Bittersweet Hate (5 page)

I let him pull me down the hall and into his bedroom. Confused I look around. “Why are we in your room?”

He releases my hand and lays himself down on the bed. “Because you’re mine, and when I eat that pussy out, it’s going to be in this bed. So that when you’re gone, I can relish in your scent, and know that I put it here.” He pauses, his eyes glazing over as he looks me up in and down.  It’s dark, but the moonlight filtering in through the window gives off enough light to tell me he’s a man on a mission. A sole purpose, to give me everything no man ever has.

“
I want you in this bed because when I wake up tomorrow and you’re not here, it’ll be the only way to tell that this wasn’t a dream.” His words are breaking down the wall my heart had so carefully built. After all the effort to construct this wall by placing brick by brick into place, I can’t believe it’s crumbling so quickly. I was crumbling. I was crumbling with needs, and desires I never wanted to acknowledge, as I didn’t know if Corey would ever be able to fulfill them.

“You don’t need to take me in your bed to remember my scent. I’ve always been yours in some way.” My voice is fragile, just like my insides. I’ve nev
er been this close with someone, At least not emotionally.

He lays back, a smug smile on his face and for the first time that smile isn’t pissing me off. It’s making me crazy. He
crooks his finger in my direction playfully signaling for me to straddle him 

I climb up on him hesitantly. Are we really doing this?
Leaning down onto him my eyes catch on a tattoo on his chest. It’s a black tribal tattoo and I feel myself reaching out to trace the lines on his chest. I guess in the heat of the moment I wasn’t really looking at him. One of his hands reaches out taking hold of my hip, and holding me firmly into place over him. His throbbing cock is pressed between us, and at the sight of him I’m drooling. His other hand comes up, gripping me by the back of the neck bringing me down to his lips so he can take possession of me.

“Let me
own you, let me be the reason you eat, breathe, and sleep. Let me love you, and you’ll never have a worry in the world. Give yourself to me, and I’ll forever be yours.” His voice sings to me, calls to me. Holding up these walls is draining. Then let them down a little voice nags.

“What if I let you in, and you break me, you hurt me.
What if I eat, breathe, and sleep you, but you do not return the favor? What if I’ve loved you this whole time and you haven’t loved me.” We stare in awe at each other. 

“Don’t give up on us, before we have a chance Mimi. I want you, I’ve wanted you every day sinc
e the first time you opened that sassy ass mouth. You had me hard the moment you called me an asshole.” A small smile pulls on my lips. I know if I don’t take this chance, and dive in head first I won’t get another.

“You’re all I need
, baby, all I need.” He whispers into my ear, as I kiss a slow tortuous path down his neck and unto his chest. His hands search every part of my body unexplored by his eyes.

Our sweat clad bodies, rub against one another’s. He takes my shirt off, and
sucks my nipple into his mouth sending sparks of heat deep into my core. Letting out a loud groan, I grab his hair, tugging on the soft locks.

His hand reaches into my hair, pulling it and holding me in place so that I can’t look anywhere but at him.

“Break for me Mimi, give in to me.” He says to me as our eyes are locked, suddenly he rocks into me. I let out a gasp, the invasion of him into my body and heart causing an immediate explosion of sorts by the unexpected feelings of fullness filling me perfectly.

His pace is deliciously slow, a trickle of sweat forms on his brow.
  It’s then that I realize he’s making love to me. He’s making me take down those walls so we can become one.

“
You’re strong baby, but I’m stronger. Let me carry the weight. Let me be the man you deserve.” His hold on my hair releases, and I lean back. He keeps his pace slow as he kneads my breast. He’s bringing me closer to the edge one glorious stroke at a time.

“Fuck.” He grits out, unable to keep himself from plowing into m
e. It’s as if a switch has flipped within him. I feel his grasp on control slipping as he stakes his claim on me, the primal need in him urging him to go faster, and harder. As we lock eyes I think I see something that I’ve never seen before. With every slap of our skin, I take notice of the love in his eyes. It reflects back on the way his body takes over mine, leaving not one inch of me untouched. From the inside out, he has left his mark on me. From then on I take him for what it’s worth, loving every fucking second of it. With every moan, every slap of skin, every bite, scratch, and kiss the wall surrounding my heart crumbles just a little bit more .

