Before Sunrise (60 page)

He turned to put his pool
stick back in the rack as another biker appeared in Eric’s blind
spot. Liam eyes narrowed in on the man’s stealthy approach.
So there won’t be any walking away from this?
Shit, just what I need on Christmas Eve.
He
quickly did a scan of the corners to see yet more bikers with
clenched fists, glaring as they came out of the darkness. Eric, of
course, remained un-fazed, but the hairs on the back of Liam’s neck
were on end. He felt adrenaline rushing through his veins, pumping
fierce determination into the chambers of his heart. The darker
part of him craved the violence and mayhem a bar fight would bring,
not to mention the release. He fought against that urge frequently,
but the truth was, if he didn’t accept and thrive off of violence,
he wouldn’t have stayed alive in that desert hole. From his
peripheral vision, he saw the brothers from Fort Bragg rise from
their bar stools. Testosterone permeated in the air.

“
Fuck them hillbilly
motherfuckers,” Eric said, turning away. He reached for his beer.
He downed the last of his Heineken and the entire bar fell silent.
Eric grinned at Liam with devilment sparkling in his eyes. “You
ready?”

No sooner than Eric spoke the words did a
biker charge him from the left.

“
Three o’clock,
E!”

Eric ducked and avoided a beer bottle aimed
at his head. He slammed his fist into the guy’s face and blood
sprayed from the man’s nostrils. Liam stepped forward instead of
back and took a direct hit in his nose and mouth. He felt nothing.
Smiling at the taste of blood rising from his gums, he swung his
pool stick. The wood broke over the head of his attacker. Liam was
quick to duck low but his turn was awkward thanks to his leg. He
compensated by using his upper body strength and shoving the guy
into the next immediate threat charging toward him. Two bikers
grabbed him from behind and his leg went out from under him.

“
Shit!”

He suffered a couple of gut punches that
should have had him vomiting. Thing was, the pain felt normal. He
kicked the guy in the nuts, letting the other hold him up, then
threw off the other jerk by falling toward the pool table. There he
grabbed a pool stick, now his weapon of choice, and proceeded to
beat the next attacker back with thick end, and the next. He was
caught off guard by another biker who threw him on the pool table.
The backward slam scattered the billiards. Eric hooked his arm
around the snarling bastard and dragged him off while Liam caught
his next wind. His back and head were tight with welcome pain. Beer
bottles flew along with chairs. Eric grabbed him from the pool
table and helped him stand.

“
You cool?”

“
Yeah, I’m cool.” Liam
grinned. He wanted more.

“
Let’s go.”

“
No! Let’s not!” Liam
grabbed a chair and broke it over another guy’s back, then threw
himself into the fray. Eric had to carry him out.

***

Kennedy sat next to the empty chair her
husband should have occupied and stared at the bowl of mashed
potatoes. Everyone at the table shared a tense silence. She’d
worked hard on preparing the perfect dinner. She delayed dinner for
as long as she could. Liam wasn’t answering his calls. Neither was
Eric. His absence cut her deep.

“
Sweetheart, maybe we should
say grace.” Gail spoke in a gentle voice.

Kennedy pressed her lips together to stop
them from quivering. Her eyes welled with tears. She couldn’t hide
her hurt and disappointment, which slowly shifted between fear that
he was out there hurt or in an accident, to anger at the idea Liam
would choose today, this reunion, to disappoint her this way.

“
Mama, I’m
hungry.”

Kennedy glanced up. Mackenzie poked out her
bottom lip.

“
Okay, baby.” She sucked in
a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Her father winked at her.
“Daddy, will you say blessing?”

Andrew extended his hand. Everyone grabbed
hands and bowed their heads. Her father’s strong voice filled the
room. Kennedy added another line to prayer. One of thanks and hope
that Liam and she would find a way to be the family her heart
desired.

The door to the house opened, then slammed.
Kennedy’s head shot up. So did the eyes of everyone seated. Her
father’s prayer of thanks quieted, then stopped. Liam and Eric
could be heard laughing as they marched through the front of the
house toward the dining room.

