Being Celeste (15 page)

“Hey Celeste,” said a deep voice from behind
me.

 I was just getting ready to hop off
the treadmill. I turned to look at who it was, interrupting the planning that
was going on in my head. It was Taboka. You know, life is really funny
sometimes. What used to be my wish had just come true, but I couldn’t care less
about it. The fact that my heart didn’t jump for joy or that I wasn’t freaking
out, said a lot. I even shocked myself. Because I didn’t want to seem like a
rude or cranky person, I forced myself to reply. “Hi,” I said, switching off
the treadmill and getting off. The gym was really busy, busier than usual. I
had never seen so many people determined to get fit in the wee hours of the
morning. Another strange thing, that made me pause my life and think about it,
was that, Taboka had come all the way over to me, to greet me. He hardly ever
says a word when I’m talking with Thabang.

“Thabang is not here today,” he continued.

That’s when I remembered why I fell for him
in the first place, his perfect face. He was really tall, so my head was tilted
upwards, listening to him telling me something that I had no use for. I wanted
to say
so what?
But that would be rude. Maybe Thabang told him to
deliver a message or something.

I smiled. “Okay.”

I was about to leave when he said: “So I
guess it’s just you and me today.”

What?

“Err, okay.” I had no idea what to say to
that. I resisted the temptation to dissect the statement and find its true
meaning. Making a change in my life had taught me to be immune to Taboka. The
dude had cost me so much money which I had lost to a jar dedicated to him, when
I was in rehab. Therefore when he says things, my mind is programmed to ignore
them or not read too much into them. He wants me to work out with him. Maybe he
just missed his cousin and wanted someone to talk to. Kind of like what is
happening to me with Kate. I would play along, because we have a lot in common
at present.

He led me to the bikes and got onto one of
them. I hesitated joining him, because I was a little anxious and I wanted to
leave the gym and wait for Kate at home. In my head, the shop was going to be
closed for the day just in Kate’s honour. I hopped on, I didn’t want to be a
wet blanket and ruin the mood. I think I was a little too confident for my
liking, kind of like how you feel when you are popular or important amongst
your peers. Taboka started pedalling, his strong arms, holding onto the
steering thing in the front. I’ve always wondered what it’s called; blame me
for never learning how to ride a bike. He was wearing a navy blue tank top and long,
black tracksuit pants. It boggles my mind why someone would wear a tank top in
the cold. There was no air conditioning in the gym, believe it or not, and the
front door was always wide open...wait, hang on! This one is going to work
against me. He’s probably feeling hot from all the working out. I would feel
hot too, but I walked the whole time I was on the treadmill. What’s that, 10
calories lost?

“So Celeste,” he called, in between
pedalling like crazy on the bike.

I turned my attention from his pedalling to
face him. I was already on my bike, I was just a little distracted by his
pedalling. It was gripping. I widened my eyes to show him that I was listening.
He looked rather uneasy and nervous about something. Maybe it was the calories
he was burning. It hurts when they burn, and all the sweat drapes all over your
body as a result.

He stopped pedalling for a moment and
looked at me, his breathing a little elevated. “I really like you, Celeste,” he
said, pulling a towel up to his face to dab the sweat off his forehead. “And I
want to take you out on a date.”

