Be with Me (45 page)

J
ase scooped me up into his arms and carried me back into the bedroom, gently lying me down in the mound of pillows I’d accumulated since I’d moved in.

He stepped back, his eyes riveted on mine as he undressed. Watching him reveal his exquisite body one article of clothing at a time was probably one of the most sensual and exciting things I’d ever seen.

The first time we were together had been a glorious rush. Not that it hadn’t been marvelous and mind-blowing in its own way, I just knew that this time was going to be different.

Nerves stretched tight, I shook, because we were truly about to make love and I’d never done that before.

Shucking off his briefs, I felt my breath catch. Jase had the kind of body fantasies were made of. Seriously. Broad shoulders, a well-defined chest, and abs I could flip quarters off of. His hips were narrow, legs lean and long, and what hung between his thighs was pretty damn impressive. He was fully aroused and he wanted me.

And he loved me.

Jase prowled forward, climbing up on the bed and only stopping once he hovered over me, his arms caging me in. “Touch me,” he urged, voice dark.

He didn’t have to ask me twice. I placed my hands on his chest, running them down the rigid muscles of his stomach, following the thin trail of hair until I wrapped a hand around him. He flexed against my palm, eliciting a thrill.

Kicking his head, he groaned hoarsely as I stroked his length. “Oh God . . .”

I smiled as his chin lowered and his jaw loosened. “You like that?”

“I like everything you do.” He dropped a kiss to my forehead and then peppered little ones all over my face—my cheeks, my eyelids, even the tip of my nose. “Everything.”

Emboldened by his statement, I slid my hand up, squeezing gently as I reached the tip. His hips punched into the motion, and he made another deep, ragged sound.

“Yeah,” he ground out, arms shaking as he swelled against my hand. “You keep that up and this is going to be over before it gets started and you don’t want that. Trust me.”

“I don’t.” But I didn’t want to stop touching him.

I craned my neck as I held him, pressing a kiss to the underside of his jaw and then making my own path down his throat, tasting the saltiness of his skin. His chest rose and fell sharply as I moved my hand slowly, teasing him until he moved away.

I pouted. “That’s not fair.”

He chuckled as his breath moved down my throat. “Be patient, baby. You’ll have all of me soon enough, but first . . .”

His tongue circled the hardened tip of my breast and then closed over it, sucking deep and drawing me clear off the bed. I gripped his head, my hips moving restlessly as he moved to the other breast, paying it the same amount of attention. Rife and powerful desire built like a fierce storm.

He clasped a possessive hand around my hip as he lifted his head. Features strained, he took a deep breath. “I don’t think I can wait any longer. I need you, Tess.”

My heart flipped over. “Then don’t wait.”

Jase started to ease himself between my thighs, but stopped. “Shit. I don’t have a condom.”

I placed a hand on his cheek. “You know I’m on the pill and you’re the only person I’ve been with since, well, since like forever.”

“I haven’t been with anyone else in a long time. I’m clean and I’ll pull out just in case.” He paused, lining up above me. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

I slid my hands over his shoulders. “I want you. Now.”

His lips brushed over mine as he rolled his hips forward, probing my entrance. He kissed me sweetly and so tenderly that I wanted to wrap myself around him for years. Resting his forehead against mine, he slowly pushed in, stretching me in a delicious way. I held on to him, bringing my knees up to his sides, giving him access and he slid in deeper, filling me. I let out a moan when he was in, and he shifted his weight onto his arms.

Our bodies were flush, chest to chest and hip to hip. I could feel him inside me, throbbing as he held himself still above me. “Jase,” I whispered, dragging my fingers down his arms.

He gently kissed my parted lips. “God, you feel so damn good.”

“So do you.” I skated my fingers back up, to his cheeks. “It feels so right.”

“Yeah,” he groaned.

Body trembling, he slowly withdrew and then rocked his hips forward, causing my toes to curl. He set a slow pace that was both sweet and torturous. With each deep, smooth thrust, I tilted my hips to meet his. There was a seduction in the act of love, a quality missing when the heart wasn’t involved. Every shift of his hips, every kiss he bestowed, and every brush of his hands and fingers meant something infinite.

