Better Than Good (17 page)

“No fair. I need to at least brush my teeth,” I grumbled as he pressed kisses over my chest, stopping to play with my nipples.

“Alright, but be quick. You look mighty tasty this morning, Mr. Sullivan.”

I laughed as I left his side to take my turn in the bathroom. I took a moment to study myself in the mirror before heading back to bed. Did I look different? I’d never felt better. I wondered if it was obvious to anyone else.

Aaron was checking messages on his phone in bed. He didn’t look up when I got in beside him. I noticed his brow was furrowed and wondered if whatever had bothered him yesterday had resurfaced.

“Somebody buggin’ you? You don’t look as relaxed as you were a few minutes ago.” I snuggled into his side, attempting to divert his attention.

“Yeah, you gonna beat him up?”

I propped myself on my elbow, lying on my side to get a good look at his expression. What was going on? Did that guy Chris come back in the picture? He hadn’t said a word about any other guys while we’d been seeing each other. I never pictured having this conversation with a guy, but the idea of anyone else touching Aaron set my blood to an immediate boil. I didn’t want to share him. I was going to have to broach the subject no matter how uncomfortable it made me.

“Who?”

He must have heard the hum of temper in that one word, if the raised eyebrow and questioning look he tossed at me were any indication.

“Down, boy. Just family stuff. My dad. Same old story. I wish it didn’t bug me. Sometimes I’m sure it doesn’t at all anymore. But then something stupid just gets me. Fuck! I’m just an idiot.”

“Hey. What happened?” I calmed down instantly when I realized I couldn’t actually kick his dad’s ass. It was time to put my jealousy aside and listen.

“It’s just family shit, Matty. I should be used to it, and for the most part I am, but he still gets to me.”

I waited for him to continue. He lay flat on his back, staring at the ceiling for a minute or two before speaking.

“In my family, my culture, being gay is difficult. My mom, my sisters, and even my brother are fine with it. But my dad is very old-fashioned. He tries, but he doesn’t always succeed, if that makes any sense.” He turned on his side to face me. “If I had to be gay, I think he wishes I could be more like you. You know? You’re masculine, like sports, and generally don’t appear to like other men in a physical sense. I’m not that way.”

“I’m glad. I like you just the way you are.” I ran my hand over his side and the curve of his hip.

“Hmm. Well, that’s good, because I don’t know how to be anything else. I mean, Matty, I’ve been me, this me, since birth. My dad used to blame my older sisters, saying they treated me like their little living doll. They’d dress me up in their clothes, our mom’s high heels and makeup. I loved it! They weren’t doing anything I didn’t absolutely adore. Trust me, my brother is two years younger than me and he was always all boy. He would have thrown a fit if they tried playing dress up with him. Not me, though. They would tell me how pretty I was, and I loved it. My mom thought it was funny, but my dad… not so much. Anyway, fast-forward twenty-odd years and he still struggles. Sometimes I sense that he really tries, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m a disappointment to him.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Matt, you don’t know. Like I said, it’s partly a cultural thing and partly a total machismo thing. My dad is a macho Puerto Rican man with very old-fashioned ideas about the place of a man and a woman in a household. A gay son? Embarrassing.”

“Did he hurt you? I mean….”

“No. He’s not like that. He’s fair. I mean, I got in trouble the same as any kid. It’s just that the relationship we have isn’t anything like the one he and my brother share. My dad coached his soccer teams growing up. They both love sports. Especially baseball. Me? I have nothing to add there. I never liked sports. I did track and field in high school and college, but team sports were not my thing.”

“So, what happened last night? Did he call you?”

“No. I’d called my mom earlier to check on a recipe I tried last night. When she called me back she asked me who was coming over and I heard him make some comment in the background about it being a fag party. I doubt he thought I could hear him, but his hearing is getting bad as he’s getting older and he doesn’t realize how his voice carries. It’s no big deal. Nothing I haven’t heard many a time before, but fuck… every once in a while it gets under my skin. And that is the worst part. Knowing I’m letting stupid ignorant words hurt me. I’m better than that. I just hate that my dad still says them. He’ll never change. In his own way, I know he loves me, but it just hurts.”

