Before Forever (Sharing Space #6) (2 page)

Helping Crystal and Uncle Troy with the restaurant was taking up more of my time than I’d anticipated, but I didn’t mind. My uncle’s retirement was long overdue and I wanted to do everything I could to make sure it happened smoothly. Of course, the downside was that between helping, work, Patrick’s shooting schedule, and his music training sessions, we rarely saw each other. It didn’t help that his mother still required at least one night a week of his time.

It was our last night together before he left for Los Angeles, so I made sure to leave work early and prepare dinner for the two of us at home. While a pan of lasagna baked in the oven, I spoke to my mother on speakerphone and chopped the ingredients for a salad.

“He leaves tomorrow?”

“Day after that,” I replied, slicing a cucumber. “His mother wants him to stay over with her tomorrow night.”

It’s like my mother heard my eye roll through the phone. “And that bothers you?”

“No. Yes. I know it shouldn’t, but it kinda does. I want her to have whatever she needs to help her heal. I do. But I also know that based on her visit she’s also getting what she wanted: Patrick away from me. I’m a horrible person, right?”

“Chloe, you already know that you’re not a horrible person. And neither is she—
”

“But—
”

“Let me finish. You’re always going to worry about your children, even when they’re grown. And she’s right that it’s not always going to be easy for the two of you. You will come across people who look at you like you don’t belong together, if you haven’t already.” I thought about the woman in the supermarket a month ago, but didn’t say anything. “And you may even come across an ignorant fool who’ll open his mouth to share his opinion. The part his mother is forgetting is that above all else, you want your children to be happy. That doesn’t make her horrible, just misguided. Remember, parenting doesn’t come with a rulebook.”

My mother had good points, but I still wasn’t in the mood to hear it. I changed the subject to the restaurant while I rinsed and then shredded carrots into the salad bowl. “Michael has already lined up two local musicians who will play in the restaurant on alternating Saturdays. The new kitchen appliances are going to be installed next week. They’ll have to be closed for a day, which Uncle Troy isn’t too thrilled with, as you can imagine.”

My mother chuckled. “I’m sure he isn’t. How is he taking to entering the digital age?”

“We’ve explained our plans for Foursquare and giving discounts to people who check-in for the first time, rewarding the location mayor with a free dessert whenever they dine. Then for Instagram and Foodspotting we’ll start using a special HSH hashtag to encourage photos of the dishes. I’m going to help Crystal manage their Facebook page, posting specials, sharing photos, that kind of thing. Over the summer she’ll bring on some part-time help, probably a high school kid from the church, who can assist with that stuff. Anyway, Uncle Troy just did a lot of grunting and shaking his head. He said he’s just happy he won’t have to deal with all that ‘internet nonsense.’”

She laughed again. “That sounds about right. I’m really proud of you, Chloe, helping out your uncle this way.”

“I’m just glad he’s listening. Finally.” I glanced at the clock on the microwave. “Ma, I gotta go. I want to straighten up before Patrick gets home.”

“Okay, sweetie. Talk soon.”

***

“Leave them.” Patrick stood behind me while I placed our dinner dishes in the sink. He kissed the back of my neck and l leaned into him. “
It’s our last night together,” he said, “the dishes can wait.”

Lights dimmed, candles lit, we snuggled on the sofa and I tried hard to remember every bit of how it felt to be in his arms.

“Sixteen weeks.” I said wistfully.

He kissed the top of my head. “Four months. Sounds better. Plus, you’re going to come out and visit for your birthday.”

“It’s still going to feel like forever. We should probably start making up for loss time now, you know.” I ran my hand under his shirt and felt his muscles tense under my touch. I planted kisses where my fingers had just been, going lower. He groaned and cupped the back of my head.

“Wait. Chloe, wait.” I ignored him and started to unbutton his jeans. “Seriously. I’m going to regret this, probably, but hold on, babe. We need to talk about a few things before I go.”

I sighed and sat up. “Fine. If you’d rather talk—
”

“No, trust me,” he said, sitting up as well. “I’d rather not, but we need to. It’s important. I just didn’t plan to have this conversation like this.” He waved his hands towards the lit candles on the coffee table.

“Okay. You’re scaring me.” I reached over and turned on the lamp on the end table. “What is it?”

“Well, you know I’ll be making a lot of money on this project.”

I nodded. We hadn’t discussed his salary at all, not what he made on the show or how much he’d make on the movie. I’m not stupid. I knew he’d been making more money than he’d made working at the gym, but his finances were his business, just like my finances were mine.

“While I’m gone I want to cover the full rent each month.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I can afford to and I want to.” He reached out and held my hand.

“I don’t need you to take care of me, Patrick.” I wasn’t angry, just slightly embarrassed. “Does it seem like I need you to?”

“Not at all. I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I want to take care of you. I’m going to worry about you while I’m gone and don’t even say anything. I’m going to worry. That’s just the way it is, but this is one thing I can do to make me feel better about being gone. Purely selfish, I know. Will you let me? Please?”

