Beginning with Forever (34 page)

“What do you want me to say
, Carson? Your mother hates me, and your beautiful ex-fiancée still loves you. I find myself completely out of place and unfairly judged by people I don’t even know. Everyone thinks I’m the bitch or even worse, whore who broke up your perfect relationship with Bianca.” I watch her hold back more unnecessary tears as her eyes scan the room while purposely avoiding mine.

“No,
please don’t say that, baby. I’m sorry you feel this way. I only wanted to share you with my parents, the two people I love most in my life. I never planned for any of this to happen.” I want her to know that my intentions are pure and everything I did is to prove how much I love her. I’m hoping the anguished look on my face and the sound of my voice is what she needs to confirm my sincerity.

“I’m not blaming you
entirely. I’m just having a very difficult time taking this in all at once. I’ve purposely kept my life simple, but now it’s complicated, and I don’t know how to handle complicated. Why do you think I’ve never allowed anyone into my life before you,” she blows out a heavy breath while raking her fingers through her hair. Her distraught face appears more pale and feeble as I study it closely. I’ve failed her miserably. My selfish need to have her in my life has robbed her of her spirit and now her health.

“Let’s go home.
I need to pamper you and work out the complications I’ve added to your simple life.” Finally, she flashes me a tiny smile, and it soothes a small portion of my uneasiness away.

A
fter Carson and that fiancée-stealing bitch left Kat’s house, I was able to show her those incriminating pictures of Richard and Lillian. Oh, she was livid. She cursed and said some of the most damning things about her. Kat is one hundred percent willing to do whatever it takes to separate them. I’ve convinced her to believe that Lillian is after Carson’s money and that Richard is her real lover. They’re conspiring to take everything from him.

“
Over my dead body, they will,” Kat angrily told me. “I’ll protect my son like a ruthless mother hen. That conniving little bitch will have to get through me first.”

In her eyes, I
’m the woman who has Carson’s best interest at heart. I’ve convinced her that my love for her son has driven me to invade a woman’s privacy. I hired a private investigator to check Lillian’s background to protect her son, of course. I had to justify my ownership of those disgusting pictures. This part of my plan is working out perfectly.

T
he second part of my plan will be completed as soon as Carson returns to Boston at the end of this week. I’ll surprise him at his office with my version of dirty foreplay after I show him those naughty pictures of his lover with another man. He’ll surely leave her and never want anything to do with her again. He has to. He’s left so many other more beautiful women for less. The only difference is he cares much deeper for this whore than anyone else, including me. I was never allowed to sleep at his place, but she’s been in all his beds. He displays his affection for her and has no qualms about anyone seeing them. Our relationship has always been kept discreet, insisting that he likes his privacy. He hardly made any effort to be with me, but has already given up a month of his lucrative time to spend and wait on her. I fucking loathe her the more I think about it.

As much as
I hate to admit it, I think he’s really in love with her. His handsome face beams whenever he stares at her, making me nauseous just thinking about it. Everything around him disappears, including me, when she’s in his presence. What the hell does he see in her anyways? She’s meek and humble and way too innocent to be able to satisfy him the way that I can. She’s a simple bookworm with absolutely no sense of style or class. I’m not saying that she doesn’t have any potential. She does have a stunning model-quality smile and a killer slender body, but compare her to me, I’m a perfect 10 and she’s maybe a 7, if that. I have her beat, and I’m sure most men would agree.

I’m counting on him to
be more vulnerable at my spring fashion show in New York after his devastating breakup. His sexual appetite is more aggressive when he’s emotionally fucked up, and that’s when I love him best. Carson is a silent investor for my Sorte’s Trendz n Glitz high-end fashion line. In the past, he would make a quick cameo appearance to show his support for my work, and then meet me at the Four Seasons Hotel afterwards. We’d have several hours of hot, raw sex and then he’d fly back to Boston alone. I’m hoping he won’t fail me this year.

I plan on using this opportunity to seduce him and remind him h
ow much he enjoyed fucking me. God knows I’ve missed his taut, muscular body and large cock inside me. No one has ever been able to pleasure me the way that he can. I can truly attest to this because I’ve had my share of lovers. His endurance is endless. I knew he only fucked me to satisfy his sexual hunger, love was never involved, but I didn’t care. I love him in my special Bianca way.

