Best Friends (4 page)

“Can I come in?” he asked as his dark gaze ran over my tense features.

I hesitated, then stepped aside. “How can I say no to pizza and beer?”

He’d been to my place a bazillion times, and so he made himself at home putting the beer in the fridge. I shut the fire off under the soup. Let’s face it, if I had a choice between pizza or a tin of soup, I was going to have to go with the pizza.

He approached and studied me as I fidgeted near the stove. “I want to know what’s wrong and I don’t want any bullshit.”

I gave a gruff laugh. “That’s your opening? No ‘hello how are you’ first?”

His lips twitched. “Sorry. How have you been?” He actually managed to sound as if he cared.

“Peachy keeno. And you?”

“Never better.” He bit his lip, then said, “Okay. Now that that’s out of the way, what the fuck is wrong with you lately?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” My heart thumped in my chest as I attempted to look truthful.

“Did I upset you?” he asked quietly.

“No.”

Squinting, he moved closer. “C. I
know
you.”

“God. Between you and Cheyanne I feel like I’m being stalked,” I grumbled.

“You might be able to fool other people. But this little cold shoulder act isn’t going to fly with me.”

I turned my back on him and twisted the cap off the beer he’d set near me. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”

Sighing, he moved around so that I was facing him again. He licked his lips as if he was nervous. “Is it because of what happened at the convention?”

The bastard had good instincts. My face was warm as I lifted my chin. “No.” I knew my pink cheeks would probably give me away.

He smirked. “You’re a god-awful liar, C.”

I ignored him. If I just kept to my “everything is fine” routine he couldn’t prove otherwise, now could he? “I’m working a lot. Just because I don’t have the energy to hang out at a bar every night doesn’t mean something’s going on.”

He wasn’t buying it. “Look, it doesn’t take a genius to notice you’re avoiding me. We always make time for each other, dude. You know that.”

I shrugged. He was right. As usual his unflappable sincerity had cut to the heart of the matter. We were usually inseparable. In fact, we hung out so much that the few times either of us had been in steady relationships the girls we were seeing had bitched about it.

“But all of a sudden my best friend doesn’t have time for me. Ever.” His gaze was piercing as he spoke, stabbing through my bullshit like a Jedi light saber.

“We’ll hang out next week, okay?”

He snorted. “You’re just saying that so I’ll shut the fuck up.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. I glanced at him under my lashes. “Is it working?”

His grin was wide. “Hell, no. We’re hanging out right now.”

I leaned against the counter. “Is that right?”

“Yep.” He tapped his bottle against mine. “We can stuff ourselves with pizza and beer. We don’t have to go to some noisy bar. We can just hang out like usual.”

“I guess.” Maybe hanging out was how I could move past these weird feelings I had toward him.

“There’s a game on too,” he added.

He looked so hopeful I couldn’t send him away. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” His voice rose happily, and I felt a little guilty for having been distant the past few weeks. “I call dibs on the remote.”

I groaned. “No. You always forget to mute the commercials.”

“That’s how I discovered Freddy’s Wings, so don’t even.” He seemed cheerful as he carried the beer and pizza to the couch. “It’s been too long since we’ve done this.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey.” He met my gaze. “I’ve missed you, C.”

I grimaced. “Back at ya.” I wasn’t lying either. Nobody made me laugh like Malcolm. And he was a great listener too. He let me bitch to him about every little thing that bugged me. He was the one person who helped me to see that we did make a difference out on the streets. I always felt better after spending time with my buddy.

Following him into my living room, I settled next to him on the sofa. Careful to make sure there was a respectable distance between us, I toed off my shoes and put my feet on my coffee table. Malcolm would never do anything like that at his own place, but he copied me when he was here. He wiggled his toes and grinned at me. “Awww. That’s better.”

My stomach tumbled warmly at the affection behind his gaze. I sank down into the soft couch with a sigh. I’d never paid attention to the little laugh lines around his eyes, and the fullness of his lips, until lately. I wanted to go back to those days, but I had no idea how.

