Being Celeste (19 page)

“Hey Celeste!”

It was Thabang. He came all the way to the
treadmill section to come and say hi, before hitting the change rooms, I guess.
He’s so sweet, isn’t he? I turned and tried to act as normal and cool as ever.
I had to hide the fact that I was out of breath and in pain.

“Hi, Thabang!” I replied with a huge smile
on my face. He was looking at me really funny, like he was drawn to me, or he
found me irresistible, or he had never seen such a pretty girl in his life. I
wanted to start hopping merrily on the treadmill but I don’t think there is a
possibility. But I tried as hard as possible not to look entirely excited so
that I don’t look too
out there
.

“Listen, do you have a minute?”

“Sure.” I switched off the treadmill and
got off. I was grateful for the fact that he saved me. Besides, I was left with
a minute until ten minutes was up. What’s a minute, anyway?

He led me outside the gym entrance. My
heart was pumping because I imagined that he wanted to give me a quick snog or
something. What’s with the talking outside of the gym thing? And he was holding
my hand, sort of dragging me out. I felt so shy and embarrassed. I didn’t mind
being pulled around though as long as it was by him. But I shouldn’t have been
shy however, because I had no idea what the holding hands meant. He could have
been dragging me because he wanted me to hurry up, and not the exclusive in
a
relationship
kind of holding hands.

“What’s going on?” I asked, feeling a
little hyper active inside; the heart was beating out of control.

“I um- it’s a little noisy in there from
all the music, I just wanted to talk to you...about that offer I made you last
Friday.”

Offer? Is he calling our date an offer? I
was a little dubious about where this conversation was going, but I had to stop
expecting so much. So what, he’s
offering
to hang out with me out of
pity?

“Oh?” I said.

“Could we do it today, say lunch time?”

Oh shit! I didn’t anticipate this little
blunder in my plans. How should I handle this one? But I couldn’t possibly
cancel with Taboka, because I had to make him see that I was not attracted to
him; and I couldn’t tell Thabang the truth about lunch time because I didn’t
want to ruin their relationship, and possibly have Thabang think that I was
into Taboka instead of
him
(what a complication. Breathe!).

“Um, I kind of have plans at lunch time,” I
said. He had a frown on his face after I said it. It’s so cute that I’m
disappointing him with my busy schedule. “How about in the afternoon when I
knock off?”

“That’s fine with me. Today we actually
have a day off from boot camp, I’ll see you then.”

“Are you leaving?” that question just popped
out of my mouth, I didn’t mean it to happen.

“Yes, I have to go and get ready for this
afternoon and plan and stuff. I’ll pick you up at the shop. See you, Celeste.”

He squeezed my hand and then left. Now
there’s a romantic bowl of cuteness. He’s going to pick me up so that we can go
on our date together, unlike some people I know. It is a little odd however
that he doesn’t know that I have a lunch date with Taboka, or the fact that
he’s into me. I thought they were two peas in a pod. Have they ever heard of
dibs
?
If I like a guy, I tell Kate all about it...oh no, there she is again, popping
into my thoughts. I told her countless times last night before I went to sleep,
that I didn’t want her there. I sent out some telepathy signals.

The morning in the shop was lonely and the
traffic was slow. I think I made one sale. I was very bored and all I could
think about was calling Kate, because I kept on forgetting that we were not
friends anymore. It was rather refreshing when I hailed a taxi to go and meet
with Taboka. Finally, the time had come. I should have brought my camera with,
so that I could take a picture of myself going on a first date. I was wearing
my new purple blouse and blue jeans, and I looked as stylish as ever. I felt
like I was walking on clouds and I was oozing with confidence. I was so high
up, that I couldn’t even see the ground. When I arrived at the restaurant, I
kept on reminding myself to go with the flow. I was about to play the role of a
heartbreaker so I had to be prepared for anything.