I’
ll have to have a more effective backup plan if Carson doesn’t leave Lillian or if she’s possibly pregnant. I’m no fool, her flu-like symptoms from last night are coincidentally similar to pregnancy ones. I noted her inability to eat. I also noticed that when she took her first bite of meat, she threw it up almost instantly. From Mr. Miller’s pictures, I can assume they’ve been fucking each other non-stop. She might have even used one of those opportunities to persuade him to be careless and purposely knocked her up. Maybe she’s not as innocent as I pegged her to be. Now that she’s had a taste of his money, she may want more of it.

It could simply be the
common flu, but I’m not taking any risks when it comes to getting what I want, and I want Carson. He’ll never leave her if she’s pregnant with his child, and Kat will definitely betray me for a grandbaby. I’ll have to permanently erase them both from his heart, especially since I’m incapable of ever bearing any children for him. I was born with total tubal blockage and Premature Ovarian Failure, making me completely infertile.

Over a year ago,
I had stopped all contraceptives without Carson’s knowledge. I thought having a baby would persuade him to marry me sooner, and Kat would certainly coerce him to make the right decision. It never happened, so I sought the help of a specialist. He confirmed my infertility through a panel of test procedures. I cried hysterically in his office, not because I was infertile, but because it had spoiled my plans. His sympathy to my devastating news directed my wanton attention to him. I was attracted to his broad muscular physique and his beautiful dark exotic features. It was obvious his admiring eyes never left me. His body language invited me to fuck him in his office even though he wore a wedding band. I certainly did what the doctor ordered. He was happily satisfied, and I appreciated his comfort for that upsetting moment.

If
I can’t have babies for Carson, I’ll make damn sure no one else will. After I’m done with her, she’ll wish she never crossed my path. I’ll reclaim my man and destroy her emotionally. Don’t fuck with me Lillian you won’t win!

A
fter we left his parents’ home, he drove me directly to his place, and I wasn’t allowed to lift a finger. Carson pampered me like a princess just as he promised. He strongly encouraged, in other words, forced me to sip warm vegetable broth for nourishment since I was unable to keep anything down. As my nausea subsided significantly, my stomach felt much calmer.

We bathed together
in his extravagant stone tub, which he admitted, was his first time ever using. There’s a gas heated fireplace next to it for warmth. My eyes gazed lazily at the yellow-orange colored flames until my lids became heavy with fatigue. I snuggled my bottom between his legs and leaned back against his chest with my eyes rested. His hands massaged the length of my thighs, but never gave into his desires. After a good twenty minutes, my hands and feet shriveled like prunes, and it was time to get out. We dried off, brushed our teeth and prepared for bed. He handed me his pajama top while he wore the matching bottom.

He laid my body on his bed and
began to unshackle the tension that bounded it with his skillful hands. He avoided sex because he believed rest would benefit me more. Personally, I disagreed. I needed him more last night than any other night, needed him to be mine and not Bianca’s.

He
ran his fingers continuously along either side of my temple and met them at the middle of my forehead and then circled back. Before long, I drifted into a deep sleep and now, I’m lying on another bed thousands of miles high in Carson’s jet. Having him around to distract my fear of heights makes flying a lot less nerve-wrecking for me.

“Good morning,
gorgeous. How do you feel?” I look into his flirtatious green eyes and thank God that he’s mine for keeps.

“Very horny
for you,” I answer playfully as I push my inhibitions aside. He arches one eyebrow in disbelief and flashes me a heart-melting smile.

“
I have a special remedy for this condition.” He slowly unbuttons his dress shirt, unzips his pants and drops them. I love watching him strip his clothes off. It’s so incredibly sexy. He climbs into bed and begins to undress my willing body. Once again, his skillful hands are quick to remove my clothing. He’s made an art of this.

“I might be contagious. Are you willing to r
isk contracting what I have?” my flirting continues.

“I’m always willing for you,
baby,” he grasps my left hand and glides the back of it delicately across his lips. I crave for him constantly, but this time it’s much more than desire. It’s his steadfast commitment that I seek. I need to know that he’ll be mine indefinitely. Right now I have doubts about his love and devotion. How long will it all last? Will he grow tired of me? My mother’s fear of trusting a man’s love has become mine as well. At a young and impressionable age, I witnessed her heartache for years and endured her endless tearful nights. Growing up, I promised myself I’d never give my heart away to anyone. I didn’t want to be hurt like my mother. I broke my promise to myself and made an exception for Carson. I hope he’s truly my Mr. Happy Ending.

