Before He Was Gone: Starstruck Book 2 (18 page)

‘Alyssa, Punk, Stephanie, you’ve all had a taster of what your most precious friends and family are thinking and doing. We know you must be wanting more,’ Ed says as he starts pacing the pitch again. ‘So, whoever completes this challenge in the allocated time will get to watch the rest of their personal video message.’

He stops moving. ‘Whoever completes this challenge
fastest
, however, gets a little bit more.’

My fists clench at the side of the beanbag. The spotlights highlight the pathway to the pitch. Three people are walking down the path towards Ed Bernstein now. ‘Sebastian, Cory and Marie! Here in the flesh,’ Ed calls out.

Punk jumps up from the bench, almost trips in shock. I watch as Stephanie does the same and starts squealing for the kid I’m pretty sure is her brother. Alyssa’s eyes are wide in shock as I watch her cover her mouth with her hand. She doesn’t stand up. But I do.

I knock over my coconut and bowl of fish bones as I kick out the sand towards the screen. A camera is pointed at me, filming my reactions.
Damn.
I sit down again, ram my hands to the beanbag, gathering the fabric in fistfuls, curbing all the curse words that want to escape my mouth. It’s not the sight of Alyssa’s ex, exactly, that causes the rage to flair up inside me like my body’s some kind of towering inferno; it’s the knowledge that Ed Bernstein and the entire production team are fucking with me now. And Alyssa, too.

‘How good is it to see Stephanie in person, after all this time?’ Ed asks Cory, walking up to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. Cory smiles at Stephanie from the bench he’s just sat down on.

‘You’ve lost weight, sis,’ he tells her and she laughs, wiping the tears from her eyes. ‘I’ve missed you,’ he says. ‘We’ve all missed you.’

‘I’ve missed
you
,’ she tells him quickly as her fingers clutch her necklace.

Sebastian takes his seat next to Cory. The way he looks at Alyssa makes my flesh crawl instantly and I grit my teeth. He’s taller than I imagined. Not as tall as me. He’s built though. I recognize him from the TV, from tour posters and all those magazines girls always leave lying around. He looks so manicured, so well put-together in his clean sleeveless shirt and army pants. I realize I forgot what it’s like to be clean.

Punk’s mom is pushing her glasses onto her nose. She’s the spitting image of him but as she tells him how proud she is that he’s lasted in the game this far, my eyes stay glued to Alyssa, next to him. She’s still looking at the floor, but Sebastian’s eyes are roving her body and her face, eyeing up what once was his, but what I know I’d fight him for now. I'd do every Zombitsu move known to man.

He mouths that he’s missed her. I try not to move. I know every jealous reaction is feeding them what they want as the camera trains me from the sidelines of this set up. I struggle again to keep my face neutral but things are screwed up enough and my mind’s a firework. 

Why didn’t they just send Noah Lockton? They’re friends. He would’ve been great for the ratings - would’ve sat there by the fire with his guitar all night, sang some songs about Peter Pan and fairies and whatever else it is he sings about. But then I guess Noah Lockton wasn’t sleeping with Alyssa before she came out here. That privilege went to this guy, right here.

‘The winner of this challenge,’ Ed’s saying, motioning across the pitch, ‘will get the chance to take their loved one away from this island for twenty-four hours, over to the five star Mimpi Inda Resort and Spa. Here, two of you will enjoy our Indonesian sponsor’s
real
beds, fabulous food and anything else your hearts desire, all charged to a
Deserted
VISA credit card.’

‘Oh my god!’ Stephanie cries, clapping her hands together.

My thoughts exactly.

‘The others will get nothing,’ Ed continues. ‘Not a hug, not a touch, not a word… just the rest of your recorded message. We’re sure that will be enough to see you through to the end. But just imagine how good those cotton sheets and that air-conditioning will feel tonight; all the stories you must have to catch up on face-to-face, if you get to escape.’

He steps back, motioning to the pitch again. More lights switch on, highlighting three rope bridges across a body of water and some boards with what look like puzzles on them at the end.

‘Your challenge this evening will test both your brainpower and your staying power. You have five minutes to complete it. Remember, complete it
first
and get the night off the island. Now, in front of you you’ll see three long rope bridges. Hurry over yours, but if you fall, remember you must go right back to the start. Think it through.’ Ed walks to the side of the bridges.

‘At the end you’ll find your memory puzzles. Each is unique, consisting of twelve squares, each with a different picture on it. Your job is to memorize that sequence of squares, hurry back across your bridge and reconstruct it, right here!’

