Beyond Reason (14 page)

I shook my head in disbelief and smiled at my apparent lack of words as the shyness took hold. I owed Austin so much, and yet, I couldn’t think of anything to say.

Instead, I stood in place, staring at him. And he let me. His blonde hair looked like he’d just ran his fingers through it, and the stubble along his jawline accentuated just how strong his features had become since high school.

High school!

He was dressed in a pair of loose jeans, and a white button-down stretched across his broad shoulders nicely. The smile he wore seemed genuine, but I was so tightly wound, it didn’t help.

“It’s good to see you,” he said, reaching out to hug me.

I took a step forward as his arms wrapped around my body, almost crushing me as I took a deep breath in. He smelled exactly like I remembered, a mix of spice and outdoors. “It’s so good to see you too,” I murmured, as my head pressed against his chest. “It’s really nice of you—”

“Hey, I should have done this a long time ago,” he interrupted, dropping his embrace. “But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

Austin flagged a waiter as he motioned for me to take a seat, which I did. It was like I had this sudden urge to obey him.

“Mr. Graham, would you and your guest like a drink this evening?” the waiter asked.

How often did Austin hang out at this bar?

I glanced at Austin and Ayden’s words floated through my mind. Maybe I just needed a little help to make this easier. “I’d like a Jack and Coke.”

“Impressive,” Austin laughed. “I’ll take the same.”

The waiter nodded and wandered off the way he came. I glanced back at Austin, wondering when on earth my sentences would start forming. This was so unlike me.

“You have really great friends,” Austin said, his eyes locked on mine. “They really care about you.”

I nodded. “They do. They mean well. They didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what in particular?” he asked, his stare anchoring me in the chair.

“About how we ended. What I did.”

“Well, what is there to say?” He shrugged. “It’s all water under the bridge.”

I nodded, grateful that the waiter was already delivering our drinks.

I looked over toward a large group of people sitting by the fireplace, and an ache for my friends arose in my chest.

“So what have you been up to since graduating?” he asked.

I felt his gaze on me, studying me as I avoided his stare. I had imagined a lot of ways that our conversation would go, but this wasn’t one of them. I never imagined it would be this awkward.

“I worked for a large PR firm in Portland. It was a great place.” My gaze met his and I blushed.

“Then why’s it in the past tense?”

“Just time for me to move on.” I pressed my lips together as he narrowed his eyes on me, his lip curling only slightly.

“I’ve got an idea,” he said, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

“What’s that?”

“How about if we start completely over. I’ll go over there.” He pointed toward the entrance and smiled at me. “And then I’ll make my way through the bar, and it’ll give you a chance to get used to the idea of me coming over.”

My cheeks felt like they were on fire. I wasn’t someone who got overwhelmed. And I was overwhelmed.

I flashed him a grateful smile and took another sip of my drink.

“I think that sounds like a plan. But maybe hang out in the lobby for a minute or two to add some intrigue,” I proposed.

He stood up quickly, his eyes still focused on mine as he took a sip of his drink. Maybe I wasn’t the only one who felt on the spot. “This reminds me of that time in drama class with Mr. Hener when he made us do the scene over at least a hundred times.”

I couldn’t believe he remembered that. I started laughing as my mind drifted back to that day. I’d already roped Austin into joining drama with me, and I promised him he wouldn’t have to do anything besides paint on sets and nail wood together. But I was oh so wrong. Before I knew it, he was cast as Romeo and couldn’t convince Mr. Hener that he’d made a mistake. I was Juliet so I was fine with the whole thing. I secretly loved every second I got to play opposite Austin. It was just another excuse to spend every moment with him. But the day before the play was to open, our rehearsal was pure torture, and Mr. Hener sent Austin out into the lobby to regroup before we ran through the final scene. The warmth from the memory calmed me as I grinned at Austin.

“The things we do for love,” he teased. My heart immediately stilled. Not waiting for a reply, he turned around and walked out of the bar with ease and confidence, scooting between women and chairs.

I caught the attention of the waiter and ordered a glass of wine. My gaze fell to the lobby where Austin was sitting on one of the benches, looking at his phone. And magically, my nerves began to settle and excitement began to pulse through me. Things would be okay.

I heard Gabby’s laughter echo through the space and watched as my friends walked through the lobby to the pub across the way. Ayden fell behind and quickly glanced around before following everyone into the other pub. I wondered if he was looking for me, but I shoved the thought aside as I watched Austin stand up. He slipped his phone into his jeans and started making his way through the bar again for take two. And miraculously, this second time around I felt more settled.

“Lily?” he asked, his eyes focused on mine.

I couldn’t help but giggle as I stood up. “Austin?”

“And scene,” he said, sliding his hand horizontally in front of him.

“That’s much better,” I confessed. “I’m surprised you remembered that from drama class.”

“Oh, I majored in drama in college.” He smiled, leaning back in the chair.

“You did? I thought you were going into…” my voice trailed off once I realized that he was joking.

His eyes danced with that familiar spark I remembered from so many years ago, and it was hard not to enjoy his company. Just like I remembered, just like I hoped.

“Jerk,” I teased, feeling the unease from earlier slip away. “So did you major in business?”

He nodded. “And I tried to convince myself to go on to an MBA, but I just couldn’t stand the thought of any more school.”

“I hear that,” I sighed. “But sometimes I think I should.”

“Life’s short,” he replied, his gaze focusing on mine. “Unless you really want to spend a couple more years in school, I wouldn’t bother.”

