Betrayed (The Worshipped Series Book 2) (10 page)

I want to tell her everything but the minute that comes out of my mouth and I knowing how she reacted just learning my real name, I know I can’t tell her everything. Not yet at least. She looks at me with disgust and hatred. I can’t blame her. I purposely lied to her. But what she doesn’t know is why I lied. It’s to protect her. She can’t know the truth yet. And she probably never will now. If she reacts this way just by knowing something so small, how will she react knowing everything? I have done things…things I am ashamed of. No, it’s best to keep her in the dark. 

I have to shake off these thoughts. We have to leave. I don’t know if someone is already following us. I can’t be sure and I want her safe. This is all that matters to me. She can hate me all she wants, but as long as she is safe I will deal with the rest later. I turn my back to her confused face and start packing my bag. I hear her do the same and I am relieved she doesn’t question me anymore or demand anything else from me right now. I don’t have full control over my darkness and I don’t want to lose it in front of her. I know I scared the fuck out of her this morning by being covered in old blood. I hadn’t meant to pass out before a shower but once I saw how peaceful she looked in the bed I couldn’t help myself from lying beside her. 

Once our bags are packed, I walk her to the passenger side of the truck. She doesn’t say anything about the new truck, but I can tell she’s suspicious. I’m sure she thinks I stole it. Which is probably half true. I have no idea where Duff had gotten a truck as fast as he did. For all I know the crew has a backup car lot somewhere. I open the door for Karen and as she gets in I toss our bags into the backseat. Before I shut the door, I pull out the handcuffs from my bag and click them over one of Karen’s wrists. She snaps her head up at me looking more shocked than anything. 

“What the fuck Josh?”

I grind my teeth together trying not to snap at her for calling me the wrong name. Again. 

“My name is not fucking Josh. And this is to make sure you don’t do anything stupid along the way.”

She blushes as if she’s embarrassed but doesn’t say anything else. I put the other cuff on the door handle and shut the door. I walk around to the driver’s side but before I get in I have to take a few breathes. I run my hands through my hair noticing it is getting too long again. I have no idea what I am going to do. My only plan at the moment is to go to another motel and keep moving. I hope no one realizes where we are. I have Karen’s clinic taken care of and her parents as well. I know they aren’t as close for whatever reason. They wouldn’t worry about where she is after they call her home phone and get the answering machines recording. 

I thought long and hard about what to say on the machine. The only problem I can think of is Riley and her lovers. I know they will eventually figure out that I lied about who I am. And I also know it wouldn’t take Riley long to figure out Karen is missing. I watched them long enough to see they have a close friendship. 

I have to stick with one thing at a time. I can’t look at everything at once. First things first, get the fuck out of here. 

I get into the truck and pull out of the parking lot. I had called Frankie earlier while Karen was in the shower for him to check us out of our room. I didn’t know if we would need to get the fuck out of there fast or not. With all the shit that happened last night and with all this bullshit with Dominic I didn’t want to risk staying another night. 

I don’t try to talk to Karen as I drive. I don’t know what to say to her, and I have too many thoughts running through my mind. She seems fine with the silence. I sneak glances at her every so often. She’s pissed at me again. I wouldn’t expect anything less out of my little vixen. She thinks I don’t see her look at me a few times, but I notice. I pretend not to but I do. You Me at Six starts to play on the radio. Room to Breathe is the name of the song, and it’s perfect for the mood Karen and I have right now. 

While I drive, I think back to this morning. It was so stupid and careless of me to let Karen wake up to seeing me covered with blood. I scold myself for not following through with my shower before I crashed. When she yelled out my name, the first thing I thought was someone was in our room. When I was fully awake and realized no one was there, I turned to Karen. The look on her face tore me to my soul. Well it would have if I had a soul. I didn’t try to explain. What would be the point? While I was in the shower I scrubbed my skin until I thought mine would join what was going down the drain. 

The one thing I am good at is the one thing I hate. 

I don’t want to kill anymore. 

I don’t want to feed my darkness anymore. But when it comes to me and what I want, I will fight to the end. 

I battle the good and evil inside of me every day. It is exhausting. I want to be different if only for her. But, I don’t know how. I have been this way for a very long time.

My darkness and I have been together since I could remember. My childhood was not all rainbows and sunshine. I don’t know if my childhood is the sole reason why I am the way I am, but I do know it played into it. The other was finding Dominic at such a young age. I was fourteen when he found me. 

Fourteen. I was still a child and I was taken in by a monster. 

I don’t want to think of my fucked up childhood. I don’t want to remember what Dominic taught me. I don’t want to think of teaching Caroline at such a young age on how to fight and kill. I need to focus on the task at hand and find somewhere safe for Karen and I for the night. 

I see a cheap motel and I pull up by the office. Before I get out I turn to Karen and say, “Don’t do anything stupid.”

She rolls her eyes at me and I get out. I want to spank her pretty little ass for that eye roll. That will have to wait until later. 

Once I have our room key, I unlock Karen from the handcuffs and hold her arm as I we walk inside our room. I don’t want to even chance her running off again. Although I love the chase, I’m definitely not in any mood to play cat and mouse. I sit her down on the bed before I quickly unplug the phone and take it with me to go and grab our bags out of the truck. I make sure the bags of money and guns are safely where I had put them the night before and I close the truck making sure to lock it. The last thing I need is for some ass wipe to steal my money and guns. They are the only things I have to help protect Karen. I toss the piece of shit phone from the motel room into the dumpster and walk back into our room. This room is better than the last, thank fuck. It doesn’t smell like feet and the room actually looks like it has been cleaned recently. 