“If I say yes, can we have sex now?” I wasn’t exactly thrilled at letting him pay the rent for a few months, but in the grand scheme of things, it felt like a small thing to ask. All I could think of at that moment was being without him for long periods of time.

I thought my question would make him laugh, at least smile, but his face was full of trepidation. “There’s one more thing. You know I met with Tim and Cat a few weeks ago, right?” I nodded again. “Well, they’re going to have someone from
Entertainment Weekly
onset, doing a behind-the-scenes feature that will run when the movie is about to premiere.”

“Okay.”

“We’ll be doing a lot of stuff like that and I’m not sure what’s going to air now or later, so I thought I should just tell you now.”

“Tell me what?”

“They think it will be best for my image and the film if people, the fans, think I’m single.”

“So, what does that mean? You’ll just refuse to talk about your personal life?”

“Part of what they’re selling with this story is the heartthrob angle. They’ve already got these ridiculous photo shoots lined up.” He took a deep breath. “They want me to flat out say that I don’t have a girlfriend.”

I snatched my hand away. “And what did you tell them?” I hated the way my voice cracked. I sounded pathetic, but Patrick looked worse and I had my answer.

“So, let me get this straight. You want to lie about me? About being with me? About loving me?”

“I don’t want to, but this is how things are done on this level. They’re not just selling the movie, but the whole package. There’s a publicity machine behind this that’s calculated and it’s all geared towards making the movie as successful as possible. A big part of that is making us, the stars, as attractive as possible.”

“Who are you right now?” I stood up. “
On this level, publicity machine?
What does that even mean?”

He looked up at me, a pitiful look on his face. “I’m just trying to explain it to you like it was explained to me.”

“And so what? Did you offer to pay the rent as a way to butter me up before admitting that you’re going to spend the next few months being ashamed of me?”

“I’m not ashamed of you.” He stood and took my hand again. I was too in shock to let go. “Chloe, this isn’t about you. It’s just the way it works. I’m not happy about it.”

“How can you say it’s not about me? You’re denying that I even exist, and if you’re not happy about it, don’t do it.”

“It’s not that simple. This is a big opportunity and I have to play the game.”

I dropped his hand and walked around the coffee table. “Well, I don’t.” Angry tears threatened to spill, which made me even madder. “Is this because I’m black?”

Patrick’s mouth dropped open. “Are you seriously asking me that?”

“Um, are you seriously telling me that you’re going to let everyone think I don’t exist?”

He sighed deeply and ran a hand over his face. “Chloe, even if you were white this is what they want me to do. They don’t even know that you’re black. It never came up. This is just a stupid publicity stunt.”

“At least you have the good sense to know it’s stupid. I knew you were ambitious, but this is ridiculous.”

“Hey, I’ve worked hard for this!”

“No one said you didn’t, but I think it’s pretty shitty now that you’ve
made it
you’re willing to do something so… hurtful.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you. God, this is not coming out right. It’s
because
it’s stupid,
because
it’s silly, that I think it’s not that big of a deal.”

I rolled my eyes and pointed at him. “Now you’re just lying. If you didn’t think this was a big deal why didn’t you tell me weeks ago? Why did you look so damn scared to tell me now? How would you feel if I said to you that I had to lie about us to the people I work with? To anyone?”

“That’s a ridiculous comparison. This is show business. It’s the way—
”

“Seriously, if you say it’s the way it works one more time. Don’t talk down to me. I get why they want you to do it; I’m pissed that you’re willing to do it. What am I supposed to do when I come out there for my birthday? Huh? Enter through the back door? Stay hidden?”

“No! It won’t be like that. We’ll have to be discreet, yeah, but—”

“I don’t believe you just said that.”

“This is important to me, Chloe. Getting this right is important to me.”

I blinked and let the tears fall. “I thought I was important to you.”

“You are!”

“Apparently, not important enough.”

“Please, don’t be this way.” He walked around the table and pulled me into his arms. I kept mine folded. “I don’t want this to be a thing. To come between us.”

“Then don’t do it.”

He pulled back and rested his forehead against mine. “Chloe, I have to. I already told them I would.”

I sniffed and pulled away completely, wiping my tears on my sleeve. “Well, we don’t want to make a liar out of you. I’ll make it easy. You no longer have a girlfriend.”

My hotel suite had a panoramic view of the Hollywood hills, a living room area that was almost as big as our apartment in New York, a bathroom with
a heated marble floor, and a California King-sized bed that was made of clouds. There was a bouquet of fresh flowers and an expensive bottle of champagne from Mr. Clooney waiting in my suite.

Welcome to the big time. – G.

All of it meant nothing.

I’d been calling Chloe since I left for California and she wouldn’t take my calls. I was where I thought I always wanted to be, surrounded by opulence, and I just wanted to go home. Not that I thought she’d want to look at my face around the apartment if I could go back. After she’d told me we were over she went to her room and locked the door. The last words she’d said to me were, “This is for the best.”

It felt like the worst. I barely remember my visit with my parents, getting to the airport, or the flight. How had it all gone so wrong so quickly? Of course I knew it wasn’t going to be an easy sell. Chloe was right about that. If I hadn’t been such a coward and just told her what the studio wanted right away, I’d have had more time to deal with the fallout. And maybe I wouldn’t find myself freshly dumped and depressed the day before the biggest day of my career.