He walks back to tap on three more boards, close to where they’re sitting. ‘Are we clear? This is an easy challenge. All you have to do is focus. Use your balance, use your brain. The winner takes it all.’

All of them nod. All of them look nervous. Alyssa’s bandana is tied over the top of her head now. Her Shan-tailored pants are sagging off her hips. I notice from here that Punk looks practically skeletal. I wonder what they’ve been eating since I left; whether any of them got up the nerve to kill the chickens.

‘Head on over, guys,’ Ed says, beckoning them forwards. They stand up, walk to their puzzles. ‘Your countdown starts now. Go!’

Alyssa’s first on the bridge. She’s flying across it. I find myself watching her strong legs move, the way she carries herself. Her expression is determined, fierce. I’ve never watched her like this before, from a distance, without her even knowing I’m looking. It's what America sees. She's wild, and stunning, and mine.

‘And Stephanie’s down!’ Ed yells as Stephanie’s leg slips through the rope bridge and she lands awkwardly, half in the water. ‘Stephanie, back to the start. Punk, making a move now…’

‘Come on Stephieeeeee!’ Cory yells at her. ‘Back up, back up, let’s go!’

Punk is fast on his feet. He’s never been that great at challenges but his small build is good for this - helps him fly and not fall. All he needs is confidence. ‘Come on baby boy!’ his mum shouts from the bench. 

They all make it across their bridges to the puzzle. Stephanie gets there first in the end, after Alyssa falls twice. Each time I hear her name coming from Sebastian’s mouth, irritation washes over me but I rein it in; grip the beanbag. Punk makes it second, grabs the board around his memory puzzle and starts scanning it with it eyes, committing it to his brain.

‘Punk’s on the stand. And Alyssa finally makes it. All three memorizing their puzzles now...’

Sebastian pumps his fist. Alyssa glances up at Punk, water glistening on her bronzed skin like diamonds. The camera shows me the pictures on each square that she has to memorize. There are boats, birds, coconuts, love hearts.

‘Use that brain, baby!’ Sebastian calls out and I don’t miss the scowl that flickers across Alyssa’s face. Punk darts off the platform, back onto the bridge. Stephanie follows, but Alyssa’s still staring at her puzzle. Is she doing this on purpose?

‘Only Alyssa left, committing this to memory. Remember guys, if you get the sequence wrong, you must go back and check again. One minute, thirty seconds left.’

I lean forward on my beanbag. Holy shit. Is she trying
not
to win this challenge so she doesn’t have to spend any time with Sebastian? The thought makes me smile for a second as she flies off the post and back onto the bridge, but Punk’s yelling out now.

‘I’ve done it!’

Stephanie is close behind him. Ed studies his puzzle pieces. ‘No. No, sorry Punk, not quite, back you go,’ and Punk groans, rams his hands to his head before scrambling back across the bridge. 

Stephanie’s still working studiously, slotting the pieces into place, but she scrunches up her face and runs for it, just as Alyssa makes it to the start again, rams some pieces into place, biting on her lip in concentration.

‘Stephanie, obviously not sure,’ Ed says. ‘Alyssa, how’s that puzzle looking?’ She works for a moment more, shakes her head, races back across the bridge, almost falling off, passing the others on the way.

‘Come on,’ I hear myself saying, at the exact same time as Sebastian yells it. Damn. I want her to win; even though I don’t want her alone with him. This is so screwed up.

‘Punk, back on his post now! Rearranging those pieces. Will he get it right this time?’

I watch as Punk’s scrawny hands and arms move at lightning speed across the puzzle board. I can’t see his face - his crazy hair is so long now. Stephanie makes it back to the post, but Punk’s shouting out again. ‘I’ve done it!’

‘Punk, calling out for the second time,’ Ed says, moving round beside him and scrutinizing his puzzle. He holds up a hand. The camera pans in. Ed pauses dramatically. ‘YES!’ he shouts, ‘Punk, congratulations, we have a winner!’

‘Yes! Oh, man! Yes!’ he cries out excitedly, and I slam my hands to my knees, bring my head between them. Thank god. Good for you, Punk.

I raise my eyes again, see Punk looking ecstatic, like his mom. I have to hand it to the guy, too. He’s never won anything. The girls are still slotting pieces into places manically.

‘Ladies, we have forty seconds left on the clock, else it’s bye bye to your loved ones
and
your video messages,’ Ed says.

‘I’m done!’ Stephanie calls and Ed scans her pieces, right as Alyssa calls the same. He holds up his hands again, studies Stephanie’s, then Alyssa’s.

