Behind Your Back (19 page)

“If I could remember then maybe I could work through it. Convince myself not to be scared or something. But no matter what I do, as soon as my eyes open, it’s like my brain resets.” She rubs her arms. “Anyway, I guess I just freaked out a little. I always tend to wake up crying when I have them.”

I sit for a moment, wondering what I should do. To be honest, crying freaks me out. I don’t know what to do with tears. Anger, I understand. Hatred, I understand. Vulnerability is something I don’t allow in myself so it’s hard to understand it in someone else.

Cash would be much better at this than me. He knows how to play it cool and play the part of the doting boyfriend. Maybe he should have done this.

But as soon as I think about Cash being here with Saige, I want to put my fist through the wall. So I do the only thing I can think to do. I stand up and put my arms around her.

She hesitates for a second, and then melts into me. Yes, I’m in control. I have her in my arms and I can mold her however I want. If I kissed her right now in this vulnerable state, she’d probably give in, her defenses down. I could fuck her right on this sink.

Something stops me. Saige’s arms creep around me and wrap around my back. I tuck her head under my chin and I know if someone were to take a picture of us right now, we’d look like the perfect couple.

“Thanks for being so understanding,” she says in a quiet voice. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“Shh, it’s fine. No big deal. I was waking up anyway.” She starts to pull away and I don’t want to let her go, but I remove my hands from her body and step back to give her some space. Her face is still red, but it doesn’t diminish her loveliness. I doubt anything could. Saige’s beauty could never be tainted by anything.

“Well, now we’ve gotten that out of the way,” she says, laughing softly, as if she’s embarrassed.

“Do you want to go back to bed, or do you want me to take you home?”

“I can’t sleep, but I don’t want to go home.” She looks up at me and I see something… pleading in her eyes. As if she’s begging me to understand what she wants without her having to say it.

I take a wild guess. “Do you want me to fuck you?”

She nods and sniffs again.

“Hard?” I ask, just to make sure. She nods again.

“Let me get a condom.”

I leave the bathroom and grab one from the top of the nightstand where I’d put my stash from the day before. On second thought I grab two, putting one in the pocket of my robe.

Saige is in the same position when I walk back into the bathroom. Without another word, I pick her up and deposit her on the sink. She yelps.

“Cold,” she says in explanation as I undo the tie of her robe and push it down her shoulders.

“Stand up,” I say, and she hops down so she’s on her feet. I spread the robe over the sink and then put her back on it. I drop my own robe and meet her eyes.

“Ready?”

“Uh-huh,” she says, and I reach for her.

Our lips meet and fuse together and she tastes like sparks and nightmares and unspoken words. I devour her as my hands skim her body and she scoots closer to me on the edge of the sink.

I am going to fuck her hard, but not before she’s warmed up and begging for me. There’s an exquisite pleasure when you have a woman pleading for your cock. Like if she doesn’t get it, she’s going to die. I want Saige to beg for me.

I disengage myself from her mouth so I can lick my way down her body. No matter how many times I taste her, I need more. My knees slam into the floor as I make my way down and start getting her off with my mouth and fingers. She grinds her hips into my face, making it hard to breathe, but I don’t care. I’m drowning in her.

Saige’s hands fist my hair as I suck hard, working to get her off in record time. It doesn’t take long before she’s arching back and I can feel the pulses against my fingers and tongue. I ride it out with her and then stand up so I can put the condom on.

“Wait,” she tells me and I almost don’t even hear her. I don’t want to wait. I want to bury myself in her and make her forget about her bad dream.

“Saige, I’m not really in a position to wait,” I say, and it comes out as a growl. My hands are shaking as I hold onto the condom package, ready to tear it open.

She doesn’t say anything, but she reaches for my cock, taking it in her hands. I nearly lose it just from that one touch of her hands. She strokes up and down, slowly. So slowly. I grit my teeth as she works me, twisting her hands just a little.

“I need to be inside you,” I say. Not that I don’t enjoy a hand job as much as the next guy, but I’d take being inside her once over a hundred hand jobs.

She lets go and reaches up for my face, giving me one kiss and then leaning back. She’s normally so vocal and her quietness is unusual, but I don’t have the time to think about it. My cock is thinking for me.

I get the condom on and reach out to split her legs wider. She moans as I brush against her a few times, just to tease. I need her, but I want her to need me more.

I swipe my cock up and down her center and she makes a frustrated sound. Our eyes meet and I wait for her to say it as I drag myself up and down again.

“Please,” she says on an exhale and that’s all I need. I position myself, grab her hips and slam home. Her back hits the mirror and I hope we don’t break it. As I pull out, I bring her with me to the edge of the sink and then thrust into her again. Once I’ve got us in the right position, I start fucking her the way she asked me to. I don’t let up and she doesn’t tell me to. It’s rough and hard and she keeps begging me for more.

She reaches down between us to touch herself and I don’t last much after that. She comes again and that sets me off.