They stopped cold at the scene before them.
Kennedy took them both in. Eric’s jacket was ripped on one sleeve;
he had a cut over his left eye. Liam’s face was far worse: his nose
red and swollen, lips split, drops of blood on his shirt. He looked
like a walking disaster. Kennedy rose from her seat. Panicked, she
hurried to him. “What happened? Oh God, were you in an
accident?”

“
Liam?” Sally rose in
alarm.

“
What happened, Eric?”
Harper rushed toward him, racing up behind Kennedy.

Neither of the men spoke and it was then
Kennedy smelled the beer on them. Liam reeked, as if he were doused
in it. Kennedy knew that smell. Not just drinking. But the times
when locals and the enlisted men would get into stupid fights at
bars or on basketball courts. Where beer bottles were used as
weapons and her man came home pumped with wild adrenaline, smelling
like some kind of animal. She hated those days, just as she hated
it now.

Kennedy stepped back, crossing her arms. She
wouldn’t disguise the hurt and disappointment she felt. She could
barely keep from putting her hands around his throat.

“
I’m all right,
Kay.”

“
Where were you?”

Eric pushed Harper aside, shaking his head
no as a warning to her. “It’s my fault Kennedy, I—”

“
I asked my husband the
question, not you!” Kennedy shook her head sadly. “Tell me the
truth. You’ve been drinking, haven’t you?”

“
I took him to the bar,
blame me.”

“
Oh shut up, Eric!” she
glared at her husband. “He can handle himself. Right, Liam?” She
stepped closer to him. “Your daughter, who has been
waiting for you
, is
hungry. Do you think you can manage to join her for
dinner?”

“
I’m sorry,
babe.”

“
Of course you are.” She
walked away. She was barely able to stand next to him without
wanting to scream, but she did.

How could he humiliate me like this?

“
Daddy, want to open my
presents after dinner?” Mackenzie asked, grinning from across the
table.

“
We have to wait for Santa,
right?” Liam winked.

“
Excuse me.” Kennedy
couldn’t make herself go back to the table, not even for the sake
of Mackenzie. She went for the stairs. Christmas Eve was ruined.
Christmas would probably be more of the same.

Liam followed, but Kennedy was motivated,
and he was a little drunk, with a bum leg. It took him time to get
up the stairs. He paused outside of her room to take a deep breath
before venturing in. Kennedy stood near the window, staring through
it. She refused to acknowledge him. “Can I come in?”

“
No. I don’t want to see
you.”

Liam stepped inside and closed the door
behind him. He could barely turn to address her before she was in
his face. “How could you do this? How could you go get drunk on
Christmas Eve, and—and get into a bar fight? Don’t you dare say
it’s this house or Phil, because that’s a lie, Liam! Do you hear
me? I know why you did it. Because it’s easier to hurt yourself
than…than be with me. I’m not going to let you keep punishing
me!”

“
Kay, this wasn’t about
you.”

“
Right. Of course it isn’t.
You haven’t put Mac or me first since you walked through the door.
Everything has been about you!” she shouted, straining her voice.
Immediately she regretted it. She covered her mouth, panting,
shocked and embarrassed by an outburst that was certainly heard
downstairs.

“
You’re right,” Liam
offered.

“
I’m right? That’s all you
can say?” She lowered her hand.

“
I fucked up, babe. I’m
sorry. Things got out of control and I…I have no excuse. I swear to
you it’s out of my system. C’mon sweetheart, it’s me. Give me
another chance here. Please?”

“
Do you want me to stop
trusting you? Is that it?”

“
Hell, no. You’re all I got
in this world. I couldn’t stand it if you stopped believing in us.
It’s time I proved my commitment to you guys. I will.”

“
I’m tired. I’m too
exhausted to stay angry and too hurt to forgive you. I need space.
Go see Mac. Dinner, everybody’s waiting, go. I need to be
alone.”

Liam’s hand closed on her arm and drew her
forward. She came up bodily against him, and her head went back.
“Fight with me.”

“
What?” Kennedy tried to
pull free.

“
I need to hear you say
it.”

“
Say what?”

“
Say whatever it is you’re
holding back from me. Everything you’ve wanted to say but haven’t.
Fight with me. Let’s get it out so we can move past it.”

“
We fought, remember? I got
the broken mirror to prove it.”