He held my gaze as we made love, taking and giving to each other. The slow build went deeper than the crazy intenseness of our joining last time. I could feel him swelling and tightening inside me. I breathed every breath he took, shivered along with every shudder that coursed through his body.

But our bodies soon demanded more. My heels dug into his back, urging him to move faster, and he did. The speed of his thrusts picked up as did our breathing and my pounding heart. Wasn’t too long before the headboard was hitting the wall again with the power of how he was moving.

When my body tensed up and the coil that had formed deep inside me started to unfurl at a dizzying rate, I gasped out. “I love you.”

Whatever control Jase had at that point broke as the rawness of the act took off as his hips matched mine in a tempo that was shattering. I came, experiencing a powerful release that spread out from my core, shocking my body in tight shivers that had me crying out his name until my voice was hoarse.

He pulled out only when the last of the climax was easing through me, his arousal pulsating against my stomach as he dropped his head to my shoulder, kissing the bare skin as his hips twitched. I held him close, savoring the feel of his body on mine.

His skin was damp and his body still trembling when he lifted his head, kissing the corner of my lips. “I love you, Teresa.”

We stayed wrapped together while our breathing returned to normal. In those moments of silence, the strangest thing happened to me. Something . . . something fragile broke inside me. Like an old, rusted-out lock finally opened.

I don’t know what it was exactly that did it. Could’ve been the last year or so of my life and all the changes I’d gone through. From believing I only had one life ahead of me, to finally accepting there was more out there than dancing. Maybe it was seeing Jase and experiencing every up and down with him. It could’ve been Debbie and what her loss symbolized. It might have been Erik and the horror of that time in the dorm room and what it reminded me of.

And maybe . . . just maybe it had to do with Jeremy and the abusive relationship I’d been a part of, that
was
a part of me, and I finally fully understood that it would always be there with me, but it didn’t make me who I was today. It shaped me, but it wasn’t me. Before I knew it, my cheeks were damp.

Jase lifted his head. “Tess? Baby?” He cupped my cheek, smoothing the tears away with his thumb. “What’s wrong?”

I wasn’t sure how to put it into words and when I didn’t answer, his face paled. “Did I hurt? I should’ve waited. This could’ve—”

“No,” I croaked out. I tried to smile through the haze of tears. “It’s not you. It’s just . . . everything and it’s been a lot to wrap my head around.”

He ran his thumb under my good eye again. “It has been a lot, Tess. And you’ve been handling everything. You’re so strong—the strongest person I know.”

I choked out a laugh, and then the tears fell harder. Jase made a deep sound in the back of his throat, and then he gathered me up, tucking me against his chest as he held me close.

“I’ll never forget what it was like to be with him,” I said, and somehow Jase knew who I was talking about. “And that’s okay, isn’t it? That doesn’t make me weak or a victim.”

“No.” He dropped a kiss to the top of my head. “You are neither of those things.”

“It’s not who I am now, but it’s a part of me and . . . and I’m okay with that.” A shudder worked its way through me, and between the tears, we talked about Jeremy and we talked about Debbie and Erik. We talked about dancing and we talked about teaching, and he wrapped himself around me, holding me until there were no tears left, until the burdens I knew I’d carried and the ones I hadn’t really realized I’d been shouldering all this time lifted and faded away.

A buckass naked Jase making soup for me so I wouldn’t irritate my bruised jaw literally had to be one of the top five things in life I wanted to see in person. Even coming ahead of watching the San Francisco Ballet perform onstage.

Good God, he had the most perfect ass I’d ever seen.

We sat on my bed, the sheet tucked under my arms as we shared the large bowl of vegetable soup. One spoon and two mouths made for an interesting in-bed experience. A bit of broth escaped down my chin, and Jase caught it with his tongue. “Hmm, how about you lie back and let me eat the rest of the soup like this?”

I laughed, feeling lighter—feeling
better
in spite of the fact that I was stuffy from all the tears. “That would get a bit messy.”

“But it would be fun.” He swirled the spoon around, catching the tender chunks of veggies. “More?”

Being fed seemed stupid. Unless it was a naked Jase feeding you. Then it was incredibly hot. I opened up, swallowing the broth and chewing what I could. “Thank you.”

He shrugged a tan shoulder and lifted the spoon to his own mouth. Chewing thoughtfully for a few moments, he chased after a piece of meat. “You know, I really planned on talking to you first before I got you naked.”

