Between Darkness and Light (103 page)

He stared at her. “When did this happen?”

“A day or two after you were drugged.”

Now he knew why her attitude to him had changed. “I won't be seen as your lover, Zayshul,” he said firmly. “There's a world of difference between what Jayza's sharing with Shezhul, and us. It wasn't voluntary on my part.”

“I know,” she agreed calmly. “To be seen behaving like them isn't want I want either. It does give us more freedom, though. We can be in the same company, both be missing at the same time, all with less gossip.”

“I want it ended, Zayshul, I don't want it made easier,” he told her forcefully, grasping her by the ankle and jerking it to make her pay attention to him.

“Hey!” she said, flailing her arms to stop herself from sinking as she was pulled off the edge.

He let go of her ankle to lean forward and grab her round the chest to keep her from going under. “All I want is to be free of this marker and to take my son home,” he said, trying not to wonder if he meant it or if it was merely words.

Beads of sweat were forming on her brow and despite the pool chemicals, he could smell her scent. He let her go hurriedly. Bathing in water this hot made his groin muscles respond as they did when aroused, and it wouldn't be long before he'd have to leave the pool, for modesty's sake if nothing else.

Her feet on the pool bottom, she moved away from him to lean her forearms on the stone surround and look out across the main pool. “Be careful, Kusac,” she said quietly, lifting an arm to wave at her friends. “You're drawing just the kind of attention to us that you want to avoid.”

With a rumble of anger, he took the place she'd vacated in time to see her friends wave back. Jayza was being prudent enough to have his face turned the other way.

“Stop worrying,” she continued. “Ghidd'ah and I are working on trying to find an antidote, or substitute for what your body seems to be interpreting as a drug.”

“Why didn't you try this sooner?” he demanded, standing up. His body was beginning to send him warnings he'd be foolish to ignore. “Why did I have to be told this by Ghidd'ah, not you?”

“Fear that Kezule would find out what I was doing,” she said, glancing over her shoulder at him. “Now it doesn't matter if he knows. And Ghidd'ah shouldn't have told you about it. I intended to tell you myself. There's no need to leave the pool, you know. It's too public for them to think we'd do anything.”

The hot water was having one desired effect—he was beginning to sober up, and beginning to make sense of what he was picking up mentally from her.

“You might not want me seen as your lover, but now Kezule's allowing you to pair with me to try and turn off the marker, you do want people to know I'm interested in you,” he said angrily.

“What's wrong with that?” she demanded, looking at him again. “I've had to put up with your public lack of interest in me despite everyone assuming we have coupled! It's been humiliating for both of us. Why shouldn't I want you to at least acknowledge in public that you're interested in me?”

“If it wasn't for the marker, I wouldn't be,” he said angrily. “You know that!”

“You're lying to yourself, Kusac,” she replied quietly. “And you know it. On the
Kz'adul
, when you said I'd been with you the night before, you showed me you cared about me and enjoyed coupling with me.”

He thought back to that day, remembering that she'd been the first person to show him gentleness, that he'd enjoyed their pairing despite himself—and he remembered more. He remembered telling Kaid she might be in danger, that he was worried for her because she'd warned him he'd been drugged. He'd forgotten that in the anger he'd felt at finding out about the marker.

“You'd forgotten about that, because of your anger when you found out I'd scent-marked you. You think it doesn't matter now, that you can blame those feelings on the marker.”

“Dammit, Zayshul, stop it,” he insisted. “You don't know what I'm thinking!”

Startled, she stared at him.

Fury flared though every atom of his being. “You think you know me, Zayshul, but believe me, you don't,” he said, his voice deceptively quiet as he moved up behind her.

His vision was beginning to darken round the edges. He stopped trying to hold back his reaction to the hot water and her scent and focused instead on preventing the darkness from growing.

“You have no idea of who I really am,” he said. As his genitals descended, he leaned forward, placing an arm to either side of her, gripping her hands against the pool rim.

She gave an exclamation of surprise as she felt him press her belly against the side of the pool and realized she was trapped.

He rested his cheek against hers, licking it, letting the marker's poison continue what it had begun.

“Don't make the mistake of assuming what I felt for you then was more than it was. I'd come fresh from J'koshuk's physical and mental tortures. You came to my bed, drugged me then paired with me. It was the first gentleness, the first kind physical contact I'd known since he woke me from cryo. I was grateful, no more than that, but in my damaged mental state, I was afraid it meant more.”

The darkness in his vision increased. He could feel her fear, smell and taste it now, but it didn't touch him. It echoed through him as it had done in the days before Kzizysus and Annuur had repaired the damage done to him by Chy'qui.

“I ... I understand,” she stammered.

“No, you don't understand,” he said, easing himself against her now that he was fully aroused. “But you will. Whether or not you participated willingly, that marker drove a wedge between me and my Triad partners, gave Kezule a weapon to force me to come here.”

“They'll see what we're doing,” she whispered, terrified, yet as caught up in the moment as he was.

“It's what you wanted,” he said, entering her. Then he reached out with his mind and, grasping hers, let her feel what he'd experienced the night he'd been given Kezule's message, what coming to meet Kezule had cost him personally.

She made whimpering noises and sagged back against him, but he ignored her, lowering his mouth to her shoulder, licking it, letting the marker's drug surge through him, pinning her fast against the poolside as he began to climax.

Breathing heavily, he leaned against her for a moment before withdrawing. He pulled her round to face him.