What? At that moment my heart beat was
through the roof. I was there, staring at him, but looking like I was just hit
with a hot towel on my face and left wondering what it was that hit me. Shit! I
didn’t see that one coming. What does he mean he likes me? He’s not supposed to
like
me, I’m Celeste. I kept wondering if this was a big old joke, and
someone was going to come out and call me out for being an idiot for believing
that Taboka, the boy I used to stalk, actually wants to go out with me. All
these feelings from the past came rushing back into my head and all I could
think about was what a perfect husband he would make one day. I relapsed. But
he didn’t know that. He was just sitting on his bike, waiting for some sort of
reaction from me. I didn’t know how to react except look like a lost puppy at
the mall. Again, I had that feeling where you don’t get the memo that the
costume party has been cancelled, and you show up looking like an idiot in a
costume, when everyone is wearing normal clothes. The rug was pulled from under
me without my knowledge (yes, that’s a much better metaphor). How did I miss
it? I’m a relationship expert. Of course, that’s why Thabang was being so nice
to me; he wanted to butter me up for the big feast, Taboka, the most handsome
man I’ve ever seen in my life. But what do I say to him? Of course I want to
jump up and down and express the joy that’s within me, but I’ve never really
actually prepared myself for this, just like all the other situations leading
up to this moment. Honestly, my life is such a boring loser-ville, that no real
guy has ever come up to me and asked me out, or said they
like
me.
Especially a guy I’m attracted to. Sure of course, there are the odd exceptions
like those men who act out in lust and whistle at you in the street. But what
do I say? It would be a horrible idea to go out with a guy I used to be
obsessed with. He finding out what I used to do would freak him out, heck it
freaks
me
out. But I love him (well, not really, I love the image of him
that I manifested in my head), and he doesn’t know it yet. (I can’t believe his
awesome and delicious voice just uttered those words to me.
I like you
.)
Gosh, I don’t know what to say to him.

My voice was trapped inside that place I
can never figure out. But I forced something out. “Yes.” It was a whisper, I
think. But I’m sure he could make out the movement my lips were making.

I watched his face beaming with delight
from my answer. It was like the best news he’d ever gotten in a long time. I
wanted to cry. These were precious moments. There are things in life, moments
that I think are so important that they stick to your mind forever.  And
these moments I presume are ‘firsts’ or ‘first times’. (I know I’ve mentioned
this before.) I will never forget the image, when Taboka looked to me for
approval, instead of the other way around. The image of when he actually smiled
because I was making his wish come true. Then I’m sure there’ll be others in my
future, like my first date, kiss, third base, etc. I am going to cherish this
one in particular. The time I got asked out on a date. Wait, but what was I
doing? I wasn’t sure I liked him anymore. The old me, worshiped him, which is
why I might have said I’d go out with him. But the truth is, I liked his cousin
Thabang more. I didn’t realise it at first, but the feelings just kind of
showed up. Yes, I admit it, the fool has got me on a leash and I feel hung up
on him. I didn’t want to admit it to myself by clouding my judgment with all
these questions about whether or not he likes me, but
I
like him, a lot.
I want
him
to ask me out. I wish
he
was part of the first date.
Now Taboka, the idiot has gone and ruined it all for me. Taboka is just part of
my past now. But then again, I don’t know. Maybe I needed to get one out of the
way like I always say.

“Great. How about lunch?” he said, with a
wide grin on his face. I don’t think I had ever seen him smile before. He was
always hiding behind his cousin.

I wasn’t completely sure of how I felt,
exactly. I was a little confused from the moment and the events. I just wanted
to leave already. I grabbed my sweat towel, which I was hanging on the bike
handle thing.

“I’m sorry, I have to get going,” I said. I
think I kind of broke his heart, I don’t know. I just rushed to the change
rooms and didn’t look back. I think I left him in a state of confusion. He was
left wondering whether or not I wanted a lunch date or not. But it was kind of
a liberating moment. I also felt a surge of confidence empower my every being.
Like I could have been the biggest bitch on the planet at that moment, and it
felt good. I left a guy like Taboka hanging at my heels. Where’s Kate when I
need a hi-five.

I arrived at the boutique still pinching my
arm, wondering if I were in a dream. After several pinches I even went as far
as slapping myself to see if I’d wake up already. I got a couple of weird
stares from the public, and they should mind their own business. But I wasn’t
dreaming, and even if I were, I didn’t want to wake up. However, this whole
deal with Taboka got me thinking a whole lot about life and love. Part of the
reason why I left the gym so quickly was that I had no idea how to react in
such situations where a guy tells me he likes me. Sure, I watch a lot of
movies, but they are just movies, and I’ve come to realise that. If I don’t
like a guy, how do I let him
know
without trashing his feelings? Do I
just agree to going out with him in the spirit of being spontaneous, or what? A
part of me was just mad that I would even think twice about going out with
Taboka. But things are hard because I really liked Thabang now. He’s the one
who was nice to me and talked to me and offered to workout with me.

