Be My December (41 page)

I slid out of the booth and rushed through the diner, pushing the glass door open with every bit of strength I could muster. The moment I hit the sidewalk, I inhaled sharply allowing the late December air to hit me full force. Every moment we spent together flashed before me. Meeting him in Delights, realizing he worked at
Bangs and Beats
, staying in his apartment, telling him my fears, the dates, the kisses, the sex, the beginnings of love.

All of it was based on a lie. 

“Eden.” A faint voice sounded behind me, a voice that I instantly recognized.

I swung around slowly and came face to face with the concerned face of Josh Crawford. I didn’t even know if I wanted to see him. His face dropped the moment our eyes connected, and he didn’t falter until he had me tucked in against his chest and his arms surrounding me. I fell into the confines of his broad chest as realization flooded me.

“Pretty girl, let it all out,” he soothed in my ear, and his hand ran through my hair. I burst into tears right there on the sidewalk in the arms of a man whose brother was slowly yet surely becoming my everything. Tears flowed for my past, for my present, and for my future. I cried for the sudden sense of closure that flooded me. Seeing Jeremy hadn’t frightened me—it had shocked me, yes, but frightened me, no. An offering of closure of my past was handed to me, the closure that I had been so desperate to gain, the closure of everything that was Jeremy Davis. It felt amazing, fucking fantastic, like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders…But that lasted a split second because I had a new gaping wound to contend with, a new weight on my shoulders, and it all revolved around Ky Crawford.

“What can I do?” Josh whispered in my ear.

“I don’t know.”

“Eden!” Ky’s panic voice roared in my ears. “Fuck! Baby!”

He grabbed me from Josh’s embrace and twisted me so I stood in front of him. His eyes anxiously took me in. “Get away from me,” I hissed, and he froze.

“Baby please,” Ky pleaded, regret dripped from every word.

My heart shattered. “Please don’t call me that.”

“Ky fucking Crawford misses his chance to save the day…yet again!” Jeremy taunted as he stalked through the diner door in a cloud of spite.

Pure hatred covered Ky’s face, and he rushed toward Jeremy like a man being swallowed by murderous rage. Ky pinned Jeremy against the brick wall and his fist connected over and over again with Jeremy’s face and body with bone crushing intensity.

“Why the fuck would you do this?” Ky screamed. “She has done nothing to you!”

I never imagined seeing this side of Ky. The anger, the pure rage in his words and actions were on full display before me. This wasn’t the guy who had spoken so quietly in our moments together; it wasn’t the guy whose gentle touch felt like heaven; it wasn’t the guy who I was willing to leave everything for.

Even through his beaten and bloodied face, I was still witnessing the evil on Jeremy’s face and heard the vindictiveness in his words when he spat, “She put me in jail for four fucking years!”

“You raped her!” Ky roared into the chilled air.

Hearing those words fall from Ky’s lips made everything so real. I didn’t want to be here. I started backing away until I hit the wall of Josh. His hand gripped mine tightly taking away my desire to run.

“And you couldn’t fucking stop me,” Jeremy yelled before his fist connected with Ky’s cheek; instantly blood trickled down his face. I gasped, wanting to help him, to protect him, and it confused me.

“Call the police Aunt Carole,” Josh yelled as Jeremy started laying into Ky.

“I can’t be here,” I whispered. “Josh, take me away.”

I had been back at my apartment for an hour, and I had no fucking clue where Josh or Eden had gone. Jeremy had disappeared the moment the word police hit the air and I knew he’d go underground. My face was bruised and bloodied and my ribs ached, but I didn’t give a shit. I needed Eden; I needed a minute to explain; I needed to finally tell her the truth.

The apartment door crept open at a painstakingly slow rate. Every creak, every second it took to open felt like a thousand painful stabs to my already aching heart. I stared at the space, my heart beating frantically in my chest as I silently prayed that Eden would walk through; I hoped this was all a fucked-up nightmare, one that I was desperate to wake from.

Eden appeared through the door, and my breath jammed in the back of my throat. The urge to run to her and crush her against my body as my arms locked around her was so fucking strong but the girl who appeared before me wasn’t the Eden I had quickly fallen for. Her face was void of emotion; her body was stiff and rigid as she walked into the apartment. Josh followed closely behind her with a solemn face and tight lips. When he met my gaze he gave me a knowing nod.

Fuck!

Eden moved through my apartment so forcefully. There was not an ounce of softness in her step. Her eyes latched onto the floorboards below, and she remained silent. I stood like a statue, watching her with hawk like eyes. She refused to acknowledge my presence. I cringed as she passed the glass top table in the foyer, the same table where she usually dropped her keys and bag when she came home.
Home
. Today she didn’t. The moment she disappeared down the hall, I came to life. I rushed two steps at a time down the hall and spotted her just as she turned into my bedroom. Josh was close on my heels.

I stepped through the bedroom door and my heart died a little at the sight before me. Eden had her suitcase on the bed and was rushing between the bathroom and bedroom with her toiletries and the remnants of her clothes that I had torn from her body only hours ago; she jammed them forcefully into her suitcase.

Josh patted me on the shoulder, and I turned to look at him. “I’ll give you a minute,” he said softly and then walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

The tension in the room was abundant, and Eden refused to look at me or even acknowledge my existence. I hesitated and lowered myself on to the edge of the bed, where I sat silently and watched her. Even though she was here, standing barely a foot away from me, I knew she wasn’t really here. She was in a zone and making it clear that I was not welcomed.  She rushed around the room like a mad woman, looking for her things and throwing them into the suitcase without a care. Finality was a bitch of a thing. 

“Eden, please say something,” I pleaded, finally finding my voice. I reached out, my fingertips brushing the skin of her forearm, and she ripped away from me before I could take another breath. She froze and finally turned and looked at me. The blue eyes that had started to shine with life and freedom now looked like hope had been ripped from deep within her soul, and I was the asshole who was to blame.