“
No. That was different.
That was me being a jealous jerk and you defending yourself. I’m
sinking Kay, and admit it, sweetheart, you’ve been pretending not
to notice.”

“
Not true! I’m here, I’m
trying.”

“
Shh….” He grabbed both
sides of her face. “Shh,” he repeated, pressing his forehead to
hers. “I know you have, babe. But it’s not working for you, for
either of us. You’re angry with me. Not about the bar fight, not
really. It’s me, this, all of it. Tell the truth.”

“
Let me go, Liam.” She
twisted free. He released her.

“
Talk to me.”

“
Why?” She shouted at him,
throwing her hands up in defeat. “So I can inflict more pain on
you. Why do you want me to hurt you?”

“
I want your love, not your
pity. I can’t stand you holding back because you feel sorry for me.
That’s everyone downstairs. All of them watching me limp back into
their lives with pity. Every time you hold back I feel it. You
don’t trust me anymore.”

“
Oh Liam, stop. I don’t want
to do this with you. We’ve been together a few days and already
we’re fighting. No.”

“
Babe, it’s me.” He touched
her. “Stop pretending that things are fine, dammit!”

Kennedy whirled on him. “How dare you say
that to me! I’m here with you trying to show you that you’re not
alone. Do you feel that? Do you see me? Really see me? Forget what
you lost. What about what’s been waiting for you? What about that
little girl who thinks you’re her miracle, who’s dying to know you?
This isn’t me pretending, this is me being patient and
understanding, and you’re taking it all for granted.” Kennedy
stepped back. He’d never seen her more angry. “Want to know what I
feel now? This very moment? I tell you. I feel lost.”

“
Me too.”

“
Then great! Finally we
agree.”

Liam looked away. They stood in a tense
silence for a moment before Kennedy spoke again. “We’re different.
I’m different now. I don’t know what to trust between us anymore,
Liam, especially when you keep scaring the hell out of me. Hitting
Eric, then a bar fight. That’s just twenty-four hours in your life.
What’s next?”

He glanced up. She placed both hands over
her eyes. He watched her struggle to control the tremor in her
voice. “I know you’ve been through a lot, but so have I. Not once
have you asked me what it took…what I went through when—when they
said you were dead. You have no idea how bad it was. The
nightmares, the pain, the anxiety, the regret, and the loneliness,
Liam. I’ve never been so lonely in my life.”

“
I do have an idea,
Kay.”

She glanced up. Her heart split in two. “Of
course you do. I only meant…I don’t know what I meant. It’s
Christmas Eve and it could’ve been so good between us tonight. If
you’d tried. You didn’t even try.”

“
Every day I’m trying. It’s
not you, and it’s not just this place, it’s me. Something is broke
inside of me Kay, and it scares the hell out of me. What if I can’t
fix it? What if it gets in between us and I lose you? What
then?”

They stood in her bedroom in silence. It was
true. There was something else in him that she didn’t understand,
something she couldn’t reach. “I want my husband back, my best
friend, but you have to let me in. Even if what you’re feeling
scares you, I can take it.”

He reached for her but she sidestepped his
touch.

“
Go downstairs, have dinner
with everyone. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“
Kay, babe, don’t shut me
out.”

She stepped back and pointed at the door.
“Go.”

He sighed. She watched him leave, before her
conviction collapsed and tears began to well in the corners of her
eyes. Kennedy released a deep sigh and turned away from the
door.

Chapter Twenty-three

Christmas Eve was a bust. Despite the
tension between them, he and Kennedy tried to salvage the evening.
Though uncomfortable, they managed the stares of others at the
table who thought they weren’t aware. Together they endured the sly
quips and barbs exchanged between Gail and Sally. Kennedy managed
to remain extremely patient with a cranky little four-year-old, who
kept insisting she be allowed to open a present from under the
tree. Liam even swallowed a few bites of food and initiated small
talk with Gail about her cooking. He found himself constantly
seeking excuses to ask Kennedy a question, a reason to reach across
her for something on the table. When she smiled at something
Mackenzie said, Liam grew bolder and eased his hand under the table
to her thigh. Thankfully she didn’t knock away his touch. But she
didn’t acknowledge him either. He really hated being ignored.