I sat at a table that was facing the
entrance. Taboka was not there yet. I had hoped that I wasn’t too early. If I
were to be the one in control, I had to be the late one, make
him
wait.
The nice waitress kept on passing by me, hoping I’d call her and make an order.
I’m sure she wanted to tell me that only customers were allowed to sit inside.
Well, I don’t know, she gave me a look that said
it
. So I ordered a
juice, to pass the time. In the movies, the man always pays, so this was going
to go on Taboka’s credit. I already made a purchase on a purple top. He’s the
one who asked me out after all. But since I was going to disappoint him, I
would probably have to wait until he paid for everything before I broke it to
him that we were not going to go forward with what he had in mind. I don’t want
to piss him off and
then
expect him to pay for lunch. I wasn’t even sure
that he was much of a gentleman, asking me to meet him on his date.

My juice was finished and I was still
waiting on Taboka. I think an hour had passed. I don’t like waiting on other
people, in fact, if you want to really push my buttons, make me wait! My neck
was tired from me looking up, every time I saw someone at the entrance.

“Ugh, where the fuck is that idiot?” I
whispered under my breath. When I become agitated, I start talking to myself
and I don’t care who’s watching me.

Another half hour passed me by, and I was
just sitting there with an empty glass, just waiting. People kept coming and
going, coming and going! People having their meetings, and glad to see their
punctual counterparts; coming and going, and enjoying their lunches. I started
to feel a little embarrassed because I was there, in my new clothes, possibly
being stood up. I felt like crap, and I was hungry. I knew I was eating out, so
I reserved the right to avoid eating a lot prior to coming to the restaurant.
You know how you don’t want the normal crappy food you eat on daily basis to
ruin your appetite? I finally called the waitress over. By then I was paranoid
and insecure, so I felt the way she looked at me was rather rude. It was as if
she was making fun of the fact that I had been stood up. The air smelled like
frying food and crispy morsels, being served up to people who had a purpose. I
was there for no reason, I guess.

“I’ll have a vegetarian burger, to go
please,” I said. I was rather weak from my hunger, I’d probably eat it on my
way back to work, something I was neglecting of late. Is it wrong to say that
the shop is not fun anymore because it reminds me of Kate?

“Coming right up!” exclaimed the nice
waitress, grabbing the long overdue menu from in front of me.

I watched her happily walking away, doing
her job. It’s a great feeling, knowing what you’re going to do. She’s going to
place an order for my burger (something I shouldn’t be having), while I have no
idea what has just happened to me. Sure of course, I shouldn’t be bummed
because I don’t like Taboka, but being stood up is some whole other kind of
shit. Here I am, all dressed up, for nothing! I had also planned a lot, for
this lunch date. Then it’s the issue of it being my first date. How am I going
to record it in my life events? First date: stood up. I had his number, but I
wasn’t going to call him. He had my number too, and he should have called me,
if there was a problem. So I started thinking all sorts of probabilities. He
was probably mugged on his way here and they took everything, even his phone.
So he had to walk all the way back to his boot camp place to try and get a hold
of me. No, that’s obvious. His transport broke down or crashed into something,
causing him to be preoccupied. Or he’s just a douche bag who asks girls out and
doesn’t show up.

After fifteen minutes, my order was up and
I left as fast as I could, back to work. Well, that was a total waste of time.
I consoled myself with the fact that I was in possession of a really juicy
burger and that Thabang was taking me out later. I wouldn’t change my clothes.
Then it hit me, maybe Taboka stood me up because Thabang told him about our
date later. I might have been out in the plain. But I chose to be positive
about everything. My little white lie was not going to ruin my plans.