‘Stephanie, correct. Alyssa, correct. Both of you, well done! With eleven seconds to spare, all three castaways have completed the challenge. You must really want to watch those videos!’

Punk’s fist is pumping the air in true nerd-fashion and a grin spreads across my face. I direct it at the camera pointed at me before turning back to the screen. His mom looks so excited she’s about to cry. ‘Good job, Punk,’ Ed says, turning to him. ‘The prize of escape is yours. How good does it feel to see your mom and know you’re heading off for some alone time in the midst of Indonesian luxury? Must feel good, huh?’

‘Really great, awesome, Ed, seriously, this is awesome,’ he says, looking at his mom. ‘Can’t wait!’

‘Now, listen. Punk,’ Ed cuts in, wrapping an arm around him conspiratorially as the camera comes up close. Punk's face drops. I sit back down. ‘The more we think about it,' Ed says, 'the more we think your teammates, who’ve had a tough week all things considered, would
also
appreciate the chance to spend the next twenty-four hours with their loved ones here.’

Punk’s got his eyes closed now.

No…

‘So, we’re going to ask you something. Are you - a loyal, kind man - willing to sacrifice that comfy bed, that hotel swimming pool, the air-conditioned suite and five-star food, to let Stephanie and Alyssa spend some equally valuable time with Cory and Sebastian right here? Keep in mind we’re also nearing the end of the game. Staying on their good side might be in your best interests, wouldn’t you say?’

The camera shows Alyssa and Stephanie back on the bench now, holding hands. ‘Punk. Look at your teammates. Tired, hungry. Probably dying for some time with those guys right there.’

The camera cuts to Sebastian and Cory. My heart is hammering.

‘Would you be willing to give up your prize and have your mom stay here instead? She’ll live with you, along with Cory and Sebastian on your camp for twenty-four hours, eat the same food as you guys, sleep in the same space. It’s luxury-free, but it’s a luxury you can share nonetheless.’

Are you kidding me?

Punk’s face twists and he covers his mouth with his hand. Alyssa’s burying her head in her hands and Stephanie’s biting her nails, looking at Cory. Punk looks agonized. He steps forward. ‘You know what Ed. I’m not sure I should…’

I want to hug him. Good. 

‘…but Stephanie’s been making us dance to pass the time and lighten the mood. And Alyssa does a lot around camp, too - she killed the chickens today, to make sure we'd be fed.’

Did she?

‘Interesting points, Punk. It’s good to see that maintaining strong relationships on this island is important to you. But, is it as important as spending this special time with your mother?’

Punk puts his hands on his scrawny waist. He looks pained for a moment. He’s dragging this out, making good TV. 'You know what, Ed,’ he says eventually, a small smile crossing his face. ‘I’ll sacrifice.’

I’m so mad I’m physically shaking. I could’ve won that challenge. I switched my pieces up at the last second to get it wrong – twice – and let Punk catch me up. I tried my best to lose so this show wouldn’t get the better of me, for all the good it did. I’m still stuck with Sebastian for twenty-four hours.

‘How much are they paying you?’ I ask him now. We’re walking back to camp behind Cory and Stephanie and I’m trying not to shrug his arm off from around me in front of the cameras. Just the bulk of him next to me is sending my brain into fits of fury and flashbacks.

‘Why would they have to pay me to be here?’ Sebastian says into my ear, kissing the side of my head. His familiar smell wafts around me and I jerk myself away from him anyway.

‘Because Denzel wouldn’t split you up from the band and let you fly to frickin’ Indonesia unless there was money involved, and unless you were guaranteed time on TV,’ I snap back. ‘I know how this stuff works, Sebastian.’

‘You’re paranoid,’ he says.

‘Yes, I am, but that doesn’t mean I’m not right. If I’d won that challenge off the bat for you and I, they would’ve handed us champagne and sent us off on that speedboat, no question.’

I lower my voice as Stephanie turns around to look at me. Her arm is linked through her younger brother’s. ‘They would’ve left Punk and Stephanie alone with nothing but each other,’ I carry on. ‘But they had to add that twist. They took a risk that Punk would play the nice guy because
everyone
wants me and you on camera together here, no matter what. No matter
where
…’

‘You
are
paranoid!’ he says, pulling me back to him by the hand. I look down at his fingers clutching mine and memories crash back into my brain like sledgehammers.

‘I have to be,’ I tell him. ‘It’s a game.’

‘And you’ve been playing it hard. I’m proud of you.’

‘What do you mean?’

He grins. ‘Playing that guy Joshua like you did, till he was out of here. You’re like this master strategist. You know, I think you should forget the cooking. I think you should probably join National Security. I think a lot of people underestimated you, baby.’