“But you did plan on getting me naked?” I couldn’t resist teasing him.

“Hell yeah I did.” He grinned and then popped the meat into his mouth. Lowering his lashes, he scooped up more broth. “Actually, I
hoped
it ended with wild, animalistic sex.” He tipped the spoon to my lips, making sure I didn’t miss a drop. “But I messed up so bad and I was expecting you to tell me to get the hell out.”

I cocked my head to the side as I wiggled closer. “Really?”

He nodded. “I know I’m damn charming, but I fucked up and I—”

Leaning over the bowl, I pressed my lips to his. With my busted lip, it didn’t make for that hot of a kiss, but he stilled like I’d reached around the bowl and grabbed a different kind of meat. “You messed up,” I said, as I rocked back. “I know. You really did, you jackass. And you hurt my feelings.”

He looked contrite. “Tess—”

“But I’m not going to sit here and hold it over your head forever. Not when I thought there was a damn good chance I was going to die yesterday. As cliché as this sounds, life is too short. I want you,” I said passionately. “Baggage and all, Jase. And I know it’s not going to be easy. I was prepared for that when I came back to you. Jack is your son, whether he realizes it or not. And it doesn’t matter if you ever tell him, he will
always
be your son. And if one day you decide to tell him the truth, I’ll support you in any way.”

His gaze dropped to the bowl. “Are you seriously ready for that? What if I tell him when I graduate next semester?”

My stomach dipped a little at the prospect, but that was expected. “You come with responsibility that I’m willing to be a part of. I don’t know how good I’ll be at anything that has to do with him, but I’ll try hard.”

Jase lifted his gaze, eyes wide. “You’d be perfect, Tess. He already likes you a lot and he . . . well, one day, you’d make a great mom.”

I flushed, and instead of being skeeved out by the idea of motherhood, I warmed with the compliment. “Thank you.” I took a deep breath. “And you’re really ready for this?”

“I’ve done a lot of thinking, Tess, and I am. I think I’ve been ready but didn’t want to acknowledge it. What I feel for you, it blew my mind. At first I thought it was wrong because of Cam, but when I realized that wasn’t it, that I was afraid of losing you, I knew I needed to work through it all.” He thrust a hand through the mess of hair. “And you were right. I hadn’t fully moved on. I know I need to visit her grave. I wanted to. That was what I was going to tell you.”

“When you texted me that you wanted to talk?”

He nodded again. “That wasn’t the only thing, but it was a part of it. I think by doing that, it’s like closing the door, you know? Not forgetting, but truly moving on.”

I tried not to show my shock. That was a huge step for him. Maybe not to some people, but for Jase it was a big deal. “I think that’s a great idea and if you need me there with you, I’ll be there.”

He smiled a little as he shook his head. “You . . . you are amazing, Tess.”

“No, I’m not. I just love you, Jase.”

It appeared that he stopped breathing for a moment, and then he leaned around me, sitting the bowl on the nightstand. As he settled back, he touched the bruise on my jaw lightly. “I’m not sure I deserve you.”

I closed my eyes. “I don’t like hearing you say that.”

“And I don’t like thinking it, but I can’t help feeling it.” The touch of his lips was butterfly soft. “Though I’m going to do everything to change it.” Placing his hand on my shoulder, he gently guided me down until my head rested on the pillows. He settled beside me, lying on his side as he propped his cheek up on his elbow. “I promise that.”

“I believe that.”

A soft smile appeared on his lips as he trailed his finger over my shoulder. Several quiet moments passed. “When are your parents going back home?”

“Tomorrow, I think. They wanted me to go home with them, but I’m not.” I shivered as his finger danced over my collarbone.

“What about Christmas? I know it’s a week or so away, but what’ve you got planned?”

I closed my eyes, blindly seeking the featherlight touch. “I’ll go up with Cam as planned. He leaves on Christmas Eve or the day before.”

“Christmas is a big deal at my house too.” His finger dipped, following the line of the sheet. “Jack still believes in Santa, so I need to be there with him in the morning, but I want to see you. Maybe you can spend Christmas Eve with me and then I can come up to your house on Christmas? I’d drive you up later that morning. I mean, if you want me there, that is and your parents are cool with it.”