After
what Hayden confided in me and confronting Bianca face to face, I fear losing him more than ever. My confidence in him is fragile. I’m not sure I’ll ever be good enough for him. I’m just a simple suburban girl from the Midwest with absolutely nothing else to offer. How can I ever compete with the likes of Bianca and all the other glamorous women that routinely surround him? Soon, he’ll be thousands of miles away from me, and I’ll always be wondering who’s with him every lonely night.

He
presses several gentle kisses on my forehead. “What are these pensive wrinkles doing here while I’m trying to seduce you? Am I losing my touch?” I slowly shake my head and give him a tight pursed smile. “Now, that’s better. Would you like to tell me what’s distracting you from me?” His eyes narrow and his lips press lightly together.

“I
’m thinking about how much I’ll miss you when you’re gone.”

“
Then come to Boston with me. We would be able to see each other every day and sleep in the same bed every night. Just give me the word, and I can have this jet rerouted in minutes.” His pleading is heartfelt because it appears to come directly from the source.

“You know that I can’t.”
It wounds me to deny him, this man, who isn’t accustomed to disappointment or a woman’s rejection. His offer is more than tempting, but I can’t. The only real thing that I can be sure of is my academic future. If I leave my dream behind, and Carson fails to stay true to me, I’ll only end up hating him like my mother does my father. I wish I could let go of my insecurities and follow my heart, but I’m just not brave enough.

“Carson, if y
ou could have me every day, you’ll quickly be bored of me.  The distance will make you want me more every time we see each other.”

“
Lily, your statement is incorrect. I can never get enough of you, and the distance will drive me absolutely insane.” He buries his face into the curve of my neck and starts his irresistible nipping and kissing. I’m defenseless against his sensual taunting. “We have over four hours to kill before we land in St. Croix. I’m determined to make the most of that time with you here in my bed.” What a complete turn-on it is to hear his deep, warm voice promise me four hours of pleasure.

“
Card games? Is that what you have in mind?” I offer him a devilish smirk.

“Something along that line
…strip poker without the cards and with you completely naked the entire time.” He returns my devilish smirk with one of his. I love the little Carson gestures that appear across his handsome face as he playfully seduces me. His lips are gently pressed together with a crooked smile that shows off his irresistible dimple on his left cheek. The distance between his thick dark brows shrinks as he teasingly arches them. His smoldering, marble green eyes zone everything out, but me.

“I wonder if
our orgasms will be heightened since we’re literally already floating high on a cloud,” I purposely ask him a ridiculous question to get a reaction out of him.

Carson stop
s his nipping and targets his blazing eyes directly into mine. “There’s only one way to find out. I’ll have to make you come right now. The foreplay can wait.” My throat tightens at the sound of his sultry voice while my body softens. He raises himself to a sitting position and pulls me intimately close to him. I’m handed a condom to sheathe his hard erection with more skill this time around. My legs wrap around his ripped torso, along the V-line of his hips. He lifts my body partially up and guides me over his large throbbing shaft. Though I’m completely wet and ready for him, his penetration is still uncomfortable for me, but as soon as my body accommodates all of him, it’s the highest feeling ever.

With
his strong hands, he grips either side of my buttocks to keep our thrusting bodies in sync. His penetration is deep and my clit is savoring the rubbing along his hardness. My body is floating in ecstasy. I’m gasping and panting for more as I grip him close to me. My moaning encourages Carson to be more aggressive. His blazing tongue forcefully enters my mouth, conquering every part of it. He trails light nips and bites along my neck and down to my cleavage. My skin burns from the sting. Arching my body to bring my swollen breasts into his warm mouth, his tongue flicks each hardened nipple with erotic taunting. I can hardly focus. My entire body is fluttering from Carson’s unyielding sensual stimulation. I bow my body further back to grip the mattress with both hands for support. His thrust becomes more powerful and dominating.

“
God, why can’t I get enough of you? You feel so fucking good.” His breathing is ragged. The low groans escaping his throat tells me that he’s close to reaching his peak. All that’s holding him back is my silence.

I moan out his name, “
Oh Carson…,” and he crosses the finish line with a deep plunging thrust. He holds me tightly in his arms as we both slowly descend from our climax. My breathing is still hurried, but I manage to encourage one last wicked smile from his handsome face. I raise my head up and rest my chin on his chest.

“
Am I officially a Mile High Club member?” I give him a beaming grin.