I stare at him, searching his face. What the hell has he seen on TV?

‘Guys, come on!’ Stephanie’s calling us and I realize we’ve stopped in the middle of the path. I reclaim my hand quickly. Mosquitoes are buzzing round my ears; the humidity is closing in with the darkness. He’s so out of context, batting off the bugs, wearing army pants and a sleeveless black T. I wonder if they told him what to wear, as well as what to say.

I walk ahead of him, feeling my palms clutch at my pants for need of something to strangle. I can’t shake the thought of Joshua over on the other side of this island with no clue what’s happening right now. Unless… did he get a video from a loved one, too? Is his ex, or his mom over there with him?

‘They’re changing the game every five seconds to screw with us,’ I tell Sebastian as quietly as I can as he catches up. Every one of his strides matches two of my own. ‘You know you shouldn’t have come here.’

‘I wanted to.’

‘No you didn’t.’

‘Why don’t you believe me?’

‘You broke it off!’

He grins, ‘I’ve missed your fire.’

‘Save it.’ I walk faster onto the beach, where Stephanie, Cory, Punk and his mom are sitting round the unlit fire. Stephanie is demonstrating her new fire-lighting abilities and I march over, drop myself down on the sand, train my eyes on the flint as she scrapes it over the coconut husks and a spark shoots off. Punk has fetched the chicken, which he's now slicing up, surprisingly, and 
Sebastian sits beside me, crosses his legs, looking awkward now.

‘So, this is what you do every night,’ Punk’s mom says. She’s beaming like she hasn’t had this much fun in years. She’s given Punk a new pair of glasses, too. It’s almost weird to see him wearing them after so long in contact lenses.

‘It gets old pretty fast,’ I say, watching Punk lay the fillets in some palm leaves. I reach for a mango, throw it to Cory and motion for him to get slicing.

‘Sometimes we tell ghost stories,’ Stephanie tells Cory as the fire starts to burn inside the A-frame. He shoots her an excited look, taking a knife and attacking the mango. He’s so cute. I can tell he’s loving every minute.

‘I bet Alyssa loves that,’ Sebastian says.

‘I never listen,’ I reply. It’s true, I never listen to the ghost stories.

‘Alyssa’s scared,’ Stephanie says. ‘One time at school, her friend Chloe stuck a bunch of pictures of Linda Blair in
The Exorcist
around her locker and in her desk and all. She always hated anything like that.’

Cory laughs and in spite of the storm raging through me I can’t help a smile taking over my face for a second at the memory.

‘Alyssa’s friends with Chloe Campbell and Noah Lockton,’ Stephanie explains.

‘Yeah. It’s kind of everywhere,’ he laughs at her. ‘Steph and me and David - that’s our other brother - are in a band, too. Well, kind of.’

‘We’re a pretty musical family,’ she adds. ‘We just do small shows sometimes in Homewood…’

‘Maybe Nashville, soon, too,’ I say, and she blushes as her brother raises his eyebrows at her.

'We keep telling her to go!’ he says. ‘But she won’t.’

Punk’s talking to his mom about how many cupcakes his aunt has sold at the local church hall with his face on. We got to watch the rest of the video messages before heading back here, not that they had anything too revealing in them in the end. Those teasers were intended to gage our reactions, clearly, before smacking us with the real thing. Rage flairs through me again. This is all kinds of messed up.

I turn to Sebastian. He’s staring at the fire in his usual closed-off, distant way. He never was too hot with group conversation; one of our many differences. He’s tapping his foot in the sand as Cory places the mango slices over the chicken and Punk wraps them up, puts them over the fire. 

I know he’s probably got some rhythm going on in his mind about chickens or something that I’ll never hear, or that will appear for the world in some form on Noah’s next album. I want to ask him so many things, but at the same time I don’t want to know. He doesn’t belong in this world. I don’t belong in his. He shouldn’t be here, on this beach, looking like he just walked off a 
Rolling Stone
shoot in the tropics.

‘How’s Chloe?’ I ask him anyway, biting my cheeks and not looking at him. He turns to me.

‘She’s good,’ he says. ‘I mean, I only saw her a couple times. She came to Hawaii with us for a shoot.’

I look at him. ‘Hawaii?’

He nods. ‘She’s been doing some promo stuff for the new album. HotFlush love her.’

I roll my eyes. HotFlush would steal her life if she let them. ‘How do we get demo tapes to HotFlush?’ Stephanie asks suddenly ‘I mean, I know they don’t listen to them usually. But is there a way to
make
them?’