“Don’t ever let go Mimi, do you hear me. Never let go.” He whispers into my ear as we both reach our peaks.
The world around me goes dark, I feel as if I’m on another realm. As if I’ve left my body and can see everything clearer.

I collapse onto his chest as our breaths slowly ease out.

“I love you.” He says. The air is sucked out of the room for me, as I lay there motionless. Did he just say the L word?

I smile against his chest, my fingers lazily tracing his tattoo.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ever hurt you. I’m sorry, that we had to break each other to become one whole piece.” There’s sleepiness to his voice, calmness.

“I’m not.” I say rolling off of him so I can look at him. He looks at me apparently shocked by my comment.

“Sometimes things have to be broken down or destroyed to be rebuilt. Why do you think they burn dead grass? So that they can plant new grass, so that the new seed has a better chance at becoming a blade of grass.” There’s a moment of silence as I look over his well satisfied body. Thank you fucking lord for giving us this. “We’re a lot like blades of grass Corey. Sometimes we have to be burned to start off fresh. To plant new roots, so we can grow.”

A rush of excitement shows on his face.
“You’re right. We’re just like two little blades of grass blowing in the wind.” He’s laughing at me. I punch him in the arm and let out a growl.

“I hate you.”

“No you don’t. You love me.” His voice is faint as if he’s an angel speaking to me; either that or I’m falling asleep. Either way it sounds beautiful.

I know Corey, I know. I love you.

It’s been a week since we fucked like mating bunnies. Technically we’ve fucked like bunnies every night, but nothing has really changed. He still gets on my nerves to the point where I sometimes think about holding a pillow over his face at night while he’s sleeping. I throw my Jeep into park and check my phone just on time. Jenna asked me to meet her for coffee so here I am skipping class to fulfill my friend’s needs.

I walk in and spot Jenna at
the end table; she’s got her Kindle in one hand, and her coffee in the other. If I didn’t like dick, Jenna would be my go to gal. But since I love dick so much, well I guess besties will have to do.

“What cha reading?” I ask, slipping my sunglasses off, and taking a seat directly in front of her. She lets out a scared yelp, glaring at me.

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph what the hell, you scared the shit out of me.” She says taking a drink of her coffee, as if it’s going to calm her erratic beating heart.

I look to the ground like a smartass, “Nope, no shit.”

“Not funny.” She growls. She’s glowing happy and content. I’ve never seen her this way, and it makes me smile. She deserves this so much more than anyone I know.

“If you must know I’m reading some of my favorite smut.” Of course she is
. Jenna may seem all young and naïve but she’s far from it. When I think of a book whore I see her.

“That’s fantastic, but you called me down here to meet up with you. What’s going on?” She watches me coolly, not giving anything away.

“I heard about you and Corey, when were you going to tell me, and are you okay?” I can’t tell if she’s asking me if I’m okay, because she’s concerned about me and Corey, or if it has something to do with Brody sending me text messages.

“I mean lately, you’ve been more bitchy than usual, you’ve been kind of distant.” I let her finish her yacking before saying something. Once Jenna gets on something she doesn’t stop.

“I’m fine, there’s nothing going on with Brody and me. I got a random text the other night, and I ignored it. He knows if he comes near me he’ll go back to jail.” She rolls her eyes at me, and it starts to seem like she does not believe anything that comes out of my mouth.

“What about Corey, when were you going to tell me about that?” Her voice is full of hurt, and it feels as if I’m being accused of doing something wrong.

“Things with Corey aren’t really any different than they have been. We had sex A LOT, but that’s it. He wants to commit to me and me to him, but I’ll believe it when I see it. As for not telling you, you’ve been so far up Rex’s ass I can’t tell where yours starts and his ends.” I’m not angry really, I’m not but to accuse me of withholding information about Corey and I when she hasn’t exactly been around kind of pisses me off a little bit.

“You know this thing with you and Corey doesn’t bother me. He told me
about his feelings for you already; I just want you to be happy. I want to protect you like you did me when I needed it.” I look up from the table, as my pissed off emotions go else-where.

She wants to protect me like I protected her? Jenna needed protecting, I refused to let those b
oys in that town tear her apart; make her into some evil witch, being called names, and hurt so many times does something to you. You get angry; you become someone you’re not. Jenna’s too full of butterflies and sunshine to be like that. We definitely did not need to lose one more person like her in this world.  There was perfection about her; someone like her was a rare jewel.