Mark it as the day I’ll never forget...or
time period, that’s still fine. I waited for two hours at the shop for Thabang.
Go ahead, say it! If I’m psychic, then my hunch was correct and the guys
finally told each other about me. But why would they stand me up? Why wouldn’t
one of them at least call and tell me the situation, given me a chance to
explain myself? I felt like such an idiot, a fat idiot with nothing but shame
and insecurity to my resume. How could I have been so stupid, thinking that
guys like Thabang and Taboka could actually be interested in a girl like me?
Kate was right. I want to feel betrayed, but what was I expecting anyway, a
happy ending? I need to remind myself more often than usual, that I don’t live
in the movies and things like that don’t just happen to girls like me. I felt
destroyed inside, with no hope for recovery. Like when something breaks your
bones, and while you’re waiting for them to heal, something else comes in and
breaks them some more! I felt so humiliated and I wanted the earth to just open
up and swallow me whole, this time for real. I wanted to disappear and never
come back. I wanted to be free and absent from people’s eyes. Why is it always
me then, the one with a problem? Why am I always faced with challenges? Why
couldn’t they have showed up as planned and fucking taken me out on my first
date? Will I ever have a boyfriend, what’s wrong with me?

I hadn’t realised I was crying until I felt
a chill from the drying tears, on my way back home. It was seven in the evening
and it was super dark and cold. I kept on wondering if I’d get home safely. If
anything would happen to me, how would I explain my whereabouts to the people
concerned? I was waiting to be stood up by a jerk and his cousin, and they
didn’t even bother to call and tell me that it was not happening. What hurt the
most is that I thought Thabang had manners, but I guess not. I thought that he
really liked me. I actually thought that I had a real chance at love this time.
I felt crushed, but the whole time, all I could think about was Kate and how
she’d be there to console me. I missed my best friend, but we were not friends anymore.
She’s also part of the reason why I’m hurting. I hoped she was happy, wherever
she was.

When I got home, I wiped down my face from
the tears, so that I walked in the house all normal and happy. I didn’t want to
alarm anyone. It was rather quiet inside the house. Mum was probably watching
the news, while dad was sitting behind her, pretending to read the newspaper.
Or maybe they were in the kitchen, waiting for me to come home so that I could
make them some tea.

I don’t think I’ve ever been this hurt in
my life by people around me. The tears were just there, waiting to burst out. I
entered the house and walked to my room. I had to pass through the living room
though, to get to my room. To my surprise, there were my parents, sitting in
silence, and my sister in the far sofa, with a good looking man next to her. At
first it didn’t ring a bell but then I remembered our family meeting. Shoot! I
forgot about the family meeting. I was probably three hours late for it and
they were going to give me hell for it. Well, it’s not
my
fault I have
to work. Why didn’t they call to remind me? There, again. I don’t know if
people haven’t realised that I have a phone which could use a call once in a
while to alert me of things I may forget. I saw my sister, sitting in the
light, looking at me with beady eyes, like I had committed the ultimate crime
of crimes. Ugh! And Kate thinks I’m self centred, she probably doesn’t know my
sister.

“Finally!” said mum, “You decided to
finally show up.”

I really wasn’t in the mood for any shrewd
comments about my whereabouts. I was so fragile that anything could set me off
crying. I also wasn’t in the mood for a family meeting. I wanted to go to my
room and think!

“Shall we begin then,” said dad, signalling
me to take a seat.

I presumed the man sitting next to my
sister was her fiancé. Maybe I need this meeting. It ought to take my mind off
things. I took a seat next to my parents, and my sister looked really nervous.
I’m glad the problems I have to deal with right now in my life, are first date
politics.

So as it turns
out, my parents are ecstatic about my sister’s engagement. Bontle’s beaming
eyes were predominant through out the whole evening and as usual, she was the
centre of attention. No one could care less that I was going through some shit.
I don’t blame them. Her fiancé is really good looking, I’m proud of my sister
for landing what seems like a good man. Apparently he’s already divorced, so it
was easy to convey the news to my parents. We were all happy, and I made
everyone some tea. Rooibos! I think I was more shocked at my parents’ reception
than my sister. I had a feeling that they would totally blow the relationship
out of proportion, and ban my sister from marrying him. Just goes to show how
much, my parents can surprise me.