I pulled him close to me and held him tightly in my arms, as though my hold would keep his hurt at bay. He melted into me. I felt the warmth of his tears on my chest and held him closer still.

Aaron was right. I had never had to deal with any name-calling, or worse, because of my sexuality. Hell, no one knew I was bi or gay. I didn’t dress, act, or speak in a manner suggesting I liked men. I knew, of course, that was stereotyping, but that stereotype had enabled me to keep my own secret for a long time. I had been comfortable in my relationships with women, but I had never felt fulfilled. Sexually, being with Aaron was like discovering the real me. I was still me, though. I still loved playing and watching sports, loved hanging out with my buddies. I didn’t think that would change when they found out about Aaron, but I couldn’t deny that I would be hurt if it did. I hadn’t even thought about my family. They were good people, and I knew they loved me, but I wasn’t ready to think about the repercussions of coming out to them.

Aaron wiped at his face and cuddled into me. I kissed his tears away and made him laugh when I jokingly told him I was going to kick his dad’s ass. I tickled him until he was hysterical and finally let up when he wiggled out from under me, straddling my thighs. We were gasping for breath as we stilled our playing. Then Aaron swooped down to lay flat over me, wrapping his arms around my neck in a sweet embrace.

“Thank you, Matty. You’re my knight in no clothes.” He sighed and laughed softly in my ear.

I smiled into his hair. Knight. Yeah, that sounded fine by me.

8

S
PRING
in DC was truly beautiful. The cherry blossoms came into full bloom, creating a picturesque landscape in the capital. Aaron sent me a text one Saturday morning in early April, giving me his “photoshoot” location. I had no idea what that meant. With Aaron, one could never be sure. It could mean anything from he sent me a text meant for a coworker and they were to meet for a work-related shoot or he had some adventure or another up his sleeve. The heart-shaped emoticon, I decided, was meant for me. So I sent him a return text asking if I needed running shoes. The swift reply was “not unless you plan on running away from me!” He added that he would explain when I got there, and to hurry.

I met him at the Tidal Basin near the Jefferson Monument, as instructed. The West Potomac Park was covered in cherry blossom trees in bloom. It was stunning. I took a moment to enjoy the scenery while I waited for Aaron to arrive. There were tons of people out and about. The day was overcast, but the sun was making a valiant effort to break free of the clouds. I spotted Aaron near the monument, with a tripod and a large camera draped over his neck. He was wearing a pair of aviator sunglasses and a leather jacket. He looked like a sexy pilot. I laughed at the image I’d conjured and made my way over to my handsome companion.

“Hi, Matty! You’re here! Isn’t it unbearably gorgeous?” He gave a flourishing wave at the trees and pond.

“Yes, you are.”

“Oh, stop. No, go on.” We stared at each other, letting a silly silence pass between us. Aaron broke my stare first with one of his beautiful smiles. “I have decided a day like today is the perfect day to brush the dust off this old, well, not too old, Nikon and take some scenic photos. Please say you’ll let me take your picture!”

“What? No. I mean, it’s cloudy, right? Not a good day to take photos.”

“
Au contraire
. The cloud cover makes it
perfecto
for my purposes, as I won’t have to worry about glare. You look handsome as ever, but I’m actually not planning on doing any close-ups. More silhouette. Okay?”

I begrudgingly agreed. I moaned and tried to suggest other, sexier things we could be doing with our morning, but Aaron would not be dissuaded. He meandered to a quieter part of the park and set up his tripod. I felt a little unsure about what he had in mind here. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, my shoulders nearing my ears as I waited for instruction.

