Beyond the Shadows (16 page)

“Kelly,” he knocked lightly on her door, his voice once more calm and controlled. “That documentary is on in five minutes. You’d better hustle if you want to watch your debut on television.”

Shit. She’d forgotten all about it.

“Thanks,” she called out and closed her eyes, taking in a couple of deep breaths. If she thought she was embarrassed now, she had no doubt it was about to increase tenfold at what was about to be revealed. She straightened her spine and lifted her chin. There was nothing she could do about it now. Quickly hauling the shirt over her head, she re-tied her ponytail, gave herself one last glimpse in the mirror, and strode out to join him.

“That’s better,” she remarked in a bright tone and squeezed past him to the other side of the couch.

A wolfish gaze appraised her as she passed. “I liked the other one better.”

Curling her feet underneath her bottom, she willed herself not to color up and strove for a nonchalant tone. “A gentleman wouldn’t comment further for fear of prolonging the embarrassment.”

The green of his eyes burned brightly in the darkened room. “You’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about from what I saw.” His voice rumbled low near her ear and she instinctively pushed herself further back on the couch, away from the danger he emanated. “And I never said I was a gentleman.”

Against her better judgment, she turned and stared, and suddenly, all she could see was the fullness of his bottom lip as it curved into a sensual smile, his open body posture, and his arm flung over the back of the couch, fingertips almost grazing her shoulder. Her lips parted and she leaned fractionally closer, helpless to his magnetic pull. The cue music of the current affairs show started and she blinked. Unsettled at how easily she’d almost succumbed to him again, she eased back into her seat and forced her attention towards the television. He chuckled softly as he reached for the remote and turned the volume up.

The first few minutes of the segment weren’t too excruciating. They angled their story on the plight of the New Zealand police and the dangers they faced without the protection of firearms.
No wonder they busted a gut to show this footage. It’s great political fodder.
She stole a glance at Nate’s profile as he took in the story. He was the picture of relaxation until his face took up the screen. God. She knew what came next. The hope she’d held that the editors would cut straight to the shooting disappeared as Nate’s deep, rich voice filled her ears, sending her right back to the nightmare.

Someone needs to eradicate these cockroaches from the surface of the earth.

Coming through speakers, his tone sounded harsher than it had in reality, and she cringed as the camera closed in on his forbidding expression. He looked fierce—clearly the angle they were going for.

When he leapt out of the car, the camera followed his progress. Kelly’s pulse raced as she relived those awful moments. She drew her knees up to her chin and wrapped an arm around them while the other hand fisted around her necklace, her eyes glued to the screen.

From inside the car, the gunshot sounded muffled the scream that followed—spine chilling and loud. The picture became a blur as she tore out of the vehicle towards where Nate had slumped to his knees. The camera searched for and focused on the face of the gunman as he trained the gun on Kelly’s vulnerable figure.

Her veins iced up. She’d had no idea.

The camera panned back to a wider shot. Oblivious to the danger, she crouched protectively over Nate, and then pulled his head onto her lap, trying to stem the flow of blood with her hands. In the background, the junkie urgently shoved at the gunman, and they both disappeared into the building.

The images became choppy as the cameraman ran towards them.

Kelly’s chin lifted and she glared at the man behind the equipment, tears streaking down her cheeks. Blood seeped through her fingers, pooling around them on the ground. “Don’t just stand there! Call the emergency departments. We need an ambulance—now. Tell them an officer is down. MOVE IT!”

The images went black, but the sound of her voice as the cameraman ran off faded out like the end of a song. “Stay with me Nate. Don’t go anywhere—I love you…”

Chapter Nine

Kelly’s eyes burned as she stared without blinking at the screen. Although the words echoed in her head, they weren’t nearly as loud as the silence afterwards. She bit her lip and hoped that if she stayed still long enough and didn’t meet his eyes, he wouldn’t mention them.

“Did you just say you loved me?”

She closed her eyes and averted her head. No such luck.

“Kelly, look at me,” he demanded, his tone breaking no argument.

With a sigh of inevitability, she lifted her chin to face him and steeled herself.