I texted Cat to let her know I’d arrived and then I sent a text to Chloe.

We need to talk. xoxo

Then I took a shower, ordered room service that I barely touched, and fell asleep waiting for her to text me back.

***

I was one of the first actors to arrive at the table read the next morning. We were going to read through the entire script that day. It was my first opportunity to meet the full cast, and I was nervous. Chloe hadn’t written or called, but I had to put that out of my mind for the moment. It was just a table read, but I didn’t want to flub lines and make a bad first impression.

As people started to trickle into the
conference room within the HBO offices, my nerves eased. Everyone was cordial and, even though I recognized a few of the actors from major films, there were no egos visible. Everyone came ready to work. George wouldn’t be there for the read, but a few of the producers and the head screenwriter, a recent Golden Globe winner, were.

Tim stood at the head of the table and announced that we were still waiting on one more actor before we could begin. I took that opportunity to grab a bottle of water from a table of refreshments and then searched for my name on cards that were placed around the large table. I found my name towards the head of the table and noticed Ian had been assigned to the spot on my left. As I settled into my chair, I read the name on the card to my right just as I heard a familiar laugh enter the room.

Kelly Kennedy.

I called Cat the moment we broke for lunch.

“You didn’t tell me Kelly was in this movie.” I tried to keep my voice low to not scare the people in the lobby.

“I didn’t know she was. Is that a problem? I thought you were friends.” Cat sounded confused and annoyed at the same time.

“We were. We are. It’s complicated. I just wish I’d known.”

“You didn’t answer my question. Is it a problem?”

Kelly seemed happy, but surprised, to see me. She’d sent my parents a condolence card after Charlotte died, and we had a quick phone conversation before the funeral. We never talked about her confrontation with Chloe at the Christmas party, and to bring that up now seemed pointless and unprofessional. My past with Kelly wouldn’t get in the way of doing what I needed to do on set. I wouldn’t let it. She was playing Ian’s character’s wife and we only had a few scenes together.

“No, it’s not a problem.”

“Good. Everything else going okay?”

“Yeah. Listen, I gotta get back in there. I’ll talk to you soon.”

It was a lie. I still had an hour before we were going to pick up the read again, but I didn’t want to spend any more time making small talk. Instead, I wanted to figure out how I’d lost my girlfriend and ended up working with my ex-girlfriend in less than forty-eight hours.

***

Filming, interviews, and photo shoots—the next two months of my life were dedicated to those three things. There was very little time to think about how what we were doing would be received, so it was surprising to discover there was so much buzz around the project when it came time to do what’s called soft promotion. We’d had a reporter and photographer from
Entertainment Weekly
visiting the set semi-regularly, working on the premiere feature, but the upcoming sit down on Ellen DeGeneres’s talk show was a shock. The news elicited a rare surge of excitement from my mother, who loved Ellen. As with any time something of significance happened, I resisted the urge to call Chloe. We hadn’t spoken since I’d left and there’d only been one return text.

Ian had done the show several times, Kelly once, and they assured the rest of us that it would be more fun than work. They were right. There were six stools placed where musical guests usually performed, and that was where the interview was conducted. Ellen spent a large portion of time on Ian and Kelly, as they were already household names and the bigger draw, but she was warm and welcoming to all of us, making sure to ask about our previous work. We all had to stick to a script in what we could and couldn’t say about
Backstage Pass
, but it was such a softball interview that wasn’t an issue.

Then Ellen brought up what had most certainly been an issue in my life.

“So, clearly this movie is about a boy band, right? I mean, look at you guys,” Ellen said, and looked to the audience for a reaction to her joke. They obliged with laughter, clapping, and catcalls. “I gotta ask, are you guys single?”

Everyone fell in line and gave the expected answer. Even Ethan, who played the drummer and had a girlfriend he’d been with since high school, said he was single. Then it was my turn.

“What about you, Patrick? You’re a New York City boy, right? Anyone waiting for you back east?”

I thought about the last and only text I’d received from Chloe since leaving.

There’s nothing left to say.

“Nope. Not that I know of.” I gave the required shy smile and wave as the women in the audience responded with clapping and shouts.

“Well, that’s funny because according to this…” Ellen reached under her stool and produced a magazine I hadn’t noticed before. There was a page marked with a sticky note and she flipped right to it. She held up the magazine to the nearest camera and I looked at one of the studio monitors to see what it displayed. “According to this, you and Kelly are an item.”

There was a picture of Kelly and me taken at the
Raven Cosmetics
function. I couldn’t make out all of the text from the screen, but the large print caption read,
Kelly Kennedy’s Hunky Soap Beau.
The studio audience oohed. I could have won an Oscar for keeping the shock off my face. Kelly blushed and flashed that girl-next-door smile that had helped make her famous, the smile that had charmed me out of my pants, literally, many times.

“Oh, Ellen. You know you can’t always believe what you read,” Kelly said coyly. Then she winked at the camera, which said to everyone watching they should definitely believe what they’d read.