It came by way of “move to the left,” “turn sideways,” “perfect, Matty.” In other words, I just stood around and he took a steady stream of photos. How anyone could be a model was beyond me. I was restless, and the only thing that kept me from running away was the look of utter excitement on Aaron’s face. I hadn’t seen any of his work, but if he simply took joy from taking photos, maybe that was all he needed.

“Okay. Now, let’s maybe find another angle,” the artist mused, looking seriously about.

“No offense, babe, but let’s do something else for a while. How about I take a picture of you?” I whipped out my cell phone and started shooting pictures of him with the built-in camera feature.

“No! I’m a mess! Matt! Oh, whatever, at least I have sunglasses on.”

He hammed it up for me, making me laugh at his silly faces. I kept right on taking pictures until he’d had enough and made a run for me. I’m a pretty fast runner, although I admit Aaron is faster when not burdened with a heavy-duty Nikon around his neck. He dashed after me, but kept missing. When he’d had enough, he literally sat down cross-legged on the grass and pouted until I stopped. He looked like a child not getting his way. It was hysterical. I held up a hand in truce, but the second I got close to him, he pulled me down beside him and jumped on top of me. I halfheartedly wrestled him off me. We were both laughing and breathless when Aaron called uncle.

“Geez, Matty. Pick on someone your own size!”

“Okay. So now, what do you want to do?” I stood up, dusting off my grass-stained jeans. I offered Aaron a hand up. He looked around thoughtfully and a manic light came to his eyes. Uh-oh… another idea.

“No more photos, please?”

“Better than that! Let’s go on the paddleboats!”

I’m sure my blank look said it all. That was for tourists, not residents. I really didn’t want to go on a paddleboat. I looked toward the great pond that President Jefferson’s statue presided over, framed by glorious cherry blossom trees. Oh yeah, and a ton of out-of-towners intent on taking in all of DC’s treasures in a weekend. I turned back to Aaron to tell him exactly what I thought of that idea, but I couldn’t do it. The look in his eyes was all excitement. Once again, he reminded me of an over-eager little kid.

“What about your equipment?” It was my final attempt at avoidance.

“My car isn’t far. I’ll go put it in the trunk and voilà… we’re good to go! What do you say, Matty?” He fluttered his eyelashes at me. Seriously.

“Cut it out. Alright! But you owe me for this one.”

“I’ll pay, don’t worry!”

“I don’t mean money, honey.” I tried to give him a stern look, but his smile was too big for me to hold on to my mock anger.

“I don’t either! Come on, honey. You carry the tripod. I’m this way.”

I found myself following after him, wondering how I got here. He had me doing stuff I wouldn’t usually agree to in a million years. Paddleboats? I was still trying to think of an out when I looked ahead to see Aaron practically skipping to his car.
Man, he has a nice ass
, was where my mind went.
Who cares about paddleboating if you get to be with him?
I asked myself.

We stored his camera equipment and trudged back to the Basin. I trudged, actually, while Aaron chatted and ran circles around me, prodding me to move faster. There was a short line for the boats. While we waited, we listened to the safety rules and were told we would all be wearing life vests. I turned to look at my companion. Really? He was either ignoring my annoyance or totally entranced by the safety operator’s speech. I figured it was the former.

We opted for one without the canopy. It wasn’t a warm day, and the canopy was marginally more expensive. We put on our life vests, got on our boat, and began our hour adventure on the paddleboat.

Aaron’s reactions to the experience were worth a hundred times the measly twelve bucks we paid. He was in awe of everything.

“Oh my gosh, you can see the mountains from here! Pedal faster, Matty!”

We had a contest to see who could pedal the fastest. I worked up a sweat trying to outdo my companion, who turned out to be an expert paddleboat pedaler. I had to chuckle at his competitive nature. I called a truce when my thighs started to ache. Aaron grinned wildly and threw his arms in the air.

“Woo-hoo! Paddle pedal champion!”

I laughed helplessly at his exuberance. It was catchy. And once again, I was completely charmed.