Bittersweet Hate (4 page)

“I fucked up.” I declare
, sorrow filling my voice. Corey leaves through the front door and I wonder how he’s getting home; if he’s even going to come home.

“What did you do?” Rex ask
s concerned with my well-being. I can’t even talk. Fuck, I don’t even want to talk about it.

“I… I don’t want to talk about it.” I mumble out flustered with the whole situation.

“Mimi.” Jenna says, her motherly tone kicking in. Her fingers dig into my arm.

“What happened?” Her voice is begging me.

“I punched him in the face.” I whisper, ashamed of my actions. I’ve hit Corey before but this time it went too far. Her face morphs into shock as Rex comes back into the building. I wasn’t even aware he left.

“He’s not outside, what happened.”
Rex is out of breath as if he ran around the building looking for him. It’s your fault he doesn’t want to be here, I say to myself.

“I punched him in the face. He pissed me
off; he pushed me to the edge so I pushed back.” I say meekly, not really wanting to say anything at all built knowing if I don’t Jenna will get it out of me.

“He didn’t hit you back did he?” Rex asks as he examines me for any trauma. That question raises a red flag to me, he didn’t but he looked like he wanted too.

“No he didn’t but should I be concerned?” Suddenly it occurs to me the stress I’m putting him under. The constant banter I once thought was funny could very well be eating away at him. I start to hate myself, instead of hating him.

“
No, not really I don’t think he would ever hurt you Mimi. He cares about you more then you know.” Rex says as if he knows what Corey wants.

“No he doesn’t Rex, the only type of feelings he
has for me are hate, and then there’s that sexual frustration. What he feels is the need to sink his dick into me. That’s it plain and fucking simple.” Rex looks at me as if I’m stupid, as If I can’t see the things occurring around me.

I look at him as if he’s stupid, as if he can’t see the fuming agitation between the two of us.

“You’re both stupid.” He says shaking his head. Jenna hits him in the arm, giving him a dirty look for calling her best friend stupid. It doesn’t bother me though, in a way I am stupid. I should’ve seen the way my behavior affected both of us. Corey’s done so much for me. He saved my life, he went to jail for beating the shit out of Brody for what he did to me.  He’s been a whole lot better to me then I have been to him.

“Let’s go, he’s not a lost puppy Rex he can find his own way home.”
I say softly a calmness incasing me.

“Alright
” He replies letting out a loud sigh. I can’t wait to get home and put this night behind me. But as much as I want to forget about what happened tonight a nagging feeling sits there in the back of my mind. I wonder if Corey will even come home tonight.

I feel even worse when I get home to a dark quiet apartment alone. Since the
assault, I haven’t been the same. I’m still my snarky, bitchy self, but I’m more constantly aware of my surroundings. Contemplating the easiest ways to get out of a situation if need be. I’m always looking over my shoulder, avoiding dark areas. Everything that I used to take for granted before I no longer do. All it takes is an instant for your life to change. 

I throw my purse at the floor and contemplate getting the tequila out. I told
Corey and Jenna that I wouldn’t drink myself into a drunken stupor, but it’s starting to sound very appealing.

My phone starts ringing in my purse and I scramble for it. I pull it out, and see it’s my mom. Ahh. Not someone I want to talk to right now. I push decline, and pray she doesn’t leave a voicemail. Every time she calls it has to do with some type of drama back home or she wants to order me around to do something.
That’s just what I need right now. Sigh. It’s the fucking straw that broke the camel’s back.

I pick myself up off the floor, grabbing a chair and pushing it to the counter. I know exactly where Jenna hid the tequila
, I say to myself, smiling like the evil mastermind I am.

I open the cupboard and gaze upon my baby. TEQUILA. I grab it
backing down from the counter. Short girl problems. I put it on the counter and dig through the cabinets for salt. Shit if you’re doing tequila shots you best be doing them correctly. I grab limes, salt and head for the kitchen table. I get out five shot glasses filling them with the tequila. I cut the limes into wedges and lick the space between my thumb and forefinger. Let’s see if I can get to a comatose state in 2.2 seconds flat?

I sprinkle salt on
my hand; I ready myself taking a deep breath. Just as my tongue darts out to lick the sticky salt on my hand the front door comes blasting open ferociously. I lick the salt, throw back the shot, and let the tequila burn my insides. Why the fuck not; I’m going to have shit storm coming anyway. I suck the lime into my mouth, my eyes catching on Corey’s; there’s an intensity in them that has me wanting to run to my room and never come out.

He takes strong, heavy steps over to my chair. He looks fifty shades of pissed off and I just don’t care. I reach out taking another shot into my hand, I down
it; the tequila doesn’t burn as much, so I must be going numb from the inside out.