‘Stephanie’s a singer,’ I tell him and Sebastian smiles faintly. I know that look. It’s the look he gets on his face every time anyone with a dream tries to muscle their way into the music industry via him.

‘Depends how good you are,’ he says.

‘Haven’t you heard her?’ I ask. ‘Did they show us dancing on the show?’

Cory’s nodding his head. ‘Yeah they did. You made aunt Sandi cry,’ he says to Stephanie and she looks freaked out for a second. 

'
Wow.’

‘Guess I missed that episode,’ Sebastian says, looking back to the fire. My stomach clenches. He probably hasn’t been watching the show at all. They probably showed him a highlights tape ‘cause he was too frickin’ busy. As usual.

‘Kind of wish we had the guitar here,’ Cory says.

‘Stephanie doesn’t need one,’ I tell him, standing up. ‘Why don’t you sing and we’ll show them some of our dance?’ I brush the sand off my legs, hold my hand down to Punk.

‘Since when do you dance?’ Sebastian says to me in amusement, leaning back in the sand.

‘Since someone asked me to,’ I say. The words come out meaner than I intend them to, but I’m pulling Punk up now. His mom’s already clasping her hands together like she’s never seen anything so fantastic in all her life. As Stephanie starts to sing I see Sebastian’s eyes light up. I know he’s impressed. She’s a totally different person when she sings - it’s like something else takes over her. I remember thinking the same thing about Noah.

Cory joins in with her in harmony and I miss a few steps, like Punk does. The song she’s been singing all this time sounds even better when she’s singing it with him. He’s got a great voice, too, kind of husky and low for a teenager.

I had a little too much to dream last night

And I can’t seem to focus on what’s real in my life

But the only thing that matters is you’re here…

‘That song…’ I say.

‘Cory and I wrote it,’ she finishes. She misses it, but he looks at her like he wants to hug her for a moment and restrains himself. I can see how much they adore each other. It makes me miss my sister.

Stephanie stands up, still singing, pulling Cory with her. I watch as they start a silly dance and she twirls in her pink bikini. The camera guy looks mesmerized as he films more of her than of him.

Sebastian stands up, motions to Punk to let him have his turn with me. I almost refuse but the camera’s circling and I know it will look more awkward if I don’t dance with him. His arms loop around me as Punk sits back down. He pulls me against him by my waist, so my cheek’s against his chest and for a moment, as Stephanie and Cory keep on singing and spinning I’m totally thrown.
So much has happened.

‘I can feel your hip bones,’ he whispers, locking his fingers in mine. ‘We need to fatten you up again.’

I say nothing. He’s so familiar. Everything about him brings so much back – nights in New York drinking wine on Noah’s balcony, dragging Chloe to see their gigs, waiting backstage for him to finish, fending off photographers and fans; sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon… sitting like a wreck on the office kitchen floor, where I brought the papers down from the bulletin board and sent this show’s application form flying straight into Megan’s hands.

My heart beats against his warm body. My fingers relax in his big hands. He sent me here. He sent me to Joshua. I guess I should thank him, really. Maybe they’re both my soul mates; one meant to lead me to the other. What Stephanie said before on the beach was so right.
There are people who are meant to make us run, and others who we’re meant to run right into.

I don’t even know how long we dance for. We carry on after our chicken feast. Slow dances, spinning, more songs from Stephanie and Cory, even a few requests from Punk’s mom, who can dance pretty good. Sebastian spins me around and I hear myself laughing.

‘Beautiful,’ Punk’s mom grins, clapping her hands together. ‘I see this island has been good for you all. You wouldn’t be doing this back home, Punk. Maybe we’ll get you to salsa club on Thursdays after all.’

‘Yeah, maybe I’ll join Noah and Sebastian’s band, too,’ he replies, raising his eyes to the sky.

‘You could. You’ve got a few fans out there, man,’ Sebastian winks. Punk looks at him in surprise but Sebastian draws an imaginary zipper across his mouth.

‘This is so surreal,’ I say, pulling away finally, yanking off the bandana that’s lopsided over my head from my dancing. The fire’s burning lower and I don’t even know what time it is but I’m yawning suddenly and so is Punk.

‘Who’s ready to see the five star hotel we call home?’ Stephanie says. Cory nods excitedly.

‘I am,’ Sebastian says, sending me a look I know too well. It sobers me. My stomach knots again as the nerves and irritation flood back in. I’m not sleeping next to him. No way. He can dance with me all he likes but I don’t want Sebastian any closer than he has to be when we’re lying horizontally. That right is reserved for one man only. Even if I don’t know how to reach him.