The shop was really cold inside. I walked
over to the air conditioner and turned on the heater. But I feel the cold was
because of the loneliness. That’s one disadvantage of having only
one
best friend. When they are not available and you need help, there is nothing
you can do about it except burst from all the information kept inside. I kept
on wondering how Kate was going to catch up. A lot has happened. I tried her
cell phone again and she still wasn’t picking up. I was crazy. I would never
get a chance like this one in my life. I would take Taboka out on his offer for
lunch. I had his phone number, but he didn’t know that. It would be an awkward
conversation we’d have when he asks me where I got his number because he didn’t
remember giving it to me.

I had no idea why I was so out of love with
Taboka. It just happened. It’s like when a child discovers that there is no
Father Christmas, or that cartoons are not real, but clever drawings made by
grownups. That is the disappointment that I got when I finally met him and got
to know him, I don’t know how, it just happened. I also think he’s a little
immature. Kate was right about the cougar thing, I guess. I was organising some
of the clothes in their respective sizes when a customer entered. I was not in
the mood to work at all, but what do you do when you have a business? I needed
my best friend, but that point was already too clear. After the customer left,
several more came knocking at my store. I guessed that this was going to be a
good day. I even got a visit from Naledi, the ring leader of the group of girls
I helped before. She was there to tell me about the party she was going to have
soon, and that she needed me to style her. She was there to
book
me, I
guess. I was so delighted by her news, which also took my mind off a couple of
things. Naledi is such a darling, treating me like an exclusive package. She’s
rich too.

At tea time, I was preparing to close off
the shop and go home to wait on news of Kate’s arrival. I was helping out a
customer with a sale. Meanwhile, the place was swarming with individuals. I
realised that it was a little too early to knock off, but as manager, I reserve
the right to go home early if I’m not feeling well. Besides, I was satisfied
with the sales I had made. It had been an unusually busy morning, and I
deserved a reward for my troubles.

“Looks like it will be sunny all day
today,” said a voice behind the customer I was helping.

I was having a little trouble with the cash
register. It wouldn’t print out any receipts. So I had opened it up, trying to
see what the problem was. I never worked the cash register, it was Kate’s
thing. I mingled with the people. Anyway, I didn’t look up, in fact I ignored
the voice because I thought the statement was not directed to me. However, it
sounded rather familiar, and the fact registered at the back of my mind, not
enough to alert me though.

“Excuse me, Celeste, hi,” said the voice
once more.

My head shot up when I immediately realised
who it was. It was Thabang, right behind my customer. But why is he here to
talk about the weather? What a lame way to get my attention. Instead he should
have said:
What you thought was my cousin asking you out this morning, was
actually me. Want to grab a lunch?
Not to talk about the sunny skies on the
coldest of days. But either way, my dorky smile appeared and I think I looked
like an idiot, in a good way. I don’t know why I never regarded him as a
possible candidate to be loved by me, before. My face lit up so bright, it was
about to crack from all the light. He was so cute.

“Hi!” I managed to say. These days I was a
different woman, I knew how to communicate with the opposite sex and hold a
strong sense of composure. I managed to fix the register just in time. “One
second,” I said to Thabang. He nodded and wandered off to look at the new line
of tackies at the shoe section.
Athletes!
I thought. I finished my
business with the customer, who was going all out buying different kinds of
dresses. I think I made a grand with her. After she walked away, Thabang
hurried over to my side, a warm smile on his face. I just love the way he
smiles every time he sees me. I wonder if it’s a specific smile meant for me or
if it’s his nature. What a well mannered boy.