Becoming Alpha (29 page)

I remembered the wolf outside my window that night. “You waited outside my window?”

“Until your light went out.” He pressed his lips together for a second. “And I was outside your room in the infirmary as you transitioned back and forth for days on end. You didn’t stop changing forms until I finally broke into the room—”

I so didn’t want to hear about that. I slapped my hand over his mouth. He bit it softly, and I felt it all the way to my core. I rubbed my hand off on my jeans.

“I can’t undo what I did, but I can help you gain some control.”

“You can?”

They’d told me that werewolves were stronger, but I couldn’t stifle a gasp when Dastien picked me up as if I weighed nothing. He jumped onto a giant boulder.

He put me on my feet and sat. “Close your eyes.”

I plopped in front of him and closed them.

“Take three deep inhales and exhales. Feel your body move. Feel the air come in, flowing down deep into your lungs, filling up your chest. Then follow it as it flows back out.”

I recognized this from the yoga class.

“Focus on your hands…your feet…your arms…your legs…your chest. Feel the wolf deep inside of you. In the center of you, of who you are.”

I opened my eyes after a few minutes. He was sitting there with his eyes closed. I felt bad about disturbing him, but then he opened one eye.

“Close them.”

“Nothing’s happening.”

“That’s because you’re not relaxing.”

I grumbled about having a hard time relaxing on a hard rock, but he ignored me. I don’t know how long I sat there, before something clicked. I felt the rippling underneath the surface of my skin and gasped. “What is that?”

“You’ve nearly found her.”

“Her?”

“The wolf.”

“Shut up.” I slapped his leg. “That sounds completely mental.”

His golden gaze met mine. “She’s a part of you. Once you start acknowledging her, she’ll settle down and your moods won’t be so erratic. She needs to trust you as much as you need to trust her.” He laughed. I must’ve looked as confused as I felt. “Close your eyes again. Go back. See her. Feel her. She’s there to protect you. To make you stronger.”

I had thought of her as separate from me, but maybe she wasn’t. The only thing I knew for sure was that it was complicated. I didn’t really know what I felt, but when I opened my eyes again, I was steadier.

“Better?” Dastien said.

“Yeah. I think so?” I really hoped so. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” He pointed up to the cave. “Still want to go take a look or head back?”

My stomach answered for me. I threw my hand over it. “Sorry. I think I might be hungry. I’ve got to get food fast or…” God. I just had a breakthrough and now I was going to ruin it. But I didn’t want to shift.

“Don’t worry. You won’t change. Unless you want to?”

I waved my hands wildly in the air. “Definitely not. I mean what if I get stuck as a wolf?”

He touched his forehead to mine as he laughed. “You won’t get stuck,” he said when he caught his breath.

I shoved him. “I’m never telling you anything ever again.”

He rubbed his thumb along my bottom lip. “That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is. I won’t tell you anything when you do stuff like laugh at me.”

His lips met mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself into his lap. When I felt his tongue, I opened my mouth and let him in.

When my stomach growled again, he pulled away. “Let’s get you some food.” He gave me one last soft kiss. “I’d do anything for you, Tessa. I know you don’t realize that now, but you will.”

That thought made me grin, even if I wasn’t sure that it was true. He led us to a shorter part of the creek wall and started to climb. I’d never gone hiking without a clear-cut path before. It was fun, but hard. When we reached the top, rivers of sweat ran down the sides of my face. I lifted my shirt to wipe them away.

“Have a nice hike?” Mr. Dawson was standing there waiting for us.

I cleared my throat. I was supposed to be reading in his cabin. “Yeah. But I didn’t read—”

“It’s okay,” Mr. Dawson cut me off. “Seems like it did you some good.”

“I think so,” I said.

Dastien stepped between Mr. Dawson and me. “I’d like to ask permission to leave campus tomorrow with Tessa. I’ll vouch for her.”

Mr. Dawson crossed his arms. “Where? When? For how long?”

“To the bookstore. In the morning. Just a couple of hours.”

Mr. Dawson nodded. “Sounds like a good idea for both of you. Permission granted.”

Shock filled me. “Really? Dastien can take me alone, but Chris and Adrian couldn’t take me to the movies?”