“Is it true? Do you love me?” Twin jade eyes focused on her. She wanted to squirm under his piercing gaze but kept her features neutral, her body still. He was too skilled at picking up on the slightest nuance. She didn’t want his pity. No warmth lit his gaze as he waited, no hint of emotion crossed his face, and her stomach twisted into a tight knot.

“What would you say if I said yes?” Her voice came out softer than she would have liked. She kept her eyes fixed firmly on his face and waited for any sign of his feelings. His grimace confirmed her worst fears.

“I’d say, don’t waste any of those tender feelings on me. I don’t have it in me to return them.”

Pain knifed through her.
God.
That hurt worse than she thought it would. She wanted to curl into a ball. Instead, she crossed her arms across her chest to hold the pain at bay. She swallowed her pride and tried to appeal to the man with the hot eyes of only moments before. “I’ve seen what you’re capable of Nate. No-one kisses the way you do without feeling
something
in return.”

His harsh bark of laughter made her flinch. “You’re confusing lust with love, Kelly.”

She searched his gaze certain there had to be some kind of emotion there and then shivered at the coldness she saw.

“God knows, I want you,” he continued with a sardonic smile. “That’s obvious. If you want more than a quick tumble, you’d do better to look elsewhere.”

Although she’d expected a negative response, the sheer cruelty of his words hit her like a punch to the gut and tore the breath from her body. What happened to the man she’d spent the last few days with—the one who’d trusted her enough to share his inner thoughts and fears with? What happened to the Nate she’d finally been allowed to see? Listening to the man beside her tear her feelings apart as if they were of less consequence than a speck of dust on his shirt and just as annoying, made her want to throw up.

Tears pricked her eyes but she blinked them back, refusing to let them fall. She pressed her lips together hard enough to draw blood and rose from the couch. Without another glance his way, she strode to her room desperate for escape. It would be nothing short of utter humiliation if she broke down in front of him now.

Not until after she’d closed the door with a soft click did she allow herself to cry. Tears came thick and fast. She pressed her knuckles against her lips to keep the betraying sobs quiet, reached blindly for the bed, and collapsed facedown onto it. What a fool. God, she was naïve. She’d known better than to let herself get too close to a man like Nate, but she’d fallen for him anyway. Even knowing she’d get her heart broken, she’d deemed it worth the risk. Fate must have been howling with laughter when she decided to test it.

Her whole frame shuddered with the effort to hold back the desolate sounds her soul wanted to scream. Shoving a pillow into her mouth, she curled around it and held on tight, riding out waves of grief. Fresh bouts of tears assaulted her every time she remembered a smile, a touch, or a phrase. Had it only been lust? Was there truly no depth of feeling there at all? God, listen to her. Even now, in the depths of her despair, she held out hope for the impossible from him. She was pathetic.

Strength slowly returned to shore her up and she welcomed it with open arms. Deep shuddering breaths slowly eased into their normal rhythm and she heaved out a sigh, thankful to be back in control. She pulled herself into a sitting position and leaned against the headboard. Swiping a hand under her eyes, she scrubbed away the last vestiges of her weakness and straightened her spine. He wanted it to be all business. Fine. She could do that. But if he thought to scare her away with coarse words and a cloak of impenetrability, he had no idea who he dealt with. Besides, she’d given her word, and he still needed her. She’d be damned if she let him make her break it. She would continue to keep an eye on him, but she would guard her heart a little more fiercely from now on.

A glance at her clock told her it wasn’t too early to go to bed. She would face him in the morning when she’d benefitted from the magic of a night’s restorative sleep and had time to perfect her game-face. She was going to need every hour available to practice.

****

Mesmerized, the man watched the policewoman with the face of an angel as she crouched over her dying partner. Even through the television screen, her skin held a luminous quality. He wanted—needed—to touch her. Something about her drew him with magnetic insistence. Added to that, he couldn’t escape the feeling he’d seen her before.

As the camera closed in on the woman’s face, she looked up and yelled, her brows drawn down in fury. And then it clicked. They were the couple from the beach today. The ones who had accosted the woman he’d set his sights on. He’d watched from afar. The man confronted her before the tall woman pulled him away and marched after him back up the beach. That’s all he’d seen though as all his attention focused on the mother as she hastily packed up, clearly unsettled from whatever the man had said to her.

