresh like a clean rebirth of the land. And I felt revived and new, even with my legs sore from the prior night’s action. We’d fallen asleep together on the sofa, having fucked like fevered banshees through most of the night. I took every bit of pleasure Evan had to offer and tucked it into my memory for a rainy day. Still, even after our second night, I braced myself against the idea that he might not stay through until the end. After all, it was an impossible situation that Keith – no, that I was asking Evan – to navigate and perhaps more than anyone deserved.

Evan was good from head to toe. His spirit was as pure and giving as any person I’d ever met. We were snowed in together for that entire next day – all three of us. With a refrigerator now properly stocked and a knowledgeable cook in the house, we ate well and enjoyed the conversation even more, thanks to Evan. And when the ploughs finally came to clear the two feet that fell in the blizzard, he insisted that we pile into the Rover for a drive up to Bear Mountain to get some fresh air and enjoy the view. It was a good idea

Keith was in a great mood, better than I’d seen in a long while. He breathed in the air around him like it was the most precious thing in existence, and I too know now just how precious it is. It made me want to find a way to keep him feeling that good. And I knew the one thing that always brought him joy, beyond anything else, was teaching.

‘Take a right up here,’ I told Evan as we approached the country inn that bordered the park. The log cabin structure and rocking chairs on the porch were as American pie as it gets. The locale was an ironic choice for the idea I’d hashed, making me giggle slightly at the delicious spontaneity of it all.

Neither of them questioned my motives when I suggested we check into a room. Keith took care of the transaction and the white-haired desk attendant seemed more than a bit confused by the curious threesome with no luggage making their way to the elevator.

‘Gentlemen, we are about to go to school,’ I announced with a sly grin once the doors slid closed.

Keith only smiled, knowing exactly what I had in mind. On many occasions, in the name of pure lusty fun, Keith and I would play our own version of teacher’s pet. It was well after we’d married when I purchased a rather tacky schoolgirl outfit online, meant as a joke for Halloween. But when I tried the thing on, neither one of us could dismiss the irresistible kink factor, given our story. We fucked like horny teenagers that night all over the house, trading the ringing doorbell for a generously stuffed bowl of candy on the front stoop.

The room was modestly furnished with a simple reading chair and a king-sized bed. But the view of the snow-covered mountains beyond an icy lake was breathtaking.