“I’m here for you Mimi, just because I have Rex now doesn’t mean I’ve moved on. It doesn’t mean I still don’t want or need you as my friend.”

“Oh stop, you’re so sensitive; of course I still want you as my friend. I love ya Jen, but sometimes I need to work my own shit out, in my own mind. They are my problems for a reason.” She looks at me, a flicker of compassion showing in her eyes.

“Alright, well I have to go.
Classes and all that crap, but call me and we can set something up to hangout soon.” Her words are rough, as if there’s a ragged edge that she wants to get out but refuses to say. I should stop her and talk to her about it, but I can’t. It’s not that our friendship is failing; it’s that, just like when I let her grow to fight her own battles she needs to do the same for me.

***

Just as I settle into the couch, ready to write my paper for my women’s health class the door opens and in walks a hot and sweaty Corey. He was either working out, or trying to kill himself, I’m not sure which, not that it really matters because here he is in all his glory. His smile shines down on me, as he continues to talk on the phone with someone. I turn back around, doing my best to ignore him as he moves about the house. It’s almost impossible though. When he’s not with me or around me I’m thinking about him and when he’s with me I want to be on him, touching him, looking at him.

“Miss me?” He asks whispering into my hair
while pushing the rest to the side so he can have access to my neck. His tongue skims against the sensitive part of my neck right below my ear. My heart beat picks up as the blood rushes to all the right areas of my body, or wrong depending upon if I want to get this paper done or not.

A
sudden sharp sting of pain, reminds me that I need to talk to him before he can get me out of my panties, which isn’t very hard for him to do.

“Did you just bite me?” I question, my voice going in and out as he soothes
the area with his tongue again the pain leaving like a distant memory.

“I did… and I have a few more areas…” His teeth nip on my ear, and I let out a deep moan. “That, I plan on biting.” Something nags at the back of my mind, reminding me that there are more important thing
s that we have to discuss now.

“Wait…. Wait….” I say surprised to have found my voice.

“Do you really want me to wait babe…” He mumbles against my skin. “Because honestly it doesn’t sound like you want me to wait.” He’s doing crazy things to me, making me think things I shouldn’t and he’s definitely making me feel things I’ve never felt.

I pull away gasping in breath and get up from the couch he’s restin
g on the back of. We need space, lots of space.

“We need to talk.” I exclaim. A sly grin forms on his
face; he knows what he’s doing to me. He’s a manipulator, and I know being here with him and allowing him to put his dick in me feeds into that. I’m practically setting myself on a silver platter for him.

“Do we?” He says, his asshol
e attitude coming out again. He jumps over the couch landing in the spot I was just sitting in. Dickhead.

“Yes. We need to discuss us, and the past, and you, and we just need to do less fucking and more talking.” I’m
flustered; hell I’m more than flustered. Being around him is like being drunk every minute of the day. My body, and heart both pull to him while my mind says, don’t do it Mimi.

He stares at me
; watching me as if he will pounce at any moment. Corey’s unpredictable, and I learned this a long time ago. Anything you assume he won’t do he will.

“You see Mimi, the only problem I have with talking and not fucking is when
you get to talking, you get to thinking, and when you get to thinking, you get insecure and then suddenly you’re coming up with excuses as to why we can’t be together and I don’t want the excuses Mimi. I just want you.”

I can’t help my reaction to his comment. My mouth is left gaping open as my mind try’s to catch up with my body.

“I’m not insecure; I just want to know I’m it for you; hat you want me and no one else. You’ve slept with basically the whole college, how am I to know that you don’t have someone else on the side. You fucked Jenna over, who’s to say you’re not fucking me over too?”

If he’s pissed his expression doesn’t give it away. I think he kn
ew that one day his past would catch up with him. I think he knew that if he ever wanted to try and be with me it would be hard. Like I would ever make it easy, I’m Mimi fucking Jones. I don’t do easy.

“Y
ou’re right, I fucked up. I fucked up with Jenna. I hurt her so bad; I ripped away her happiness, and surrounded her in darkness. I knew that if I had to hurt then she did too.” He looks at me as if he’s seeing right through me, as if he’s reliving the past.