At the thought of his latest assignment, he pulled the chain she’d worn out of his pocket and gazed at it. His lip curled as he rubbed a thumb over the cheap metal. God’s symbol should be made from pure gold, not worthless junk. The lack of reverence angered him, but wasn’t that why God had chosen him after all? To punish the sinners so they could be redeemed by God and brought back to his loving embrace.

He crossed to the safe to deposit the necklace with the others. Idly he ran the chain-links of his collection through his fingers, delighting as they warmed to his touch, reminding him of how they’d felt in his hands when he’d first taken them. He’d been right to end the blasphemous life of the woman on the beach. Clearly, she’d done something to upset the police, proving she wasn’t as blameless and pious as her jewelry suggested. His mouth twisted.

None of them was.

He returned to the couch and refocused on the screen and at the policeman whose lifeblood flowed so freely from his body onto the concrete below. So the man didn’t die. God had other plans for him. He frowned, his head cocked to the side as he watched the woman cradle his head, her face the picture of anguish. What caused a person to feel such intense emotions for another? It was so foreign to him.

A reflection caught his eye. He froze as a delicate gold cross shifted from the collar of the policewoman’s uniform, swinging wildly back and forth with her frantic movements. He stared hard at the piece of jewelry, hardly daring to believe what he was seeing then felt the familiar surge of heat rush through his center.

A breath of wonder left his chest. It was no coincidence that he’d been so taken by her. Clearly, God was showing him his next target. He shivered in excitement as he stared at the screen for one last glimpse. Constable Kelly Appleton, the caption stated. It wouldn’t be easy. She looked strong and able to take care of herself. But God had set him this test for a reason, and nothing on His good earth would stop him from achieving it.

He stood before the television until her image faded from the screen. Thoughts of all the fun he could have with her consumed him. The image of her screaming into the camera fired his imagination. He wondered what it would take to bring that expression back. He couldn’t wait to find out.

Briefly, he wondered what she’d done to be brought to his attention. She looked so angelic and was a police officer. Surely, there was a mistake? Shocked, he chastised himself. Who was he to question the Almighty? He needed to purge such traitorous thoughts from his head—immediately. Trembling, he strode towards his bedroom, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. From the wardrobe, he seized the short link of chains he’d fashioned onto a handle and sank to his knees. His hands shook as he bowed his head. It had been months since he’d last needed to drive the devil out of his head.

“Forgive me, oh Lord, for questioning your divine instructions.”

The chains came down hard on his exposed skin, driving the breath from his body. The pain as the second blow landed was excruciating, but it didn’t stop him from delivering another. The third tore tender skin and he cried out.

“Show me your forgiving light, Almighty Father, and I shall know I’m absolved.”

It took two more fearsome blows before God’s wondrous light danced before his eyes. Euphoria filled him and he dropped the instrument, bowing his head in thanks. Tears ran as freely as the blood down his back. He welcomed both, knowing God cleansed him from the inside out once more.

With awkward movements, he rose to his feet and entered the bathroom. Turning the shower on full force, he stripped the rest of his clothes off and turned his back to the spray, hissing at the sharp pain. Riveted, he watched the water between his feet turn from bright red to clear again as it flowed down the drain. A metaphor of the power of God. The unclean can be clean again. He smiled at the thought.

The policewoman’s face suddenly came to the fore again and he was flooded by the feeling of right it gave him. She was angelic. God was truly good to offer him such a prize. This one would be his utmost pleasure.

****

Nate awoke with the mother of all headaches and a raging erection.

Attempting to block thoughts of Kelly from his mind before bed had been difficult, but he’d done it by poring over the old files of the case until his eyeballs threatened to fall out. He felt safe in the knowledge he’d exhausted himself and thought he’d fall into a deep, uninterrupted sleep. But he was wrong. Erotic images of the two of them danced behind his closed eyes, and his body responded. Thank Christ he’d woken before he’d disgraced himself like a horny teenager.