The familiarity of his gestures and movements created a sense of relief with each passing second.

“So even though I know you’d love to bum around on the slopes all day, what is it that you do?”

“Bum around on the slopes all day.”

“Seriously?”

Austin sat up a little straighter and combed his fingers through his hair, almost nervously. “My grandfather owns this resort, and my father never had any interest in running it, and now my dad’s looking at retiring anyway…So it seemed logical.”

“You run this resort?”

He shook his head. “A lot of great people run the resort. I just oversee certain aspects of it.”

“But your title is?” I prompted.

“Vice President.”

My parents would absolutely die if they knew the boy they chased me away from would soon be the president of a high-end resort. It gave me some sort of sick satisfaction, but my stomach knotted as I thought about how easily manipulated I was at eighteen.

“And your grandfather is the President?”

He nodded. “I don’t think he’ll relinquish the reins anytime soon. He loves his job too much. And I’ve still got a lot to learn, but he wants to keep it in the family. But back to my original statement, I do ensure I’m on the slopes every single day.” Austin’s grin offered me a promise of something I didn’t understand.

“That must be nice.”

“It is. It really is. I’m a lucky man.” He leaned forward to be heard. The voices in the bar elevated several clicks, and it was getting difficult to have a conversation.

“You want to do dinner?” he asked. “I reserved a room upstairs.”

“Excuse me?”

He started laughing. “A private dining room overlooking the slopes, Lily. Not a room in the lodge.”

My cheeks flamed, and I started laughing at the misunderstanding.

“God, I missed that laugh,” he said, flagging down the waiter.

His statement snapped me back to reality, but I barely heard Austin giving instructions to the waiter to transfer us upstairs. I glanced at him, fighting the urge to empty my soul out to him, ask for forgiveness, and pretend that everything was okay. That I never ran from him, that I never hurt him.

“Ready?” he asked.

I nodded, standing up from the table as the waiter grabbed both of our drinks.

Austin gestured for us to follow the waiter, and he gently placed his hand on my back, guiding me through the bar. His touch triggered a part of me that I’d hidden for so long, a vulnerability that I had worked hard at dismissing.

“You look even more beautiful than I remember,” he murmured, as we worked our way toward the stairs.

We walked up the steps, and I was speechless when we reached the small room. There was a table set for two, with a vase of lilies in the middle. A twinge in my chest surfaced as more memories flooded through me. Every single day from the moment we started dating, Austin brought me one lily stem. Some days, he would have it waiting in my locker, on my desk in class, on my doorstep…

Austin pulled out the chair, and I took a seat as the waiter placed my wine glass in front of me and Austin’s drink in front of him. He handed us both menus and left us to decide.

“The lilies are beautiful.”

“Thanks. I had our florist come up with something,” he said. “She thought it was clever with your name and all when she came up with the lilies.”

My heart sunk at his admission, or maybe it was over the fact that I was placing so much importance on these little things, clinging on to any kind of sign that our history was as important to him as it was to me.

“They’re lovely.” I pushed down the ridiculous lump that was forming, and I opened up the menu. “What do you suggest?”

I sat frozen, staring at the menu, while I allowed myself a moment to regain control and reason. And I had to patch up that nasty bit of vulnerability. It just didn’t work well with my personality.

“The filet mignon is the best in Utah and the pork chop with apple chutney is excellent,” he replied.

I closed my menu and glanced up at him to catch something I wasn’t expecting, something calculating and cold behind his expression. I took another sip of wine and wondered if we could order a bottle.

“So have you had any serious relationships?” he asked, his brow quirking up slightly.

I almost choked on my wine, but somehow managed to swallow it quickly and regain my composure. I wasn’t expecting this line of questioning quite so soon, especially paired with the expression that was still on his face.

I shook my head and set the glass down.

“Nothing in college?” Austin looked surprised.

“Nothing serious.”

I was never so relieved in my life to see a waiter as I was in this moment. Ordering a chopped salad and a filet, I handed my menu back to the waiter and wondered what Austin was searching for from me. What kind of answers he wanted to hear.

“I find it hard to believe you escaped college with not even one serious relationship to your name,” his voice lowered, and I felt extremely confused and uncomfortable.

“I dated plenty, but there was nothing I would consider serious.” I pressed my lips together and stared at him. His blue eyes darkened as his hands steepled on the table.

Deflect!
Deflection was my specialty. If it had gotten me through with two nosey best friends, it could certainly serve me well now.

“Since my dating life seems of such interest, how about you? Did you have anything serious through college?”

He let out a sigh and my heart sank. His expression softened slightly as he looked at me. “No. You pretty much ruined me for other women.”

Wait. Like in a good way or a bad way? Or was there no good way with that statement?

“I didn’t expect you to be so charming, Lily,” he continued.

Me? Charming?

“I had it in my head to tear you to shreds, make you pay for—” he stopped himself. “But I just can’t do it.”

I let out a slow and steady breath at his admission.

“I understand. What I did was wrong and there hasn’t been one day that’s gone by that I don’t regret my decision.”

“You were my world, Lily,” his voice lowered. “I didn’t understand how you could just leave like that. I thought we had something deeper.”

I emptied my wine glass just as the waiter appeared with our salads.

“We’d like a bottle of the pinot noir,” Austin said, pointing at my glass.

“Absolutely,” the waiter replied.

“I don’t know how I could either. I don’t know if I thought you’d come running after me or if I really didn’t want to be found,” I replied.