“I have absolutely nothing to say to you,” she whispered and took a step away from my touch and moved to the other side of the room. She stood by the window with her arms folded over her chest and a scowl took over her beautiful face.

I stood from the bed and broke the distance between us. “Well I have a shitload to say to you.”

The briefest of smirks graced her gorgeously pout lips as she narrowed her eyes at me. She took one-step toward me until we were chest-to-chest, heat to heat, heart to heart. The intensity around us swirled and tormented every emotion running through my veins.

“Really?” she huffed. “So now you want to talk? You’ve had four fucking years to talk Ky. Four years to tell me who you were. But no, you didn’t. You had to play these fucked-up games.”

“Nothing about you is or was a game Eden.” I took a chance and slowly raised my hands to cup her face. Her eyes found mine and swam with indecision as she looked at me. “Do you hear me? Nothing is a game!”

“Well why does it seem like I’ve been a game since day one? I’m not a toy Ky; I am not a game; I told you that.”

Her voice cracked under the enormity of her words, and my heart twisted ferociously as I watched one solitary tear slide over her cheek. This was my fault; the pain on her face, the anguish in her voice and the breaking of her heart. It was all me. My thumb swept up the tear, and her eyes closed under my touch.

“I thought I was doing the right thing. All I wanted was to show you the life you deserved, the life that was stolen from you. I’ve been sitting on this for four years. I’m so sorry baby.”

She took a step away from me and turned back toward the bed, the bed that I wanted to be our bed, in the apartment that I wanted to be our apartment. Her shoulders dropped and I knew in that moment everything we shared was flashing before her eyes.

“What are you sorry for Ky? Getting caught up in a lie? Hiding something from me that had the potential to destroy me? I can’t even look at you right now, and I hate that.” Her voice cracked under her words and her head dipped in defeat.

I stood behind her and lifted my gaze to the ceiling and my mind went crazy with scenarios. I wanted to touch her, to provide her with the comfort my arms could give. I wanted to give her the world but I knew all I needed to give her was my truth in the rawest possible form and hope to god she listened. 

“Eden, do you honestly think I’d ever want to hurt you? I didn’t know when I came up with the idea of a month with you that I would completely fall for you and feel something I’d never felt for a woman before.” I grabbed hold of her hand and turned her until she faced me, finally her eyes met mine. “I thought I’d have a month to show you that you could smile, that you could hang out with a guy and have complete control. I wanted to show you that you were able to say no. I can’t help that you have taken over my mind, that every single one of my thoughts involves you and that you have gotten so far into my heart that you’ll be there forever. I never wanted to be someone’s prince charming, I never imagined myself having a future with a woman because I didn’t think I deserved it but you Eden, you have opened my eyes to possibilities, you make me want to be your prince charming, your knight in shining armor, your protector, fuck I want to be your everything. You are what I want Eden; now, then and in the future. I want every single part of you. All of you.”

Her cheeks streaked with tears as she took in my brutally honest words. My hands cupped her face and I dropped my mouth softly to hers and left the lightest of kiss on her lips.

“I can’t do this Ky.” She whispered and pleaded with her eyes for distance. “I’m going to stay with Ashlyn and try and sort all this out. Please just give me time.”

“Tell me what to do Eden. I can’t give up on you.”

“I don’t know how I can move past this because now when I look at you I see the one guy who I never wanted to break my heart…but in the end, he did.”

••••

The moment Eden walked out of my apartment I collapsed into a heap. It was done. I had lost her because I didn’t have the balls to admit who I was the moment she arrived in my life. All I wanted to do was protect her, to cherish her and make her believe in happiness. I wanted to give that to her and so much more but what I had done was break her already fragile heart.

Knowing that she was at Ashlyn’s provided me with little comfort. At least I knew she was safe. I paced my apartment, and the thought of rushing to Ashlyn’s apartment crossed my mind repeatedly, but I needed to respect Eden’s wishes. That night I drank until I couldn’t stand, until my blood had turned to scotch, until I couldn’t remember who I was or the fucked-up situation that had unraveled around me.

It was three days before I finally started feeling human again. I had finally slept and showered and now I stood in front of the window and looked out over the city as I had my usual morning cup of coffee, but it wasn’t the same. Because I wasn’t sharing morning coffee with her.

“Ky, where are you?” Ashlyn’s voice bounced off the walls as she stormed in with a vengeance. She halted when I came into view. “Fuck me! When have you started rocking the hobo chic look?” she taunted, taking in my newly acquired beard taking over my jaw.

“Hi to you too.”

“I am almost afraid to kiss you for fear that I’ll get lost in your bush.”

For the first time since Eden left I laughed until my insides hurt. She soon joined me by the window and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me in for a tight hug. I fell against her body and breathed in her perfume and instantly I thought of Eden. I had been thinking of her every minute of every day. I had kept her wish, I hadn’t attempted to make contact with her, and it was killing me.

“I fucking miss her,” I whispered into the confines of Ashlyn’s neck.

“I know you do but I can’t watch you destroy yourself. I can’t deal with having two of my favorite people in the world hurting.”

She was talking about Eden.

I pulled away from her. “How is she?” I asked hopefully, praying to God that Ashlyn would find it in her heart to tell me.

“She is hurt Ky, she is really struggling to try and understand all this. She doesn’t understand why you didn’t just tell her; she is scared that she doesn’t know what the truth is anymore.”

“I just need to talk to her, to tell her, to try and make this right. I will understand if she can’t forgive me, and I deserve that, but she deserves my truth. She deserved it from day one. I thought I was doing the right thing Ashlyn; I just wanted to give her everything I couldn’t give her four years ago.”