“I believe you just passed the initiation process.
” He runs his finger along the bridge of my nose and over my lips. I rest my head back on the right side of his chest, reclaiming my Lillian
spot. He tucks my disheveled hair away from my face and traces his thumb along my cheek.

“I’m
happy to see my fun-loving Lillian back with me.”

“
You’re probably one of the few people who consider me fun. My obsession with being the smartest kid has made me the opposite of fun. I forced myself to avoid parties and boys. In fact, I’ve only kissed one other person besides you.” His proud expression quickly becomes guarded because he’s unhappy to hear that I’ve kissed even one other person even though he’s slept with God knows how many other women in his past. His temperament can be so fickle.

“May I ask who you kissed?”
I can’t believe he’s interrogating me about an innocent little kiss.

“It was in high school.
Does it matter to you?” I answer him in disbelief.

“Was it Mr. Carter?”
He looks suspiciously into my eyes.

“Yes, it was.
How did you know?” I’m eerily flabbergasted.

“
I can read people well. I watched the way he touched and looked at you while you were dancing with him. I knew there had to be some kind of a connection between you two.” Even though Carson is dead-on with his assumption of Hayden, he has no room to judge. He was dancing guiltily with his ex-fiancée, a terrible memory I still can’t erase from my mind.

“Carson, imagine how
difficult it was for me to see you with Bianca, knowing that you two have slept together for god knows how many times. It bothers the hell out of me.”

His expression is now remorseful
. “Lil, I’m sorry. I know I hurt you last night by agreeing to talk to Bianca, but I needed to end things with her once and for all. Now that it’s done, I’ll cut her out of my life completely. Your happiness is all I care about.” Bianca will always get under my skin, but hearing Carson willing to put my happiness before everything, truly validates his feelings for me.

____________________

The humming sound from the jet engine is incredibly pacifying. It lulls us both into a tranquil sleep. I lay comfortably in his arms for several hours, only to be awakened by Carson’s mumbling. None of the incoherent words coming from his mouth are making any sense to me. He sounds distraught and is perspiring. Using the bed sheet, I wipe beads of sweat gently off his forehead. It hurts to see him so upset. I can’t stand it anymore. Patting his chest a couple of times, I attempt to end his nightmare. “Carson, wake up,” I plead softly. He opens his moist, confused eyes to acknowledge me and then presses his lips possessively over mine. I’m struggling to breathe. He flips me onto my back, restraining my body with his and spreads my legs apart with lustful need. What’s gotten into him? This isn’t like Carson to be sexually forceful. He’s scaring me with his aggressiveness. Some people sleep walk, is it possible that he thinks he’s still dreaming? Regardless of whatever state he’s in, he forgets that he’s really endowed and unprotected. The power of his plunge makes me bite down on my lip to silence my pain. My eyes water at the corners. I’m not sure what’s going on in his head. He continues to thrust with urgency. It seems like he’s trying to claim ownership of my body. I try to push him off of me, but his strength overpowers me. His moaning grows softer and deeper with each penetrating drive. His body tenses, and he’s on the brink of coming inside me unprotected.

“
Carson!” I scream. “Look at me!” He jerks his head up and pulls his lips away from my neck, really seeing me for the first time since he woke up from his nightmare. His eyes fill with remorse. He immediately withdraws himself from me, depriving him of an orgasm. He rolls his body off of me and sits on the edge of the bed, not uttering a single word or sound.  Shamefully, he buries his head in his palms. I want to reach out and comfort him with my touch, but I’m not sure how he’ll respond. He stands up and quickly puts his clothes on with his back still facing me, purposely avoiding my eyes.

“Lil
y, you should probably get dressed, too. We’ll be landing in a few minutes. I’ll wait for you outside.” His tone is solemn, and his expression is probably reserved if he’d allow me to see it. He slides the privacy curtain open, walks out and then slides it closed.

C
hrist, I feel so ashamed. How can I face her again? I practically sexually assaulted her. Was she terrified of me? Does she hate me now? All I wanted was to know that her body belonged to me. I was having an awful dream about Richard fucking her again. It was too vividly real to sanely process. I was suffocating in my dreams from resentment.

He
carried her into a hospital room and ripped her clothes away from her body with one easy tear. I reached out to stop him, but I couldn’t. Her mouth begged for his. He laid her on an examination table. Her thighs deliberately spread wide to invite him to take her. Again, I tried to push him away, but nothing happened. Richard climbed above her body and drove his erect cock inside her. She eagerly accepted every thrust he offered her.