Being Amber (29 page)

This had not been ‘questioning’, this had been plain, old school torture. His hands were shaking as he finished her arms and upper body. He dumped the dirty water in the kitchen sink and refilled the bowl before returning to her.

He braced himself for what he might find when he took off her pants, but he found that the bottom half of her body was in much better condition than the top. As he cleaned her, relief dulled his anger. They’d not let her go to the bathroom. Her pants were stiff with dried urine. But otherwise, she seemed untouched everywhere below the waist.

He dumped the dirty water and pulled off his own clothes. Gingerly, he lay down next to her and pulled her to him. He curled the full length of his body around her to give her the comfort and healing of his touch. He covered as much of her skin as possible with his and held her without moving underneath the soft blanket of their bed.

For hours, he relished the feeling of his skin on hers as well the even in-and-out of her breaths. What a dumbass he’d been trying to keep her at arms length. It took almost losing her to truly understand the huge part of his heart she owned, and to realize how much of his life was her now.

She was his. He would not leave her vulnerable again.

It was then, in those quiet hours of holding her in his arms, that Xander was finally able to think past getting Jaci back and start considering the larger implications of the events that had taken place. The Gov would expect that Amber authorities had been mollified by Jaci’s return.

He wasn’t. This time was different from every other injustice the Gov had done to Amber. This time they had concrete proof of the Gov’s outright murder of Ambers.

They were growing dangerously brazen after more than two decades of the population’s utter submission to their authority.

The Gov’s absolute authority needed to happen during the dire circumstances immediately following the pandemic. They needed control and cooperation to do the things necessary to create order, provide for basic needs, and protect the survivors flocking to the city.

But their society wasn’t struggling like it had been twenty-five years ago. The genetic qualities that were near extinction back then, were thriving now.

Many of these restrictions, these measures to safeguard humanity, were no longer necessary. If the Gov went unchecked by its citizens much longer, the United States would no longer be a democracy. The country wouldn’t grow as it did the first time when settlers in covered wagons set out to populate the land beyond the borders of their cities. It would be a military dictatorship that never loosened its control over the population.

The more he thought about it, the more he was willing to bet that the Gov controlled the lives of all its citizens, from Ambers to Diamonds, in more ways than anybody realized. The fury faded and determination gathered within him. Changes needed to be made. Now was the time to start.

He looked down at his woman, caressed the hair away from her cheek. Xander was overcome by the intense love he felt for her. He understood why Amber women gave up control, gave up authority to the men around them. Without that small submission, every man in Amber would be impudent with no control on any aspect of their lives. It was a true gift and it was time that the men took that gift and did something with it, did something to truly protect their females, themselves, and their country.

* * * *

Disorientation crowded Jaci’s brain as she came awake. Her last memory was being left on the cement floor in the opaque blackness of her cell. But now, there was no pain from the cuffs, no cold seeping into her bones from the floor. She was still drugged or her body was shutting down. It would be over soon.

She knew she was still in the dark because there was no suggestion of light on the other side of her eyelids. She tried to open her eyes. They wouldn’t cooperate. Her lids were heavy and felt suctioned to her eyeballs.

A flood of memories surrounding the interrogation rushed to her mind. She had been as strong as she could, never giving up Jordan’s actions at the border gate. She was proud of herself.

She smiled. “Ow.” She lifted an arm to her face. Smiling was out.

She felt the slightest of touches on the skin of her arm. “Jaci?” A whisper.

Her doped brain heard Xander’s voice. She was hallucinating. And then a rushed thought pushed its way forward in her brain.

“Oh God!”

He knew. General Morgan knew about the relationship between Xander and her. Jaci began to panic. He wasn’t safe. A spontaneous, keening sob escaped from her soul. It filled her ears. She’d put him in danger. She’d accepted her own death, but only as long as he was going to be okay.

“Jaci,” she heard again.

Anguish careened through her, culminating in a crescendo of uncontrolled sobs. She covered her ears with her hands and tried to drown out his voice with her wails. It hurt too much to hear him.

A hand grabbed her arm. She screamed, panic stricken. There was someone in there with her. She scrambled away and then screamed again at the sharp pain in the crook of her arm and enormous crash behind her.

“Jaci!”

A light flicked on. She saw it behind her eyelids. She tried again to drag her lids up. Her right lid complied.

Xander’s face filled her field of vision. “What…” She whipped her head from side to side taking in a quick glance of her surroundings.

She was confused.

Xander pulled her to his lap and cradled her against his chest, rocking her like a mother rocks her newborn baby. “You’re home, Jaci. You’re home. You’re home,” he whispered into her hair over and over again. The warm drifts of air from his words raised goose bumps on her arms. The safety of his embrace anchored her body as her brain labored to make sense of what was happening.

It took an eternity for her mind to take in and process where she was and what had happened. Eventually her sobs quieted and the steady sound of Xander’s beating heart under her ear calmed her thoughts but she still shook uncontrollably. She took a deep breath and tried to relax her rigid, shuddering muscles but it was no use. She had no control of them.

Xander flicked off the bedside light. “Come on, let’s lay back down.” He scooted her off his lap and laid her down next to him. He enveloped them both with the blanket and as the warmth and safety of being next to him surrounded her, she slowly settled. They faced each other with their heads on the pillows and their legs entangled. Xander’s hand rested in the dip of her waist.