Mr. Dawson smiled. I’d forgotten that he was handsome. “Yes. Dastien’s already proven that he can keep you under control.”

Shit. He probably knew about what happened in the gym. I don’t think my face ever burned so much.

When Mr. Dawson left, I jumped up and down, tugging on Dastien’s shirt. He laughed and put his arm around my shoulder.

“How did you know that I’d want to go to a bookstore?” I said.

“Who do you think set up your room?” He kissed my nose. My heart sped, wanting more. “Your mother gave me quite the lecture about keeping them in order.”

I laughed at the image of her lecturing Dastien. She could be a bad ass when she wanted to be.

As we started back to school, one dark cloud hung over my otherwise sunny day. What was I going to do about Shannon? Not to mention Chris and all the other guys. At least maybe they would leave me alone now.

And then there was the problem of Imogene and her dad and the vampires.

I said a little prayer that everyone was still out having fun when I got back. But my luck had never been that good.

Gabriel and a few of the guys strode up to me as we walked down one of the paths to the courtyard. Dastien’s hand came to rest on the small of my back and the guys stopped. I didn’t need to look up at him to know he was giving them a serious stare down.

One by one, the boys looked at the ground and stepped back to let us pass. Being with Dastien definitely had its perks. Maybe the rest of the guys would quit telling me what and how much to eat.

A few heads popped up to stare at us as we entered the cafeteria. But after we’d gotten our food, he led us to a table alone.

“Chris said you’re one of the best fighters.”

He shrugged one shoulder. “I had the best teaching me. My father and Michael. The two of them sparring was one of my favorite things to watch.” He leaned forward. “Do the rumors about you and our relationship bother you?”

“I’m used to being pointed at.” I ran my fingers through the ends of my hair. “I try not to let them get to me.”

“But they do?”

I squirmed under his stare. He saw too much of me already. “I’m only human.” He stayed quiet. “Whatever. You know what I mean.”

“So you really like all the groups you wear shirts for?” he asked.

“Seeing as how I made most of those shirts—yes. I really do.”

“Favorite show you’ve seen live?”

I chewed on my lip as I thought. “There was this Above & Beyond show that I went to a few months ago. It was epic. They played for two and half hours and the tracks were sick. They kept turning down the volume to let us sing along with vocals. You know what it’s like when the whole crowd was in sync—dancing. It was just perfection.”

“When was the show?”

I was never fantastic with remembering dates. “Mid-April-ish. At Avaland in LA.”

He grinned. “I was there.”

“Shut up.” There was no way he was there. I would’ve noticed him.

“It was epic. The track they ended on—”

“Amazing, right? Gave me chills.” I shook my head. This was crazy. “What’s your favorite show ever?”

“I saw Apparat play in Munich. It was amazing.”

“You’ve been to Munich?” It seemed weird picturing him anywhere but St. Ailbe’s.

“I’ve traveled quite a bit. My father was from France, so I spent summers growing up there. As I got older, I roamed around Europe a bit.” He shrugged. “I try to go to a new place every year. It’s a thing.”

“Sounds fun.” I always wanted to travel more. “So who is Apparat?”

“You don’t know Apparat?”

No way. He just out weird-music-ed me. “Should I?”

“Yes. For sure. I’ll send you the tracks.”

As we talked, he became more like a real person than an obsession—which should have eased my attraction to him, but it didn’t. Every time he said something, I wanted to know more. He was sweet and laughed easily. Yet I knew from watching him fight vampires that he was dangerous.

When we finished eating, Dastien and I sat among the trees and did more control exercises. I got lost in the sounds of inhales and exhales, the wind softly breezing through the leaves, the chirps of the birds. I could’ve sat with him forever. My hands rested on my knees. It took me a while to realize they were getting hot. Then fingers slowly linked with mine. A lazy smile spread across my face.

“I have to go patrol,
ma chérie
. And you have to go inside before the sun sets.”

I tightened my fingers around his. “No,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut.

His lips pressed against my forehead.

I flopped onto the grass, tugging him down too.

He hovered over me, his weight on his forearms as he lightly brushed his lips against mine. I growled. That was not the kiss I was going for.