“Now you really understand,” he said, tightening his grip on her arms. “You know what I am, and some of what I can do. Don't presume to know my mind again, Zayshul, do you hear me?”

She nodded, eyes still wide in shock at the onslaught on her mind and body. “You're still a telepath,” she stuttered, clutching at him for support.

“That you'll keep to yourself,” he said, showing his teeth. “Especially if you ever want me to show you how to use your own telepathic abilities.” He reached for her mind again to reinforce his command. “You wanted a public show from me, this is it. You'll get nothing else from me.”

Letting her go, he turned and got out of the pool.

“You can't go in that state!” she hissed at him. “Burn it, it's obvious what we've been doing!”

He grinned down at her without humor and shrugged. “So? I look no different from how your males look all the time. That's why I wanted to leave the pool—hot water alone has this effect on me.”

Turning, he walked back to the water's edge and waded out until it was deep enough to swim. As he approached the other side, he could see by the way the group with Jayza were studiously looking the other way that they were well aware of some of what had been happening between him and Zayshul.

His incipient tunnel vision was still there and he was in no mood to talk to anyone. He knew that when it finally passed, he'd regret what he'd done, but at least she was incapable of telling anyone about his returned abilities—that much he'd made sure of.

Wading out, he headed straight for his towel and began to dry himself, resisting the urge to drape it round his waist. The cooler water of the main pool was having the desired effect anyway and it wouldn't be long before he could forget about any concerns over modesty.

“Mind if I walk back with you, Captain?” he heard Jayza say from a few yards away.

He turned round to glare at him, but even though the youth could see the state of his eyes, he held his ground.

“Why not?” he forced himself to say. He knew he needed the company right now as his judgment was still shot from the aftereffects of the alcohol in his system and the hunter state. At least they were far enough away from the Primes for him not to need to say anything to them.

“The Doctor's staying?” Jayza asked carefully, coming a few steps closer.

He turned back to look at the bubble pool. Zayshul was getting out now.

“I've no idea,” he said shortly, turning away again. “Shall we go?”

“Sure.”

They started walking toward the exit.

“I thought I'd have a hot drink before turning in. Would you like to join me, Captain?” Jayza asked as they reached the path.

His vision had virtually returned to normal by then and he was beginning to realize the utter insanity of what he'd done. “No, but thank you,” he said.

“I just thought you might want someone to talk to before you turn in.”

“No,” he repeated, glancing at Jayza. “The water was too hot, that's all. The Doctor's fine,” he added in a low voice.

Jayza nodded. “It's easy for them to underestimate us at times,” he said. “Especially with them being stronger and faster than we are. I'm beginning to realize how complicated Alien Relations are.”

“Yes, they are. I'm actually intending to recommend you for that when we get home,” he said, pushing the door into the changing rooms open.

“I'd like that.” Jayza hesitated. “Are you sure everything's all right, Captain? Banner asked me to keep an eye on you when he heard you were coming up to the pool.”

“It's a private matter between me and Zayshul,” he said reluctantly. “Let's just say we both had too much to drink and leave it at that. And I'd prefer if you kept it to yourself,” he added.

Jayza nodded. “Of course, Captain. You're entitled to your privacy. But if I can help ...” He left the rest unsaid.

“Thank you,” said Kusac sincerely.

 

Jayza and he headed straight for their rooms, but as he opened his door, Banner came out.

“I was wondering where you two had got to,” his Second said.

“We were up in the pool,” he said, making sure he had his mental shields up. “I'd had a bit too much to drink so Doctor Zayshul took me there to sober me up. There's a bubble pool there that massages you with jets of hot water and air,” he said, forcing a grin onto his face. “It worked. I met Jayza there.”

Banner grinned. “I know it. I think we should get one for the gym back home.”

“Good idea,” he said, stepping into his room. “If that's all, I'll say good night.”

Banner shrugged. “No, nothing else. I just heard your door, that's all.”

“Good night.” He closed the door with relief. Thank the Gods he'd come back with Jayza!

He headed for his bedroom, stripping off his belt and tunic and lay down on the bed. All the way back from the pool he'd been cursing himself for being a fool. Zayshul might not be able to tell anyone what she knew about him, but she knew, and moreover, he'd offered to teach her how to use her Talent!

Guilt was also taking its toll on him and he regretted having treated her the way he had. It appalled him to realize he'd actually reverted back to the coldness that had filled him in his early days on Shola after losing his Talent—which was probably why he'd offered to train her in the first place. He owed her an apology at the very least. He'd no doubt that the story of their—assignation—would be all over the Outpost by the next day.

He sighed, turning his thoughts to other matters. He was only too sober now, and he was damned sure it had little to do with the bubble pool and a lot more to do with a newfound ability to directly affect his own body using his mind. He'd gone from pretty drunk to fairly sober in a matter of maybe half an hour, which was fast. He wished he could ease his conscience as easily, and as quickly.

It was worth investigating this further, and beginning to recite the Litany for Relaxation, he turned his mind inward to see if he could work out how he'd managed to do it.

 

When Banner shut his door, he saw Lorish had moved from the sofa and was now comfortably sprawled on her stomach on his bed. He went over to join her.

“You worry too much about your Captain,” she said with a smile. “He's a grown male, able to look after himself.”

“It's my job,” he said, touching her cheek with a fingertip. “Now, where were we?”