“What happened?” she finally asked.

“Captain Rush negotiated your release.”

She was silent while she rolled the information over in her mind. “They didn’t want the information to get out about their involvement in what Caroline was doing.”

“Exactly.”

“They’re not going to put me out of the city?”

“No.”

“Captain Rush agreed to drop the matter if they gave me back?”

“Essentially.”

“But that’s not right. People should know what they’re doing.”

“I agree.”

They lay in silence then, looking at each other in the barely there light of the room. His eyes roamed her face. “My face, is it bad?”

He lifted a hand to her cheek and caressed it softly. “You’re beautiful.”

“I think that’s because we’re in the dark.”

He smiled at her attempt at a joke and then his expression turned as hard as stone. “Tell me what they did to you,” he said in a strangled voice.

Jaci shook her head. “No.” She loved him too much to give him a blow by blow. She couldn’t do that to him. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She knew he’d respect that answer and not press her for details. At least, not now.

He pulled her into him, and she curled into his chest. “Make love to me Xander.”

He chuckled. The sound under her ear comforted her. “I don’t want our first time together to be like this, sweetie. We’ll have our whole lives to make love to each other.”

“Please,” she whispered.

“You’re hurt, Jaci,” he said in a deep rasp.

“I need your touch to heal me. Please, Xander.”

He released a long shuddering breath. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“As long as you love me, there’s nothing you could do that would hurt me.” She turned her head to look up at him and placed her hand behind his neck pulling him toward her for a kiss.

He stopped the forward motion of his head before their lips met. He looked into her eyes. “I do love you, Jaci.”

Not waiting for a reply, he leaned in for a firm, full kiss. The contact of his lips made Jaci’s stomach twirl. Joy lightened her heart. She wanted to do everything with him. Be everything for him.

His tongue possessed her mouth while he rolled her over onto her back.

His hand cupped her breast and the thrill and triumph she’d been experiencing faltered, and then stalled. His hand on her breast momentarily called to mind the general’s hand on that same breast. She knew a pained expression crossed her face with the memory. Whether Xander saw it or sensed it, she didn’t know, but he stopped short. He closed his eyes as if to compose himself. When he opened them, safety and love shone in them. He leaned his head in and rubbed his cheek lightly the sore breast. “It’s me now,” he said in a soothing voice. “Just me.”

He turned his head and brushed butterfly kisses all over it. Then, he trailed his hot tongue over the peak. He cupped the breast gently before he lifted his head to meet her gaze. He branded her with his intense gaze. “You’re mine and this is mine.” He took the tightly beaded nipple and bit down. Jaci was about to cry out from the pain when he released it and rolled his tongue over the throbbing peak.

“Anywhere else?”

She looked at him for a moment, trying to process what he was asking her? Oh…had she been violated anywhere else? “No.”

He moved over her and nudged her knees apart to a wide stance so he could fit in between. He rubbed his thumb over her clit and lowered his hand. He slid a finger inside of her. She was slippery and ready for him.

They both moaned at the same time. The blunt end of his cock lingered at her opening for only a second before he slid inside of her. He knelt between her legs, inside her to the hilt, then he slowly wrapped her legs around him. He filled her completely and as he began to move, her pussy clamped around him tightly. He hissed and stilled himself while he slid his finger over the swollen bud of nerves that laid open to him.

She looked up toward the beautiful man who began his slow, gentle thrusts again. She wanted this, had wanted it for so long. His touch was sparks on her flesh. She stiffened, tightening her legs to pull him even further inside of her.

Their eyes locked. “Stop. I’m going to come.”

“That’s the idea,” he rumbled, as another swipe of his fingers played over her clit, strumming the slow rhythm of a perfect love song. He brought her to the top of the peak.

“Oh, fuck!” She bucked as the overwhelming rush of her orgasm tore through her violently. She gripped the sheets of the bed as if trying to brace herself from the relentless ecstasy crashing into her.

As the shudders and writhing receded and the world came back to her, she opened her eyes and looked into Xander’s loving face. He had been watching her while she climaxed. She felt her face redden. “I don’t think I’ve ever come with a man watching me before.” she said, closing her eyes, embarrassed.

“You’re beautiful when you come,” he said as he moved over her. He supported his weight on a forearm as his other hand slid between her ass and the bed. He kneaded the flesh there, guiding her ass up to meet him in time with the slow advance and withdraw of his cock. His breathing was ragged and his voice barely audible. “You feel perfect, so tight around my cock.” The base of his cock rubbed against her clit as he ground her into him. His strokes were slow and even.

“You’re testing my restraint, Jaci.”

“Don’t hold back. I need more of you.” She dug her nails into his back.

His stroke quickened and became more demanding while the hand underneath her ass easily lifted her to him, ground her into him, to the rhythm of his penetration. Her muscles gripped his cock harder as she neared another orgasm.

“Come with me, Jaci. Come on.” He pumped her hard. With one final collision of their bodies, Jaci froze. She spasmed, grabbed at Xander’s cock with tenacity and then the pleasure of his body inside hers was all there was. She called out his name when she felt the hot spurts of his cum and heard the bass rumble of his satisfaction. Felt it vibrate from his chest as she clung to him. In that magnificent moment, while they were locked together experiencing the ultimate pleasure for the first time with each other, it felt like her world would never be the same and she silently thanked God.