I want to come inside her. Or on her. See what her skin would look like, shiny with my cum. Yes. That is something that needs to happen before we say goodbye. I’ll burn that image on the back of my brain and then I can bring it out whenever I want.

She leans forward, resting on my shoulder. Her skin is misted with sweat and it sticks to mine.

“Thank you,” she says, reaching up to touch the side of my face.

“For fucking you? I assure you, it wasn’t a hardship,” I say, almost laughing.

“No, thank you for… never mind.” She pats my face and I pick her up and carry her back to bed.

W
e eat the rest of the dessert cart, even though it’s been sitting out all night. Neither of us cares. I fuck her again and then it’s really time for both of us to go back to our regular lives. Or at least our lives when we’re not together.

“This has been a really good. How did you know?” she says as she gets dressed in her clothes from yesterday. We’ve both showered and her hair is still damp and starting to curl again.

“I just thought we both needed a night off from everything. We should do it more often.” She smiles at me and I hope we’ll get to do this many times. The next phase of my plan is to ingratiate myself into her life. Get her so comfortable with me that I have access to everything, and thus, access to her father. I need his secrets. I need them so I can protect myself with them. Wear them like a bulletproof vest for the bullets I know he’s going to send my way when he finds out.

Time. It’s going to take time. More dates, more sleepovers, more time with Saige. It’s a price I’m definitely willing to pay.

Eighteen

I
hang out with Saige two more times that week. Once we go to the movies and once we just hang out at her apartment again. There’s sex on both dates.

“What are you doing this weekend?” she asks as we bask in the post-coital glow. She told me she had to do homework, but I changed her mind when I flipped her over the couch, yanked her pants down and went down on her.

“Nothing, why?” If I tell her I have plans, she’ll want to know what they are and then I’ll have to make something up that sounds convincing. Keeping her in the dark about my personal life when I’m not with her is key. I need to know everything about her while revealing nothing of myself.

“Just wondering. I thought maybe you and I could go out with some of my friends, including Lo. You didn’t exactly meet under the best circumstances and it would be good to do a re-meet, don’t you think?” Part of making my way into Saige’s life is impressing her friends. So I’m on board.

“Sure, when?”

“I was thinking Saturday night?” That will work if I visit Lizzy in the morning and then drive back.

“I’m free. Do you want me to pick you up here?” She nods and says she’ll text me with a time and I get up to go to the bathroom I’ve been neglecting my check-ins and I need to fix that. I just get so distracted when I’m with Saige and the time just seems to melt away.

“Hey, your phone is blowing up,” Saige says through the door and I nearly break my neck scrambling to get out of the bathroom. I have to keep my burner phone on me in addition to my regular phone and it’s not like I have anywhere to hide it when I’m naked.

“Whoa, where’s the fire?” Saige says, laughing as she hands me the phone. Shit. She’d taken it out of my pants and it’s my regular phone. Not the burner. Internal sigh of relief. I don’t need her knowing the burner exists, let alone taking it out of my pants.

I check out the number and it’s one of those stupid random 800 numbers that’s probably calling me to tell me I “won” a trip to Jamaica, as long as I give them all my personal information. I ignore it and lock my phone again.

“Expecting a call?” she says, sitting back on the bed and combing her fingers through her hair.

“Uh, yeah. But it’s nothing,” I say, getting my heart back under control and giving her what I hope is an easy smile.

“Is everything okay?” she asks and I kick myself for being in this situation. From now on, when I’m not fucking her, my pants are staying on.

“Absolutely.” I wink at her and then decide to divert her attention by diving forward and nuzzling her chest, right between her breasts.

She laughs and grabs my head and I throw us back on the bed and then the phone is forgotten.

“H
ey, Sister!” I say as I walk into Lizzy’s room on Saturday.

“Brother!” she screams and throws herself at me. She’s dressed in a bright blue sweater with a kitten on the front and her hair’s been braided. I wonder which nurse did it. Everyone loves Lizzy. She has a way about her that draws you in. Makes you care. Would make you do anything for her.

“I brought you something,” I say, bringing my hand out from behind my back and presenting her with the book I picked up on my way here.

“Harry Potter!” she yells, jumping up and down and clapping. “Can we watch the movies too?”

“Absolutely,” I say as I put my arm around her and we go to sit on her bed. “How are you today?”

She beams at me. It’s a little funny that the two people I care about most are the happiest. You’d think that would rub off on me, but I think I’m immune to it by now.

“I’m good. Callie braided my hair,” she says, turning her head and showing me the elaborate French braid that twists into a knot on the back of her head.

“I see that. It looks very pretty.” I touch her hair and am stabbed by the memory of our mother doing the same thing.

“I wish I could show Momma. I miss her,” she says, turning back around and pouting.

“I know, I know. I miss her too.” Lizzy holds her arms out and gathers me in a hug.

“You okay, Brother?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” She shushes me and strokes the back of my head.

“It’s okay,” she says, as if she’s comforting me. “Everything will be okay.”