We drank ale and chomped on gooey, cheesy pizza. Eventually I forgot how nervous his presence made me and I got into the game. My team was trailing by one touchdown and Malcolm wasn’t about to let me forget it. He ribbed me every time my team did something stupid, and I did the same to him. Whenever he jumped up yelling enthusiastically for his team, I found myself scoping out his firm ass. I was achingly, physically aware of him now, and it was painful trying to ignore it. Something had happened to me that night we fooled around, and I didn’t know how to shut these sensual urges off.

After the game Malcolm helped me take the plates and empty bottles into the kitchen. Then we opened another couple of beers and stood near the sink. He cleared his throat at one point and leaned toward me.

“Do you want to talk about what happened at the convention?” he asked softly.

I inhaled sharply. “No.”

“I think we should.”

“Why?” I was conflicted. A part of me wanted to talk so we could move past it. But a larger part of me wanted to pretend like nothing had ever happened. I was still confused and afraid if we examined it too closely, it would destroy our friendship.

“You’ve been strange since that weekend,” Malcolm pointed out. He chewed his lip and watched me. “I can feel you pulling away from me and I hate it.”

What could I say since he was right? While I felt it was better if I hid my sexual feelings from him, he obviously wanted to talk and that made it difficult to ignore his plea. “I just want to go back to how it was,” I mumbled.

“Me too. I’m hoping that examining things will help.”

Frowning, I didn’t necessarily agree. I rubbed dust off a potted plant on the counter with my thumbnail. “It’s too awkward.”

He shrugged. “Pretending it didn’t happen is what’s making it odd. We were just horny. It shouldn’t be a big deal.”

“I wish I had your take on it.” I swallowed. “It feels like a big deal to me.”

He moved closer to me. “Why?”

I wanted to yell:
maybe because I had your cock in my mouth.
But I held my tongue. “I’m confused as to why it happened at all.”

“I’m not sure. I mean, we were drunk.” He rubbed his stubbly jaw. “That probably contributed.”

“Yeah. But no matter how blitzed I’ve been in the past, I’ve never had the urge to be with a guy before.” It felt good to say that out loud finally. He was being so offhand about what we’d done it was almost making me feel like
I
was weird for thinking it was unusual. “I’ve never wanted another guy before. Never, Malcolm.”

“I…I know. Me either.” He dropped his chin and sighed. “I’m not sure what’s different.” His tone was soft and it made my chest ache. He sounded confused and scared, which was exactly how I felt.

Distracting myself by peeling the label off my beer, I said, “Do you…um…want other guys too now?”

His reaction was immediate, and he scowled. “Hell no.”

“Good.” I couldn’t hide the relief that rolled through me. I slumped against the counter and laughed. “This is weird enough without you going after other guys.”

His lips twitched as he studied me. “Would it bother you if I did?”

The very idea of that made my jaw clench. “As confused as I am right now? Yeah, it would piss me off big time. I’m not saying that’s logical, or even your problem. But you asked if it would bug me, and so I’m being honest.”

He watched me under his brow. “I’m not gonna lie. It would mess with my head if I saw you with another guy.”

My chest tightened with some strange emotion when he volunteered that information. It was nice to know he was screwed up too. “So what do we do now? How do we go back to the way it was?”

“Maybe we should go on a double date or something. Cecilia is always bugging me to go out again, and she says she has a friend who thinks you’re cute.”

God, I hated that idea. “Um…maybe.”

He pressed his lips together. Then he spoke quietly. “We could go have drinks and take them home with us.” He cleared his throat. “Like we used to do.”

The idea of watching him with a girl made me sick. But I couldn’t very well say that. “I don’t know. I’m not really sure I have time for that right now.”

“We have to get back on the horse.” He didn’t even look like he believed what he was saying. There was a line between his brows as if he was muddled. “We’ll take a couple of girls out and get back in the saddle.”

I was distracted by all the equine references, but mostly just really stressed at the idea of him with
anyone
else. Female or male. It didn’t seem to matter. It was illogical, but I didn’t know how to suppress the feelings of jealousy eating me alive. “So you would feel weird if I dated another guy, but you have no problem with me screwing some girl in front of you?”

His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat and he looked paler than he had a few moments earlier. “We need to get back on track,” he insisted. “Isn’t that what we both want?”

“Yep.”

“Then we should do this. I’m going to hook us up. You in?”