“What the fuck were you thinking? You think this shit with Brody is a joke Mimi? You think hitting me is acceptable. What if I hit you back? Wou
ld that be acceptable?” His words hit me fiercely, but don’t scare me. Like I’ve said many times he doesn’t scare me. I know that’s what he wants though. He thinks that if I’m scared of him, scared of putting my heart on the line that I’ll keep my distance. That I’ll actually start to believe this hateful game between us is real. Weird how a little alcohol can clear your head.

“What was I thinking? What were you thinking… you kissed me? I pushed you away and you wouldn’t let me go so I punch
ed you. No, it wasn’t acceptable and I feel bad, but if I say let the fuck go, I suppose you’ll be letting go next time.”

He looks at me savagely, his eyes blazing, anger, and frustration showing so deep into them I can’t see the bottom.

His hand snakes out gripping my chin hard in-between his fingers. “You’re not scared Mimi. Of all the things I could do to you being all alone here, in this apartment.” I let out a shudder this is what he wants. It’s like his defense mechanism or something. He would rather camouflage his feelings, and put the spot light back on me.

I hold my head high, no reason not
to. “You hate me Corey, not sure what someone who hates someone else would do to them alone in an apartment. I can tell you one thing though, you keep up this attitude and I’m going to have to drink more tequila.” God fucking forbid I have to drink this whole bottle to deal with him. The sadness I was feeling for him is long gone.

He looks from me to the
bottle; his muscles tighten underneath his shirt. What I would do to lick that, tiny wedge of skin that’s peeking out where his shirt rides up. Yum-fucking-my. He grabs the bottle gripping it tightly in his hold. I see the tension ease out of him the moment he slams that bottle back and allows the sweet alcohol to take the pain away.

When he comes up for air, he starts coughing. “How the fuck can you drink that, it
’s strong as shit.”

I giggle, yeah I fucking giggle.
“Well it’s my I-don’t-give-a-shit-I’ve-had-a-bad-fuckin-day beverage of choice. It’s got to be strong to live up to some of the shit I go through.”

He eyes me, and I feel wild and free with him here. The room starts to heat and I can’t tell if it’s me or the fact that I’m drinking.

“I’m going to go get dressed.” I mumble dismissing myself from the table. The second I step inside my room, I strip all my clothing and pull out a long shirt. Fuck the lingerie. Nothing is sexier than a woman in a man’s shirt.

Just as I get the shirt over my head, I hear a loud crashing sound come from the living room. I run out into the living room not even caring that I could be showing my goods off.

Our eyes lock, as I stare at his broken phone on the floor. He stalks over to me, as if I’m prey. I back away fully intent on getting away from him, but come to a screeching halt.

He leans into me his scent surrounding me. He smells like man, and sweetness. Like a cupcake that I want to take a huge fucking bite of.

“Tell me fucking stop. Beg me, and I will.” His voice is barely above a whisper and I shake my head not wanting to tell him no any longer. His lips descend on mine with viciousness. I know if we do this there’s no going back.

He braces himself on each side of me, his muscles straining as he pushes into me. There’s
anger in him that needs unleashed. A love that needs sparked.

I bite his lip
hard; as he takes my tongue into his mouth His once gentle grip on me is now hard, as he feels his way under my ass lifting me up. His height is against us, and I almost want to laugh out at the awkward positioning.

Holding me against the wall he uses on
e hand to brace us and the other to explore all the hidden areas of my body. As if he’s mapping each part individually.

“
You’re so fucking sexy.” He whispers against my neck as he laps at my skin. I surrender to his touches, his hidden promises, and his kisses. Two fingers enter me, in a wild rage. The pain and pleasure a delicious feeling. His movements hit that one spot that turns me to mush. 

He re
linquishes me turning me around to face the wall in turn causing me to whimper from the need to have him inside of me. He takes his shirt off, then strips off his pants, and underwear.

“I’m going to fuck you long and hard, just how I’ve always wanted to.” He grits out pushing my shirt
up and tearing my panties clear off. I rub my legs together to relieve some of the need.

“Fuck me.” I beg. I’m practically panting as I tur
n my head round looking at him over my shoulder. That fucking smirk is plastered on his face and I feel myself getting wetter, if that’s even possible.

“Do you want it long and hard,
or soft, and slow? Or do you want both? Either way my cock is going in that tight, sweet pussy.”

I clench as his words swim around my head.
“I don’t care how you give it to me, just fuck me Corey.” I growl out, raw emotions coming to the surface. His fingers dig into my hips as he places himself at my entrance. I try my hardest to press back against him, needing relief from the pressure building deep inside of me. 

Suddenly a s
mack lands on my ass hard, just as the pain is felt it’s eased away as he rubs the spot he hit. I growl out in desperation afraid he may not give me my release. I feel him, his hands, his body, his smell surrounds me and I’m hyper aware of him. My body, mind, and soul breathe him. Just as I’m about to turn around and tell him to fuck me he slams into me balls deep, so I can feel every delicious inch of him.