Karen hasn’t moved and I am proud she doesn’t defy me anymore. At least not yet. I walk over beside her and sit down. I know I need to explain a little bit of what is going on. She refuses to look at me. I don’t know how to begin or how to make her trust me. How do you make a person believe all you want to do is keep them safe when all you have done is lie, and give them reason after reason not to trust you?  I get that she won’t hand over her trust as easily after what I’ve done, but I need her trust to make this work. And I need to be able to trust she won’t run at every chance she gets. 

I clear my throat a few times, still not sure how to start. I don’t need to say much because my little vixen beats me to it. 

“Will you just spit it out already?”

I smile as I shake my head at her bluntness. That is another trait that attracted me to her. She never ceases to amaze me with her strength and stubbornness. 

“We should probably talk,” I tell her. 

“Oh really? And why would you think that?’’

Damn her and her smart ass mouth. She doesn’t know how bad she is tempting me. I want to bend her over my knee and show her to respect me, but I don’t. I let it slide, thinking she needs more time to adjust to being mine and what all goes along with being mine. 

“I won’t tell you anything if you keep giving me that smart ass mouth of yours. Now are you going to listen like a good girl or do I have to spank that ass for you again?”

Her head jerks in my direction, no doubt wondering if I am telling her the truth. I let her know with my stare, I am dead serious. I want her to defy me again just so I can beat her ass. She seems to understand that I’m not playing with her. She drops her eyes and her shoulders slump as she lets out a long sigh. She finally understands. Baby steps I remind myself. She is new at this and new to the real me. I need to take it slow with her and show her how I need her to be, and how she needs me to be for her. 

“Why did you take me Jason?” Karen whispers to me. The sound of my real name coming from her lips sends ripples through me. I take a deep breath, not really knowing what I need to tell her. I want her to know the truth, but at the same time I know if I tell her everything, she will hate me even more than she already does. 

“You were, are, still in danger. Taking you is the best plan I could come up with.”

“In danger? I don’t understand. What, or should I say whom is endangering me?”

“I can’t tell you that yet. Just know I did what I thought was necessary. I know you don’t trust me, but I need you to know that I would never let anything happen to you.” Karen frowns at me, almost as if she doesn’t believe me, or is trying to work through what I just told her. 

“Why did you lie about your name?” Out of all the questions to ask, she asks that one.  

This one is a bit more complicated to answer without giving too much away. I am quiet for a few minutes while I work through a vague answer. “I told you, I can’t really explain much right now. I did what I did to keep you safe. That’s all you need to know for now.”

I can tell she doesn’t like that answer either. She sighs deeply and rolls her eyes at me. She’s losing patience with me. 

“I don’t understand any of this. You kidnap me, take me to God knows where, and now you say we need to talk but all I am getting is half truths and lies. I have a feeling this has something to do with Dominic. At least that is when you decided to act this way. Tell me I am wrong about that. Tell me I am over thinking this and there is another reason.” 

Karen is staring, waiting for my answer. I don’t know what I should tell her. She is right. This has everything to do with Dominic, but at the same time do I really want her to know that? I might play it off that I am worried Dominic will come after her, which is the truth, but I don’t want her to know my part yet. She will never forgive me if she knew it all. 

I mask all emotion from her. It is much easier to tell a person a lie without emotions. “I am worried Dominic will come after you. That is why I left with you the way I did. I didn’t have time to tell you the plan. I just wanted you away from that. I need you to trust me. I can keep you safe.” 

“You should have told me. We could have come up with a better plan than running away and leaving everyone else behind. What about Riley? How can we help her if we are so far away? She needs us, or at least me to be there for her. This isn’t adding up. There is more to this and you’re not telling me everything. And what about all the blood that was on you earlier? Where did that come from? Are you some sort of serial killer? Let me go please. I…I need to go home.” 

All the questions she’s asking, it’s making me regret everything except saving her. I get up and start to pace around the room. I can’t tell her yet. She won’t understand anything if I tell her now. I can just demand she stop badgering me with questions. I am at a crossroads. Tell her or lie?  

I rub my tattoo on my chest, the one that keeps me grounded. It has been a long six months without seeing him. Every day that I am apart from him, kills me a little more. This is just one more lie I will have to tell Karen. She won’t understand why I do the things I do. She will judge me and convict me before I can try and explain anything. I turn to her with my mind made up. I know she wants to go home. I can’t let her leave just yet. 

“We are finished talking. When the time is right I will tell you everything, but not until you trust me.”

Damn him. I need to say something or do something to keep him talking. I am not ready for him to lock me out just yet. I need answers. I need him to tell me the real reason why he took me. Why can’t he just tell me? Is the truth that horrible? Maybe it is. I can only imagine what it can be at this point. I have a feeling it has more to do with Dominic than he is letting on. And when he was covered in all that blood….I can’t think of that right now. 

“Jason, please. Tell me more. Don’t shut me out. I might be able to help.” I beg him. I need to know. If I am here because I am truly in danger I will accept that. But I need more from him and he knows this. I have needed more from him for a long time. Why can’t he give me more? 

“Don’t push this Karen. I said we are done talking.”

The hell we are. “You know what Jason, why don’t you go fuck yourself. I am sick and tired of your bullshit lies. I am sick and tired of everything! You have done nothing but lie and tell me half truths since day one. If you can’t be honest with me about one thing, then I think you should just let me go and whatever happens, happens. I can’t take this anymore. I thought we were becoming more. Was that a lie too?” I am at my wits end. I don’t know what else to do. I have begged him to let me go. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he doesn’t like what I say. I know he won’t let me leave. I am fighting a losing battle with him.