I wasn’t sure watching each other bang a girl would do the trick for me. “I’m going to have to get back to you on that.”

“Don’t try and get out of it, C. We’re not gay…right?” His gaze was bright and his cheeks flushed. “We can’t be.”

I nodded. “Of course not.”
Never mind the fact that I can’t stop thinking about deep throating you. No problem because I’m not gay. I’m just a perfectly straight guy who likes to suck my friend’s cock on occasion. No biggie.

“Okay.” He looked about as thrilled with his plan as I was. “Then I’ll call Cecilia and we can get back to normal.”

“Sounds good.” I avoided his gaze.

Exhaling roughly, he said, “Great. I’m gonna take off now. I’ll let you know the date and time.”

I walked with him to the door. “Can’t wait.”

“Me either.”

He squeezed my shoulder and I steeled myself against the lust I knew would barrel through me at his touch. Hopefully he was right. If we could just get back to doing what we’d always done, soon that hot, sex-filled night we’d shared together would become a distant memory.

Chapter Four

“You’re both cops?” Amanda’s eyes were wide as she stared at me. “Have you ever shot anyone?”

Everybody always asked that. “No.” I watched her face fall.

“I have,” Malcolm piped up, one brow cocked. “Robbery suspect pulled a piece on me and I had to discharge my weapon.”

He was acting cavalier about the incident. But I remembered how upset he’d been afterward. The perp had lived, but Malcolm had second-guessed his reactions. Nobody official had questioned the shooting, but Malcolm had been super rattled.

“My hero.” Cecilia rested her head on Malcolm’s shoulder, and my stomach clenched.

I turned back to Amanda, hoping to distract myself. She was pretty with jade green eyes and long hair the color of autumn leaves. She was just the kind of girl I’d have been into usually. But I seemed unable to feel anything physical toward her. I liked her. She seemed sweet and intelligent, but I couldn’t muster even a hint of lust toward her.

“What do you do?” I asked.

“I teach English.” She watched me as if waiting for a reaction.

I grimaced. “Uh, oh.”

Laughing, she said, “God, don’t clam up on me. Everybody always freaks out and thinks I’m judging them the second they find out what I teach.”

“Oh, God. Right?” Cecilia jumped in. “I’m a psychologist and everyone assumes I’m psychoanalyzing them. The truth is I just want to forget all about that crap when I’m not working.” Cecila clinked glasses with Malcolm. “I just want to have fun.”

“Amen, sista.” He grinned at her.

I guess he was getting into the spirit of things much better than me. He was effortlessly flirting, and touching her. I felt irritable and tired watching him dote on her. What the fuck was wrong with me? Had I lost the ability to be normal ever again?

“You probably get that too, though,” Amanda guessed, watching me with her cheerful green gaze. “People immediately get nervous around cops. We think you magically know if we’ve done something wrong.”

Smiling, I nodded. “True. People do get weird. But unless you run a red light in front of me, I won’t know about it.”

“Did you investigate me on your police computer?” Amanda asked, twisting her hair around her finger. “You know, to see if I had any outstanding warrants?”

“No. That’s definitely frowned on.” I sipped my drink, hoping it would help me loosen up. I was as tense as if I was at a damn job interview. “Unless you’ve broken the law it would be pretty unethical of me to spy on your personal business.”

She put her delicate hand on my arm. “I wouldn’t mind.”

Oh, God. She was flirting with me. Well of course she was. We were on a date. She was the normal one. I just laughed like I thought she was joking and gulped more of my beer. I tried not to fixate on Malcolm and Cecilia, but my gaze seemed drawn to them.

“Have you and Malcolm always been best friends?” Amanda asked.

“Yep,” Malcolm answered before I could. “C. was my neighbor growing up.”

“When I was a child my mom never wanted me in the house. Malcolm was stuck entertaining me,” I told them, meeting Malcolm’s warm gaze.

“That’s so cool to have known each other that long.” Cecilia sighed.

Nodding, I said, “My parents divorced when I was five. My mom wanted to find a replacement dad for me as soon as possible. Unfortunately, the guy she picked didn’t like kids.” I laughed so they wouldn’t feel sorry for me. “My real father started a new family in a different state.”