“You feel so fucking good. Just like I always knew you would.” His
grip and pace turns feverish. In seconds I find myself on that ledge, ready to teeter off into the oblivion. A blinding light forms behind my eyes as the wave of nirvana washes over us.

His grip grows tighter as
he pumps into me, pouring every last drop of his release into me. From this moment on, I know Corey will have a piece of my heart. No, if I’m being honest, he will own even more; as he has always owned a large portion. I’m his, whether I wanted to admit it or not. 

Our bodies are slick with sweat,
and the euphoria we’re in has neither of us able to move from our current positions.

“That was….”

“Amazing, I know.” He mumbles into my hair, his breath tickling my neck. Okay, so all the talk about his skills in the bedroom weren’t a lie. I put my cheek against the wall allowing the coolness to relive my overheated skin.

“That was fucking great Mimi.” He says pulling
out of me and pinching my ass. That ever present asshole smirk remaining smugly on his face. I turn around glaring at him, as I pull my shirt down. A bottle of tequila, built up aggression and suddenly the lines between hate, and love are blurring.

“
What does this mean for us?” I ask curiously, not sure where things stand between us now. I don’t do the friends with benefits thing, and I don’t just randomly sleep with people. I feel my cheeks warm, knowing I may have just let him know more than needed. If I didn’t do the friends with benefits thing, then why the fuck did I just have sex with him. I’m stupid, so stupid.

“What do you mean
, what does it mean?” He looks at me confused by my revelation.

“I’m not a fuck buddy
Corey; you can’t fuck me and throw me away. I’m not one of your bimbo’s; I have feelings and I care about my heart getting broken.” Anger washes over me, with regret, and mistrust. How much fucking more complicated has this made an already complicated situation?

“What we just did was amazing, but it cannot happen again Corey.” There’s a determination in my voice, and I refuse to let Corey get in my head, let alone my heart. T
he damage would be violently altering to my heart, and that’s just something I can never allow to happen. Corey is fucking material not love and there’s a difference.

“You think I just want to fuck you, get it out of my system and move on?”
There’s a look in his eyes, something that reaches deep down into the depths of my heart. It has my insides melting again, causing me to be ready for him yet again.

By the time he speaks his
voice is laced with pain, and when I look up at him I can’t help but drool a little bit. He’s still standing there in all his glory. His muscles well defined as my eyes drag over the ripples, and dips of his body. His hair is an unruly mess. As I watch him more carefully I see an emotion stirring within him that I have never seen before. His eyes are wild and hungry but at the same time caring, and passionate. He looks intense, and even though he just took me against the wall I’m ready for more.

“That’s not what I think Corey, that’s what I know. You’re not the type
to fuck them and love them. You’re the type to fuck ‘em and forget ‘em; hell I don’t think I’ve ever seen you fuck the same girl twice. “

I allow myself one more look
at him before I decide to turn away and that’s all it takes. He immediately advances on me, letting me know this conversation isn’t over. His approach is more powerful than before betraying his determination. He wrapped his arms tight around my waist, effectively ending my escape attempt.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I
ask unable to hide the wobble in my voice. He scares me, not in a physical sense but emotionally. He invokes such strong responses from me; sometimes I want to stab him in the eye and other times I want to fuck his brains out. I know he is dangerous to my heart.

His hands land on my hips, as he smiles down on me. A playful grin that I know is anything but playful.

“Is the only time you shut that pretty mouth of yours when I’m eight inches deep in you?” His fingers skim over my skin, causing my blood to boil, and an uproar of emotions run through me.

I blush, and I never fucking blush. Corey’s dirty, and I like it
; no, I love it. I want him again already, but I refuse to allow my body to take hold and make my decisions for me. When we allow the heart and body to make choices together we get fucked over, quite literally.

“I will never let you go
, Mimi. When you gave me that sweet pussy, and I sank deep into it, I knew there would never be another like you for me.” His hot breath and musky sex filled scent surrounds me.

He turns
me into his chest, his fingers gliding underneath my butt cheeks, pulling me into his growing erection. Every time he touches me the electricity flowing between us leaves me feeling as if I’m ready to combust. To let the flames of whatever is happening between us burn me, because as long as I get one last taste of him it’ll be worth the pain.

I look in his eyes as he grabs my
hand; he’s asking me without words if I’m ready for this. If I can handle him, ‘us’ and honestly I don’t think I can, but for tonight I will. I’ll hold on tight and let the flames lick at us, and take us on this emotional ride. I know I may regret it; hell I know I will, but I’ll deal with the fallout of all of this tomorrow. Right now I’ll revel in the feelings he stirring within me, and deal with the outcome of our regrets tomorrow.