I hold onto my sister, my only flesh and blood left in this world. I haven’t cried in four years, but I feel like I want to now. Not enough to actually do it, but the thickness at the back of my throat and the itch in my eyes could turn into tears.

After a few breaths, the feeling is gone and I’m back to normal. I let go of Lizzy, but then she grabs my face in both hands and searches my eyes. Sometimes she does this. Lizzy can be disturbingly perceptive sometimes.

“Why are you happy and sad?” I’m not quite sure what she sees in my eyes, but I’m definitely not happy. I haven’t been happy… I don’t remember the last time I was happy.

An image of Saige writhing beneath me as she climaxes dances through my mind, but I shove it aside.

“I’m happy because I’m with you and I’m sad because I can’t stay longer,” I say, but Lizzy continues to stroke my cheeks with her fingers.

“I love you more than anything. You know that, right?” She nods slowly and lets go of my face.

“I’ll eat you up I love you so,” she quotes from “Where the Wild Things Are”. Our mother used to chase us around the house and pretend to eat our hands or toes when we refused to go to bed.

“I’ll eat you up I love you so,” I say, tipping my head forward and she moves her face forward until we’re touching.

She beams and then grabs the book.

“Read to me?”

“Of course,” I say.

But before I can even open the book, a text comes through the burner phone. Shit. I ditched my follower today (Hardy) and that’s him asking where the fuck I am. This stalker is really messing with my life and I need it to stop.

“I’m going to go answer the phone. You start and I’ll come and catch up,” I say as I head for her bathroom. She nods and starts paging through the book. I’m fortunate that Lizzy never asks many questions.

I pick up the call and wait for him to stop cursing at me. He’s the more reserved one of the twins, but you never want to piss him off because he’ll let you have it. And I’m facing his wrath

“Look, I had some things to take care of, so I bailed, okay? It’s a pain in my fucking ass to be followed around. You’ve gotta cut me some slack.” I keep my voice low but urgent. My speech is met by an icy silence.

“You can’t fucking do that, Sylas. And you know it. All of us have rearranged our lives to keep you safe and you’re acting like we’re inconveniencing you. Get your head out of your ass.” He’s reined in his anger, but I’m still going to get it. Fine. Lizzy is worth it. They could waterboard me and I’d never tell them where I went today. Never. Lizzy is off-limits.

“Fine. I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“You know we can track you. All I have to do is get Cash.” I know that. I should have ditched my phone before I came here, but I didn’t really have a whole lot of choice.

“It won’t happen again. I’ll take the heat for it, but I’m not sorry. This is something I need to do. Just like Baz and his money. No questions. Got it?” I’m starting to get pissed and if I’m not careful, I’m going to bust this phone.

Hardy takes a few deep breaths.

“Fuck. You.”

“Right back at you.”

There’s another beat of silence and then he sighs.

“Fine. I’ll let you go this once. I won’t pull the trigger and tell anyone. But you owe me.” I nearly slump over in relief. He’s got my back.

“Listen, I have to go. But please. Just… do this for me. I won’t ask for it again.”

“You’d better not. And I’m going to remember every single word of this conversation.” Hardy remembers pretty much everything he reads, sees or hears. It’s a bitch having an argument with him because he is almost always right. Scratch that. He’s always right. You can bet your money on it.

“I know. I really appreciate it.”

“Uh-huh.” And he hangs up.

I breathe for a minute and then slide the phone back into my pocket before walking back out. Lizzy has the book open on her lap and is slowly mouthing the words. She doesn’t look up, not even when I sit next to her again.

“How’s it coming?” I ask.

“What’s this word?” she points to something that looks like some bastardized form of Latin. I sound it out for her and she scrunches up her face.

“Why don’t we start back at the beginning?” I suggest and she flips back several pages. I pick up the book and start reading aloud. Lizzy turns on her side and gazes up at me as I read to her. I can’t remember the last time I did this with Lizzy. I need to come out here more often. At least once a week. But right now it’s not safe. Not with my stalker on the loose.

I shove those unhappy thoughts aside and focus back on the book. It’s funny, actually, and I find myself enjoying the story along with Lizzy. We get through several chapters and then it’s time for me to go.

“I’m sorry I have to go so early.” Not only do I have to get back to check in with Hardy, but I’m going out with Saige and her friends tonight, which should be interesting. I’m actually looking forward to it. I really need to make a good impression on them so she will bring me back to her place and we end up naked together.

“It’s okay,” Lizzy says, putting her arms around me. “I love you anyway.” I laugh and hug her back.

“I’ll always love you. No matter what. And I’ll do anything to keep you safe.”

“I know,” she says, her voice muffled by my shirt. “I’m okay. Can I keep the book?” I nod.

“Just don’t lose my place. We can continue when I come next time.” I don’t say next week. Because I don’t know if it’s safe to come every week. “You call me if you want, okay?” The nurses have my number for emergencies.

“Okay, Brother.” I give her a kiss on the forehead and then head out, leaving her with the boy wizard.