“Come on. I’ll walk you to the dorm.” He pulled me to my feet. “We’re not going to have a repeat of the other night.”

A shiver ran down my spine. Being inside was suddenly very appealing.

When we got to the entrance to the dorm, he spun me in his arms. His lips weren’t soft this time. They demanded more. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer to
me. His tongue brushed against mine, and I lost it. I gripped the back of his shirt in my hands, pulling my body flush with his.

By the time he inched back, we were both out of breath. His forehead rested against mine. “I’ll pick you up in the morning for our trip off campus. Go inside. Be safe.” I kept my eyes closed for a second as I leaned back against the door. His heat was gone, leaving me chilled. “Holy shit,” I said to myself. He was beyond intense.

When I opened my eyes, he was already in wolf-form running across campus. A group of wolves waited for him next to one of the buildings. I watched until he disappeared from view, and then slid shakily to the ground.

It took me a few minutes to trust that my legs would work.

Meredith’s room was empty while I got ready for bed. I guessed they were still out, but I wasn’t upset about it anymore. Nothing they were doing could compare to what I’d experienced that day.

I went to bed smiling for the first time since I got to St. Ailbe’s.

***

The next morning, I was already dressed and ready to go on my date-ish thing with Dastien when Meredith stumbled sleepily into my room.

I clicked off my music. “Sorry. Didn’t meant to wake you?”

She waved me off and mumbled something incoherently.

I wore a flowy, short purple skirt and a grey tank top with flying little black birds printed across the front. “What do you think?” I said as I ran my hands down the skirt.

“About?”

“My outfit?”

“Are you going somewhere?”

I lifted my chin up. “Yes.”

“Really?” She yawned and curled up on my unmade bed. “Mr. Dawson lifted the jail-time?”

“Kind of. Dastien is taking me to the bookstore. Mr. Dawson said Dastien would be held responsible for me.”

Meredith laughed. “Wow. So. You and Dastien.”

“Kind of.” I couldn’t stop the blush from spreading. “I guess. We’re taking it slow. Very slow.”

She jumped and swung me into a hug. “This is so exciting. Were we right? About the mate thing?”

“It’s weird that you can just pick me up like that.” I tapped her shoulder and she put me down. “And ix-nay on the ate-may. That word is now verboten. Freaks me out.”

“Ha! Every girl here would kill for the connection that you guys have. Including me. So mate. Mate. MATE.”

I stuck my fingers in my ears and sang loudly as she talked.

She waved her hand in my face. “Okay. I’m over it.” She looked me up and down. “And yes. Cute and casual.”

A knock came from my door. “Come in,” I said.

Dastien opened the door and leaned against the doorjamb. “You ready?”

My mouth went dry as I took him in. Well-worn jeans hung low on his hips. His white T-shirt had a bright colored map on it that looked almost like the London Underground but wasn’t. I wanted to get a closer look but he distracted me with his smile.

Shit. He could lean against things so well. I cleared my throat. “What’s on your shirt?”

He started to blush a little. “It’s a bus map. For Westeros.”

“You read George RR Martin?”

He grinned.

Why did we have so much in common? It was weird. “Let’s go,” I said as I tugged on a pair of gloves.

“You two crazy kids have fun,” Meredith called after us.

“Goodbye, Meredith,” Dastien said as he closed the door.

“God he’s hot,” Meredith said from behind the door.

I grabbed Dastien’s hand, linking our fingers together. “We heard that!” I said.

He winked at me and my heart stuttered.

Before we got to the parking lot, Mr. Dawson stopped us. Faint shadows under his eyes showed his exhaustion. “You’re needed.”

Imogene stood next to Mr. Dawson looking pretty satisfied with herself. All the hairs on the back of my arms stood at attention.

“Can any of the others handle it?” Dastien asked.

Mr. Dawson’s lips thinned. “Afraid not.”

Dastien squeezed my hand before letting go. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

He didn’t spare me a second glance as the three of them took off. Every time I thought I was getting a handle on us, he disappeared. I swear I saw his back receding in the distance more than I saw his face. All the little doubts in my head telling me he was too good to be true reared their ugly heads.

It didn’t help that he was leaning down close to Imogene as she talked to him quietly. Or that she looked back at me and grinned like she’d won this one.