“For a whole year, I hurt people
as my coping mechanism. I hurt Jenna because I thought it would make me feel better. I’m an asshole most days, and a bastard on others. But I refuse to let you go, Mimi. I want you, only you. I’ve never made love to someone ever. I fuck, and I fuck hard. But I made love to you the other night; I opened up a part of myself to you.” He takes a giant breath, as he runs his hands through his hair; his frustration evident in his words.

“You can run from me Mimi. You can run as far and fast as you want. I won’t give up though, I’ll find you and bring you back screaming and yelling. You
are mine. The hate and anger you have for me is mine. The love you have for me. Mine.” His words cause my blood to boil. Pretty boy thinks he can just apologize and it makes things better huh?

“Whoa, let’s get something straight here. I’m not yours. I won’t ever be yours. I want love, and compassion. I want butterflies, and fucking rainbows. With you I won’t ever get those things.” I can pretend to be strong, pretend that every word that he says to me doesn’t affect me but it does.
It’s like taking a hammer to my strong walls and hitting them. I can feel the ache it causes me every time his words are said. They strike the wall causing pieces to crumble causing me to crumble.

“Being with me doesn’t make you weak Mimi. You’re stronger than anyone I know, you put up with me and I’m a hard-ass. I wanted to break you Mimi, I did
, and I won’t lie. It turned me on to lash out at you. To know that you hated me, that I made you feel this way.” I feel the tears pricking behind my eyes. I want to close them so badly but can’t pull my eyes away from Corey. Our relationship maybe a love hate, but I know both can’t coincide together.

“I love you. That’s what I’m tr
ying to say. I know I fucked up royally. I know there isn’t much that I can do to change your mind of the past, but I can change the future and I’ll be damned if you’re not a part of it.”

He pulls, I push. I push, he pulls. One way or
another, this has to stop. Sooner or later one of us has to give in. It seems like he’s already surrendered, but I’m not sure I can.

“Then you’ll be damned
, because I don’t know if I can do this with you Corey. Giving my body to you is a lot different than being with you. You’ve hurt people, you’ve hurt me, and I’ve watched you prance around with not one, but two bimbos on your arm. I won’t allow myself to be made a mockery out of by you.” I try to sound determined, but all I want to do is sink to my knees and cry, to be free of all the conflicting emotions. I want to be numb to what he says to me, so that it doesn’t matter. So that when I walk away from this I won’t see the hurt in his eyes.

In less than
two strides he’s in front of me, encasing me in his arms. My head leans on his shoulder as he holds me.

“I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I made you cry, and I’m sorry I was too dumb to know a good thing when I saw it. Yo
u fucked with me Mimi. One kiss; that’s all it took, do you know how many things I’ve done with girls? And all you have to do is kiss me and I’m whipped.” I smile into his shirt. It smells like sweat, and man.

“I was a pony, pussy whipped boy, wanting a girl that wanted nothing more than for me to fall off the face of the fucking earth, and you know what?” He ask
s, grabbing my chin so I would look into his eyes. “I still fucking wanted you. I wanted you even when you hated me, even when I hated you. I wanted to take you against the wall and do anything I could to get you to shut your fucking mouth.”

I let out a laugh,
yeah; I was a bitch most days to him. The way I see it though, he had it coming. No one fucked with Jenna and got away with it. Ever.

“You think that’s funny?” He asks with prying eyes. I nod my head yes, my smile still held in place.
But I don’t think it’s funny, I think it’s fucking hilarious!!

“You deserved everything I ever did to you. Hell you deserved more.” My breath catches in my throat as the last words fall from my lips. His nose is on mine, his eyes staring intently at my lips.

“What?” My voice is hushed, as if I’m trying to hide my attraction to him. Him on the other hand not so much, as his cock is pressed firmly into my leg.

“Your lips….” He says, his finger skimming across the bottom of my lips.

“They’re beautiful. The way you bite at them when you’re thinking, the way they feel when I kiss them, and the way they tremble when you’re mad.”

Wow, so he’s either a stage five stalker, or he’s actually been paying attention to me over the years.

“Thank you, but that’s not going to get you laid.” He laughs, and it sounds evil. Menacing like he’s up to something naughty.

“
Aww damn, I thought it would have had you dropping your panties and riding my face by now.”

My teeth bite at my lip as my mind takes me on a roller coaster of what that would be like, his fingers separating my folds as I lower myself onto his….